Da Curious

my penchant for drinking has been the talks of late and i think maybe just maybe i'm starting to see what the fuss is all about. just maybe though. my internet guru pointed out to me earlier today an entry i had written back on january 27, 2002. more than two and a half years ago.

"and i kept to my resolution of not drinking. not even one sip. i haven't gone clubbing where i was sober in a while and i must say, it dawned on me how sleazy clubbing really is. watching guys hit on girls who have no clue what is going on and seeing everyone, girls mainly, throwing up everywhere...on the floor, in the bathroom...so not sanitary. towards the end of the night, i was ready to leave and as i was watching drunk people spill out of the club, i kept thinking this is what i was like just last week. very embarrassing."

the thing is i read this and can still remember distinctively how i felt watching those girls fall all over themselves and stumbling around in their high heels and having to be helped out of the club and puking their guts out on the sidewalk and well i've become one of those girls. it used to just be sometimes but these days it's turning more into a routine event. i'm sure my friends can recount to you the countless times i've cut everyone's night short due to my puking or attitudes of insisting on walking on the sidewalk without shoes and while it always made for a fun time i can't remember shit the next morning. welcome to the world of blackouts. something i've never really had a problem with and thought it was pretty normal until recently. personally i don't see what the fuss is all about. it's bound to happen if you drink enough but i suppose if i wasn't surrounded by friends who watch over me, i would not be so nonchalant about it as i am now.

it's not as if i'm an alcoholic because personally that stuff tastes like shit. no way around it but the problem is when i go out these days, i really can't go sober. or at least i prefer not to. i need to be slightly buzzed at a minimum in order to maximize my fun. now what's wrong with that? nothing i was told except and this is a big except at the ripe old age of 26 i still don't know what my limit is. some nights i can go out and have ten shots and be perfectly fine. other nights i have half that and am puking my shitake mushrooms out whole on the sidewalk. nice picture isn't it?

so what to do what to do. i can't very well not drink anymore and i can't very well not go out and we all know going out and drinking go hand in hand. especially when one lives in the city. the thing is and this is why shit talking always comes back to bite you in the ass (and yes if you can believe it, i'm trying not to shit talk as much now either although frankly i don't see it as shit talking. it's more being honest and telling it as how you see it but too bad not everyone agrees). anyways i always used to hate those who went out and got assed out every single time we went clubbing because well someone always had to babysit and it was just annoying and although i don't think i've quite reached that level yet (i mean come on, you can't count my birthday. that's a get out of jail free card for sure) i'm going to make an effort to maybe just maybe watch how much i'm drinking and not go in with the mentality that i need to get fucked up right away (bring on the shots!) and we'll go from there. because really at my age i really shouldn't be doing that shit anymore but at the same time i need to find a happy medium to get all this out of my system before i'm forced to settle down. and that my friend is my blog for the day.