tonight marked the first of three concerts ill be attending in the next month or so and boy was it a great start. jon g and i along with two of his high school friends went to watch alicia keys tonight and damn she was amazing. and boy can she sing. i always knew she would be good live but i was completely blown away today. she was on for close to two hours and the time seemed to go by in a blink of an eye and i was left nodding my head and mouthing the words to myself. so very worth it.

things are starting to look on the up and up and if only i can pass my stupid cpa exam friday id be the happiest girl this side of the city. but i won't go into that now...that's another blog for another day. maybe tomorrow if you're lucky. and june is starting to shape out like it's going to be a pretty good month too. next up is the roots concert and then digable planets along with crowne city rockers. then there's dinner at a couple restaurants ive been wanting to try and my brother is coming up to visit for a week and then bam just like that it'll be time for vegas. i can't wait...let the countdown begin.

choosing the correct doctor. a lesson ive learned the hard way today. it wasn't until i started my first job out of college that i learned how important benefits are and the difference between hmo and ppo and heard for the first time the terms out of network and in network. all this has an effect on which medical plan you use and once that choice is made, you're left on your own to pick a primary care physician or pcp as most people refer to it as and really, when you have no medical background how are you to know which doctor is good or bad? sure you can ask your friends for recommendations but when you're new to the city and so are most of the people you're surrounded by, you're left to your own devices. while perusing through the listing of available doctors, it's easy to come up with some of your criteria but really, how technical can it be? essentially your choice on who you decide to be your main doctor for the next couple of years (assuming you stay with the company of course) comes down to some trivial questions such as female or male? closeness to your home? school attended? age? ethnicity maybe? but really...there's no way to tell if a doctor is qualified or not. this really is a big decision because the person you choose will ultimately be responsible for your health and making sure everything is a-ok. im sure there's ways you can research but i was not one of them.

i was being naive and under the impression that doctors for the most part are qualified and really it was more a matter of whether i liked their personality or not. but after today, i intend on making my selections much more carefully as it seems my history in choosing doctors is not too great at the moment. im batting about a 50/50 right now. one of the doctors i chose turned out to be this old korean guy who essentially looked at me as if i was paranoid each time i came in asking for a prescription. this was during the time when i developed tonsilitis every couple of months so i was getting very good at figuring out when it was starting and would make an appt right away to get some anti-biotics because once it reaches a certain stage, it ain't pretty. but whenever i went in he would sort of laugh and not take me seriously which made me think that he thought i was imagining everything but nevertheless, i didn't really care too much as long as i got my medicine. part of the reason why i stayed with him for so long was because i knew i could get same day appts but beyond that, nada. he was of no help to me.

now i had another doctor that i really liked because she was personable, caring and my only complaint really was that she was too damn busy that it would take months to get an appt. however, with my current insurance ending at the end of this month, i was in a race to get in to see her but with the next available appt in october (ridiculous no?) i opted for another doctor in the same office. and that is where i went today. i proceeded to tell him my history and get him up to date on all that has happened and in so many words or less, he basically told me that i was given incorrect treatment and that my other doctor was incompetent. news that i took pretty well as i was actually more surprised that he made such a bold statement since i never had any doubt about my previous doctor before but really, how would i know anyways? i don't deal with this stuff, im a numbers kind of gal. and as he further proceeded to explain to me, it all seemed to make a lot more sense which made me start thinking that if it wasn't for my health insurance ending soon, i might of never found any of this out. this is probably why people go for second opinions but the thought never even crossed my mind.

in any case, he was pretty infuritated and upset and gave me the advice of, just because a doctor seems sociable or friendly and is warm and fuzzy does not always mean that they're competent. to which i asked, how will i know and of course no helpful response was really given. but on the other hand, what if this doctor is wrong and my other doctor is just fine or it could be that both doctors are incompetent? honestly isn't that a scary thought? because how DOES one find out and really the lesson learned here is you can't always trust what your doctors tell you. they aren't perfect so the next time you're deciding on who you want your pcp to be...you better do your research and not be too trusting like i was.

i spent a little over $300 at one of our retail stores today...and that's not even including my discount. in all i purchased $525 worth of cosmetics and face products which was pretty much how much i was planning on spending going in. all this was not just for me of course. now that would just be too selfish. in total, i purchased four bottles of men's face cleanser to be distributed among four lucky guys and you know who you are, an anti aging lotion for my mom, a complete set of the skincare regimen for myself, a skincare kit for one of my former managers, two of their powders and i think four makeup brushes. which is a little funny because i think i own about a total of five makeup brushes now but essentially whatever ive always wanted i bought. and oh now that i think about it, i forgot to pick up one of their eye makeup removers...oh well i guess i'll just have to go back and get it on my next trip.

but ive never in my life bought so much at once in beauty products without even bothering to look at the price or count in my head how much i was willing to spend. and what a great feeling it was. while most people know them for their makeup, im most excited about using their skincare products. ive only been using it for three days now trying to make the sample packs i got last as long as possible and already i love it. and plus it's so much fun when you start on a new skincare regimen.

and once ive got the skin part taken care of, i intend on going back and getting more makeup products. for the time being, ill just have to use the ones i got when i was interviewing. seriously though, can it get any better? makeup samples at an interview? ridiculous. i think im on a shopping high at the moment because it's been a couple of months since ive made any large purchases and to think, i haven't even gone on a clothing shopping spree yet. as my knowledge of makeup and how to apply it is pretty limited, helen has promised to come along to help me pick out colors and boy did the colors look pretty sitting out on the counters.

today has been a great day. got off work around 6pm, briefly contemplated the thought of going on a run but decided to sit on my fat ass instead where i snacked on some barbecue flavored pringles and waited for jon g to get home from the gym so we could go eat. and what did we get...big fat juicy burgers from burger meister. an onion and mushroom burger with a side of onion rings for me and a bacon cheeseburger with a side of french fries for him. very fattening yes but i don't mind so much at the moment. however, im sure i'll be regretting it once it comes time for bathing suit season. but boy oh boy was it good.

all this was enjoyed while watching the premiere of chaotic. a show that i forced jon g to watch with me much to his chagrin. for those who don't know, chaotic marks the premiere of the reality show of the federlines. as in britney and kevin federline. yes i am a huge closet britney spears fan and i had been anticipating this all day. it's a sad life i live but during the one hour show, all i did was cringe in fear that she didn't do anything else to make herself look like a bigger fool than she already was doing and rolling my eyes at jon g for each one of her antics but i loved it. im not sure what it is about britney that i still like but im not so blind to not know that yes she has turned into white trash after justin but boy when she really wants/need to be, she can look damn hot. and is it wrong for me to say that i even found kevin to be a bit attractive? not look wise so much but more the attitude and the fact that he just looks like a bad boy.

but that wasn't even the greatest part of my day. the highlight was that jon g gave me all of his itune songs. that's right ladies and gentlemen, my mini ipod in a short ten minute span increased from a mere 200 songs to a staggering 850! it may not sound like much for you hardcore itune folks out there but for me, that is amazing. ive been wanting to get jon g's songs for a while now because whether he likes it or not, we do have some similarity in music taste (although he'll deny it to the end) and now it's all there on my trusty mini. i might even be needing an upgrade!

then to top off the entire night, i learned the "correct" method of organizing my songs. apparently i shouldn't be making changes to song titles or genre directly on my itunes, i should be changing it in my music folder. which makes sense when i think about it, changes should be made to the source document. i should of known this of course but i just never knew how to do it and now i do. it gets quite addicting too...this organizing thing could potentially cripple me in staying in an entire day just changing song titles.

and if i haven't disgusted you enough in discussing my fascination with britney and my lack of knowledge in anything computer related (that's why it's good to have a twin into that stuff...to solve all my computer and blog relates issues) my new favorite song of the moment is incomplete by the backstreet boys.

you can go ahead and throw up now.

instant messenger. it's now been a full two weeks of not getting on yahoo messenger during work hours and much to my surprise, the world hasn't ended, i don't feel that out of the loop and things are chugging along just fine. this is a bold statement coming from a girl who became an instant messenging addict back when i entered corporate america for the first time. the ironic thing is that i never really used to be a big fan back in college but then when you're stuck in a cube and in front of a laptop for hours on end, it's amazing how dependent one could become. and then when i was introduced to yahoo launchcast, my days were preoccupied with rating songs left and right.

pretty soon my yahoo messenger was filled with "work" friends...those trusty ones who you could depend on to log on day in and day out and during busy season time, the bright yellow face next to their name brought comfort in knowing that yes another person was out there suffering and working along with you. at least that's what i like to tell myself anyways. i tried to chat as little as possible as i am a professional after all and have shit to do but every once in a while id get myself in laugh out loud conversations and it was a good way to keep on top of the news as i would be sure to receive two or three links throughout the day. plus when else but at midnite could my fellow co workers and i be so sick of working that we all created avatars...a splitting cartoon image of me i tell you. or at least that's what i've been told.

but as we all know, instant messenging makes one less efficient and could be considered a distraction although really i would argue it kept me sane for a couple of years. but it wasn't until last year when i went to new jersey for work and had no internet connection that i realized just how damn productive i could be. without internet, there was no taking mini breaks to check email or surf the net or chat for a bit...without internet i was forced to *gasp* work and when bored, there was nothing else to do but move onto another task and my associates and i couldn't help reveling in just how much work we were getting done.

and since i just started my new job recently i thought it would be best if i didn't download messenger right away but now im starting to rethink whether i even want to or not. i could be gone forever! don't cry now please. my work productivity could only go downhill from then on anyways and there is just too much to do. besides im reveling in my efficiency these days and well who said i can't trade emails back and forth from work all day long right? it's almost just as good as messenger. so for the time being, please keep those links coming! only pg rated of course and continue to send raunchier links to my personal account.

four engagement announcements in two days. what is this world coming to? so i recently found out that four of my friends or actually i should say three of my friends and one guy i met on a plane some time ago whom i haven't spoken to in a while but nevertheless was on his engagement evite list are engaged. while this is great news of course but it is once again a reminder that slowly and surely my friends will be falling off the single bandwagon and then i will be left being the constant third wheel.

thankfully im still surrounded by a core of single friends who are far far away from being engaged, i think anyways, so that i can put off reality a little bit longer.

september 18, 2000. my start date if my memory serves me correctly. four and a half years. that's a damn long time to dedicate oneself to anything and through that time, ive endured five busy seasons with this past one being the worst to date yet. lots of working till 4 or 5am only to be back at work again at 9am and looking back im pretty surprised i even lasted this long. it was always my intention to only stay two with a max of three years but as the years flew by, it just seemed natural i would at least stay until manager but alas that is not to be the case. im up for manager next year and my last day is tomorrow.

part of me is excited of course but there's a part of me that's also wondering if im doing the right thing and making the right choice. it seems in life certain things are considered to be life events. going off to college. graduating college. getting your first full time job and i would consider the job right after your first one would qualify too. before you were the dumbstruck college graduate who wasn't sure what they wanted to do career wise and was just happy to be even given a job offer. now you're a little bit older and wiser and dare i say more picky and don't need to jump at the first job that comes your way as you've spent a couple years in corporate america and actually possess some skills that are deemed desirable in the workplace. it's a nice feeling knowing you have options.

i would say it takes someone who's actually gone through public to really truly understand what those first couple of years are like. it's a rite of passage and creates instantaneous bonding with others you meet. most of the time anyways. some people have described the experience as:

"The last form of slavery in the US. This is where many young people begin careers and work 115 hours a week until they either quit or die from exhaustion. Former employees often have scarred backs from the whip marks."

"An environment/hell, in which the term 'work-life balance' is used to convince bright, young professionals to accept jobs. Once on the other side, it becomes apparent very fast that it doesn't exist, but the majority of employees stay, because the managers continue to say they are "working" to improve 'work-life balance'"

all of which i wholeheartedly agree with and would think many of my co-workers would confirm as well but yet even with the hours and the stress and the lack of social life at some points there's still a part of me who recognize the experience ive learned and will miss it. but most of all, im most grateful for the friends that ive made. lifelong friends as a matter of fact and without them i'd probably be going insane at the moment. what other job will you find 120 freshly graduated college students all starting at the same time and then thrown out onto clients and somehow managing? i could probably count on one hand the number of people still left today from my start group and im almost willing to bet that within one or two more years, they'll all be gone as well.

why? because sooner or later you realize you don't want to be slaving away late at night and on weekends anymore and even the gratification of meeting your deadlines doesn't do it for you anymore. and as more and more friends leave and you hear about the "other side" you can't help but wonder why you continue to toil away late into the night but at much less pay. and as you look around some more and see managers who all seem to have aged so fast and work hellish hours day in and day out and you have got to think to yourself, is this really what i want to be doing the next couple of years?

i think not so it is with great sadness that im putting this chapter of my life behind me but also great excitment as ill be moving on to pretty much what i imagined my ideal job to be if i ever left. it's located in sf, laidback atmostphere including my boss which is a double plus and best of all, it's for a cosmetics company and really what girl hasn't thought about working in retail to take advantage of discounts? and yes i get good ones so it should be fun. and a special thanks to mr pio roda and mr marshman for the constant encouragement and helping me to see the light. who knows i may even be able to start making dinner plans on a weekday now...something i hardly ever did before.

dating pedigree. it used to be that who you used to date in the past really didn't matter as you grew up mainly because you're young and stupid and tend to fall for the "wrong" type of guys/girls but then as you blossom and mature, one would hope your dating pedigree would increase as well. or in my case, you find out one of your ex's is married with a kid at the age of 24 and then happen to come across one of his pictures on the internet one day only to recoil in horror at the fat hoodlum he has become. not a pretty sight i tell you.

but who you date can really affect how another person perceives you. at least more so now as one gets older and your circle of friends isn't expanding quite as rapidly as before. you all know what im talking about here. you see a normal average looking guy for example and wouldn't really think twice about him being a potential person to date but then you find out that he used to date a girl that you think is hot/cool/fun and you do a quick double-take. he got her?!?! you think maybe you're missing something and just like that he's made it onto your list of potentials. this scenario works vice versa as well.

you date someone who others find annoying or what not and the question forever raised is what did he see in her? immediately your view of him changes a bit and that initial spark of interest may very well disappear. it's happened to me although im not quite sure why i hold this level of snobbery in my mind since i don't seem to have the best track record either. let's see, ive had ex's who became very possessive, brainwashed me to the point where yes i thought it would be ok to climb out my second story window in the middle of the night to stay in a motel, dated a drug dealer who landed in military jail not once but twice and a guy who was just a plain deadbeat and never went to class and the entire time was trying to get back together with his ex. yes siree bob...im on the winning track here.

so...the moral of the story here is be careful of who you date. even if it only lasts for a couple of months the stigma whether positive or negative will stay with you for quite some time. this is all assuming of course that your friends are privy to meet them. or i suppose you can just date in secret and no one will be ever the wiser.

i went to a fob party last night. and when i say fob i do mean fob. fob as in everyone around me was speaking chinese and it was the first time that i heard chinese music being played at a club. actual chinese music...that doesn't even happen at clubs in taiwan. and to top it all off, i even danced to it. some guy rented out the entire club for his birthday and sometime in the middle of the night he got up on the stairs and started to do a little strip tease. word of advice - unless you workout and have a nice body, i would say that's probably not the greatest idea especially when you're a little skinny asian guy wearing an all white outfit.

now normally i tend to make lots of little wisecracks about fobs, but not about my favorite fob grace of course, but last night i myself became a fob. for a couple of hours anyways. and i loved it. usually i get pretty intimidated speaking chinese to many people family excluded because it's embarrassing how horrible i am at it, but once the alcohol was flowing my mandarin came tumbling out as if i had just left chinese school. not quite but you get the drift. i even made a friend. we were spewing chinese back and forth all night long and she ended up giving me her email and cell phone number. could this be my foray into the fob world? doubtful but nevertheless i think i'll go home and pull out my alex to and jackie cd's.

grace would be so proud of me. now i know the secret to hanging out with her friends, drink beforehand and i'll fit right in. until i start speaking of course. but someone actually thought my american accent was cute. now i really wish i never cheated on tests during chinese school and paid more attention.

psp. the playstation portable. yesterday marked its midnight release and for someone who's not all that into video games, i certainly was in great anticipation of this event. well there was a time when i was very into video games but im more a fan of the contra and bubble bobble days. except for virtual tennis 2 of course. i love that game...unless i'm losing because i quickly turn into quite the sore loser and have been known to throw little temper tantrums.

it's sad when you're working so much that the highlight of my week thus far was getting off work at 11pm and instead of cabbing it home, i purposely took the muni just so i could see what all the hoopla was about. and it was well worth it. there were spotlights out front, loud music blaring to keep the crowd pumped up, several news stations outside and lines wrapped around the building. the same people who i had just seen earlier that morning were still there, the true die-hards as they say. and as expected they were asian of course.

i wonder, did the release of the nintendo ds receive this much fanfare? im new to this waiting overnight for a game console thing but apparently when the playstation 2 came out, it was even worse. i had a friend who stayed with me a couple of weeks ago who owned the nintendo ds and after playing a couple of games, i wasn't all that impressed. he showed me some game where you have to blow into the console to get the sailboat to move but all it really resulted in was me spitting on his screen. and the psp looks nicer too...sleek while the nintendo one is a little bulky.

this reminds me, our annual video game tournament should be coming up soon. i better start practicing my virtual tennis now.

ever since i returned from my trip to new york a couple of weeks ago i've been loving living in sf even more. as much fun as new york is i think i can only take it in small doses. hands down the best thing about my trip to ny this last time was definitely the press toast thanks to leslie and sharon. why i've never had it before i have no idea but it's so damn good and it certainly shut me up for a good fifteen minutes or so while eating it. but i think the cramped spaces and the over crowdness of ny has made me appreciate being in sf even more. now i am loving our apartment, loving where it's located and loving walking to the muni station every morning. my ipod may have a bit of influence in this too since i'm loving the shuffle feature but i honestly could not be more happier right now with my living situation.

however, my month of bliss just got even better last night. for those who know me, you know i am a shopaholic. i can't help it. when i first moved up to sf a little while ago, i went a little crazy on the expenses but after that first month i really tried my hardest to keep it under check. i was doing pretty well too what with commuting down to san jose and then being shipped off to the east coast leaving me no time to shop although now that i think about it, i did shop quite a lot in new york. but anyways, now that i am back working on my sf client, my muni stop on the way home drops me off right in front of a huge shopping mall surrounded by a gap, urban outfitters, anthropologie, french connection and the list goes on. you can imagine what this means for a shopaholic like me. and i've been on quite a bit of a shopping spree of late too. although in my defense i did end up returning some of the items.

but yesterday on my way home, i was about to walk past my shops as usual being the good girl that i am but and this is a big but...out of the corner of my eye what do i see. a three story grand opening of forever 21. no joke...three stories. i got so excited and had to duck in for a quick look around knowing i'd be back the next day to look some more. it was definitely the highlight of my week so far and it's only tuesday.

on top of all this, a h&m is opening up this fall in the same area which is just going to kill me. i've never lived walking distance to so many shops before...all a mere four blocks away! needless to say, i am even more so on cloud nine and it's fabulous. i love it.

evites. i personally love them. they've been around quite a while but it wasn't until the past year or so that i've noticed people using them in abundance. it used to be really just limited to birthday gatherings but now there's evites for dinners, superbowl sundays, snowboarding trips, golf tournaments even for a wedding. as great as this invention is, there is one aspect of evites that just drives me nuts.

and to what am i referring to? i am referring to those who view and have no response. ever. for those who have ever created an evite you know that as an "owner" you are able to see just who exactly has viewed the evite and the date of viewing. you can tell if the person has checked it everyday or not checked it at all. to me, if you've checked it even once, the polite thing to do is to come back and respond sometime before the event takes place. all it takes is two clicks of the mouse. scroll your cursor over to no and hit enter. voila. simple as that. that would be so much better than doing nothing at all.

we all know that once you read an evite, you pretty much have an idea if you're going to go or not. someone had to go to all the trouble to think of you, add your email to the evite and has in essence almost created a personal invitiation to attend. so not responding is just a big no no. there are those i know who like to wait a couple days to respond to not seem desperate which is perfectly fine by my book but the key here is you must respond eventually. when i'm hosting an evite, i like to get a 100% response factor. very type-a i know but if i notice that someone hasn't checked at all, i get worried. i'll go out of the way to maybe shoot a quick online message to see if they've checked their email recently or perhaps there's a second email address i could send it to.

i make a personal point for each evite i get to make sure i respond. i wouldn't want to be a hypocrite now. i myself have a mental list of those who i know will respond timely and those who will check the evite every so often but never respond. it may seem like such an innocent thing but i'm telling you...your vote matters. so please next time you receive an evite in your inbox, be sure to make it a point to respond one way or the other. otherwise you will stay on my shit list forever. not really but you get the drift.

i did it. i finally caved and joined the masses. i watched as my friends dropped one by one while i debated internally should i or shouldn't i. and just one month ago i finally thought i had closed the deal on the whole dilemma when i decided once and for all, i am not getting one but here i am...just a little while later and a proud new owner of a silver mini ipod. with a silver hard case to match. now i know what you're going to say. what the hell took you so long. or why the mini and not the regular and for a while there, i was convinced if i was to get an ipod it had to be a regular because my friends i was brainwashed. brainwashed into thinking the regular was the only way to go but now that i have my mini and am loving it i am so glad i decided what i did. although you may want to ask me later when i've reached my max songs and will be in need of an upgrade.

for the longest time i was under the impression that an ipod would be lost on me. a waste if you will as i was never much into downloading music or was never all that into electronic gadgets as my other half is. up until this past year i was still using my walkman which only played tapes as my gym accessory and sam would lend me her cd player for long flights and i'd tote my cd's around with me. but a couple of things have changed from that time to the present.

for one, i moved in with jon g who was constantly downloading songs to his laptop and when he finally showed me, i realized it really is as easy as one two step. goodies was my song of the moment for a long long time...you can roll your eyes now if you'd like. two i decided my tape walkman was way too bulky and decided to invest in a mp3 player and after much research by my twin i purchased the creative muvo and this my friend was the beginning. the thing was so damn easy to use and once i was able to walk around the city with music in my ears, i was one happy girl. however, i quickly came to realize forty songs was not so much when you're commuting to san jose each day on the train but i stuck with it.

then bren informed me he was able to get a student discount on the mini ipod (pink was not an option, only silver or green) and well this was just the final straw. i gave the go ahead to purchase and after a short wait list the mini ipod is mine. i used it all the way on my flight to new jersey yesterday and i am in love. even with the white earphones...they fit my ears so perfectly! well at least the left one does, the right one hurts after a little while. in either case i have no complaints and can not wait to get home to start transferring my music!

now i just need to decide whether i should keep my muvo or not.

today has been a very exciting day for me and it really couldn't have come at a better time. for the past two weeks my life has been nothing but work and while it's expected during busy season and i knew it was coming, it's still a shock to your system especially right after a peaceful two week vacation of doing nothing. in the past week i've really only seen jon g once well twice if you count today and his little blunder this morning but to give him his credit, he too has been working till late into the night including this past weekend. all while he's downing the nyquil at home too. we're great assets to corporate america aren't we.

but back to my good news. back in june of 2004 i had posted an entry about this 19 year old guy i had met on my flight to la who was being sent to iraq and was so touched that i felt compelled to get his email address and send him a care package. but as fate would have it, he didn't have an email address at that time so instead he gave me his mom's email. a little awkward since was i really going to email his mom but what did i care really. he was after all going to iraq so email i did. as soon as i returned home from the weekend, i shot off a nice little email to the mom and heard nothing. a couple months passed and normally i would of just let it go but i really did want to find out how he was doing so i wrote another short email and again got nothing. months passed and today finally, seven months later, i got a response and this is what his mom wrote:

Hello [insert my name here], Im [insert his name here] mom, He finally has his e-mail up and running, he is still in Iraq, I was able to forward your message to him, his e-mail adress is [insert email address here]. He had asked me to watch for your e-mail, I hope you will be able to get in touch with each other. sincerely, [insert mom's name here]

i really could not contain my excitement. i guess a little persistence does pay off and well at least it shows she doesn't think i'm a stalker chick. i hope anyways. i shared the story with my co-workers (three girls mind you) and they all said it was a touching story and one even almost teared up a little. in any case, i am in a fantastic mood and i'm hoping i will be able to send off my little care package eventually. i read somewhere that the things they need the most are everyday toiletries such as toothpaste, travel size shampoo, beef jerkey and most importantly, baby wipes.

and to top this all off, one of my co-workers said i was charming yesterday. go me.

i went to my first "adult" dinner over the weekend and what an experience it was. mr marshman and i were invited to mr pio roda's place for a nice homecooked meal on a friday night and it was everything i thought it would be and more. is that saying too much? it's pretty much how i would want my apartment to look when i settle down and get a place of my own. meaning i'm still in the ikea stage of my life while he has moved on to pottery barn. everything matched perfectly. there was a nice ambiance to the room with candles set up on the fireplace, on top of the tv...somewhat similar to a model home in my mind. dinner plates were set complete with napkin holders, coasters and wine glasses but the one thing i was most impressed with was the wine markers. i've never really seen them before and wasn't really sure what to do with them (you mean you don't drop it into the wine glass?) which made me feel a little foolish but i am now officially in love with them. i think i will buy myself a set for when i have company over. which won't be for a while yet.

i felt so sophisticated the whole night...me holding my wine glass while discussing the brad pitt and jennifer aniston break-up all the while popping hors d'oeuvers decorated with little japanese umbrellas into my mouth. i wish i could remember what they were called. between the six of us we polished off four bottles of wine. two white, one red and a dessert wine. i'm just now starting to get into wine and it was as if i was attending my very own wine tasting. everything was just perfect except that we didn't get a chance to play cranium but no matter because that just gives me another reason to go visit. my goal is to hold a dinner party of my own one of these coming months but after my disastrous attempt tonight in trying to make the stir-fry chicken with pineapples i think that i may need to wait a little longer.

i received this fabulous chinese wok cookbook for xmas (from the same person who shall remain anonymous but who also got me my blogger t-shirt) and due to the simple recipes, big pictures and minimal ingredients i was convinced this was the dream cookbook i've been looking for all these years. finally i will be able to make chinese dishes like my mom. while it still is my dream cookbook my first attempt tonight did not turn out so hot. jon g can attest to this. first i put too much cornstarch into my chicken making it turn out lumpy. second i completely forgot about the chicken and ended up having to cook it hastily at the end and third i accidentally used crushed canned pineapples instead of pineapple cubes which apparently makes a big difference and made my dish turn out a little funny looking. so funny looking in fact that jon g only tried one bite and deemed it my worst to date yet. how depressing but i vow to keep on chugging. that and i bought bean sprouts last night for use in another recipe but was so demoralized by my failure tonight that i will wait until tomorrow to attempt cooking again.

oh and obviously i decided not to quit blogging. i still have some topics to discuss and well i musn't let my few fans down. they are a loyal bunch. and it isn't everyday i'm able to get the big three (marshman, wallace and pio roda) to all comment on the same post.

blogs. they're a funny thing. i know lots of people who have blogs but then there are others who can't possibly fathom why on earth anyone would even want to blog about their personal life but to me...blogs are a way for me to keep in touch with my friends and to hear about the daily things going on in their lives that you probably otherwise wouldn't know about. or more recently it's become monthly things as people are not updating as frequently as they used to. without blogs how else would i know that connie baked over 1,500 cookies and amit just finished finals and that pz's room is a mess or that hong shaved and jon analyzes everything down to magnolia cupcakes or vu's transfer to san diego went through and that des had eggnog and jello shots at work. it's a nice way of keeping in touch with your friends even if you don't talk very often or see each other all that much.

however i've been reading my archives recently and well this is quite disturbing but i've determined that my writing skills are horrible. there may be one or two good entries here and there but for the most part, i was literally cringing while i was reading. how is it that i never knew just how terrible my writing is? why didn't anyone tell me. and to think i got an A in honors english back in the day! to remedy this there are really only three options. the first is to blog on as if i never had this revelation and let my readers deal with it...all three of them. the second is to not blog at all so i don't embarrass myself any further and finally the third is to try to change the way i write but i've ruled this one out since i don't think i could even if i wanted to. so it comes down to choice one or two. i'll have to ponder this. i'm not sure if i'm quite ready to give up blogging forever but my writing! oh my writing! what to do what to do.

but oh how i do love getting comments. i tried to leave a comment for a friend once only to find out that i couldn't and when i inquired, i was informed that he had turned them off. turned off your comments? who would do such a thing? his reasoning was that he no longer wanted to blog just for the comments and only blog for himself. a very bold move in my eyes and admirable. something i could never do since part of the fun in blogging at times is to see what type of comments one will get.

and so a couple of days here before christmas a light bulb has gone off in my head and my blog hangs in limbo. so sad really. good thing i wasn't an english major.

i never thought i would say this but i love summit new jersey! yes that's right. summit new jersey. i was sent here last week in what was supposed to be a three week stay but well we were just too damn efficient so i come back after just a little over a week. and while i was glad to be going home a little part of me wished i could of stayed the entire time. my co-workers were fun, the hotel was old but nice complete with a cookie and a bottle of water waiting for you upon your return, dinners were filled with appetizers, entree, dessert and the occassional wine and get this, i was working eight hour days. something i'm not quite used to and has opened my eyes to just how many hours in a day there is. i actually had time after work to workout at the local ymca, eat a long ass dinner and still go back to my hotel to work a little bit more before i called it a night. it's so freaking great. i could of totally gotten used to this.

everything we did was literally within a ten block radius if not less. i'd sleep in, hop into the car to drive down the street to the client and look forward to lunch where there were no chain restaurants not even a mcdonald's and meals were never repeated at the same place. i even ate breakfast everyday as in a real american breakfast with eggs, bacon, french toast and topped off with a glass of good for your bones milk. something i haven't done in a long long time. not only that but everyone was so damn nice. it kind of caught me off guard but people said hi and good morning to you on the streets, the parking attendant wished us a good day and the receptionist wrote us a laundry list of restaurants to try once they found out we were from out of town.

as if that wasn't enough, the weekend was spent taking the train into manhattan to hang out with enid where she took me to a bunch of restaurants including finally finally nobu next door...a place i've always wanted to go ever since i saw morimoto's special on food network and it was as good as i thought it would be. a visit of course wouldn't be complete without a shopping trip in soho, went to some bar called milk and honey where you actually have to call in for a reservation and once confirmed, go to some door in the middle of nowhere and you're standing outside wondering how the hell to get in when the buzzer unexpectedly rings and you enter a small dimly lit bar with maybe six or seven booths and where the drinks are stiff. ha. i've always wanted to say that. then she took me to some club called pressure where the first floor is filled with dressed to kill new yorkers bowling. yes bowling with neon bowling pins. trippy. then it was off to another club called plaid where the guys and girls were damn aggressive but the music was good and everyone was dancing their little tails off.

and well now i'm going back. as i'm writing this i'm sitting on a plane bound for sfo and i'm actually starting to get excited. excited because i get to sleep in my own bed tonight and it'll give me a chance to calm my eczema bumps and while it was great eating such great meals all the time, i'm pretty sick of it at the moment. mainly because i'm coming home a little chubbier and a little rounder and all i'm really craving now is an orange. but the stay won't be too long as i'm back for round two this weekend in new york but this time jon will be there as well so really that just means more eating and the inevitable comment from my mom when i get home that i look just a little more "healthier"...my key word to start the workouts.

passwords. these days everything is password protected. want to open up a paypal account? user id and password please. want to order books or even better shoes online? password please. while i understand the need for privacy especially in this day and age, at times i worry. i worry that something unexpected will happen and no one will know how to access my email or how to access my bank accounts or know where my money is kept and how to claim it. of course that's what beneficiaries are designated for but there is always the what if.

i've always wanted to email someone all of my information. the password to my email accounts. the password to my bank accounts. a listing of what life insurances i have and the places that my money is kept. everything but to this date i haven't been able to do it. mainly because i fear having them check my email from time to time. or taking a quick peek to see how much money i have in the bank. i feel like the temptation would just be too great to resist and i'm not yet ready to take that risk. but on a practical standpoint shouldn't i? i feel as if i should create an informal will. the list wouldn't be long as i don't really have that many different bank or email accounts but at least i would know that someone out there if they needed to would have access. for some strange reason or another that would give me peace of mind. but who?

i've always wondered what other people do. do they just deal with it when the time comes? are they such a close knit family that they already know everything they need to know about each other? or do they already have that certain someone who knows all? i've only given out my password once before and well it was under very different circumstances and it pretty much came back to bite me in the ass but i won't go into details. i wonder...do married couples know each other's passwords? maybe that is the answer to my question. wait until i get married although at the rate i'm going it could be a while.

everyone says the 20's are the best years of your life and so far i'd have to agree so i think that is why i have this fear of creeping towards my 30's and the big 3-0 is not too far away. i wonder, is there a turning point when you no longer think of yourself as a big kid and start acting and being more grown up? i myself feel no closer to wanting to go out less and settling down and for some reason or other i'm starting to feel the pressure. this in itself is pretty mind boggling to me because really besides my mom no one else has ever really bugged me about this and yet, i feel it. i see 30 as being the magic age for when a girl should either be engaged or married and when i look back on my past four years, it seems to have blown by in a blur so my next four will probably be the same.

it probably doesn't help that i seem to have become quite jaded in my outlook on marriage. i really can't imagine at this point wanting to spend forty plus years with just one person and ultimately doesn't it all just become dull in the long run anyways? it must i feel. i watched desperate housewives the other day and although it's sad that most marriages result in divorce, affairs and custody battles over kids it's reality and the way it is. although i still do hold the belief that my marriage will work out sucessfully the odds aren't working in my favor. not to mention that i'm not all that crazy about kids either. i don't seem to have a maternal bone in my body. back in my early twenties i used to think that it would just come to me but now i'm not so sure. i don't find babies adorable. cute at times but only if they have chubby cheeks. to me they're annoying and always need constant attention and what i'd really like to do is just plop them down in front of the tv so they won't bother me. i could possibly never get married at the rate i'm going.

and yet i'm a sap for those cheesy love stories and i love it when i'm in the mode of really liking someone and thinking about them all the time and looking forward to their phone calls and the little butterflies in your stomache...i dig all of that but it never lasts too long. either they get bored or i get bored. as i told my friend the other night, i tend to like guys who are assholes. or rather i like to say guys with asshole tendencies. yes there is a big difference. the ones who don't call when they say they will. the ones who go out and party all night long and get into drunken stupors all the time. the ones who cancel dates on you at the last minute when you've been looking forward to it all day long. and then they'll turn around and do something completely nice and unexpected and you soak in it for as long as you can. these are the ones who in my past i've been crazy about and have inevitably been dumped by only to have them come back months or years later to tell me that they regretted it. not like that does me any good. these days, i'm content with hanging out with friends and if possible, it would be nice to find someone who liked going out just as much as me but at the same time still had all of their shit together. now that shouldn't be so hard should it?

what i'm really trying to say is i don't see why everyone who have hit their mid twenties suddenly become in a rush to meet someone because really these are the only years you're allowed to do whatever you want and be completely selfish and why wouldn't you want to extend that out for a few more years if possible but with society these days, it seems to be a big taboo and that's what i'm struggling with.

my penchant for drinking has been the talks of late and i think maybe just maybe i'm starting to see what the fuss is all about. just maybe though. my internet guru pointed out to me earlier today an entry i had written back on january 27, 2002. more than two and a half years ago.

"and i kept to my resolution of not drinking. not even one sip. i haven't gone clubbing where i was sober in a while and i must say, it dawned on me how sleazy clubbing really is. watching guys hit on girls who have no clue what is going on and seeing everyone, girls mainly, throwing up everywhere...on the floor, in the bathroom...so not sanitary. towards the end of the night, i was ready to leave and as i was watching drunk people spill out of the club, i kept thinking this is what i was like just last week. very embarrassing."

the thing is i read this and can still remember distinctively how i felt watching those girls fall all over themselves and stumbling around in their high heels and having to be helped out of the club and puking their guts out on the sidewalk and well i've become one of those girls. it used to just be sometimes but these days it's turning more into a routine event. i'm sure my friends can recount to you the countless times i've cut everyone's night short due to my puking or attitudes of insisting on walking on the sidewalk without shoes and while it always made for a fun time i can't remember shit the next morning. welcome to the world of blackouts. something i've never really had a problem with and thought it was pretty normal until recently. personally i don't see what the fuss is all about. it's bound to happen if you drink enough but i suppose if i wasn't surrounded by friends who watch over me, i would not be so nonchalant about it as i am now.

it's not as if i'm an alcoholic because personally that stuff tastes like shit. no way around it but the problem is when i go out these days, i really can't go sober. or at least i prefer not to. i need to be slightly buzzed at a minimum in order to maximize my fun. now what's wrong with that? nothing i was told except and this is a big except at the ripe old age of 26 i still don't know what my limit is. some nights i can go out and have ten shots and be perfectly fine. other nights i have half that and am puking my shitake mushrooms out whole on the sidewalk. nice picture isn't it?

so what to do what to do. i can't very well not drink anymore and i can't very well not go out and we all know going out and drinking go hand in hand. especially when one lives in the city. the thing is and this is why shit talking always comes back to bite you in the ass (and yes if you can believe it, i'm trying not to shit talk as much now either although frankly i don't see it as shit talking. it's more being honest and telling it as how you see it but too bad not everyone agrees). anyways i always used to hate those who went out and got assed out every single time we went clubbing because well someone always had to babysit and it was just annoying and although i don't think i've quite reached that level yet (i mean come on, you can't count my birthday. that's a get out of jail free card for sure) i'm going to make an effort to maybe just maybe watch how much i'm drinking and not go in with the mentality that i need to get fucked up right away (bring on the shots!) and we'll go from there. because really at my age i really shouldn't be doing that shit anymore but at the same time i need to find a happy medium to get all this out of my system before i'm forced to settle down. and that my friend is my blog for the day.