ive always operated under the motto of work hard and play hard since college but these days my motto it feels like has changed to work less and play even harder. i don't know if it's because of the holidays coming up or im just plain not motivated but it's getting pretty bad. all i do during the weekdays is think about what im going to be doing over the weekend and these days i start my mental countdown of how many hours i have left by 10am.

it used to be that i would work till at least 8pm every night without even batting an eyelash. nowadays once it starts creeping towards 6pm i start itching to leave and i don't know what to do about it. i told myself that since im on vacation all of next week, im going to relax and hang out with the family but come january timeframe, i have got to get my act together because there is so much shit to do that the days will only get longer and i can't dick around all day like i currently am. these days, i check my email every couple minutes, am so up to date on people's blogs that it's ridiculous. even people that i don't know just because it's something to read, and im constantly on my various gossip sites just hoping for a new story to pop up because im so bored but all of this has got to stop. it's got to.

ive never known what it was like to have a job where you work 40 hours a week and that's it. you're out by 6pm every single night without fail hence an anomaly here and there but it's certainly not the norm. i used to think i wouldn't like it because id get bored and wouldn't feel challenged but having left public accounting and still working some late hours (but still much better) i realize who the hell was i kidding? id love to get out by 6pm every night and then you still have hours left to do whatever the hell you wanted. but instead, i am here still in the same position of not making any plans on weeknights because im never positive if i can get out on time and have been known to cancel so much at the last minute that ive taken the attitude that it's just much easier not to plan anything in the first place. or im still plagued with guilt when i tell my boss i need to leave "early" with early meaning 6:30pm.

what to do what to do. nothing really...but i have been feeling pretty guilty about slacking off at work but i figure if im getting my shit done is it really that bad? i already don't chat online anymore, something i gave up when i started this job and instead ive just compensated for it by browsing the web all the time. oh well only three more days left of work in 2005 before im on vacation and 2006 here we come. back to the hard working corporate girl i used to be.

the bobblehead look is back in hollywood which isn't anything new as it's been back for quite a while now but i thought id put in my two cents on this. from my memory (which doesn't say much) nicole ritchie was the one who really started it all but these days, it seems that all celebrities heads are too big for their bodies. hence the bobblehead look. you know those little figurines some of us buy to put on their car dashboards. myself not included of course.

but like i said, it all started when nicole ritchie became anorexic looking but proclaimed on howard stern that she had no idea how much weight she lost because she never steps on the scale but that it couldn't have been more than five or ten pounds. right honey keep on playing that angle because none of us are buying it. did you forget that we all saw you on simple life just the year before? but what i loved the most was when howard stern tricked her into stepping on a floor scale which clearly showed that she weighed in at a hefty 98 pounds. nice. and i read somewhere that one of the reasons why her and dj am broke up was because of her anorexia and that she was just too damn moody all the time and i can only hope that this is true because it will warm the hearts of us normal girls everywhere.

and now the bobblehead look has expanded to hilary duff, lindsay lohan, kate winslet, even gwen stefani im sad to say. there was another celebrity i saw just a little while ago that got ridiculously skinny too but i can't remember who it is at this moment. but the sad thing in all of this is that i think they all look better. every single one of them. guys proclaim to me that a little fat on the body is better because these girls have little boy bodies or no ass but come on now, each and everytime ive gone out and caught a guy staring at a girl's ass, it always seem to be the skinnier one. hm...and let's face it, clothes just look better on skinny girls. proven by the victoria secret runway show just last week. those girls looked like giraffes walking down the runway.

hence comes to my complex. all girls i dare to say have a certain complex with food. to different degrees of course but i for one am constantly thinking about food. i would say obsessed even. if it's not about what im going to be eating it's about why i just pigged out on my last meal and feeling guilty about it and what i should eat to make up for it and it just turns into a vicious cycle. because hey if i already pigged out at lunch, why not pig out at dinner too and just start fresh the next day. and i can eat a lot. im quite serious on this too. it's probably not the best way of thinking about it but this is probably why i never workout either. whereas most people workout because they ate a big meal, i don't like working out unless im eating good because then what's the point.

and being an asian girl has different types of pressures too. asian girls are evaluted on a different standard than white girls. they just are. whereas i am deemed to be skinny among white folks, among asian girls i am usually each and every time the biggest asian girl in the group. guys and girls included. sorry to the short asian boys everywhere but it's true. i think i have a secret desire to be a bobblehead myself but with my love for food and lack of enthusiam for working out, ive come to terms with the fact i never will be. and surprisingly, you know what, im ok with it. it's amazing what being in your late twenties will do to you. ive heard celebrities say over and over again that being in your 30's are the best years of your life because you really come into your own, you're no longer so insecure about yourself and im starting to think they might be right.

so my call out to girls everywhere is to go ahead and order the sourdough jack with curly fries and oreo milkshake from jack in the box if you want it. i certainly did just last week actually but then again, this isn't to say i wasn't hitting the salad bar the next day. but there's no need to feel guilty about it.

however i wouldn't even have to worry about any of this if i had just inherited my mom's metabolism...damn jon for getting that...what does he need skinny legs for?

ive pretty much decided that it's damn near impossible for me to curb my spending every month. for those who know me pretty well know that i keep a detail excel spreadsheet tracking all my expenses daily broken out into categories. there's a section for monthly fees like rent, car payment, utilities, cell phone and then another section for your normal everyday expenses. so far that's been broken down into gas, food, play, public (transportation), shopping and other. and each and every month, it's always food, play and shopping that gets me. one would think that could be easily cured because uh duh, just eat in more and don't shop but i can't do it. ive really made such a conscience effort to watch my spendings last month but inevitably there will be a purse that i have to buy or a sale that i must go to or what not.

i started keeping track of everything in 2000 right after college and it's become an obsession now. i always find myself carrying around little slips of paper and a pen to write everything down but even though everything is tracked and i can tell you exactly how much i spent on what, it hasn't really curbed my spending very much.

i really don't see how anyone can save living in the city these days. for instance, this past weekend, went to dinner at a normal restaurant, nothing fancy, ordered one appetizer, two glasses of wine, two entrees, no dessert or anything and bam just like that, the bill for two came out to 100 bucks. 100 bucks! and the food wasn't even all that great from what i remember. i mean seriously. and then of course it was macy's friends & family sale last week so had to go to that, the opening of h&m so went to that, then there's two sample sales coming up this week and then another one the week after, i mean what is a girl supposed to do? i can't keep up with all of this.

i already feel like i eat in more and have even been known to bring my lunch once or twice a week but it's not working. im still over my budget every month and i guess i could just start contributing less to my roth and my other retirement accounts but no i can't. that's a definite no-no in my book but man, if that money wasn't automatically transferred out every month...the stuff i could buy/do.

i know this is an issue or ive lamented about this problem enough times to everyone when i found out today that i was automatically not even considered for a day trip to vegas because my friend knew i would say no due to my "financial" woes. and he was so right.

but hey at least it's the beginning of a new month and there's nothing like starting out with a clean spreadsheet every month but oh wait, i forgot i went to macy's just a couple days ago. darn it.