i have a new boyfriend. her name is christine and she is my kickboxing instructor at the gym. im dedicated to her as ive never been before. ive faithfully attended her class every single week and in the past couple of months, ive only missed one or two classes total. i leave work on time for her, turn down any and all happy hour or dinner invites and plan all events around her. i even *gasp* set my alarm on a sunday morning to get myself up and one of my favorite things to do is sleep in on a weekend. i even make sure i dont drink too much the night before so i can get up on time...thats how dedicated i am. but its worth it, i love taking her classes and its such a good workout. this is probably the most consistent ive ever been in my life in going to the gym.

just last week i managed to force myself to go up and talk to her after class, really i just wanted to figure out the name of a song she plays that i am in love with and since she didnt know it offhand, she offered to make me a copy of the cd. and then what happens, i show up to class yesterday and not only did she remember that she was supposed to make me the cd (it has to wait though, she ran out of blank cd's at home) but she also remembered my name! i was shocked...and sadly enough it made me really happy. and since the class was the day before thanksgiving, it wasnt nearly as crowded as it usually is and so she warned us in the beginning that she would be walking around the room watching us so i made sure to concentrate doubly hard on the moves and do all the squats and situps my little heart could muster which might explain why im having a bit of trouble walking today.

but she informed us that she would be gone for the entire month of december and then back in january only to be gone again for another month...news which disappointed me greatly. im just not sure if ill be willing to commit myself to someone else although a girl has to get her workout somehow but it just wont be the same. i did find out though that she is from san diego as thats where she was heading for the holidays so my next step is to figure out just what part of san diego that is.

and yes ladies and gentlemen this is what gets me my jollies these days. ha

i found out this week that one of my ex's got engaged which would bring the total to two in the past month. november is already shaping up to not be the greatest of months for me what with spending thanksgiving alone for the first time in a while to look forward to but more on that for another blog.

so yes two of my ex's are now engaged and while i cant say i was completely shocked when i heard it was still a bit disconcerting. one cant help but reflect on things when this type of news travels your way and seeing how i am less than a year away from hitting the big 3-0 any type of marriage news is bad news these days. on top of this i also discovered pretty recently that another ex of mine is now a wedding photographer, a husband and wife team who take pretty damn good pictures i have to admit and seeing his picture after ten plus years really threw me for a loop and brought back some unfond memories. lets just say that relationship was a big sore point in my family leading to constant arguments and me jumping (yes jumping there was no ladder involved) out a two story window, living with a different family for a summer and a mark on my record as a runaway. although my twin did benefit from the late curfew hours i got for us...whether he put them to use is another story in itself.

im pretty sure ill be invited to both weddings with one of them taking place in just a few short months in the bahamas of all places and while i toyed with the idea of going, if anything more to just get a free place to stay at a sandals resort, the fact that the wedding takes place on a weekday probably makes that impossible. but i do fully intend on attending the second one. it will be my first wedding of an ex ever and well, all i can say is to my twin and sagging monk, better start clearing your calendars next year for all these weddings that are popping up.

my world was turned just a little bit upside down today and has left me confused, disappointed and unsure of who and what i can believe anymore. my faith in the good of people has been shattered just a bit and all i can do is try to make sense of it in my head but even after a full forty eight hours of trying to comprehend and digest it all, i still cant reconcile what ive learned and what i thought to be true. i had an idea this was the path we were headed or at least a small inkling that this was coming but the way it happened, how blindsided i was and now i feel like a fool by trusting and believing so much that at the end of the day, i dont think i can ever look or see things the same way again. its sad that it came to this but it certainly showed the true colors of some that i truly truly had faith in and while i understand that work is work and that office politics is just part of the game, if this is how it works then i want no part of it. i have never felt so let down in this type of situation before and my head is still reeling from the events of the week. i guess this is the perfect culmination of my past two months where i have attended three weddings and a funeral...just one more wedding and i could of been andie macdowell.

pretty ironic as tomorrow is "the" sixth anniversary. the last time i blogged about this topic was in 2003 and i will admit that in the past two or three years, i havent given much thought to this date, a fact i feel pretty guilty about but this year, ive been fully aware of it and feel the need to go visit the next time i am back home. ill be the first to confess that i havent fully dealt with my feelings nor do i really want to and shamefully have never gone to visit since the first year. im not even quite positive i would remember exactly where to go...isnt that horrible of me as a daughter? sure ive attempted to several times, even gotten in the car and been on my way there but every single time ive turned around and gone straight home or made a detour to somewhere else conveniently. but this year, i will be visiting if anything just to clear my head of some thoughts and to feel that bond again and if all works out, ill be back with a wing reminder to take home with me too.