i joined weight watchers at work recently and my first meeting was yesterday. yes that's right, i am in weight watchers and am not ashamed to admit it here on this blog. im not even really quite sure why i joined. all i know is i was talking to one of my co workers about it and how the meetings were and counting points and poof the next thing i knew both me and another co worker had both signed up. this is what ive learned so far in just my two days being on this thing.

for one, it's a twelve week program with a meeting every wednesday during lunch hour at work. a very cheery skinny girl shows up to weigh you while we all line up like cattle with everyone giving the obgliatory atm space so our weight is "confidential". so basically my whole excuse of i have no idea how much i weigh since i never weigh myself is completely thrown out the window now. not only will i know how much i weigh but ill also get a weekly update. can anything be more horrible?

depending on what your starting weight is, you get a set amount of points to eat everyday. seeing how i weigh under 150 pounds yes amazing isn't it im allotted 20 points a day with 35 additional points a week to use however i want. sounds easy enough doesn't it but who has the time to sit down and look through their little book to figure out how many points everything is. but i did it. i sat my ass down yesterday and wrote down everything that i ate and came up with how many points i consumed in a day and i came out to 18. sounds great right?

but you see the thing is yesterday all i ate was a cup of coffee for breakfast, a grilled chicken pita, small cup of minestrone soup, bag of baked lays potato chips, a diet coke (which is zero points mind you) for lunch but as i was so busy at work, i didn't even get to eat my lunch till 3pm and then when i finally got home around 10pm i was too tired to eat dinner so i made do with a small piece of brownie and a string cheese. all of this amounted to 18 points. yups even though i didn't eat breakfast or dinner i only had two more points to spare. no wonder people lose weight on this thing, im going to be starving for the next three months!

the good thing is i haven't quite felt the effects of my hunger yet as i knew id be starting my program on wednesday so i made sure to eat a big ass piece of steak at ruth chris monday night and then gorged myself on chinese food tuesday night. so i think im still coasting on the remnants of that but come one week from now, either ill be one hungry, crabby girl or i would of given up on this plan all together.

the thing is, i feel like i could get addicted to this whole point counting thing. not saying i think ill make it this whole twelve weeks because come on now, we all know i love food too much but much like how im addicted to inputting my expenses every night to my spreadsheet, i could potentially get addicted to this too. i already kind of look forward to seeing how many points everything is and then writing it down in my little book and if anything, this might curb my drinking as one glass of wine is already four points.

im even bringing my starter packet that i received with me on the plane so i can be sure to study up so i don't fall behind since i missed last week's lesson. im not really sure what i want to get out of this as supposedly my target weight loss is 10% of my current weight but honestly i haven't been at that weight since high school so i think that's pretty damn near impossible. if anything maybe ill learn portion control such as today i learned that what i normally would of ate for lunch is close to 15 points, essentially all i can eat in a day. ridiculous isn't it?

as it's only week one i won't think too much into it and besides, i must get off to the airport now as ill be flying to detroit for work for the entire weekend. im sure ill have a pretty hard time sticking to my plan working 16 hour days but pigs can fly can't they?

it arrived last week in the mail and it probably has to be the best piece of mail ive gotten in quite a while. no it's not my us weekly subscription although that warrants almost the same level of excitement but in my manila envelope i knew contained two cd's. and not just any old cd's but one with the aerosmith greatest hits to prep me as ill be going to their concert next month but the second was what i was waiting for.

blender's top 500 songs since you were born. yups. it was all there, the top 500 songs as rated by blender since 1980. whether you agree with the list or not, who the hell cares. what matters is that these songs are now in my possession ready to be downloaded onto my itunes, as soon as i figure out how that is.

but i have the good fortune of being friends with one who actually went out and downloaded all these songs and deemed me worthy enough to receive a copy. i mean sure we talked about it and discussed it and i offered my help in finding some of the songs but then he up and did it without me. how freaking great is that.

i guess it's time to change out songs on my ipod now and ill have you know that britney was in the top 10.

ive always operated under the motto of work hard and play hard since college but these days my motto it feels like has changed to work less and play even harder. i don't know if it's because of the holidays coming up or im just plain not motivated but it's getting pretty bad. all i do during the weekdays is think about what im going to be doing over the weekend and these days i start my mental countdown of how many hours i have left by 10am.

it used to be that i would work till at least 8pm every night without even batting an eyelash. nowadays once it starts creeping towards 6pm i start itching to leave and i don't know what to do about it. i told myself that since im on vacation all of next week, im going to relax and hang out with the family but come january timeframe, i have got to get my act together because there is so much shit to do that the days will only get longer and i can't dick around all day like i currently am. these days, i check my email every couple minutes, am so up to date on people's blogs that it's ridiculous. even people that i don't know just because it's something to read, and im constantly on my various gossip sites just hoping for a new story to pop up because im so bored but all of this has got to stop. it's got to.

ive never known what it was like to have a job where you work 40 hours a week and that's it. you're out by 6pm every single night without fail hence an anomaly here and there but it's certainly not the norm. i used to think i wouldn't like it because id get bored and wouldn't feel challenged but having left public accounting and still working some late hours (but still much better) i realize who the hell was i kidding? id love to get out by 6pm every night and then you still have hours left to do whatever the hell you wanted. but instead, i am here still in the same position of not making any plans on weeknights because im never positive if i can get out on time and have been known to cancel so much at the last minute that ive taken the attitude that it's just much easier not to plan anything in the first place. or im still plagued with guilt when i tell my boss i need to leave "early" with early meaning 6:30pm.

what to do what to do. nothing really...but i have been feeling pretty guilty about slacking off at work but i figure if im getting my shit done is it really that bad? i already don't chat online anymore, something i gave up when i started this job and instead ive just compensated for it by browsing the web all the time. oh well only three more days left of work in 2005 before im on vacation and 2006 here we come. back to the hard working corporate girl i used to be.

the bobblehead look is back in hollywood which isn't anything new as it's been back for quite a while now but i thought id put in my two cents on this. from my memory (which doesn't say much) nicole ritchie was the one who really started it all but these days, it seems that all celebrities heads are too big for their bodies. hence the bobblehead look. you know those little figurines some of us buy to put on their car dashboards. myself not included of course.

but like i said, it all started when nicole ritchie became anorexic looking but proclaimed on howard stern that she had no idea how much weight she lost because she never steps on the scale but that it couldn't have been more than five or ten pounds. right honey keep on playing that angle because none of us are buying it. did you forget that we all saw you on simple life just the year before? but what i loved the most was when howard stern tricked her into stepping on a floor scale which clearly showed that she weighed in at a hefty 98 pounds. nice. and i read somewhere that one of the reasons why her and dj am broke up was because of her anorexia and that she was just too damn moody all the time and i can only hope that this is true because it will warm the hearts of us normal girls everywhere.

and now the bobblehead look has expanded to hilary duff, lindsay lohan, kate winslet, even gwen stefani im sad to say. there was another celebrity i saw just a little while ago that got ridiculously skinny too but i can't remember who it is at this moment. but the sad thing in all of this is that i think they all look better. every single one of them. guys proclaim to me that a little fat on the body is better because these girls have little boy bodies or no ass but come on now, each and everytime ive gone out and caught a guy staring at a girl's ass, it always seem to be the skinnier one. hm...and let's face it, clothes just look better on skinny girls. proven by the victoria secret runway show just last week. those girls looked like giraffes walking down the runway.

hence comes to my complex. all girls i dare to say have a certain complex with food. to different degrees of course but i for one am constantly thinking about food. i would say obsessed even. if it's not about what im going to be eating it's about why i just pigged out on my last meal and feeling guilty about it and what i should eat to make up for it and it just turns into a vicious cycle. because hey if i already pigged out at lunch, why not pig out at dinner too and just start fresh the next day. and i can eat a lot. im quite serious on this too. it's probably not the best way of thinking about it but this is probably why i never workout either. whereas most people workout because they ate a big meal, i don't like working out unless im eating good because then what's the point.

and being an asian girl has different types of pressures too. asian girls are evaluted on a different standard than white girls. they just are. whereas i am deemed to be skinny among white folks, among asian girls i am usually each and every time the biggest asian girl in the group. guys and girls included. sorry to the short asian boys everywhere but it's true. i think i have a secret desire to be a bobblehead myself but with my love for food and lack of enthusiam for working out, ive come to terms with the fact i never will be. and surprisingly, you know what, im ok with it. it's amazing what being in your late twenties will do to you. ive heard celebrities say over and over again that being in your 30's are the best years of your life because you really come into your own, you're no longer so insecure about yourself and im starting to think they might be right.

so my call out to girls everywhere is to go ahead and order the sourdough jack with curly fries and oreo milkshake from jack in the box if you want it. i certainly did just last week actually but then again, this isn't to say i wasn't hitting the salad bar the next day. but there's no need to feel guilty about it.

however i wouldn't even have to worry about any of this if i had just inherited my mom's metabolism...damn jon for getting that...what does he need skinny legs for?

ive pretty much decided that it's damn near impossible for me to curb my spending every month. for those who know me pretty well know that i keep a detail excel spreadsheet tracking all my expenses daily broken out into categories. there's a section for monthly fees like rent, car payment, utilities, cell phone and then another section for your normal everyday expenses. so far that's been broken down into gas, food, play, public (transportation), shopping and other. and each and every month, it's always food, play and shopping that gets me. one would think that could be easily cured because uh duh, just eat in more and don't shop but i can't do it. ive really made such a conscience effort to watch my spendings last month but inevitably there will be a purse that i have to buy or a sale that i must go to or what not.

i started keeping track of everything in 2000 right after college and it's become an obsession now. i always find myself carrying around little slips of paper and a pen to write everything down but even though everything is tracked and i can tell you exactly how much i spent on what, it hasn't really curbed my spending very much.

i really don't see how anyone can save living in the city these days. for instance, this past weekend, went to dinner at a normal restaurant, nothing fancy, ordered one appetizer, two glasses of wine, two entrees, no dessert or anything and bam just like that, the bill for two came out to 100 bucks. 100 bucks! and the food wasn't even all that great from what i remember. i mean seriously. and then of course it was macy's friends & family sale last week so had to go to that, the opening of h&m so went to that, then there's two sample sales coming up this week and then another one the week after, i mean what is a girl supposed to do? i can't keep up with all of this.

i already feel like i eat in more and have even been known to bring my lunch once or twice a week but it's not working. im still over my budget every month and i guess i could just start contributing less to my roth and my other retirement accounts but no i can't. that's a definite no-no in my book but man, if that money wasn't automatically transferred out every month...the stuff i could buy/do.

i know this is an issue or ive lamented about this problem enough times to everyone when i found out today that i was automatically not even considered for a day trip to vegas because my friend knew i would say no due to my "financial" woes. and he was so right.

but hey at least it's the beginning of a new month and there's nothing like starting out with a clean spreadsheet every month but oh wait, i forgot i went to macy's just a couple days ago. darn it.

ive got news. my best friend is married. the dreaded event (for me anyways) came and went and one week im talking to her and she's engaged then a couple weeks later i find out she's married. and not only that but i didn't even hear it initially from her herself. which isn't a big deal i suppose but im the best friend...im supposed to know everything! ha. but anyways, another friend actually sent me a yahoo message asking did you know that "my best friend" is married? to which i wrote back uh duh she's not married she's engaged and seeing how im her best friend of course i would know dork. and i really did end the message with dork. and then when i relayed this event to "my best friend", lo and behold i find out shit she IS married. aren't i the silly one. i seem to be feeling this way a lot lately ahem you know who im directing this to but who cares really. i was asked to be her maid of honor albeit the wedding is in taiwan and i told myself i don't plan on going back for a loooooooong time after my last trip but for her ill make an exception. obviously.

but ive never known anyone to have such an untraditional wedding. married in vegas. i won't even go into what they were wearing. no wedding ceremony. no wedding reception, at least not here in the states. in fact, the only reason why she's even having one is more for her husband's (wow that's weird even just typing it out) family than for herself. i initially thought i would have to show up and make a speech in my poor chinese but nope, i was told i only need to stand there and look cute. i even get to pick out my own dress! this could be the easiest maid of honor job ever.

the plane ride will definitely suck but then again i get to shop at the night markets which i love although half the clothes don't fit me or i have to buy XXL. damn the skinny ass chinese girls but i still have some of my shirts from love boat 1997 that i still wear much to the embarrassment of some of my friends but come on, who wouldn't love mr bubbles on a baby blue shirt?

but for now as one of my maid of honor duties, i plan on organizing a night out at keith's in honor of my best friend and to celebrate the many a nights we've spent there after who knows what we all used to do in san diego but it should be fun...let's just hope they're not closed for cleaning.

so it's 8am on a saturday morning and im up. why i don't know but i hate it. actually i do know why. it's because my room is too damn bright in the mornings. something that is a good thing during the weekdays to get my ass up but not on weekends. and on top of that, im hungover. just a little bit but enough that i still feel dizzy and am hating just hating the fact that i am up so early on a weekend.

but yesterday was our second annual eating contest. the first was hot dogs two years ago and then last night was dumplings. not just any dumplings but ling ling potstickers and those suckers are big. i contemplated participating for a brief second but am pretty glad i didn't. mainly so i could have more room to drink later because you know, i think ahead like that but the rules were simple. eat as many dumplings as you can in 12 minutes and the winner gets 60 bucks. but man, 12 minutes is a hell of a long time to be eating dumplings. with the hot dog eating contest there were only four contestants and we ran out of hot dogs at the end but this year we were prepared. somehow for some reason or another we were able to get 12 contestants this year and the winner came away with 36 dumplings total i think...

a couple thoughts from last night:

1) a costco size bottle of grey goose doesn't last too long when taking shots every 5 minutes

2) i suck at karaoke...drunk and sober. ive officially retired bohemian rhapsody. i sound so much better in my car

3) quarters is a fun ass drinking game

4) im an obnoxious drunk but what else is new

5) and finally...my friends are great.

now im off to try to get some more sleep in.

so yesterday or really today to be official (according to the chinese calendar) is the four year anniversary. and i didn't even realize it or think about it until i was reminded of it which shocked me for a second. how could i have not known? does this make me a bad daughter? am i so caught up in the day to day crap that something like this could completely slip my mind? it's only been four years which isn't that long at all...but needless to say i was feeling pretty guilty yesterday.

my mom's coming to visit tomorrow night and staying through sunday. four nights and five days. the longest time she's ever come to stay with me and what makes this trip different is just that. she's staying with me at my place the entire time. all the other times that she's visited, she's stayed with my aunt in san jose and id come over to see her or go to dinner or have her come see my place but at the end of the night, i always ended up at my own place. wihch is just the way i like it. but now that my aunt has moved and no longer has her own townhouse and seeing how she'll be out of town, in israel of all places, this trip is meant solely to visit me. im sure we'll still be making a stop at my uncle's place but besides that it's me that is left to entertain her and im feeling quite nervous about it. and worried.

as i won't be taking any time off from work while she's here - she'll be left to her own devices thursday and friday to entertain herself. initially she was to come up thursday night but changed her mind at the last minute to come up a day early so she could "explore" the city and in her words, take the bus around. which to me is the worst idea ever. i have no problems with her milling around the streets in my nieghborhood and seeing the shops and so forth but anything that goes beyond a walking distance, i find myself getting worried. much like a parent worries about their child i would think - it's weird that i am now in this role reversal. i find myself worrying about what if she gets lost on the bus? what if she misses her stop? does she know how to read a map? just because im not the greatest at it (granted i have gotten so much better now you don't even know) i automatically assume everyone else with similar genetics gets lost like me but keep in mind here her english isn't the greatest, she won't know the street names and isn't the best at keeping her cell phone on at all times.

is this normal? because i never used to get like this. maybe it's a sign im growing up but i have this feeling ill be calling her while im at work to "check" up on her. which is exactly what i promised myself in sixth grade i would never do when i grew up. i remember getting asked out on a date and having to go home, ask my parents for permission, getting turned down and then me crying in my room and making a list of everything that i would NOT do when i became a parent and now i find myself just like them.

it's funny how your viewpoint changes in ten years. i get flashbacks of myself breaking curfew all the time, not calling, coming home late and believe it or not, actually running away from home for a couple days...all of which i would never do now obviously but if i knew back then how parents worry, im a little ashamed of all that ive put them through.

but not to digress too much, my mom's visit this week has got me all jumbled. im nervous she'll be bored. i even contemplated going out to rent chinese movies for her but then realized i would have no idea where to go. im not even really sure where im going to take her since ive never had to play tour guide before although i did make dinner reservations for us saturday night. my treat of course. on top of all this worrying and stressing though, i am pretty excited for her to come although i think i may need to sleep on the couch. ive never been able to sleep in the same room as my mom but i am looking forward to some home cooked chinese food, lots of it and she is my favorite shopping partner of all time so if im lucky, we'll be hitting up the shops a little bit.

pop culture. or more accurately hollywood gossip. i love it and unlike with everything else in my life where you tell me one thing and it goes in one ear and out the other, i have an uncanny ability to remember that so and so used to date so and so but then got dumped for so and so and now they're engaged and about to be married. ive actually had friends complain to me that my lack of memory on lots of things bug the crap out of them but for some reason or other, when it comes to celebrity gossip, i have no problems.

i have three websites that i check religiously everyday to keep on top of my news...actually one of them i just go to look at celebrity pictures but it's almost like i have an unnatural obsession with this thing. take last night for example. i had read that jennifer garner had accidentally revealed the sex of her baby on the jay leno show and then when i was watching extra or access hollywood and they were showing a clip of it, i felt a certain glee come over me because yes! i knew about this already and i just sat there in anticipation the whole time to see her reaction.

for the past month or so, jon g's been getting us weekly and star magazine sent to our apt for no reason at all and he can't figure out why meaning he doesn't even know who to call to cancel so in the meantime ive been reaping the benefits. it's so great. i can barely keep up. as soon as they arrive in the mail, you can pretty much count on me being silent for the next hour or so. i got a year subscription to us weekly recently for my bday present and it's pretty much the best present i could of asked for. a new gossip magazine arriving on my doorstep each week? can a girl ask for anything more?

i secretly love it when im the first to find out about something. i have a friend who sends me hollywood gossip every now and then but each and everytime ive already known about it before but yet he keeps trying. what a trucker. every so often i get a piece of news that shocks the hell out of me and when it does, i get all giddy inside. one of my really good ones a while back was when i found out portia de rossi was gay and laid that news on my co-workers only to secretly pride myself on their look of bewilderment. or did you know that diane keaton and keanu reeves used to date? supposedly of course. it's just great.

i get so involved and interested in their lives that im exactly the type of person celebrities hate because im the ones who will buy tabloid magazines or i love it when magazines have pictures of celebrities in their "normal" state so i can rag on how horrible they look. anything on e! is good too. especially when they do their countdown of 40 hottest hollywood wives for example or more recently the 50 greatest celebrity breakups and i knew about pretty much each and every one of them. i really did. it's a pathetic life i lead and between this blog and my last about laguna, i will have to restrain myself in writing about anything even remotely related to these two topics in the near future in order to shield myself from further embarassment.

im ashamed to admit this but just recently ive been addicted to laguna beach and i hate myself for it. this was one show that i always used to rip on saying how stupid it was and that it wasn't even a real reality show, the kids were all spoiled, who watches this crap anyways and now here i am, a faithful watcher. it all started on a lazy sunday a couple of weeks ago when mtv was having a laguna beach marathon and i sat and watched the entire thing. all of it. and now i can't stop. it's disgusting.

i do have one question though. this isn't a real reality show right? tell me it isn't please. i had a big debate with my friend over this and he was convinced it was real but there's no way it could be. no way. maybe the people are real but the situations are all staged beforehand including what's going to happen, who's going to hook up with who and so on. it has to be. otherwise wouldn't it just be another real world? but the look and feel of the whole show is completely different. if anyone has a definite answer on this, please let me know. im being serious too. it really bugs the crap out of me and i can't get a definitive answer out of anyone.

i mean what group of friends do you know hooked up among each other all the time or have so much drama going on all the time, or go off to college but not one minute is actually shown of them at school? what high school kids did you know got to spend their days going off to cabo or lounging around at the spa getting manicures and pedicures and doing nothing generally except shop and go out? this is not what high school was like. and i went to a private school too.

but ive watched the show enough that i even know them my name. my favorites are jason and kristin. jason because he's the bad boy of the show and he's hot in that brooding type of way. the one who will no doubt play you like the player he is but yet you always keep going back for more. sad but true. he's already broken jessica and alex m's hearts but those type of guys are just oh so irresistible. kristin because well she's fun. she's the type of girl you'd want around because she knows how to have a good time and well she's hot too. id have to say jessica probably wins my vote for the most annoying, it's no wonder jason broke up with her but to go to alex m? please...he can do better. im still secretly hoping kristin and stephen get back together but based upon next week's previews, it doesn't look like it'll happen.

but do you see how sad this is? that i can get all worked up over ficitonal storylines? i must find out the truth once and for all on whether this is a real reality show or not and then im going to slowly wean myself off of it. i must. but it's just oh so addicting...

i signed the lease to my place today and im so damn excited i could nearly pee in my pants. ill be moving right to the heart of yuppy land but it's jam packed with restaurants, bars and most importantly lots of cute shops. im literally half a block away from so many boutiques so any thoughts i had on saving more money each month is pretty much gone with me paying more in rent and with shopping so damn close.

ive been looking for an apartment for damn close to a month now and with moving day just weeks away, i was starting to stress and worry about not finding a place in time, so much so that i woke up with nightmares one or two nights. while everyone was like you've got time and it'll all work out and don't worry, i don't do too well with the unknown. well on certain things i could really care less about but when it comes to where you'll be living and where to move your furniture to, i like to get it all organized and tidy way in advance but they were right, it did all work out and not a minute too soon either.

and i think im going to love the place. more importantly once again i get my own bathroom which is pretty key for me but even more so is that it comes with two parking spots. i never realized how difficult it was to find a place with two spots in sf and i hate street parking. partly because im not the greatest parallel parker and who wants to come home at night only to circle around the block...

i think part of my problem in finding a place is that im really picky. ive always said that i like living in sf but hate the type of housing here. im more used to san diego places that are newer, cleaner and more spread out. here a lot of the places i looked at were old or small or dark and depressing and well you get the point. and this will be my first time living with a girl in three years but my mom was pretty excited when i told her. apparently living with a girl in her mind equates to me going out and meeting guys together and potentially fulfilling her dream of me settling down soon.

and oh, this place is a lot bigger than my place now so i'll have lots more room for visitors and crashers so ill expect people to come visit. and to top all this off, today is friday which means drink time is just around the corner. juuuuuuuust kidding.

i went with two of my co-workers during my lunch hour today to go watch the symphony perform at the park for free and boy was it nice. it's been a while since ive been to anything like that and watching wicked does not count but the guys were all dressed up in white tuxes and sitting there on the semi wet grass trying to look over the people standing in front of me (by the way, isn't it common knowledge that if you're in the front row and there's people behind you sitting down, it's rude to stand and block their view?) i was once again reminded of how i wished i had stuck with my piano lessons in high school but back when i was young and immature, boys were much more important than staying home to practice a hour or two a day.

but ive forgotten how great the symphony could be and apparently they're selling individual show tickets this season so im going to try to get in at least one concert hopefully. i have a godsister who went to juilliard for harp and now plays for the nyc opera and as if that wasn't enough, she's also an awesome pianist and sometimes i wished i could play like her. but alas i can't. the crowning achievement of all my years of piano lessons was getting honorable mention at a sonata competition in high school. my piano teacher always said that i didn't play with enough "dynamics" and needed to loosen up and feel the music. i would have annual piano recitals where you played in the order of worst to best pretty much and i was usually second to last only to always be followed by this guy who got up there and would start playing with his whole body leaning in and back and around in a circle and i would always stand in the back in awe of how someone can become so enthralled while playing. because honestly he looked pretty goofy to me but he certainly put me to shame.

my piano playing these days pretty much consists of me going home to san diego and playing the five or so chinese songs that i remember for my mom and as all my pinao books are packed away in the garage, that's pretty much the extent it goes. but maybe with the purchase of my new keyboard (yes i am going to get one!) ill start practicing more and putting in the time i never did back in the day.

see what one day of being 27 can do to someone? ha. of course i tend to lose interest pretty quickly so this could just be a fad for the next couple of months but i did contribute my lunch money to the red cross today. now that's pretty grown up of me isn't it?

so im officially in my "late" twenties now which ive been told falls between the range of 27 to 29 so thankfully im still in the first stage but the thing about being in your "late" category for anything is that you inevitably feel like time is running out. and in some sense it is. the twenties are the best years of your life (keep in mind i said the same thing in my teen years) and knowing that there's only three more years left can stress a girl out. funny because i always thought that by 27, id be a lot further along than i am now. for one i thought i would be going to the gym regularly...don't ask me why but i just always figured by the end of my 20's id be in shape but that's certainly not true. i thought for sure id start acting like an adult or at least have a better idea of what i wanted to do with my life and what traits im looking for in a guy but instead, i find myself just as confused as ever.

job wise i know i don't want to do accounting for the rest of my life but can't think of anything else i would want to do and still get the same amount of pay. i pretty much knew i didn't want to do anything accounting related my first year post college and here i am six years later still burning the midnight oil except now i work for a cooler company but am still chugging along like the little corporate worker that i am. suddenly being a housewife doesn't sound too bad. i could pull off baking cupcakes for pta meetings i think...or at least store bought cupcakes.

living wise i knew i eventually would end up in san diego but intially when i first moved up here in 2000, i thought for sure id move back down before i turned 30 but in thinking about it now...30 is right around the corner and im even starting to rethink if i even want to move back there. would i still like it as much as ive built up in my head or will i just inevitably get bored?

and finally guys. im no closer than when i first started dating to figuring out what im looking for and one really can't afford to waste any time in their prime years. one thing that always stuck with me was an ex who commented to me several times after we broke up that he really wished he would of known we weren't going to work out earlier because we basically dated right up till the end of his prime and while he didn't consider it a "waste" he did say it made things tougher for him.

i thought for sure once i hit my late twenties id start feeling like an adult but i don't. i wonder if im always going to feel like this...a kid at heart but forced to grow up and act my age. but ive decided to take a new approach and instead of lamenting to everyone about being old, ive decided that i need to embrace my late twenties instead of freaking out about it (which will be easy seeing how i really only feel that way when talking to my mom who conveniently is on a three week cruise at the moment) and in the meantime, maybe i'll even try to hit the gym once or twice a month. after all ive still got two more years to get in shape.

is it just me or does everyone these days seem to be getting engaged? as i was browing through some people's blogs who i wouldn't necessarily consider to be my friends but more acquaintances, i came across two who are now engaged and for some reason or other, both shocked the hell out of me. one more than the other. and what's even more troubling is that both are younger than i am. seriously.

i feel like i revisit this topic every couple of months whereas it used to be once a year but is this what it's like when you're in your "late" twenties with the big 3-0 looming towards you in a couple years that you start feeling the pressure? because if it is - im definitely not looking forward to anymore birthdays.

someone said the other day that 28 is the perfect age that every woman wants to be. because it's old enough that you have your shit together and are hopefully finally settling into a career but young enough to where you can still go out and not be considered to be over the hill. who knows where this statistic came from but it brought me comfort. sad when a random statistic can make your day.

my mom did mention to me recently that she was hoping i would consider moving back to san diego soon and could live with her but if i wasn't married by 29, id be kicked out. i had to chuckle at that comment just a little...she must have been talking to her friends again.

vegas over july 4th. craziness. and who would of thought that id be capable of clubbing five freaking nights in a row. rain, the beach, pure, ice and rum jungle. and not just clubbing but balls out taking shots up the ying yang and literally passing out each and every night. which when said out loud doesn't sound like much fun but boy were there tons of lifelong memories. i knew vegas would be fun but it far exceeded anything that i expected. we came thisclose to getting kicked out of our hotel room with the security guard coming by three different times, almost got kicked out of denny's for being too rowdy and half of the most fun moments happened at night time when i was passed out on the bed but i got to hear about it the next morning nevertheless.

i won't go into what we did every night since curtis did a pretty good job summing it up but a couple of things:

1) after having spent five nights in a hotel room with four other guys and me being the only girl - i realized that guys really do only talk about girls, sports, fantasy league teams and taking dumps.

2) there were only three things on my request list for vegas. first was to watch O. second was to eat crepes at paris and third to watch the water show at bellagio just once at night time. i came out zero for three at the end of the trip.

3) pure at caesar's palace was the most decked out club ive ever been to. and ive gone to quite a lot of clubs before. the view on top is amazing but i guess it'd have to be when shots are $16 each.

4) we are true asians. who else would take a taxi to go eat pho (the perfect comfort food for a hangover) not once but twice and then only to go home and set up a texas hold em tournament in our hotel room in the middle of vegas. that's right...we're cool like that.

5) and last but not least - i give up trying to keep up with the boys. my poor old liver just can't handle it which would explain the excessive puking on my part. oh the poor maids.

it's always best when you get out of a trip with that warm fuzzy feeling of knowing that all of your friends had a blast, everything went off without a hitch, there was no drama and all in all, it was a perfect six days and five nights spent with good friends that will be talked about for the months to come.

and to top it all off, it's only a three day work week for me and it will be a mellow one for that even. im not touching alcohol until next weekend as im saving up for when grace comes. july is shaping up to be a great month.

i ate at boulevard tonight and it was pretty damn good. it's always best when you get little surprises at the most unexpected times that really makes you appreciate the little things. i mean come on, boulevard on a thursday night? hell eating dinner at 9:30pm on a weeknight? that is very unlike me. usually on the weekdays i become a hermit who rarely goes out and is usually in bed by midnite at the latest and that's only if there's a good tv show on and there usually is.

boulevard has been on my list of places to try for some time now but for some reason or other i just never got around to eating there. but my ex came into town today. as in i got a phone call this afternoon with hey im in san jose for the weekend, wanna hang out? to which i counter back with you're shitting me right but nope lo and behold he wasn't kidding and i mean seriously who flies into town without any forewarning? i guess i shouldn't be too surprised but when i posed the question his response was i told you two months ago. two months? i can't even remember what i did two weeks ago much less months.

nevertheless, boulevard lived up to all of my expectations. there was no hint of snottiness which i hate and our waiter was fairly amicable and the peach dessert was yummy! but i have noticed that sf doesn't have too many great cheap eats. it's something i never really thought about until jon was visiting last week and i couldn't really think of too many cheap places to go that didn't require pre-planning or a reservation. maybe it's just im not in the know and don't know where to find these things but overall i feel like sf is more known for their fine dining. most of the restaurants that i live near aren't really the kind where you can run in and grab a quick bite to eat which can get pretty annoying and makes me miss cupertino village all the more. cupertino village is my all time favorite place to eat at in san jose where i know i could get boba and a great noodle or rice dish for all under 10 dollars.

actually i take that back. i have discovered a couple more cheaper eating places all within the last week (ramen anyone?) which im pretty excited about and with my monthly dinner group in place in which we try a new restaurant each time that's usually shamelessly trendy and more expensive, i see my quest to get in shape for summer is pretty much going to be thrown out the window. oh how i love food.

tonight marked the first of three concerts ill be attending in the next month or so and boy was it a great start. jon g and i along with two of his high school friends went to watch alicia keys tonight and damn she was amazing. and boy can she sing. i always knew she would be good live but i was completely blown away today. she was on for close to two hours and the time seemed to go by in a blink of an eye and i was left nodding my head and mouthing the words to myself. so very worth it.

things are starting to look on the up and up and if only i can pass my stupid cpa exam friday id be the happiest girl this side of the city. but i won't go into that now...that's another blog for another day. maybe tomorrow if you're lucky. and june is starting to shape out like it's going to be a pretty good month too. next up is the roots concert and then digable planets along with crowne city rockers. then there's dinner at a couple restaurants ive been wanting to try and my brother is coming up to visit for a week and then bam just like that it'll be time for vegas. i can't wait...let the countdown begin.

choosing the correct doctor. a lesson ive learned the hard way today. it wasn't until i started my first job out of college that i learned how important benefits are and the difference between hmo and ppo and heard for the first time the terms out of network and in network. all this has an effect on which medical plan you use and once that choice is made, you're left on your own to pick a primary care physician or pcp as most people refer to it as and really, when you have no medical background how are you to know which doctor is good or bad? sure you can ask your friends for recommendations but when you're new to the city and so are most of the people you're surrounded by, you're left to your own devices. while perusing through the listing of available doctors, it's easy to come up with some of your criteria but really, how technical can it be? essentially your choice on who you decide to be your main doctor for the next couple of years (assuming you stay with the company of course) comes down to some trivial questions such as female or male? closeness to your home? school attended? age? ethnicity maybe? but really...there's no way to tell if a doctor is qualified or not. this really is a big decision because the person you choose will ultimately be responsible for your health and making sure everything is a-ok. im sure there's ways you can research but i was not one of them.

i was being naive and under the impression that doctors for the most part are qualified and really it was more a matter of whether i liked their personality or not. but after today, i intend on making my selections much more carefully as it seems my history in choosing doctors is not too great at the moment. im batting about a 50/50 right now. one of the doctors i chose turned out to be this old korean guy who essentially looked at me as if i was paranoid each time i came in asking for a prescription. this was during the time when i developed tonsilitis every couple of months so i was getting very good at figuring out when it was starting and would make an appt right away to get some anti-biotics because once it reaches a certain stage, it ain't pretty. but whenever i went in he would sort of laugh and not take me seriously which made me think that he thought i was imagining everything but nevertheless, i didn't really care too much as long as i got my medicine. part of the reason why i stayed with him for so long was because i knew i could get same day appts but beyond that, nada. he was of no help to me.

now i had another doctor that i really liked because she was personable, caring and my only complaint really was that she was too damn busy that it would take months to get an appt. however, with my current insurance ending at the end of this month, i was in a race to get in to see her but with the next available appt in october (ridiculous no?) i opted for another doctor in the same office. and that is where i went today. i proceeded to tell him my history and get him up to date on all that has happened and in so many words or less, he basically told me that i was given incorrect treatment and that my other doctor was incompetent. news that i took pretty well as i was actually more surprised that he made such a bold statement since i never had any doubt about my previous doctor before but really, how would i know anyways? i don't deal with this stuff, im a numbers kind of gal. and as he further proceeded to explain to me, it all seemed to make a lot more sense which made me start thinking that if it wasn't for my health insurance ending soon, i might of never found any of this out. this is probably why people go for second opinions but the thought never even crossed my mind.

in any case, he was pretty infuritated and upset and gave me the advice of, just because a doctor seems sociable or friendly and is warm and fuzzy does not always mean that they're competent. to which i asked, how will i know and of course no helpful response was really given. but on the other hand, what if this doctor is wrong and my other doctor is just fine or it could be that both doctors are incompetent? honestly isn't that a scary thought? because how DOES one find out and really the lesson learned here is you can't always trust what your doctors tell you. they aren't perfect so the next time you're deciding on who you want your pcp to be...you better do your research and not be too trusting like i was.

i spent a little over $300 at one of our retail stores today...and that's not even including my discount. in all i purchased $525 worth of cosmetics and face products which was pretty much how much i was planning on spending going in. all this was not just for me of course. now that would just be too selfish. in total, i purchased four bottles of men's face cleanser to be distributed among four lucky guys and you know who you are, an anti aging lotion for my mom, a complete set of the skincare regimen for myself, a skincare kit for one of my former managers, two of their powders and i think four makeup brushes. which is a little funny because i think i own about a total of five makeup brushes now but essentially whatever ive always wanted i bought. and oh now that i think about it, i forgot to pick up one of their eye makeup removers...oh well i guess i'll just have to go back and get it on my next trip.

but ive never in my life bought so much at once in beauty products without even bothering to look at the price or count in my head how much i was willing to spend. and what a great feeling it was. while most people know them for their makeup, im most excited about using their skincare products. ive only been using it for three days now trying to make the sample packs i got last as long as possible and already i love it. and plus it's so much fun when you start on a new skincare regimen.

and once ive got the skin part taken care of, i intend on going back and getting more makeup products. for the time being, ill just have to use the ones i got when i was interviewing. seriously though, can it get any better? makeup samples at an interview? ridiculous. i think im on a shopping high at the moment because it's been a couple of months since ive made any large purchases and to think, i haven't even gone on a clothing shopping spree yet. as my knowledge of makeup and how to apply it is pretty limited, helen has promised to come along to help me pick out colors and boy did the colors look pretty sitting out on the counters.