Fresh Meat II

i've been a bit quiet on here but my newest make no sense waste of time project is playing in a fantasy league for mtv's fresh meat challenge II started by who else, jon. i know i know there's so many other things i should probably be spending my time on but i love these challenges and i need to ultimately redeem my poor showing from last time. so wish me luck and if you have no life as well, feel free to follow along on our blog and see how well or horrible i do!

Papaya Farm

my first real blog of the new year and sure i could write one summarizing my 2009 which is what i was initially planning on doing or what my upcoming resolutions are but now that a full month of the new decade is almost over i've lost my motivation and would like to instead discuss another much more important topic...my addiction to papaya farm.

for those who don't know it's similar to farmville on facebook i've been told (i hate all those status updates by the way) where you basically plant seeds and wait for them to grow to be able to harvest enough to process them using different tools you're given to be able to sell them for money to open up more plots of land to plant on. get it? either did i at first. it's the most mindless game ever as there's no real strategy involved since after three days of logging on, you're automatically advanced to the next level and part of the fun i guess is that you can steal fruits from your friends but you're limited to just one or two at a time so even that takes some of the fun out of it. despite all this i find myself completely hypnotized by it to the point where i've set my phone alarm on timer many a times to remind myself to harvest my shit before someone comes in to steal it.

i've been playing this game ever since thanksgiving now and my addiction has only gotten worse. it's the first thing i check every morning when i wake up and my hand automatically goes towards the snooze button and through my half blind eyesight i have to make sure i harvest everything before getting a start on my day. my only saving grace is that my cellphone reception at work is horrible so i'm not able to log on meaning for a good ten hours of the day i'm papaya farm free.

what makes all this even more great is that a couple (and by couple i mean three) of my friends are also playing so over the holiday break we would constantly be having conversations of hey log on so you can water my plants or my all time favorite "hurry come plant your love bouquet in my love garden". people would look at us like we were crazy but we didn't care. and now that we're all in a different city we've moved on to sending each other text messages of "can you send me a cucumber?" and i do it faithfully because that is how papaya farm works.

there's even certain etiquette and rules one must possess and follow in order to play with us. we recently found out that not only is there a farm but also a ranch where you can grow different types of animals and well once we found that out all bets were off. a certain someone decided that his only goal was to raise animals and didn't care about the farm so his job was to only grow grass for all of us and whoever happened to harvest (aka steal) it would be responsible for replenishing our ranch so the animals didn't go hungry. and there was quite an email chain going back and forth when a tiger was bought and all they ate was meat which is quite a hard commodity to get in this game and agreements were made on who would participate in co-raising this thing. we aren't kidding around here.

another friend blindly decided on a night out that he too would download this onto his phone and well, let's just say it hasn't even been a week and he has fully quit from the game but not before being called out for exhibiting "very unfriendly papaya farming behavior." but i give him kudos for not getting sucked in because in case you haven't figured it out by now, it is a total waste of time but has brought me some great shits and giggles in the past few months.

i only allow myself to plant secret roses and tulips on friendly land because it was getting too annoying having to keep track of what i planted where and when it was ready to be harvested to make sure i grew just enough to process and nothing more. i haven't quite figured out why exactly i'm so into this game and can't seem to quit but as a friend so eloquently put it "we are simply filling a void via virtual fulfillment. that and i am obsessive-compulsive." it's probably a mixture of both of these for me right now sad to say but seriously, after all this what more can i say? oh right...

hi my name is dacurious and i'm addicted to papaya farm.

Brainiacs

"One shouldn't confuse knowledge with intelligence. Is an encyclopedia smarter than you? Or a computer?"

-God is Dead by Ron Currie, Jr.-

Trix Are For Kids

taken from the dumbest generation: how the digital age stupefies young americans and jeopardizes our future:

"despite their circumstances, twixters aren't marginal youngsters sinking into the underclass. they drift through their twenties, stalled at work and saving no money, but they like it that way. they congregate just as they did before college, hopping bar to bar on friday night and watching movies on saturday. they have achieved little, but they feel good about themselves. indeed, precisely along the lines of reich's understanding, they justify their aimless lifestyle as a journey of self-discovery."

Ray Of Sunlight

it's been a rough week for me. i've been listening to mika's any other world pretty much on repeat this entire week and i still haven't gotten tired of it. i've been looking for his explanation of what the song means to him and i finally found a small snippet of him talking about it during an interview and it just made me love him even more. i was secretly hoping he would play this song during his concert but he didn't and it was probably for the best since i most likely would of broken down in tears over it. it's hard to put into words what i've been feeling but i guess the best way to put it is that i feel like i'm drowning. i've been an emotional mess lately with work and all of the pressure and stress so much so that i broke down in tears again this week making it the third time in as many weeks and almost lost it again when i heard my mom's voice in a voicemail she had left for me. more than once i seriously thought about just throwing in the towel and packing up all my shit and asking my mom if i could just move back home for a year or so. i was that desperate.

couple that with my own internal pressure and guilt of the cpa exam and how it's become so much more to me than just a test. it's become a question of my willpower and if this is going to be something that i'm going to be able to follow through on or not. more than anything for a brief moment there all i wanted was to hear my dad tell me that everything is going to be ok and that i'm doing a good job. but there isn't anyone around to tell me that so i've been listening to mika all week long and for one reason or another, i find great comfort with it.

while this week was probably the worst i've experienced in quite a while in terms of the hopelessness i felt, i'm happy to report that it's turned around a bit in the last day or two. i'm not sure what it was or what happened but i woke up one morning feeling just a bit more optimistic and sure of myself and that instead of just laying down and giving up i can feel a renewed energy in me and dedication which i hope can carry me through going forward. i hope.

Powder Gone Wild

Tropical Vacation

i'm a couple hours away from getting on a plane to go back home to san diego and i'm starting to get really excited. the main purpose of the trip is to attend my friend's wedding on saturday but not without getting to spend a day beforehand in san diego and while i keep saying that i don't see myself moving back there for quite some time, if ever, i'm starting to realize just how lucky i was to have been able to grow up there.

this time, two of my friends from sf will also be coming along. one who had spent a week with us during this past christmas getting acquainted with all the usual spots we used to hang out at during high school and basically just enjoying in our days of doing nothing and everything at the same time which is what san diego is all about. the other friend is coming down for her very first time ever. i always get excited when i have new friends come stay with us and we (as in me and jon) get a chance to show them around. i want them to meet my mom and stay in our guest room and enjoy the community pool (except this time for some reason it's closed and there's blue tarps covering everything up jon tells me) and taking them to eat mexican, boba, yogurt and dumpling inn and of course the obligatory visit to the beach. i like hearing them ooohing and aaahing and exclaiming how pretty everything is and how gorgeous the weather is and how they can't believe that we grew up here because when i think about it, and i often forget, i am pretty damn lucky to be able to call san diego my home.

when i'm back, i have no desire to explore any of the new up and coming restaurants or clubs that are popping up downtown and elsewhere. instead i just want to visit my usual six spots over and over and be done with it. i want to wake up without an alarm clock and hear my mom in the kitchen washing vegetables with her chinese songs playing in the background. i want to go into jon's room where he's fast asleep and mess around on his computer for a bit before spending a lazy afternoon at the pool working on my tan and then an equally lazy dinner at sushi or dumpling inn with some boba and yogurt afterwards in the heart of good old convoy to top it off for good measure. then i want to head to dynamite where half the time i don't even go in because it's "wack" but yet every single time i'm back home i always seem to end up going there first. then i want to grab some late night mexican and have everyone meet up back at our house for a night of hanging out and passing out on our living room floor in front of whatever movie happens to be playing at the time while i try to play the six chinese songs i have memorized on the piano to convince myself that all those years of piano lessons has not gone to waste. either that or going back to hong's house for a night of beers and poker while i walk around aimlessly trying to make myself useful.

and then i want to rinse and repeat all of it and that is exactly what i'm hoping to get to do once i get back home. so get ready dann and jas for the yang's version of your tropical vacation!

Whew, Still A Puma

London

it's been about a week since i got to london and what was supposed to be just a one week trip for work has been extended to two and today was by far the most exhilarating if not utterly tiring day. today was the first day that i have been entirely on my own and i spent all day running around from place to place trying my best to see everything on my list. for a little over eight bucks, i was able to take the underground all around london and it was the easiest thing ever. i don't understand why sf can't have public transportation like this but i didn't get lost once and i even transferred from train to train without any trouble and felt like a true local.

the last time i came to london was when i was 12 and while i knew i had seen all the usual tourist spots then (big ben, buckingham palace), what stood out more from that trip was when i was standing out in the rain in a phone booth on the phone with the guy i was dating at the time elated because that was the first time he said i love you to me. yes that's the stuff one remembers at that age, not historic sites or anything so all that i revisited again today. i started off at st paul's (the church that princess diana got married in) and made it in time to sit in on one of the sunday services and it was all i could do to pry myself away. i just wanted to sit there forever listening to the singing and staring in amazement at the walls and ceilings.

next i went on to kensington gardens and hyde park because i really wanted to see the princess diana memorial fountain (yes i have a bit of an obsession with her) and that had to be the biggest disappointment of the day. i probably should of looked it up before i went so i had an idea of what it would be but it basically just seemed like a stream with kids splashing around in their bathing suits and it seemed more like a makeshift waterpark than anything else.

from there i hit up harrod's the department store because my co-worker had told me it was a must see which i slightly disagree with, i felt claustrophobic the whole time and then it was on to covent garden which was just an outdoor square with lots of shops and boutiques along the way and then the big bang with buckingham palace, westminister abbey, big ben, house of parliament and the london eye all in one swoosh.

out of everything that i've seen here so far, my favorites have got to be trafalgar square (where the tmobile sing-along took place), st paul's, tower of london and house of parliament. i don't remember feeling this in awe of the buildings the last time i was here but then again, i probably didn't appreciate it for what it is as much. the london eye was a bit overrated but a must see just because it was new although i have no desire to get on that thing at all. it's a waste of 30 minutes if you ask me i don't care how great the views are.

my schedule everyday has been get up at 5am, try to go back to sleep unsuccessfully, meet up with my co-workers at 8am and take the train a hour to our office. then it's work like crazy till 6pm or so and run to catch the train back to london and then out to grab a bite to eat somewhere and then back home to get some more work done. it's been a bit crazy but i'm sort of loving it although after another week here i think i'll be ready to go home. i'm not sure how long i can keep up this pace given the jetlag, the lack of sleep, the being woken up by mosquitos and feeling dead tired all the time.

the place that i'm staying at is more of an apartment than a hotel which is nice since i have my own kitchen and living room so i've been eating in some nights when i'm just too tired to do anything and i even plan on doing laundry this week. yes my own washer/dryer here, something that i don't even have in sf. i'm located right across from the liverpool train station and i secretly hope each morning that tmobile will be filming another commercial there so i can break out in song and dance and be captured on film. liverpool i'm told is the financial district of london which i can definitely tell based on all the guys in suits in the morning and then at the pubs when i get back home.

it's been a whirlwind week so far and just some quick observations or comments:

- potatao jackets are all the rage here which is basically just a baked potato filled with different types of toppings. i got mine with cheese and butter but tuna and baked beans seem to be a popular option which kind of seem a bit odd to me.

- there's no toilet seat covers in any of the public restrooms. i'm not exactly sure why but if i had known, i would of made sure to bring my own before i came.

- i'm in love with the supermarkets here, mainly tesco and boots are the two that i've been frequenting. they have everything and i do mean everything and they sell it all in single size servings. they even have these little jugs of milk that are just too cute and it's just so convenient for those living on their own.

- the locals here are either really pale or really orange. as in too much fake bed tanning. i'm just saying...it's not a good look.

- my beacon home has been the "gherkin" building which is located near my apartment and can be seen from pretty much anywhere in london so when in doubt, i just look for that and walk in that direction and so far it's worked out quite well.

- trash cans are hard to find out in public and especially at train stations. it's usually just a plastic bag tied to a wall post somewhere and the reason for this i'm told is because that's where the ira used to hide their bombs.

- i walked in on a festival at leicester square yesterday and thought to myself damn the live music here is pretty good until i realized i had walked in on "spirit in the city" which was a christian festival and what i was hearing was prayer songs. there was even reconciliation booths around for those who wanted to confess their sins on a balmy saturday afternoon.

- gladiator sandals are everywhere and not just on the young and hip but even the old too. so much so that i almost convinced myself that i needed a pair until i remembered that i used to ridicule them. silently of course.

- i've been taking pictures up the ying yang since i got here and probably have taken more this one week than i have this entire year.

- i pretty much have no concept of money here. it's not that it's all that hard to convert but i don't even bother and just buy whatever i want whenever i feel like it. it's a pretty amazing feeling although i'm sure i'll regret it later.

- my favorite thing i've eaten here is this ham and cheese croissant sandwich from this little bakery at the train station in the mornings. it is amazing and i could probably eat one everyday but i won't. and for some reason, waffles are a big thing here too which i had no idea on but they are pretty delicious. it's the smell that gets me everytime.

- the perfect way to end a day of sightseeing: buying some roasted almonds and a hot dog off of westminister bridge and parking my ass down right underneath the london eye and just partaking in the scenery for a good hour or so.

- one of my favorite musicals of all time les miserables is playing here and i desperately wanted to buy tickets but i don't know if i'll get time to. tickets are ridiculously cheap ($80 bucks for the most expensive ones) and i'm still hoping i can somehow fit it in but it's not looking good. but honestly how amazing would that have been? to see les mis live again!

- my one wish that i didn't get to do was go clubbing one night but i guess that will just have to wait for next time. i entertained the thought of just going by myself but in the end decided against it. i'm not hong.

and with that, i'm off to get ready for another busy week and hopefully some more sight-seeing if i can swing it. if you've read this far you must really be bored or you must truly be one of my friends and for this i thank you. it warms my heart so.

Shoes Shoes and More Shoes

i was reading about this "shoe service" the other day and i am so tempted to sign up. the way it works from what i can gather is that each month, they email you a selection of five shoes picked out for you based on a survey you fill out when you first join and from those five, you choose the one that you want. and if you don't like it, there's a prepaid shipping label to return and exchange for another one of your choice. all for $39 a month. you can cancel at anytime and if for some reason, you just don't feel like getting a new pair of shoes on any particular month or aren't feeling any of the choices, you can skip that month and keep your credit for another time. now a pair of shoes for $39 is dirt cheap, especially for women's shoes so i'm a little skeptical at how this all works so i need to read up on it a little more but if it's true, this could be the best christmas present to myself ever. and i was looking at some of the shoes they have recommended in the past and i would wear a good majority of them.

of course half of them have three or four inch heels which i'm not sure is the most practical for sf but i pretty much wear heels everyday now as it is and what's a little pain sometimes for some good looking shoes. in case you haven't figured it out yet, i love love love shoes and i'm under the thought that one can never have enough. although half the fun of getting new shoes is the shopping aspect of it and not knowing what you might find but here it would be so easy. it would get delivered directly to my apartment which is almost like having my very own personal shopper. i'm already thinking about potentially sending out my laundry to be washed but i can't quite justify it in my head yet since it's really just out of laziness and the fact that i hate folding laundry and i already use a housekeeper every once in a while that maybe this is just the next logical step.

the only thing is, kim kardashian is one of the co-founders and that really makes me not want to sign up but i don't know if i can resist a new pair of shoes every month for $39! at that amount, i can still indulge in my shopping spree and do my part in stimulating the economy. or so i tell myself anyways.

Who Needs Muscle Tone?

i've been trying to be on this get in shape kick lately and i'm failing miserably. i'm starting to think that i need to hit the gym 24/7 and eat nothing in order to lose some weight and become toned and actually look like i workout on a consistent basis. it's real frustrating when i go to the gym now more than i ever have in my life but i look exactly the same if not bigger. tell me, how is this possible?

it seems these days that everyone i know regularly goes to the gym or does some type of physical activity to keep in shape. san diego is known as a mecca for hot bodies but for some reason, maybe it was because i was just naturally thin back then and it wasn't really a priority or no one really talked about it but i only had one or two friends who would go to the gym on a normal basis and everyone else seemed to just eat whatever they wanted with no real exercise regimen at all. but here, in sf, everyone works out. and not just workout a day or two here and there but at least 3 or 4 times a week and they aren't wussies about it either. they're either training for a half/full marathon or going for a "light" jog of 7 to 8 miles and doing weights on top of that. it's almost as if running here is a requisite for being a city dweller and your the odd man out if your not doing some type of physical activity regularly.

i still haven't been able to get myself to be on a consistent schedule for running because it's usually dark by the time i get home to run outdoors and i can't stand the treadmill. then on weekends, i almost always choose kickboxing class over running and there's no way i could/would do both on the same day. i'm starting to think that i need to just kickbox on weekdays and stick to running on weekends and then am i supposed to fit in weights there too? i don't know how people do it. i took a weights and kickboxing class back to back the other day and was pretty much dying and cursing myself throughout but surprisingly, i wasn't as sore as i thought i would be the next day which kind of makes me wonder if i'm doing something wrong.

in my effort to get in shape, i started a food log two months ago and have been real diligent in writing down everything that i eat everyday. down to how many thin mints or pringles i would consume (yes i counted) to the point where i was starting to write down a bite of tuna melt or a taste of so and so's sandwich that it started getting a little too ridiculous. this actually helped me regulate myself a lot until a couple weeks into it, i decided to do the master cleanse for a week and after my time was up, i was so hungry and devoured whatever i wanted for the week after that it was really hard for me to get back on track.

you would think for the amount of time i spend obsessing about what i eat or feeling guilty everytime after a big pig-out session, i would be in a little better shape than i am now but i'm not. i was told recently by someone that they thought i had an eating disorder and in thinking about it, i think maybe i do. not in a i'm anorexic or bulimic way but in that i have an unhealthy relationship with food but then again, what girl doesn't? even bethany frankel, a health food chef on real housewives in her new book basically touts taking small bites of everything even for regular meals (or so they say in reading some of her book reviews) that by the end of the day, she only consumes 700 or 800 calories a day. if i did that, i would be just as skinny too and she's a health chef by profession! that doesn't sound very healthy to me.

so i guess for the time being, i'll keep on writing in my food log and going to my kickboxing classes because it keeps me sane and maybe miraculously one of these days, i'll finally develop some muscle tone and maybe just maybe be able to do a real pull-up if my life depends on it.

Long-Time Blogger

lately it seems that whenever i get together with my friends the main topic of conversation is about relationships. whether it be about current relationships, past relationships, how to get into a relationship, everything is up for grabs and lucky for me i love talking and hearing about it. one of the things i've noticed about all of my past relationships is that i've never dated anyone who kept up to date on my blogs or tweets although that shouldn't really count since i just started it recently. but i've had my blog for almost 9 years now and not a one of my ex's kept up to date with it which always boggled my mind. i mean if someone i was dating had a blog i would be all over that shit. i religiously keep up with blogs of people that i don't even know and i never understood why the person that your dating wouldn't be just a bit curious in what the hell i was spending my time blogging about. maybe they just assumed that if something was on my mind enough i would bring it up in conversation but half the time, topics that make it onto my blog aren't really things that i would just bring up randomly or it's just little anecdotes or thoughts that really aren't all that exciting anyways but if i'm taking the time to write it, wouldn't it be something that they would be interested in reading? apparently not.

i did have one ex who started off reading it (this was back when i first started) but then would always complain about how i never wrote about him or "us" which got real annoying after a while and took the fun out of it for me. or i would have some who would read an entry here or there but then get upset about some of the things i said although half the time it wasn't even about them in the first place. and always always after we broke up, they stopped reading it all together and made it a point to tell me so which i never really understood. i mean you never read it when we were together so why would i expect you to start reading it now? none of my ex's have blogs so i can't say for sure if i would read it or not but i would like to think that i would. i even read the blog of this one girl that my friend sort of dated and the whole time i thought she was just the most annoying immature person ever but her entries amused me to no end that i was checking that thing everyday just hoping for an update. all the way until she apparently got married and found better things to do than spend her time blogging. go figure.

and now there's twitter which i'm semi-addicted to and i wonder if i would want someone i was dating to be following me or if it would only make me censor what i would say. ideally i shouldn't have to watch what i say at all but from past experience, that often times isn't the case. i used to be a lot more guarded on what i would blog about, nothing personal or anything about my insecurities and even to this day, there are some i haven't had the courage to voice out loud to anyone since i see it as a sign of weakness but i'm slowly getting better with that.

all these new online accounts really changes the whole face of dating these days. i mean you can facebook someone and do all this research on them before even going on one date. i recently had one or two guys in the past couple months who i had gone out on one date with request to be my friend and while i didn't really want to add them, i caved and accepted the request. facebook is a dying breed anyways and i hardly ever update but if they had wanted to add me on twitter, well then that would of been a different story. i'm even thinking about taking off some of the people who follow me now since i'm not really friends with them and it's something i'll probably get around to eventually but the one thing you definitely won't ever find me doing is linking my twitter updates to my facebook. i know some of my friends do it and good for them for being able to being so open but if i ever did that, i would probably just never tweet again and then where would i be? someone with a real life maybe.

Feeling The Loss

it's been not even a week since my co-worker has left on maternity leave and already i'm feeling the loss. probably even more acutely than if one of my close friends moved away from sf or something because in that circumstance, i can always call on other friends for distraction or busy myself with random tasks or errands but at work, there is no other substitute. there is one other co-worker that im fairly close with but not on the same level and for the past week, i found myself camped out in her office at least once a day just because i didn't know what to do with myself and because i desperately needed a break.

for the entire time that i've been at this company, we have always sat in cubes right next to each other and then a year ago, we moved into an office together and she really is a big part of why i don't mind work so much somedays. we text each other in the mornings to see where we are (we're both usually running late), we do lunch together, take our coffee breaks together and she pretty much knows everything about what is going on in my life even more so than my friends that i see regularly on the weekends and knows most of the names and faces of my close friends just from pictures. on top of that, we've gotten to the point where i can tell she is annoyed at something/someone at work just from her tone of voice and we can vent to each other without having to go into the background of who is who and does what and already we know what the other person is going to say.

this is only my second job out of college and in public accounting, since you jump from client to client all the time, there really wasn't time to get too attached to any one person and usually after you roll off the engagement, there was a good chance you would never see or hear from them again. but now, for the past 3+ years, i've gotten used to seeing her everyday and we have our daily ritual of getting coffee/water together in the kitchen in the mornings, then there's usually a brief period where we'll close the door and update each other on what we did over the weekend or the night before and then there's the always figuring out what time the other person is going to leave at the end of the day but now there's nothing. it's super quiet in my office and thank goodness i can listen to music otherwise i would probably go stir crazy.

in the time that we've known each other, i've seen her get engaged, attended her wedding, buy a house, remodel the house and now, her first baby is just a few weeks away. on the flip side, she's seen me through a long-term relationship and the associated break-up after, listened to all my insecurities and really helped me when i wasn't feeling all that great about myself. these next four months are going to be loooong and i don't even want to think about it.

close guy relationships are called bromances i learned recently. i wonder if there is a similar term for girls? womance maybe? although that doesn't really have the same ring to it.

Every Girl's Dream

my mom is back from taiwan after being away for two months and yesterday was the first time i had talked to her and i always leave these conversations more stressed, more unsure of what i'm doing and where i'm headed in the future. it's funny because in the past few years, she has been dividing her time between taiwan and san diego and leaving for two sometimes three months at a time and during the time that she is gone, i rarely have any communication with her except for a couple of emails here and there. someone asked me once if i knew how to get a hold of her if there was an emergency and the answer was no. i have no idea what my grandparent's number over there is, i do know that the country code is 011 though and i would probably have to call around to some aunts and uncles here to figure out how to get in contact with her. while this might seem odd to some, it's perfectly normal for me and i surmise for jon as well since our dad always traveled for business and it was just something that i became accustomed to.

but as i was saying, it seems that everytime i talk to her recently, i get off the phone with my head spinning and thinking about dating in your 30's and what that really means. does it really mean that i don't have much time left and i need to stop fucking around and think of things long term? that i have to decide within the first couple of months whether the relationship is going anywhere and to cut it off if it doesn't? typically i usually just jump into a relationship without any real thought of where it's heading and what has always happened is that we'll date somewhere in between 1.5 to 2 years and then break up. the problem is as my mom has told me several times is that i don't have that luxury anymore because by the time that happens, i will then be 32 and obviously who would ever want to date an old hag at that age right?

part of me just chalks it up to typical asian mom syndrome but then part of me is really starting to soak in everything that she's saying and more than before i find myself starting to think about getting hitched and having kids and whether i need to change my dating mentality or not. i had a friend say to me once that he didn't think i would be happy getting married and living that "lifestyle". i've been having more and more friends these days question the institution of marriage and whether they even believe in it and would want to get married at all which is a complete 180 from what i grew up with. i always imagined myself with the typical white picket fence scenario but maybe that just isn't me. but deep down i know that i do want to get married and even am starting to think that i do want kids but what i may need to come to terms with is that my timeframe is just a little slower than the average and just accept that fact and not feel so much pressure just because i've hit the magical 3-0.

i think this is why i'm so looking forward to seeing revolutionary road next week because watching one of my biggest fears played out right before me on the big screen might be kind of therapeutic while frightening at the same time. a couple of lines from the synopsis.

"idealistic relationship steadily deteriorates into a ceaseless cycle of petty jealousy and bickering as they strive to retain their independence in the conformity-obsessed world of picket fences and perfectly manicured lawns"

"Frank and April gradually become the very thing that they both feared most--a typical suburban family complete with abandoned dreams and faded hopes. Frank loses his nerve after taking a comfortable job with a reliable salary, and April morphs into an unsatisfied homemaker desperate for passion and excitement."

What's Princess Bride?

on a tahoe weekend recently, one of the "games" jon came up with was to make a list of your top ten romantic comedies of all time. we never really got around to playing it since only two or three people actually made their list and it was furthered confused by the fact that jon changed the rules mid-trip to top ten romantic movies of all time which completely changed the nature of the game but we did get around to talking about it and it was during this conversation that it became apparent to me that my movie knowledge of the classics is severely lacking and i need to remedy this right away so i can participate in these talks along with everyone else.

for one, everyone thought it was quite blasphemous that i had never seen princess bride before or blood sport. how we got from princess bride to blood sport i'm not quite sure but apparently these are two classics that should be in everyone's movie repertoire and i had no idea it was this important. i mean why didn't jon fill me in on this after thirty years?

it wasn't until a couple of years ago that i finally watched all three original star wars movies and i ended up not really liking it all that much and couldn't comprehend what the fuss was all about. maybe i needed to watch it when i was younger to fully appreciate it but i definitely did not get the whole princess leia obsession and kept harping on the fact that the special effects weren't all that special but i did like the light sabers and darth vader (i had to use spell check to make sure i spelled saber and vader correctly. i didn't). don't cringe jon.

before you ask, yes i have watched the indiana jones series and rocky and most of the godfather movies since those are the typical follow up questions that i get. the silver lining in all this is that this has spurred me to open up my very own netflix account. i blogged a while back about how great it was to be able to use jon's account but as he will be moving out of my apartment later this week (he's growing up folks!), i decided that it was a necessity that i open up my own so i can catch up on movies i should of seen a decade ago.

first on my list is lust caution and then second is princess bride. i also have whale rider and the squid and the whale on there but if anyone has other suggestions for classics, and i do mean classics, please send them my way.

and oh in case you were curious, my number one romantic movie of all time (not romantic comedy) is lady jane. i watched it so many years ago though and i wonder if i watched it now if i would still have the same opinion but i'm almost scared to watch it again because my impression of the movie is so great and i loved it so much that i don't want to tarnish that memory just yet.

Heartwarming Words

my horoscope for today:

You don't know what your doing. This is a positive dynamic. It means your taking more risks, stretching yourself and living to your potential. Lead with confidence and the rest falls into place.

sent courtesy of steve k. and while i'm not usually one to pay attention to horoscopes this one i felt like was written directly for me and really made my day. thanks steve!

Year Of The Rat

(blog started sunday which might seem why the timing is a bit off) the better part of this afternoon was spent trying to ready myself for work tomorrow and the start of a new year. i've been on vacation for the past two weeks and within that time, there hasn't been much downtime just play play play so today i finally unpacked the rest of my suitcase from san diego and set up my new planner and 2009 calendar. i always buy the exact same planner except that this year they were out of black so i had to settle for red which in retrospect might be nice as it could represent a new start for me as i hope this year will be a big one. why i have no idea but the 30th has got to be right? that's what i keep telling myself anyways. and for my calendar, two years ago, the theme was pigs. last year it was bulldogs and this year it's monkeys. my three favorite animals.

now that i have my life a little more organized, what to make of 2008? it's hard to say. there really isn't any one thing that stands out but i'm definitely ending the year on a much higher note than how it started which is always a good thing. the biggest thing probably is that i turned 30. an age that i hit with mixed feelings as i always thought that i would of been married by now and while i hate to give in to societal pressures, i would be lying if i said it doesn't bother me a little bit. those lectures from my mom must really be getting to me. i can just hear her now "your eggs are slowly drying up". the truth hurts doesn't it.

another notable thing was that i was single for pretty much the entire year except for a little over a month of it and that's the longest i've gone without a boyfriend since my sophomore year in high school. not only that but it was probably the first time i've had to go through a real breakup and while it was a real bitch at the time and i was convinced i would never snap out of it, lo and behold one year later, not only am i happier but i can see now that it was for the best. what a grown-up thing for me to say.

and as an added benefit to having more time by myself, i started going to kickboxing class two or three times a week and i'm proud to report that that has been the case for this entire year. coming from someone who was never able to consistently go to the gym more than two or three weeks at a time, it's a big accomplishment for me and now i find myself getting antsy if i don't go. so much so that i found myself waking up early on christmas eve and will even forgo sleeping in on weekends for it. i also started to try to take up running outside more (with new running shoes which are amazing!) but i'm still a big wimp about it so it's something i will still need to work on in the next year.

i also purchased my first iphone and am more addicted to it now than jon is. that sentence alone says a lot but i couldn't be happier with my purchase. and while i thought the highlight of my year was going to be a we're 30 and hot trip to southeast asia with jon and two other friends (we had been talking about this since january), it fell through towards the end but what i got instead was lots of mini fun trips which isn't too bad of a consolation prize.

there were the weddings in hawaii and puerto vallarta, my first destination weddings ever. it doesn't get much better than having 60 or so asians running around a secluded beach in pv having a team usa and team canada beach olympics complete with tug of war, build your own raft and a kayaking event. if only i was smart enough to think of it for my 30th bday party.

then there were the three or four different visits to sf from james, jon, des, even steve! and then the whole san diego gang and then some during labor day weekend which really rounded out the year perfectly. ever since labor day weekend and with the additions of some new friends and old ones who i got reacquainted with and some who recently moved here, my social life has changed completely. of course i still see my san jose friends and the peanut gang (who i'm most grateful for because they allowed me to be part of their group and was always so good about including me in everything that it really helped make me feel like i wasn't completely alone here), i finally feel as if i have a circle of friends (who actually live in the city) that i feel completely comfortable calling up in the middle of the afternoon to hang out without any prior planning. and that takes a lot for me. i always feel as if i'm imposing myself on them so it's rare that i'll just call at random.

and this has made a world of difference for me. this is how i always imagined and wanted city life to be when i made the decision to move to sf. being able to wake up on weekends and send out a quick text to see who is free to do what, having a study buddy, trying out new places to eat, playing board games or just lounging around at someone's apt with no real plans and being able to have people around to watch movies with. it sounds so simple but it really helps to have some good friends in close proximity for some peace of mind.

and finally...i feel like i finally grew up. just a little bit but still a small improvement. i have no idea what 2009 holds in store for me. hopefully i can get my act together and pass the cpa once and for all although that is proving to be a bigger challenge than i thought and besides that, i have no real new year's resolutions but i don't typically make them anyways.

so on that note, i say goodbye to the year of the rat and hello to the ox!

The Floodgates Are Open...

if theres an asian mom with a single son thats in their 30's in san diego, theres a good chance that at some point my mom will be passing off my email or cell phone number to them. i just got back from the most surreal three hour lunch where i found myself eating with an "aunt" i just met two nights ago, her friend and their son who conveniently was home for the holidays from sf. i know its my own fault i get myself into these situations but when some random aunt i just barely met calls to invite you to lunch and wont take no for an answer (i tried i really did but quite feebly), i just dont know how to say no to them. theres only so much protesting i can do in chinese and for some reason when im in the presence of these aunts and uncles, i automatically turn into a meek kid who goes along with everything they say and these days, it seems to be introducing me to as many guys as possible in the hopes of getting me married off. it was kind of funny initially but now im a little tired of it.

and so this was how i found myself pulling up today at her house to meet this guy and as they were running late, i spent a good part of a hour just talking to the aunt which turned out to be pretty interesting. its rare that i get to sit down with an older adult these days and talk about their background and what it was like when they first came to the states and for her, shes currently in her 70's and out of 8 brothers and sisters, she was the first of them to make it out here on her own. she knew no english and had to borrow money and live off of scholarships all at the age of 23.

one of the things she did mention was that she had wanted to set up my mom at one point with this guy who was very family-oriented and very well to do but he was snatched up by another mom who was quite aggressive in chasing him. what do you even say to something like that? i could only sit and nod and thank silently to myself that it never happened. apparently setting up the female yangs is quite popular these days.

but when they finally arrived, it turned out to be the mom, the dad, and the son. it was so bizarre. the dynamic was incredibly weird because it felt like i was on a first date (blind no less) but already meeting the parents for their approval. they were asking me all the standard questions about where i grew up, what i did for a living and i could see little excited exchanges between the aunt and the mom whenever he asked me a question because that meant maybe he was interested and we were getting along. or when i spoke in chinese i could see slight nods of approval among them and the fact that i was an accountant was definitely a selling point although im not really sure why exactly.

it then got slightly more awkward when after lunch, they insisted that the two of us go walk around outside so we could enjoy the scenery and the golf course and they were so blatant about it that neither of us really knew what to do except to do that exactly. and when it had all finally come to an end, the mom had already invited me over for dinner on christmas and there was talks of me meeting their younger brother who also happens to live in sf and was driving down tomorrow. all of which i didnt quite get...i mean was i supposed to meet them both and choose?

this would be the second guy ive gone out to lunch with that has been set up by my mom and its not that theyre not nice or anything, they both are but im not exactly looking to be set up at the moment and i never know how to deal with it after. its just awkward.

some notes from a concerned brother:
as an impartial witness to this process, i feel the need to put in my two cents. first off, i've been very impressed with george's willingness to even go on these blind dates. some might chalk it up to an inability to say "no" but i believe deep down it's about respect for my mom's well-being. by agreeing to a few dates here and there, george is giving my mom a sense of empowerment and security that one of her kids will be married before the age of forty. while that has resulted in a few uncomfortable moments (okay, hours) here and there, mostly it's been a learning experience. plus george now has a rapt fan audience awaiting the results of every date. a few things i'd suggest: sneak a few photos of each date, allow one of us to tag along and sit surreptitiously at a nearby table, and provide blow by blow twitters that allow everyone to live vicariously.

we like to joke that this is a cautionary tale for anybody 30+ (especially for girls) but seriously, it is. moms love to meddle and we've been surprised at the depths/heights our mom has sunk to in order to find potential suitors. i mean, seriously, she's been leveraging all of her nascent computer skills just to get george connected to the wide world of single asian men. this coming from a woman who can barely drag and drop.

overall, i feel it's important to support george in her quest because if not her, then who? if you have any nice young single friends, please contact me and we'll fill up george's dating schedule right quick.

Ni Hao, Kai-Lan

my coworker told me about this cartoon today and im a big fan already. i love the drawings of the characters, they are adorable! and its a learning show that aims to teach kids mandarin at the same time. just based on that alone, its already a big plus in my book. the premise is described as "what it's like to be bicultural in america, as seen through the eyes of an inquisitive 5-year-old chinese american girl living within a multigenerational household. kai-lan is an empathetic playmate who lives in a fantastical world, a girl who embraces asian tradition in a contemporary milieu." i almost wish this cartoon was around when i was growing up.

the show debuted last year and was created by karen chao who is the same age as me. a bit sobering as my life is nowhere near as interesting as hers. the show is based on her childhood memories on growing up with "two overachieving brothers, a doting immigrant grandfather and a father with one foot in the old world and one in the new." she graduated from uc irvine in 2000 with a digital arts degree and had posted some of her drawings on a website where it was seen by a nickelodeon executive and it just went on from there. isnt that what everyone dreams of? to just be randomly discovered one day and land the plum job of your life.

this actually happened to one of my friends a couple years ago. she was out in colorado skiing and happened to be on the same ski lift as steve wynn and they got to talking and he asked her what her current job was (accounting) and whether it was what she wanted to do in her life. well of course nobody loves being an accountant and so her answer was that she would love to somehow be involved in the wine industry and just like that, he offered her a job as a sommelier at his soon to be opened hotel in las vegas. yes as in the wynn hotel. pretty incredible isnt it and to this day, shes still in the wine industry and has ditched accounting for good.

i often wish that my chinese was better or that i had paid more attention in chinese school instead of cheating on tests all the time or maybe had the foresight to take chinese classes during college because i would definitely want my kids to be able to speak mandarin when they grow up but seeing how mine isnt that great, im sure theirs will be even worse than mine. unless of course i marry a fob but thats highly unlikely.

ni hao, kai-lan is now going to be my default gift for my friends who seem to be getting pregnant left and right these days. assuming they are chinese of course and im going to get it for my kids too. forget dora the explorer its kai-lan all the way!

now i just need to go home and set this up on my dvr so i can watch and brush up on my chinese.

Beauty Is Only Skin Deep

ive been on a new night time beauty regimen lately and it is one big pain in the ass. i went to get a facial about two months ago and was told that i needed to take better care of my skin and start using makeup remover for the face and so one hour later and $200 poorer, i came back home with a bag full of skincare products and specific instructions on when i should use each and in what order. all of which i soaked up like a sponge and have been following pretty faithfully ever since.

my routine now consists of using eyemakeup remover to get rid of, you guessed it, eye makeup, then a separate gel like product to get rid of my face makeup, face wash to clean out my pores and get rid of "impurities", skin softening toner to prep my face for the lotion, night time lotion and then last but not least, eye cream. see why its such a pain? all i did prior to this was just wash my face and put on some moisturizer which apparently is a big no no once you get to my age. 30 i learned is when you need to step it up in this department and you cant just rely on mother nature to take care of everything for you. pretty soon im going to have to start buying anti-aging products which im sure ill bitch and moan about also when the time comes.

to be fair, this new regimen only adds on about an extra fifteen minutes which isnt that bad but whereas before if i was too tired or drunk, i would just go to sleep and not bother doing anything but now that ive been admonished for it and its actually having some effect on my skin, im so paranoid about it that i dont dare go to bed without washing my face nightly.

my mom always used to tell me the story about one of her friends who has pretty bad skin and that the reason why she got that way was because she never properly removed her makeup at night. i never really paid much attention and just tuned her out like i tend to do when she starts nagging and just figured i had youth on my side anyways but now that im slowly creeping up in the years, im more cognitive than ever of making sure i try to deter those wrinkle lines from showing up for as long as i can.

the most important thing i learned from this is that you MUST use eye cream. double emphasis here. if you were to do nothing else, you have to at least do this. always at night but preferably in the morning too. apparently i started ten years late and i think i do remember the makeup artists at work telling us that eye cream is the most important item to anyones beauty routine. the way to put it on is to use your fourth finger and then pat gently in an U shape around your eyes.

im supposed to go back to my facialist soon and im a little nervous to see if my diligence each night has paid off. its a bit ridiculous but i feel like im being graded on this and dont want to disappoint her so lets hope i come back from my appointment with an A+.