every may and november a dark cloud looms over my head as the cpa exam rolls around. i took the exam again yesterday and to the all asked question did you pass? i'd have to say no but it's not a big surprise considering i only cracked open my book once. everytime it gets around this time the thought of studying always seems to plague me but this time around i had even less motivation to study than before. sure everyone keeps telling me to get something out of public accounting and it's a waste to stop now since you're more than halfway there to be certified but none of these reasons have struck a chord in me. none of them have made a light bulb go off in my head or motivate me to open those darn books.

what i'm missing i really don't know. do i want to be certified? sure it's nice on the resume but i could really care less now. i've pretty much determined the only reason why i keep signing up everytime and wasting my money is for three letters. m-o-m. she doesn't really bring up the topic much anymore but on those times when she would ask if i've been studying and my answer would always be no i could hear a little sigh of disappointment.

but alas i think me sitting for the exam yesterday instead of just skipping it entirely and going shopping (which i've done twice before) did me some good. the exams are a throwback to SAT days. sitting in a big room with little bubble sheets in front of you. raising your hand to go to the bathroom and getting a pass only to have someone monitoring the restrooms in fear we'll pass answers on to each other. no talking allowed! me waiting the two hours to be over so i can leave. but all this for some odd reason has made me feel a little more motivated to study the next time around. maybe it's because i found the tests doable if i've only studied. i'm just hoping this new wave of motivation will last until next may or november.

i got my first feedback on ebay yesterday. "Smooth transaction, quick payment, a great ebayer" it said. imagine my elation. i couldn't believe it. finally i don't have a zero next to my name. finally i have some if very small clout when bidding. i love it. i can see why ebay could potentially be so addicting. i've been scouring listings for the past couple weeks for my sega "official" dreamcast gun. it must be official. i won't accept any others. i won my first one a couple weeks ago but the person never responded to any of my emails. i sent email after email after email and my final one ended with "if i don't hear anything from you soon i'll be forced to leave negative feedback". but in fear of getting negative feedback myself and gasp! being in the negatives, i chickened out. it's amazing how assertive i can be over email. but now i don't have to worry. i won another one and i'm no longer a zero.

i've even learned some tricks of bidding too. the most important being never bid until the last minute. i even wrote down the time my auction ended in my planner so i could make sure i was near a computer. it's all quite tricky. you can't do it too soon because then you might get oubid at the last minute but then you don't want to do it too late in case your computer freezes. tragedy. one must take all scenarios into consideration.

now i just need one more gun to complete my pair and in the meantime i'm anxiously awaiting the arrival so i can start playing my games.