psp. the playstation portable. yesterday marked its midnight release and for someone who's not all that into video games, i certainly was in great anticipation of this event. well there was a time when i was very into video games but im more a fan of the contra and bubble bobble days. except for virtual tennis 2 of course. i love that game...unless i'm losing because i quickly turn into quite the sore loser and have been known to throw little temper tantrums.

it's sad when you're working so much that the highlight of my week thus far was getting off work at 11pm and instead of cabbing it home, i purposely took the muni just so i could see what all the hoopla was about. and it was well worth it. there were spotlights out front, loud music blaring to keep the crowd pumped up, several news stations outside and lines wrapped around the building. the same people who i had just seen earlier that morning were still there, the true die-hards as they say. and as expected they were asian of course.

i wonder, did the release of the nintendo ds receive this much fanfare? im new to this waiting overnight for a game console thing but apparently when the playstation 2 came out, it was even worse. i had a friend who stayed with me a couple of weeks ago who owned the nintendo ds and after playing a couple of games, i wasn't all that impressed. he showed me some game where you have to blow into the console to get the sailboat to move but all it really resulted in was me spitting on his screen. and the psp looks nicer too...sleek while the nintendo one is a little bulky.

this reminds me, our annual video game tournament should be coming up soon. i better start practicing my virtual tennis now.

ever since i returned from my trip to new york a couple of weeks ago i've been loving living in sf even more. as much fun as new york is i think i can only take it in small doses. hands down the best thing about my trip to ny this last time was definitely the press toast thanks to leslie and sharon. why i've never had it before i have no idea but it's so damn good and it certainly shut me up for a good fifteen minutes or so while eating it. but i think the cramped spaces and the over crowdness of ny has made me appreciate being in sf even more. now i am loving our apartment, loving where it's located and loving walking to the muni station every morning. my ipod may have a bit of influence in this too since i'm loving the shuffle feature but i honestly could not be more happier right now with my living situation.

however, my month of bliss just got even better last night. for those who know me, you know i am a shopaholic. i can't help it. when i first moved up to sf a little while ago, i went a little crazy on the expenses but after that first month i really tried my hardest to keep it under check. i was doing pretty well too what with commuting down to san jose and then being shipped off to the east coast leaving me no time to shop although now that i think about it, i did shop quite a lot in new york. but anyways, now that i am back working on my sf client, my muni stop on the way home drops me off right in front of a huge shopping mall surrounded by a gap, urban outfitters, anthropologie, french connection and the list goes on. you can imagine what this means for a shopaholic like me. and i've been on quite a bit of a shopping spree of late too. although in my defense i did end up returning some of the items.

but yesterday on my way home, i was about to walk past my shops as usual being the good girl that i am but and this is a big but...out of the corner of my eye what do i see. a three story grand opening of forever 21. no joke...three stories. i got so excited and had to duck in for a quick look around knowing i'd be back the next day to look some more. it was definitely the highlight of my week so far and it's only tuesday.

on top of all this, a h&m is opening up this fall in the same area which is just going to kill me. i've never lived walking distance to so many shops before...all a mere four blocks away! needless to say, i am even more so on cloud nine and it's fabulous. i love it.

evites. i personally love them. they've been around quite a while but it wasn't until the past year or so that i've noticed people using them in abundance. it used to be really just limited to birthday gatherings but now there's evites for dinners, superbowl sundays, snowboarding trips, golf tournaments even for a wedding. as great as this invention is, there is one aspect of evites that just drives me nuts.

and to what am i referring to? i am referring to those who view and have no response. ever. for those who have ever created an evite you know that as an "owner" you are able to see just who exactly has viewed the evite and the date of viewing. you can tell if the person has checked it everyday or not checked it at all. to me, if you've checked it even once, the polite thing to do is to come back and respond sometime before the event takes place. all it takes is two clicks of the mouse. scroll your cursor over to no and hit enter. voila. simple as that. that would be so much better than doing nothing at all.

we all know that once you read an evite, you pretty much have an idea if you're going to go or not. someone had to go to all the trouble to think of you, add your email to the evite and has in essence almost created a personal invitiation to attend. so not responding is just a big no no. there are those i know who like to wait a couple days to respond to not seem desperate which is perfectly fine by my book but the key here is you must respond eventually. when i'm hosting an evite, i like to get a 100% response factor. very type-a i know but if i notice that someone hasn't checked at all, i get worried. i'll go out of the way to maybe shoot a quick online message to see if they've checked their email recently or perhaps there's a second email address i could send it to.

i make a personal point for each evite i get to make sure i respond. i wouldn't want to be a hypocrite now. i myself have a mental list of those who i know will respond timely and those who will check the evite every so often but never respond. it may seem like such an innocent thing but i'm telling you...your vote matters. so please next time you receive an evite in your inbox, be sure to make it a point to respond one way or the other. otherwise you will stay on my shit list forever. not really but you get the drift.

i did it. i finally caved and joined the masses. i watched as my friends dropped one by one while i debated internally should i or shouldn't i. and just one month ago i finally thought i had closed the deal on the whole dilemma when i decided once and for all, i am not getting one but here i am...just a little while later and a proud new owner of a silver mini ipod. with a silver hard case to match. now i know what you're going to say. what the hell took you so long. or why the mini and not the regular and for a while there, i was convinced if i was to get an ipod it had to be a regular because my friends i was brainwashed. brainwashed into thinking the regular was the only way to go but now that i have my mini and am loving it i am so glad i decided what i did. although you may want to ask me later when i've reached my max songs and will be in need of an upgrade.

for the longest time i was under the impression that an ipod would be lost on me. a waste if you will as i was never much into downloading music or was never all that into electronic gadgets as my other half is. up until this past year i was still using my walkman which only played tapes as my gym accessory and sam would lend me her cd player for long flights and i'd tote my cd's around with me. but a couple of things have changed from that time to the present.

for one, i moved in with jon g who was constantly downloading songs to his laptop and when he finally showed me, i realized it really is as easy as one two step. goodies was my song of the moment for a long long time...you can roll your eyes now if you'd like. two i decided my tape walkman was way too bulky and decided to invest in a mp3 player and after much research by my twin i purchased the creative muvo and this my friend was the beginning. the thing was so damn easy to use and once i was able to walk around the city with music in my ears, i was one happy girl. however, i quickly came to realize forty songs was not so much when you're commuting to san jose each day on the train but i stuck with it.

then bren informed me he was able to get a student discount on the mini ipod (pink was not an option, only silver or green) and well this was just the final straw. i gave the go ahead to purchase and after a short wait list the mini ipod is mine. i used it all the way on my flight to new jersey yesterday and i am in love. even with the white earphones...they fit my ears so perfectly! well at least the left one does, the right one hurts after a little while. in either case i have no complaints and can not wait to get home to start transferring my music!

now i just need to decide whether i should keep my muvo or not.

today has been a very exciting day for me and it really couldn't have come at a better time. for the past two weeks my life has been nothing but work and while it's expected during busy season and i knew it was coming, it's still a shock to your system especially right after a peaceful two week vacation of doing nothing. in the past week i've really only seen jon g once well twice if you count today and his little blunder this morning but to give him his credit, he too has been working till late into the night including this past weekend. all while he's downing the nyquil at home too. we're great assets to corporate america aren't we.

but back to my good news. back in june of 2004 i had posted an entry about this 19 year old guy i had met on my flight to la who was being sent to iraq and was so touched that i felt compelled to get his email address and send him a care package. but as fate would have it, he didn't have an email address at that time so instead he gave me his mom's email. a little awkward since was i really going to email his mom but what did i care really. he was after all going to iraq so email i did. as soon as i returned home from the weekend, i shot off a nice little email to the mom and heard nothing. a couple months passed and normally i would of just let it go but i really did want to find out how he was doing so i wrote another short email and again got nothing. months passed and today finally, seven months later, i got a response and this is what his mom wrote:

Hello [insert my name here], Im [insert his name here] mom, He finally has his e-mail up and running, he is still in Iraq, I was able to forward your message to him, his e-mail adress is [insert email address here]. He had asked me to watch for your e-mail, I hope you will be able to get in touch with each other. sincerely, [insert mom's name here]

i really could not contain my excitement. i guess a little persistence does pay off and well at least it shows she doesn't think i'm a stalker chick. i hope anyways. i shared the story with my co-workers (three girls mind you) and they all said it was a touching story and one even almost teared up a little. in any case, i am in a fantastic mood and i'm hoping i will be able to send off my little care package eventually. i read somewhere that the things they need the most are everyday toiletries such as toothpaste, travel size shampoo, beef jerkey and most importantly, baby wipes.

and to top this all off, one of my co-workers said i was charming yesterday. go me.

i went to my first "adult" dinner over the weekend and what an experience it was. mr marshman and i were invited to mr pio roda's place for a nice homecooked meal on a friday night and it was everything i thought it would be and more. is that saying too much? it's pretty much how i would want my apartment to look when i settle down and get a place of my own. meaning i'm still in the ikea stage of my life while he has moved on to pottery barn. everything matched perfectly. there was a nice ambiance to the room with candles set up on the fireplace, on top of the tv...somewhat similar to a model home in my mind. dinner plates were set complete with napkin holders, coasters and wine glasses but the one thing i was most impressed with was the wine markers. i've never really seen them before and wasn't really sure what to do with them (you mean you don't drop it into the wine glass?) which made me feel a little foolish but i am now officially in love with them. i think i will buy myself a set for when i have company over. which won't be for a while yet.

i felt so sophisticated the whole night...me holding my wine glass while discussing the brad pitt and jennifer aniston break-up all the while popping hors d'oeuvers decorated with little japanese umbrellas into my mouth. i wish i could remember what they were called. between the six of us we polished off four bottles of wine. two white, one red and a dessert wine. i'm just now starting to get into wine and it was as if i was attending my very own wine tasting. everything was just perfect except that we didn't get a chance to play cranium but no matter because that just gives me another reason to go visit. my goal is to hold a dinner party of my own one of these coming months but after my disastrous attempt tonight in trying to make the stir-fry chicken with pineapples i think that i may need to wait a little longer.

i received this fabulous chinese wok cookbook for xmas (from the same person who shall remain anonymous but who also got me my blogger t-shirt) and due to the simple recipes, big pictures and minimal ingredients i was convinced this was the dream cookbook i've been looking for all these years. finally i will be able to make chinese dishes like my mom. while it still is my dream cookbook my first attempt tonight did not turn out so hot. jon g can attest to this. first i put too much cornstarch into my chicken making it turn out lumpy. second i completely forgot about the chicken and ended up having to cook it hastily at the end and third i accidentally used crushed canned pineapples instead of pineapple cubes which apparently makes a big difference and made my dish turn out a little funny looking. so funny looking in fact that jon g only tried one bite and deemed it my worst to date yet. how depressing but i vow to keep on chugging. that and i bought bean sprouts last night for use in another recipe but was so demoralized by my failure tonight that i will wait until tomorrow to attempt cooking again.

oh and obviously i decided not to quit blogging. i still have some topics to discuss and well i musn't let my few fans down. they are a loyal bunch. and it isn't everyday i'm able to get the big three (marshman, wallace and pio roda) to all comment on the same post.

blogs. they're a funny thing. i know lots of people who have blogs but then there are others who can't possibly fathom why on earth anyone would even want to blog about their personal life but to me...blogs are a way for me to keep in touch with my friends and to hear about the daily things going on in their lives that you probably otherwise wouldn't know about. or more recently it's become monthly things as people are not updating as frequently as they used to. without blogs how else would i know that connie baked over 1,500 cookies and amit just finished finals and that pz's room is a mess or that hong shaved and jon analyzes everything down to magnolia cupcakes or vu's transfer to san diego went through and that des had eggnog and jello shots at work. it's a nice way of keeping in touch with your friends even if you don't talk very often or see each other all that much.

however i've been reading my archives recently and well this is quite disturbing but i've determined that my writing skills are horrible. there may be one or two good entries here and there but for the most part, i was literally cringing while i was reading. how is it that i never knew just how terrible my writing is? why didn't anyone tell me. and to think i got an A in honors english back in the day! to remedy this there are really only three options. the first is to blog on as if i never had this revelation and let my readers deal with it...all three of them. the second is to not blog at all so i don't embarrass myself any further and finally the third is to try to change the way i write but i've ruled this one out since i don't think i could even if i wanted to. so it comes down to choice one or two. i'll have to ponder this. i'm not sure if i'm quite ready to give up blogging forever but my writing! oh my writing! what to do what to do.

but oh how i do love getting comments. i tried to leave a comment for a friend once only to find out that i couldn't and when i inquired, i was informed that he had turned them off. turned off your comments? who would do such a thing? his reasoning was that he no longer wanted to blog just for the comments and only blog for himself. a very bold move in my eyes and admirable. something i could never do since part of the fun in blogging at times is to see what type of comments one will get.

and so a couple of days here before christmas a light bulb has gone off in my head and my blog hangs in limbo. so sad really. good thing i wasn't an english major.

i never thought i would say this but i love summit new jersey! yes that's right. summit new jersey. i was sent here last week in what was supposed to be a three week stay but well we were just too damn efficient so i come back after just a little over a week. and while i was glad to be going home a little part of me wished i could of stayed the entire time. my co-workers were fun, the hotel was old but nice complete with a cookie and a bottle of water waiting for you upon your return, dinners were filled with appetizers, entree, dessert and the occassional wine and get this, i was working eight hour days. something i'm not quite used to and has opened my eyes to just how many hours in a day there is. i actually had time after work to workout at the local ymca, eat a long ass dinner and still go back to my hotel to work a little bit more before i called it a night. it's so freaking great. i could of totally gotten used to this.

everything we did was literally within a ten block radius if not less. i'd sleep in, hop into the car to drive down the street to the client and look forward to lunch where there were no chain restaurants not even a mcdonald's and meals were never repeated at the same place. i even ate breakfast everyday as in a real american breakfast with eggs, bacon, french toast and topped off with a glass of good for your bones milk. something i haven't done in a long long time. not only that but everyone was so damn nice. it kind of caught me off guard but people said hi and good morning to you on the streets, the parking attendant wished us a good day and the receptionist wrote us a laundry list of restaurants to try once they found out we were from out of town.

as if that wasn't enough, the weekend was spent taking the train into manhattan to hang out with enid where she took me to a bunch of restaurants including finally finally nobu next door...a place i've always wanted to go ever since i saw morimoto's special on food network and it was as good as i thought it would be. a visit of course wouldn't be complete without a shopping trip in soho, went to some bar called milk and honey where you actually have to call in for a reservation and once confirmed, go to some door in the middle of nowhere and you're standing outside wondering how the hell to get in when the buzzer unexpectedly rings and you enter a small dimly lit bar with maybe six or seven booths and where the drinks are stiff. ha. i've always wanted to say that. then she took me to some club called pressure where the first floor is filled with dressed to kill new yorkers bowling. yes bowling with neon bowling pins. trippy. then it was off to another club called plaid where the guys and girls were damn aggressive but the music was good and everyone was dancing their little tails off.

and well now i'm going back. as i'm writing this i'm sitting on a plane bound for sfo and i'm actually starting to get excited. excited because i get to sleep in my own bed tonight and it'll give me a chance to calm my eczema bumps and while it was great eating such great meals all the time, i'm pretty sick of it at the moment. mainly because i'm coming home a little chubbier and a little rounder and all i'm really craving now is an orange. but the stay won't be too long as i'm back for round two this weekend in new york but this time jon will be there as well so really that just means more eating and the inevitable comment from my mom when i get home that i look just a little more "healthier"...my key word to start the workouts.

passwords. these days everything is password protected. want to open up a paypal account? user id and password please. want to order books or even better shoes online? password please. while i understand the need for privacy especially in this day and age, at times i worry. i worry that something unexpected will happen and no one will know how to access my email or how to access my bank accounts or know where my money is kept and how to claim it. of course that's what beneficiaries are designated for but there is always the what if.

i've always wanted to email someone all of my information. the password to my email accounts. the password to my bank accounts. a listing of what life insurances i have and the places that my money is kept. everything but to this date i haven't been able to do it. mainly because i fear having them check my email from time to time. or taking a quick peek to see how much money i have in the bank. i feel like the temptation would just be too great to resist and i'm not yet ready to take that risk. but on a practical standpoint shouldn't i? i feel as if i should create an informal will. the list wouldn't be long as i don't really have that many different bank or email accounts but at least i would know that someone out there if they needed to would have access. for some strange reason or another that would give me peace of mind. but who?

i've always wondered what other people do. do they just deal with it when the time comes? are they such a close knit family that they already know everything they need to know about each other? or do they already have that certain someone who knows all? i've only given out my password once before and well it was under very different circumstances and it pretty much came back to bite me in the ass but i won't go into details. i wonder...do married couples know each other's passwords? maybe that is the answer to my question. wait until i get married although at the rate i'm going it could be a while.

everyone says the 20's are the best years of your life and so far i'd have to agree so i think that is why i have this fear of creeping towards my 30's and the big 3-0 is not too far away. i wonder, is there a turning point when you no longer think of yourself as a big kid and start acting and being more grown up? i myself feel no closer to wanting to go out less and settling down and for some reason or other i'm starting to feel the pressure. this in itself is pretty mind boggling to me because really besides my mom no one else has ever really bugged me about this and yet, i feel it. i see 30 as being the magic age for when a girl should either be engaged or married and when i look back on my past four years, it seems to have blown by in a blur so my next four will probably be the same.

it probably doesn't help that i seem to have become quite jaded in my outlook on marriage. i really can't imagine at this point wanting to spend forty plus years with just one person and ultimately doesn't it all just become dull in the long run anyways? it must i feel. i watched desperate housewives the other day and although it's sad that most marriages result in divorce, affairs and custody battles over kids it's reality and the way it is. although i still do hold the belief that my marriage will work out sucessfully the odds aren't working in my favor. not to mention that i'm not all that crazy about kids either. i don't seem to have a maternal bone in my body. back in my early twenties i used to think that it would just come to me but now i'm not so sure. i don't find babies adorable. cute at times but only if they have chubby cheeks. to me they're annoying and always need constant attention and what i'd really like to do is just plop them down in front of the tv so they won't bother me. i could possibly never get married at the rate i'm going.

and yet i'm a sap for those cheesy love stories and i love it when i'm in the mode of really liking someone and thinking about them all the time and looking forward to their phone calls and the little butterflies in your stomache...i dig all of that but it never lasts too long. either they get bored or i get bored. as i told my friend the other night, i tend to like guys who are assholes. or rather i like to say guys with asshole tendencies. yes there is a big difference. the ones who don't call when they say they will. the ones who go out and party all night long and get into drunken stupors all the time. the ones who cancel dates on you at the last minute when you've been looking forward to it all day long. and then they'll turn around and do something completely nice and unexpected and you soak in it for as long as you can. these are the ones who in my past i've been crazy about and have inevitably been dumped by only to have them come back months or years later to tell me that they regretted it. not like that does me any good. these days, i'm content with hanging out with friends and if possible, it would be nice to find someone who liked going out just as much as me but at the same time still had all of their shit together. now that shouldn't be so hard should it?

what i'm really trying to say is i don't see why everyone who have hit their mid twenties suddenly become in a rush to meet someone because really these are the only years you're allowed to do whatever you want and be completely selfish and why wouldn't you want to extend that out for a few more years if possible but with society these days, it seems to be a big taboo and that's what i'm struggling with.

my penchant for drinking has been the talks of late and i think maybe just maybe i'm starting to see what the fuss is all about. just maybe though. my internet guru pointed out to me earlier today an entry i had written back on january 27, 2002. more than two and a half years ago.

"and i kept to my resolution of not drinking. not even one sip. i haven't gone clubbing where i was sober in a while and i must say, it dawned on me how sleazy clubbing really is. watching guys hit on girls who have no clue what is going on and seeing everyone, girls mainly, throwing up everywhere...on the floor, in the bathroom...so not sanitary. towards the end of the night, i was ready to leave and as i was watching drunk people spill out of the club, i kept thinking this is what i was like just last week. very embarrassing."

the thing is i read this and can still remember distinctively how i felt watching those girls fall all over themselves and stumbling around in their high heels and having to be helped out of the club and puking their guts out on the sidewalk and well i've become one of those girls. it used to just be sometimes but these days it's turning more into a routine event. i'm sure my friends can recount to you the countless times i've cut everyone's night short due to my puking or attitudes of insisting on walking on the sidewalk without shoes and while it always made for a fun time i can't remember shit the next morning. welcome to the world of blackouts. something i've never really had a problem with and thought it was pretty normal until recently. personally i don't see what the fuss is all about. it's bound to happen if you drink enough but i suppose if i wasn't surrounded by friends who watch over me, i would not be so nonchalant about it as i am now.

it's not as if i'm an alcoholic because personally that stuff tastes like shit. no way around it but the problem is when i go out these days, i really can't go sober. or at least i prefer not to. i need to be slightly buzzed at a minimum in order to maximize my fun. now what's wrong with that? nothing i was told except and this is a big except at the ripe old age of 26 i still don't know what my limit is. some nights i can go out and have ten shots and be perfectly fine. other nights i have half that and am puking my shitake mushrooms out whole on the sidewalk. nice picture isn't it?

so what to do what to do. i can't very well not drink anymore and i can't very well not go out and we all know going out and drinking go hand in hand. especially when one lives in the city. the thing is and this is why shit talking always comes back to bite you in the ass (and yes if you can believe it, i'm trying not to shit talk as much now either although frankly i don't see it as shit talking. it's more being honest and telling it as how you see it but too bad not everyone agrees). anyways i always used to hate those who went out and got assed out every single time we went clubbing because well someone always had to babysit and it was just annoying and although i don't think i've quite reached that level yet (i mean come on, you can't count my birthday. that's a get out of jail free card for sure) i'm going to make an effort to maybe just maybe watch how much i'm drinking and not go in with the mentality that i need to get fucked up right away (bring on the shots!) and we'll go from there. because really at my age i really shouldn't be doing that shit anymore but at the same time i need to find a happy medium to get all this out of my system before i'm forced to settle down. and that my friend is my blog for the day.

a blast from the past is what today has been. while sitting online this morning i received a very out of the blue message from an ex boyfriend, one that i haven't spoken to in about three years and never thought i'd speak with ever again frankly. trippy. and not only that but i also found out that he has a three month old son, is getting married in the next coming months to an older woman who also has a three year old daughter from someone previous. i sure know how to choose them don't i. the thing is i was nuts for this guy as in head over heels and wound up getting dumped because he chose partying over me. looking back there was so much crap i put up with and he might be what society calls a "loser" and well even to this day friends that i hung out with back then still tell me he's a loser and was never going to go anywhere and i pretty much knew this but either i was too drugged up to notice or i just didn't care. it's probably the latter unfortunately. however it did make for a pretty fun summer.

but not only did i get back in touch with him today i also spoke with his two roomates from when he was living in the barracks. yes that's right he was in the marines and i pretty much lived there an entire summer although technically you're not allowed to have girls stay overnight so we would always have the curtains drawn and when someone knocked on the door i'd run to the bathroom just in case. the closest incident to me getting caught was when the fire alarms went off one night and as part of the procedure, everyone has to leave the barracks and line up outside while the officers came in to check each and every room. initially they were going to hide me in their closet but after some thought they decided to bring me outside and just have me wait until everything died out. so outside i went and as my ex brought me to some place to sit tight what happens. lo and behold as i'm waiting there other girls starts showing up and then another and pretty soon there were five or six of us idiots standing outside in the cold waiting for our man.

i pretty much identify each one of my bf's with a certain time period in my life. i have one for during the young and naive stage or my just get out of college stage and with this one i define it as my hardcore partying stage. it all seems to be a blur and for good reason but i remember we would drive up to la every weekend and party two or three nights a week. looking back it was pretty ridiculous but i loved it and don't regret any of it. the most insane thing we did was probably go to a rave friday night till till 6 or 7am, then head over to magic mountain for the entire day and then to grace's apartment to rest for a couple of hours and then went back out again. or maybe it was grace's and then magic mountain. who can remember.

in either case i was pretty much frazzled for a good hour or so as i was chatting with him about what he's been doing and then i chatted with his two roomates online and on the phone and well it was just weird. it was nice talking to them but it's amazing that even after four years i can be transported back in time so easily. apparently all of his friends think he's stupid for not marrying me but well i guess that's not such a compliment considering he's never gone to college and was kicked out of the military. sad thing is i was the one who got dumped and not vice versa. clap clap for me now won't you?

it's not even dinner time yet and i've already done my good deed for the day. today i volunteered. as in woke up at 8am and went to oakland to help an organization similar to habitat for humanity clean up and paint a boys and girls club. now before you start thinking what a great heart i have i actually went because jon g was going. he had gone last weekend but i dutifully bowed out but this week i decided i should go. i've never done any type of volunteer work except for soup kitchens back in college and have always wanted to do something similar to habitat.

and so we went and it was actually a lot of fun. for five hours i taped up windows and painted. and then painted some more. i must say painting seems so much more fun on trading spaces than in real life. i was assigned to paint the exterior and at first starting out i was quite slow as i was very meticulous in my work but when i realized that everything and i mean everything was being painted orange it no longer mattered if i accidentally painted over the line a little. it felt a little like i was back in high school especially when we received our paper bag lunches and was sitting in the parking lot munching away.

this also marked my first time in the heart of oakland which is known to be quite ghetto. i've always been told or heard stories on the news but today i got to see it firsthand and it wasn't as bad as i thought. i swear every car that drove by us had to have their music turned up to the max degree but the funniest thing i saw all day was this guy in baby blue and white warmups pedaling his bicycle down the street with a cooler holding a boom box on the back and blasting his music wherever he went.

volunteering brought back memories of me wanting to be a social worker before i was convinced by my dad that it wouldn't be a good profession to enter into but if felt nice to be helping out for a couple hours although it was damn tiring.

it's been about two weeks of me living in the city now and so far so good. for all those who had to listen to me bitch and moan about my tiny room and small closet space has the right to smack me upside down in the head because i seriously was on crack the first time i viewed the apartment. my room is not that small nor is my closet nor is my bathroom. on move-in day all i heard over and over was your closet is NOT small and either is your room. i'm so glad i made the decision to move up because i'm pretty much loving my place right now. the only bitch i can complain about really so far is the commute down to san jose but i haven't had to make it very often and even then it wasn't too bad.

and ever since jon g suggested i walk in flip flops and tote around my heels with me i haven't been dreading walking to public transportation so much anymore. i even went online to purchase myself a very cute paul frank tote bag to lug around. one of the big differences for me from living in san jose is that i feel like i need to plan a lot more now that i live in the city. plan as in i have to map out how to get home and which bus to take and what stuff i can take out of my laptop bag so i don't show up to work sweating like a horse as i did the first time i walked to work.

i've even bought myself a nice little fold out map of the city so i can try to learn how the streets inter-connect and maybe eventually learn how to read a map but i think i'm slowly getting it. i learned how to get to safeway the other day without much help from jon g (sort of) so that was very exciting. i've even been taking the bus to work with a couple of little mishaps along the way or maybe big mishaps depending on how you look at it as i've missed my transfer bus each and every time but it wasn't such a big deal. by the time i found my transfer stop i was only two blocks away from work anyways and when you're wearing trusty flip flops two blocks is nothing. one thing i did learn though is that one must use force when pulling the cord to alert the bus driver to stop. apparently i didn't put enough oomph into mine and i just sat there as the bus rolled right through my stop. the butterflies in my stomache prevented me from saying anything. another thing that's a little difficult for me is i have no clue which way is north or what not so when my trip planner says to wait at the south west corner of this street it's really pretty much a shot in the dark for me. i almost feel like i should carry around a little compass but that's gay.

my goal is to be one of those people who know where everything is. or at least have some idea anyways. oh you want french food? follow me we make a left on this and that street. or even more ideal would be if i could tell you which bus you need to take. i don't really see that happening though since the muni map is the most confusing thing ever but for now, i've got my routes to work and back figured out and just like bob one must take baby steps. i've still got a little over one year to figure this city out so i'm not worried. for now though my top priority is to buy a damn couch and then we can start decorating.

i'm on vacation this week and the only purpose to my taking five days off was to pack. i move to san francisco this weekend and why i need an entire week to pack i'm not quite sure but it worked out actually since i ended up having to work the past two days. but this is not just any ordinary packing that i'm doing. instead of just throwing things into boxes i have been organizing. it's a slow and meticulous process but luckily bren's been helping me to where we've become a well oiled machine. he even taught me a nifty little trick in putting garbage bags over clothes so they never have to be taken off the hangers. my room has been organized into neat little piles. a pile to bring with me, a pile to give to my cousins and another pile to donate to goodwill. i've even got a goodwill truck coming to me this week to pick up some chairs i had inherited from chris but really have no use for. now if that's not good moving i don't know what is. even after giving away ten pairs of shoes and two large trash bags full of clothes to my cousins, i still feel as if i have too much clutter. i'm very against clutter these days. i've decided i am no longer allowed to buy any sort of trinkets unless it can be hung up on the wall. or maybe i should just put shelves up in my room. that could work too.

my biggest problem is i have a real hard time parting away with sentimental things. for example, i've accumulated three sweatshirts in my years from ex-boyfriends and not once have i worn them since we've broken up but yet i refuse to throw them away. same goes for the blue extra large kansas city t-shirt i bought with chris. i've only worn it once or twice and it's much too big but i'm taking it with me anyways. along with that are a dozen notes and cards that i don't think i'll ever part with. not a good trait to have when your biggest worry about moving to the city is closet space. ridiculous i know. i'll have another blog coming up on that so keep your opinions to yourself please.

i've heard the rule to cleaning out your closet is to throw away anything you haven't worn in the past year. sounds easy enough but actually much tougher than one would imagine. i really made a concerted effort today to throw away all the clothes i've been keeping for the day i lose some weight and i think i did a pretty good job. i even found dresses with tags still attached that i bought from love boat back in 1997. i finally came to my senses and gave them away but it was after much deliberation. i even found two or three pairs of shoes that i completely forgot about so i was pretty excited about that.

it's been two and a half years since my last move so i'm a bit nervous and probably a bit paranoid in over-estimating the amount of manpower i'll be needing. i've assembled a small army of friends to help me move. i've got four people meeting me in san jose and then along with those four, another three or four that will be meeting up in san francisco. a bit too much? probably but i figure it's much better to have too many people than not enough. although everyone keeps telling me i don't have that much stuff i feel like i have too much stuff. i almost filled up an entire recycle bin today with just shoeboxes alone. scary.

a couple of things to keep in mind for those who plan on moving in the near future. because you know i am an expert now considering i've been packing for nearly the entire day. lesson number one...always reserve your truck as soon as possible. ahem curtis. the hours allotted to you can be quite a bitch sometimes. lesson number two...always remember to fill out your change of address form with the us postal service. now for this, there are two options. one is to do it online but there is a one dollar charge or you can pick up a change of address packet yourself at the post office and mail it in. now i highly recommend the do it yourself approach. i've tried it both ways and well let's just say that my mail never got forwarded to me when i did it online. lesson number three...always buy mattress bags. i learned of these things on my last move and they're great! be sure to buy one for the mattress and one for the boxspring. it's well worth it i tell you. and finally, lesson number four is to try to borrow boxes as much as possible. medium sized boxes at uhaul are $2.50 a pop. blasphemy i say. and with that said let's hope my move this weekend goes off without a hitch and really it's in these times of needs that you are glad your friends hit the gym on a regular basis and are willing to lend you a helping hand.

should overweight people be forced to purchase two airplane tickets? i've thought about this and although it is humiliating i've decided that yes they should. we've all heard the age old excuse of it being hereditary and a sickness that one has no control over but i've never heard of someone exercising and eating properly who ballooned up to 300 or plus pounds. i read two articles recently with the first one about a woman that weighed 600 pounds and was having breathing problems and when the ambulance came, they estimated she hadn't left the couch in two or five years that her skin itself was infused onto the couch. can we say disgusting? she literally had to be brought to the hospital with the couch attached and then was surgically removed. and with all this effort she still didn't make it. the second article was about a guy who weighed close to 1,000 pounds (yes you read it correctly...1,000 pounds!) and had recently lost 300 with another 450 to go. i mean these are pretty end of the spectrum examples but really who was the wife who kept feeding her husband until he reached quadruple digits?

i think everyone (with the exception of those with insane metabolisms in which case i hate you...except grace of course) goes through a fat period in their lifetime but after a couple of months you would expect one to wake up and go hey i can't fit into any of my pants anymore and all i see is my tummy when i look down. i better hit the gym and start snacking on celery.

i myself went through a fat period. i remember it clearly as it was a very depressing time in my life. it was my senior year of college and i'm not even quite sure how but i ballooned up. a lot. i won't divulge how much i weighed here as it is depressing but all i would wear was sweatpants and warmups and there were only certain tops i could wear to hide the bulge. on top of all this, i started breaking out like a teenager going through puberty and there i would be in front of the mirror, wearing my sweats and size large tanktop putting on foundation and coverup. the only time i've ever used foundation and hopefully i'll never have to again. i became a hermit never wanting to go out or meet up with friends but to add more insult to injury, during this time i had to fly to michigan with my mom to watch jon's performance and i distinctively remember me getting ready in the hotel room furiously applying cover-up and blowdrying my hair to try to hide as much as possible. it was a real low point for me and it was at that moment that i decided that i needed to shape up or ship out. whatever that means.

so get in shape i did. but i do remember the pitfalls of being fat. i'ts like a slow downward spiral that's hard to stop. you lose your self-confidence and begin to look at yourself in disgust but to make myself feel better i'd sit at home and snack which didn't really help things. it was pretty amazing the binges i'd go on looking back. way more than my binges today. remember the 3 for $5 arby's beef n' cheddar. that was a particular favorite of mine. so in a way i feel bad for those forced to purchase two airline tickets but i believe that if you got off your ass and did something that issue should never be a problem so pay away they should.

and just when i thought i had put the fat days behind me and either burned or threw away all pictures taken during that time, what happens. i walk into my mom's room the other weekend only to find a framed photo of me, jon and her taken in michigan with my face caked in cover-up and wearing the tight blue sweater i purposely chose to wear in an attempt to hide the lumps. very depressing but after much pleading she has agreed to take it down and in turn i've promised to provide another family picture to frame. i just hope there aren't anymore of those fat pictures lurking around.

tomorrow is august 8th. or ba ba in chinese. the day us chinese folks celebrate father's day. the reason why is because father is also pronounced ba ba in mandarin so it's all very fitting. for some reason, i was never aware of this fact until maybe a year or two ago at which point the date became pretty useless to me but my mom reminded me of it a couple of days ago. i'm currently in san diego for the weekend and it just so happens that i will be here for ba ba day. however that translates. lovely.

i've been finding myself quite reminiscent the past week or so but i usually tend to go through one of these mood swings from time to time and then will snap out of it and be the usual cheery self that i am. it all started with a luncheon last sunday. my father was the president of the chinese golf association and for their annual father/son golf tournament (which was started by my dad...another fact i never knew until recently either), all these uncles and aunts i've grown up with made the eight hour commute on a tour bus to san jose to compete with the golf association started by jack and eming. as i was sitting at the table explaining that yes i'm a family friend and no i did not play in the golf tournament i could hear uncles charles announce to everyone "...as our ex president could not be here with us today, we are very fortunate to have his daughter here to represent for him" (in chinese of course). everyone's heads turned towards me and lots of clapping followed and for some reason or other i could feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

then last night was the first night i stayed at the house my mom and i purchased and it felt nice to wake up to her old school chinese music in the background and the sounds of the gardener in the backyard and knowing that yes she has a fresh plate of cantaloupe waiting for me in the kitchen. we then embarked on a mother/daughter day and it felt nice to be able to buy her lunch and gossip about who's doing what these days and hear that yes once again i'm not to casually date anymore or that i need to take care of my skin but what surprised me the most was that she asked me a couple of questions about my dad. perhaps it's not all that surprising to you but we've never really talked about it before and we still didn't really talk about it today and i'm not sure i'll ever want to talk about it but just the fact that his name was brought up threw me for a loop. and all the while all i could think about was what if.

lots of what ifs i won't even go into but all these feelings of nostalgia lately is actually doing me some good i think. these days it's so easy to just move on and look to the future that at times it's good to look back and remember the past which is exactly what this weekend so far has been for me and i'm quite grateful for it.

cinderelly, cinderelly night and day it's cinderelly. make the fire, fix the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping and the sweeping and the dusting. they always keep her hopping. she goes around in circles till she's very, very dizzy. still they holler keep a-busy cinderelly!

i hope that as you read the lyrics you were able to imagine the high-pitched voices of the mice and them dancing around as this is what has been going through my head the past couple of days. it is probably a great exaggeration but lately i've been feeling overworked, underpaid and just plain outright grumpy all the time. and i'm saying this after having just returned from having two weeks off when in theory i should be recharged and ready to take on the world. but i'm not. i'm already secretly plotting on where i can go for my next vacation and what weeks i should plan on taking off.

lately i've been feeling that all i do is work. work work work work work. even in my spare time all i can think about is how much more work i have to do and how i need to get home so i can work some more. is this normal? i already feel that i work a lot more than the average person and yet it's not enough. but then again when i compare my workload to some of my friends i've been relatively lucky. for the last couple of weeks i've pretty much hit a routine of putting in my full eight hours at the client, bum around for a hour or two depending on how lazy i am then work a couple hours more until bedtime. it's a bitch and i hate it but on the flip side, i just watched spellbound the other night and after seeing how much work and dedication they put in i thought to myself perhaps i've forgotten the meaning of what hard work is? i will have to ponder that in another blog.

my job is known for its high turnover but here when someone leaves for a regular 8am to 5pm job (that usually pays more by the way) it is almost looked down upon because really how can they expect to be challenged or won't they get bored after a couple months? i used to think the same thing and was under the impression that working a regular 40 hour job would be quite dull but i'm singing quite a different tune these days. but then again you are talking to a girl who is all for marrying rich and no longer having to work at all. where's the independence you ask? out the window after only four years in corporate america. getting off of work at 5pm daily doesn't sound too bad to me now and who cares if i'm bored at work? it's only for eight hours anyways. i'm sure i'll survive. 

but for now while i try to figure out exactly what it is i want to do i will continue to complain about work all the time and bitch and moan about the hours and relish in the fact that when i do sign on at night to work i can pretty much guarantee that there will be at least one or two friends online working with me as well.  

now i am in no way calling myself a basketball fan because frankly ever since the larry bird and magic johnson era i have no clue who is who anymore nor do i really care to learn about all the new players. everyone that i was familiar with such as kevin johnson, clyde drexler, ron harper, charles barkley, kevin mchale and danny ainge are all pretty much retired i believe and working in offices behind the glitz and glamour of the nba.
 
but recently with the upheaval of shaq to miami i've been hearing a bit more here and there but it wasn't until last night that i was introduced to the newest gossip this side of town all wrapped up in a man named carlos boozer and the cleveland cavaliers. apparently this controversy has been going on for some days maybe even weeks now and i've been quite oblivious of it. seeing how bren is a huge cavs fan i've been hearing rants and raves about this situation but never thought much of it until i finally read some articles about it and well i must say, it's not surprising as these days there is no such thing as team loyalty anymore but it is quite disappointing.
 
i hope you too agree that carloz boozer is a big fat liar and believe the cavs owner 100%. if he never made the promise to re-sign there's no way they never would of exercised his third year option. that would of just been plain stupid. just go read this article.  what an ass. heck even his agent quit on him after the fact. he is clearly on the opposite end of the spectrum of the sports most honorable athlete, pat tillman. unfortunately there's many more boozers out there than tillmans these days. what a shame what a shame.

i usually try to do one big vacation a year and this year it was puerto rico. well actually i only started my one big vacation a year motto last year but hopefully it'll keep continuing. at least until i'm married and settled down anyways which appears to be a good five years away so i've got time.

in an effort to not bore my many faithful readers (heavy sarcasm here in case you need a little help) i will refrain from blogging about my day to day activities and instead do a top ten list ala david letterman. my top ten moments or memories good or bad in puerto rico in no particular order.

1. living in a different hotel each night we were there except for the last two nights wherein we were able to live the life in a one bedroom suite complete with its own pull-out bed. i know someone was happy. lesson to be learned here is to perhaps buy the frommer's guide book before booking the hotel to figure out the best location but everything worked out even if we were calling hotels until the wee hours of the morning on our first night of arrival.

2. swimming in the bioluminescent bay at vieques.

3. planning for a night of clubbing at club laser...a hot spot according to once again the frommer's book only to arrive at midnite to no more than ten people in the entire club. employees included. needless to say we booked it out of there and ended up going to a club right across the street from our hotel. quite a waste of a taxi trip.

4. sunbathing our first day at the gay beach wherein sanford refused to take his shirt off. we saw lots of speedos including a pink and white striped one and lots of muscles but hey enid and i weren't complaining.

5. chartering our own airplane seating a total of four passengers to fly to vieques (another island) and having the pilot have the instruction book open while he prepared for take-off. images of aaliyah flashed in my mind.

6. visiting el morro during the daytime and at night and all the while getting eaten alive by mosquitos while admiring the view on the grass.

7. iced coffee. you really can't believe how good it is.

8. flamenco beach at culebra. supposedly one of the top five beaches in the world. it's certainly the best beach i've ever been to and for a couple of hours there we had the entire beach to ourselves. that's what happens when you show up at 8am sharp.

9. meeting two pilots in two days. one who offered for us to visit him at his house and to pick us up at 5:30 in the morning to take us to the airport to catch our flight and another who ended up hanging out with us our last two nights there and taking us to dinner and showing us around san juan. you just can't beat good old hospitality these days.

10. and the most important. my mission of relaxing on the beach and drinking pina coladas was accomplished and i came home with a tan without burning as i did last year after cancun. thanks to my compadres who reminded me time and time again to reapply after swimming or after prolonged stay in the sun.

and oh to make people even more jealous, while i was in training in orlando the week before i left for puerto rico, there was a modeling search held in the same hotel we were staying at. yes you heard me correctly. modeling search. as in lots of young pubescent girls walking around in tight short little outfits with their eager moms trailing at their side hoping they'll be discovered and become the next gisele. hong missed out.

i'm back from my two day excursion to houston texas for work. i apologize to those from houston who may possibly be reading this but downtown houston has got to be one of the most pathetic downtowns i've seen in quite a while. it offered absolutely nothing. there was nothing to do, the streets were bare, half of the buildings looked empty and the police station across from my hotel was surrounded by orange cones and tape. the most eye catching thing besides the new minute maid park was its metro shuttles. sad isn't it? i had such high hopes too. houston is supposed to be a big city isn't it?

but all was not lost. i was able to partake in a baseball game at the newly built minute maid park and i guess there's much controversy about some hill in center field but i certainly didn't see anything. i was able to eat rib-eye steak both nights (gotta love the marble yum yum) and ordered gulf shrimp recommended by a co-worker although what's so great about them i really have no idea. tasted like regular shrimp to me. even had some red wine which made me real sleepy like i knew it would and thus i was forced to drink coffee in the midst of my baseball game instead of beer.

i'm not sure if i'm one of those types who's built to travel much for work. and i don't even travel all that much now at all. although it may sound glamorous jetting off here and there i personally find it very tiring. for one i hate flying for long periods of time and it's such a pain living out of a suitcase and the whole packing and unpacking ordeal. this time though i must say my hotel room was quite nice complete with its own kitchen and living room. what would of make my trip even better was if i was successful in my mission to pay a visit to mr dennis lee whom i haven't seen since love boat 1997 but it just didn't work out. but as he put it...we already haven't seen each other for seven years, what's a couple more months. touche.

last night was spent waiting at the airport for close to five hours as we waited for our first officer to fly in from dallas as he was stranded due to weather. i always seem to not have the greatest luck with flying and i type this knowing i'll be boarding a flight again sunday morning for a week of training in orlando and then it's off to puerto rico baby. my annual get myself tan mission. needless to say i'm getting pretty excited. i'm not quite sure if i'll be able to top my souvenirs from my cancun trip last year but you can bet i sure will try.

the war in iraq. since the first day we officially declared war, i've been pretty oblivious to all the events save for the daily reading on cnn.com and have done a pretty good job in going along my merry corporate america life as if nothing has changed. and really nothing has. for me at least. i still complain about the same mundane things that really when one stops to think about it has no real significance. but i've had three defining moments during this time specifically related to the war.

the first was pat tillman. the one who turned down millions from the nfl to join the army rangers and ultimately was killed in combat in late april of this year. i can still remember clearly exactly where i was upon hearing of the news. i was still staying in a hotel in sf and had just gotten out of the shower and was watching the news when his picture came on the screen. all i really remember hearing is pat and killed and my mind went blank. i couldn't believe it. it was as if someone very close to me had died instead of a complete stranger. i first learned about him from bren as they went to the same high school and ever since then i've had this fascination. it's hard to find people like him these days. when he went off to join the army i looked up countless articles and admired the fact he refused to grant interviews and had his younger brother accept the espn arthur ashe award on his behalf to avoid any publicity. i even cried more than i thought i would watching his funeral on espn.

the second was nick berg. his beheading really just left me in shock and i couldn't even quite wrap my mind around it. still can't to this day. the first thing i thought about was i have got to watch the video and indeed i did watch it several times and well let's just leave it at that.

the third occurred this past weekend. while waiting for my flight to lax i noticed a family nearby sobbing as their son was waiting to board the plane. what first caught my eye was that the person crying the hardest was this big buff bald guy with sunglasses on and everyone was gathered around him patting his back and it seemed as if he might pass out. naturally my curiosity got the better of me so when i got on the plane, i purposely sat next to the "son" in hopes of getting up the courage to ask him just where he was going exactly. a very unlikely thing for me to do. i had an inkling of why but i knew if i didn't ask, i would always wonder. and so as i sat there reading da vinci code (very good book by the way, stayed up till 6am to finish the entire thing in one day) my mind was racing of just exactly how to ask but to my luck, he started talking to me first. it turned out he was 19, in the army, from san jose and on his way to lax to catch the military plane to korea where he was stationed before being shipped off to iraq. for one year. my heart tugged a little and i could feel tears welling up. he showed me a cross his mom had given him to wear around his neck and another pendant from his dad to keep him safe on long journeys and my heart tugged a little more.

before i knew it we had landed but not before i had asked for his address to send a care package but mail gets lost easily in korea he said. so i asked for the next best thing. his email address but he actually didn't have one. so he then gave me the next best thing. his mom's email address but he assured me he was going to be opening up his own account so i warned him i really truly was going to email and wanted to check up on him and make sure he was doing ok. i'm not sure if it was the late night or hormonal imbalance but the incident really affected me and made me think about how spoiled and materialistic i've become. i figure this will be my small contribution and as soon as i've finished blogging, i'm off to shoot an email to the mom and hopes it gets passed along and that i don't come off across as a crazy stalker girl.

memorial weekend. i'm back to the daily grind and while i did have some doubts on how we would accomodate thirty plus people at hotel pan it all worked out surprisingly well much to the surprise of me and jon g. it's much easier to complain in pairs than alone. and when i saw the itinerary for the weekend i thought for sure there would be no way we would do half of the events but we did. i won't even go into the weekend because jon is a much more eloquent writer but i thoroughly enjoyed myself and was very glad i decided to roadtrip down. there was some excessive drinking by me and some puking inside and outside the club i was told but ten shots will do that to you. i'm normally accustomed to drinking for two as my other half never drinks but i heard that he was drinking excessively (for him anyways) as well and was buzzed much to my surprise. i have yet to see him drunk ever and once again i was too wasted to see. damn me. i do wish i was able to participate the next day at the beach and partake in the group picture, a tradition started by sagging monk, but my hangover just wasn't cooperating. oh well there's always a next time.

although the roadtrip to san diego was fun and if i do say so myself i was quite the navigator with only one minor mishap on the way home i believe next time i will be flying. jet blue if i can swing it hopefully.

i did come away from the weekend with hopes of folks coming to visit the bay. we were discussing on the car ride home if there might ever be a large group gathering in sf but the consensus was pretty much a no so i've decided people will just need to come visit individually. ahem sujeet. or in pairs even. if we can't get the massess we'll corner the smaller market. it's just good business sense. jon g and i will roll out the welcome mat. once we get one of course.

more pictures if you want to see

the way guys think about sex is pretty much synonymous with the way girls think about food. i would almost argue that girls think about food more. whether it is mentally possible or not i would say girls think about food every minute of each day. whether it's sitting in a restaurant thinking about what to order or sitting at work thinking about what you're going to order during lunchtime it's all the same. food is on our minds constantly. and not in a healthy way. for guys in thinking about sex it's all about how they can get some. should i put on my dancing shoes and wow the girls at the club or maybe take them out to a nice romantic evening and show them my sensitive side. for girls it's all about how to avoid food or if we must stuff calories into our mouths how we'll be better the next day. my thought last night during dinner while surrounded by good friends from work was a mental debate with myself of whether i should reach for that third slice of bread or not. if you know me at all i'm sure you know what the outcome was. then came the dilemma of whether i should be using butter and as i slowly and deliberately applied it onto my bread all i could think about was how the carbs were going straight to my black ass and maybe i should try to run an extra five minutes on the treadmill. now multiply this by the thousands of minutes each day and you've got a small view into a girl's mindset.

scary isn't it? i was having a conversation last night with a friend in which he argued that guys prefer girls who are curvy and womanly (or in girl terms "fat") but we know this is not true. just take a look around us. skinny is in. all we need to do is take a look at the sizes in forever 21. although it highly ranks as one of my favorite stores even i must gasp at how little some of the clothes are. you want me to fit into that? do i look like a 12 year old to you? and the ultimate confirmation skinny is in...take a look at a picture of the olsen twins recently. oops i mean mary-kate and ashley. they look closer to being heroin addicts than tv stars.

i write this blog as i sit here having just returned from lunch at the farmer's market where i've eaten an entire crepe filled with eggs, ham, artichoke hearts and sundried tomatoes (may sound nasty but was actually really good but i could of done without so many artichokes), half of a tri tip sandwich and a custard pastry that is sitting next to me to be eaten right after this is published. it's quite sickening i know.

these days the message being sent to impressionable teenagers (aka me and yes i know i am no longer a teenager...my mom tells me that plenty) is if you're skinny and hot your life will be a million times better. and for a minute or so each day i buy into that theory only to realize what good is a world of barbie dolls anyways. there's not enough old rich men for them to go after. but take a look at the crop of new tv shows such as the swan or extreme makeover. mtv has even followed suit in paying teenage boys to go under the knife to look like brad pitt. if anyone saw the episode i don't care how much money you put into their bodies, a brad pitt isn't on the other side. i saw an episode of swan where a contestant's own child didn't recognize them. do we all cheer in elation at the new beautiful woman she's become or mourn for the death of the woman she was?

i may think about food all day long and feel guilty when i overeat which is quite often actually but i'd much rather enjoy my hamburgers with the buns on please and a world where krispy kreme does not feel the need to market a low calorie donut. oxymoron right there.

passion. i was asked a couple years back from a close friend of mine what my passions were and sadly i couldn't really think of anything. some of the things my friends are passionate about are movies, computers, fishing, sports, music, snowboarding, wine, cars and the list goes on and on. but for me and even to this day i'm hard pressed to name one thing that i'm passionate about. why this is i've always thought about but have never really been able to come up with any answers. now i have a lot of different interests but that's not the same. there's not one thing i'm so interested in that i'll take the extra initiative and go out of my way to find articles or what not to delve deeper into the subject. others i know will scour magazines, newspapers, the internet to find out any and all information they can but i don't ever get the urge really to do that. as jon said to me once, you read an article that you find interesting but then that's it. you don't try to find out more about the topic or ask additional questions. i very rarely ever browse on the internet and when i do want to find something, such as the nick berg video i shoot off an email to my internet guru and voila the video is sent to me the following day. i have it by the way if anyone is as sick and twisted as me.

my room is filled with half used things bought in a state of inspiration only to sit in my cabinet for when the whim strikes me again. there was the time i had the fancy to organize and create scrapbooks of all my pictures. i created two and that was the end of that. or the time when i dedicated myself to creating a collage of izone pictures and well that bulletin is still in my room half filled. or when i decided i wanted to learn more about wine and i think i've read a total of three wine spectator magazines and have yet to make a trip to napa. although that will change this summer even if i have to go myself. i even joined a cooking club where you receive new recipes every three months and i diligently filed my cooking cards away in its proper place only to have used maybe three or four of those recipes to date. i am hoping to make more use of it in the future though. those cards aren't cheap you know.

i used to think that there was something wrong with me since i didn't and could not name any of my passions and it made me less interesting (which it probably still does) but i've gotten over it. i don't even really have any hobbies. i remember when i was little i used to collect stickers and jon did too and we had matching sticker books. we're cute i know. makes you want to puke doesn't it? i also collected stamps and different types of buttons and erasers only to give them all away eventually. i guess the only thing i really collect now is pigs but even that is waning over time. mainly because it takes up too much storage space and these days i'm all about as little clutter as possible.

i did have someone say or maybe it was jon again that he thought my passion was boys but then again isn't it for all girls? for now i'm quite content with my interests and maybe one of these days something will come along that is just so damn interesting it'll actually turn into a passion but for now i'll still read up on my hollywood gossip like there's no tomorrow.

it's done. it's over. finito. what has consumed my life the past three months or so but especially during the past week is done. yesterday marked my last day on my sf client. no more public transportation although that will soon change with my move to sf this summer. no more getting spit on by homeless people. no more packing and unpacking each weekend. finally my life can resume some sort of normalcy. actually i can finally get my life back again. maybe some of my spunk will return because apparently it was missing as i was informed by a friend a few weeks earlier.

but this is more than just the end of a job. i leave clients all the time and move on to the next one without a second thought but never in my three and half years here have i devoted more time and energy and become so passionate about work and meeting the deadline. no team has ever met it before. at least not in the past three years anyways. we all became obsessed is the only way i can describe it. obsessed with finishing. obsessed with being the first to meet the deadline. obsessed with relishing in the joy of telling the client to fuck off for being such dicks to us. in my head of course and pardon my language. i am known to swear after normal working hours.

i don't think anyone can really understand except the four of us. my team i'm referring to of course. no matter how much i try to explain it or describe it no one will truly know. even i can't quite wrap my mind around it but this is probably the worst and best experience in my three and half years in the corporate world to date. the best referring to my co-workers. we rocked. never did i think i'd get so close to people i work with but i guess that's what happens when you essentially see them more than anyone else in your life for three months straight. the worst being the client who hated us, the room where everyone got sick, the late hours, the frustration and yet a little part of me is still contemplating recurring next year. yes slap me now please. i probably do need a rude awakening.

my city vacation has not exactly turned out as i had hoped. for the past week or so i've become a working machine. little to no chatting. no phone calls. turned down all lunch requests and happy hours. my life just stopped completely. all i did was work and then work some more. our routine came down to working till 10pm in the room with no air conditioning to where it felt like i was sweating on a hot humid day in taiwan to going back to the hotel room and showering only to meet up again in my co-workers room thirty minutes later to work some more till 3 or 4am when i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. we pulled in desks and chairs from the other rooms and the place that we've all been calling home for the past couple of months became a makeshift office. even i wasn't quite sure how i did it. working till midnight for an entire month? who knew i had it in me.

but we did it. the deadline was met yesterday night around 9pm. it was quite an emotional day evidenced by the fact that when the IT guys sent us flowers with a card saying "you'll be missed" myself along with another co-worker both got a little teary eyed. don't ask why. throughout the day everyone kept asking how many issued? how many more to go? but when the last email was sent and the entire team including the partner and manager went out for a celebration dinner i hadn't felt that proud of myself or my team in quite a while. this is easily the best team i've ever worked with. like one of them said, if i was on the job with anyone else i probably would of quit by now. it's hard to describe but as we were all pulling our luggage and carrying our roses to the bart station to go our separate ways a wave of sadness washed over me. cheesy yes i know.

it was all worth it though. having the partner treat us to a nice expensive dinner to having the manager check in for the night at the same hotel and hitting up the bars at north beach where we all drank and danced the night away. stopping off at seven eleven to look for more alcohol only to find none and then passing out in my hotel room only to wake up this morning and realize that hey i don't need to go to work. we've got the day off and you know the manager loves the team when she too comes shopping with us in the city. it was easily one of the best days i've had this month. no stress. no work hanging over my head. just overall elation as the day we've all been looking forward to has finally arrived. there's even talk of a vegas trip. vegas with co-workers? i haven't even gone to vegas with a lot of my other friends.

it's going to be weird working with a new team and being on a new client but after my job in orange county this week i don't intend on flying anywhere for a while. a couple weeks at least anyways. it felt good tonight to come home and open up the mail and get my life in semi order. paid the mortgage. paid the homeowner fees. paid my cell phone bill. and i'm even looking forward to coming back and cleaning up my room once and for all. finally i can put my luggage away and organize my life and if i'm real good i'll even try to make it to a couple of kickboxing classes here and there.

the coveted double eyelid. i watched a documentary if you can call it that by suchin pak the other night on mtv about asian girls and their never ending quest to obtain the double eyelid. if you are asian and don't know what i'm talking about it's safe to bet that you have an extra crease above your eye. be sure to thank your parents. just why is the double eyelid so coveted anyways? several questions were raised. are we trying to look more american? are we hiding from our true culture? is it so we can fit in more at school? i say bs to all this. i hate it when people overanalyze things. especially on a topic such as this but then again i am a simple kind of girl. let me let you in on a little secret. the real reason having a double eyelid is so great is due to the world of eyeshadows. yes you heard me correctly. eyeshadows. i've seen the wonders of what eyeshadow can do but without the double eyelid you can pretty much just forget about it.

it's not just having a double eyelid though. it's having a deep set double eyelid. very rarely seen on an asian. full asian anyways. being mixed does not count. every girl knows the three rules of applying eyeshadow. light colors on the brow bone. medium shade in between and then dark right above the eye. i think these are the three rules anyways. i didn't use to be a glamour subscriber for nothing. however when you lack the double eyelid all these rules must go out the window. trust me. i've tried. makeover gurus at sephora and at makeup counters have tried. it all turns out looking like an experiment gone horribly wrong. who wants to walk around with two black eyes. actually i take that back. miss sharon kim has worked wonders with my eyes but seeing how she lives clear across the country that really does me no good. how i long to use three shades of eyeshadow without walking out of the house looking like a freak.

i remember when i was younger i had zero double eyelids. nada. but sometimes if i was lucky and really sleepy the double crease on one eye would make a rare appearance. i loved it. i would try to stay awake as long as i could just to stare at it in the mirror. then one day i woke up and the crease on that one eye was here to stay. but then came an even greater dilemma. when taking pictures one eye would look bigger than the other so the only remedy? to train myself to smile more on one side of my face to even things out. but then i was introduced to the world of creating a double eyelid by using tape. if you don't know what i'm talking about ask me. i'll gladly show you...it'll be fun! who knew tape had so many qualities. the tape remedy lasted until a couple of years later (or maybe it was months?) when the second double eyelid showed up and ever since then i've been one happy girl.

i know you're probably thinking...does the double eyelid deserve this much recognition and heartache? i'd have to say yes. call me narcissistic but as an asian girl who went from none to two over a span of a couple years, i can tell you that it made a big difference in my life. sad i know. there's not one day that goes by that i don't thank the fact that my mom had big enough eyes to compensate for my dad's and that jon got the little eyes of the family. hey he got the body he can't possibly get the eyes too. now what can you learn from my tragic experience? marry white and all this trouble could be prevented in the future. oh wait did i just say that out loud?

so i've been sick this week but no this is not one of those wah wah whine whine type of blogs to gain some sympathy. i've whined quite enough this week to those lucky few who had to endure it. i love getting sympathy when i'm sick. it's sad i know. but i went to the doctor and was diagnosed with pharyngitis. now if you're jon g you ask "what the heck is pharyngitis you diseased stricken woman!" so nice.

but the good part about being sick is that i got to go home early this entire week and even took an entire day off tuesday. but it's not as great as it sounds. especially when you're stuck in a hotel room all day long with nowhere to go. my day consisted literally of lying on the bed watching tv and passing out every so often. then my exercise for the day consisted of walking from the bed to the bathroom. from the bed to the table. from the bed to the door as my co-worker arrived with some much needed cough drops. from the bed to the kitchenette to make myself some tea. you get my point. needless to say by the time i checked out friday morning i was pretty sick of the hotel room and watching tv.

it's been quite a while since i've consumed so much television and i'm sick of it. and this is coming from someone who has watched copious amounts in her lifetime. i've watched inside fear factor. inside real world. the rich and fabulous lifestyles of cameron diaz, justin timberlake and britney spears. a documentary on bride kidnapping, a tradition that is alive and well even to this day. another documentary about opium drug rings in burma and a special on whore houses in thailand. re-runs of friends, seinfeld, cheers, will and grace and even saved by the bell. good old screech. i've even watched both episodes of american idol as well as another episode of apprentice. and this is only from memory. i'm sure i've watched lots more crap but just can't remember at the moment.

i will say that though that being sick makes me more emotional. i cried when i watched rock star with jennifer aniston and mark wahlberg when he decided to leave the band and then upon seeing her again at the coffee shop said "i've missed you". doesn't sound like much but it certainly got me crying. then the next night i watched dave with sigourney weaver and kevin kline and cried as well. last night i watched stepmom and well i cried when they all took a family picture together at the end. yes a picture including the stepmom julia roberts.

i believe i now know what it feels like to be trapped inside a room for extended periods of time with nowhere to go. sure i could of gone out and walked around the city or better yet have jon g make me some chicken noodle soup but i don't think i had the energy. just taking a shower made me tired but i'm on the road to recovery. medicine does work! my weekend will consist of lots of rest when not going to the wedding or helping my mom move into the new house and what else. watching tv. surprise surprise.

at least hotel pan has cable now.

i went to "battlefest" yesterday. yes there is such a thing as battlefest here in san jose. i've never gone to one of these events before but i've certainly heard enough about it from hong and jon. or so i thought. however what i was expecting certainly was not what i saw. pulling up into the hotel and walking up to the line all i saw was a sea of filipinos. high school filipinos i should add. or at least they looked like they were in high school and all dressed in "urban wear". which apparently is a fashion term that i never even heard or knew anything about until i read an article about it in the monthly southwest magazine while flying to san diego last month.

now just what is urban wear you ask? unless of course you're fashionally aware and are already familiar with the term then aren't you feeling proud but here's my definition. urban wear consists of accessories. on both guys and girls and lots of them. by accessories i'm talking about wristbands, armbands, huge ass hoop earrings for girls and huge ass fake diamond earring (singluar) for guys. hey look it's my brother i'm describing! ha. lots of trucker hats and kangol hats in black and white. i never even knew what a kangol hat was until we bought one for hong on haight street. apparently they're all the rage these days. yes that is the extent of my knowledge. bandanas and sports jerseys up the yazoo. layering shirts on top of shirts and oh yes lots of mesh clothing. saw lots of guys with one pant leg pulled up just like ll cool j back in the day. i felt quite plain among the masses and was quite glad i was wearing a hat if anything just to fit in.

in all there were a total of ten dance groups. doesn't sound like much at first but after the first four or five i was pretty much over it. my only real exposure to this type of event would be going to funktion events and everyone kept asking me is this like the michigan group you go watch and my only response is i don't know. i don't think i know enough about dancing to tell really. my favorite performance was from this group called sick step. an all guys group from la and i mainly liked them because they did some real funny shit which actually made me laugh out loud. everyone and i do mean everyone knew how to breakdance. when did breakdancing get so damn popular? even little ass asian girls were breakdancing and doing moves i've never seen or at least haven't seen in a really long time. and this wasn't any ordinary breakdancing either. people were holding themselves up with one arm while doing various poses with their legs or crossing their legs over one another. it was wild.

but the highlight of the night was freestyle battling three on three. freestyling battling? am i really that old? the last time i saw any type of battling was during my rave days and even then i thought it was pretty lame. but this time i loved it. everyone was just so damn good and it was so fun to watch. the crowd was going nuts or would raise their hands whenever someone did a cool move and it was funny to see that whenever a hit song from the radio came on (i swear i heard the usher song that goes yeah! yeah! a minimum of three times at least) everyone's heads would start bopping in unison. heck i was even so impressed i was all ready to hit the after party with 15 and 16 year olds just to see them dance some more. but then reality hit and i realized hey these people can't even get into a regular club. actually they might have been in college but lemme tell you it was pretty hard to tell or maybe i'm just getting old.

at least i was able to pick the top three groups to win although not in the correct order. sick step was robbed i tell you. robbed! but once again this event just reaffirms my belief that guys who can dance are hot. i see it's time to go back to hip hop class again.

public transportation. defined as transportation for the public. uh duh. sounds simple enough but i don't think i ever quite realized that yes public transportation is just that. for the public. the masses. meaning people from all walks of life including the drunk, the weirdos and the homeless. i think i'm beginning to see the downside of taking the train to work everyday. now you're probably thinking…oh no did you fuck up even more at work and had your hotel taken away? well rest easy. i haven't reached that point yet. but apparently there is some huge ass conference in the city so me and my co-workers have been forced to commute. some drive. some take the bart. and some like myself and my co-worker take the train. but never fear as next week i will be back in my hotel again. jon g and victor can rejoice now.

my week consists of waking up at 6am to catch the 7am train to arrive at work at 9am. work the entire day and take the 9pm train to arrive back at the train station at 11pm. yes yes folks don't you envy me now. these days i'm up and out the door before vu which is quite an accomplishment in itself. and i've become a reviewing machine. it's a wonder what being bored on the train will do for you. someone suggested i read but i can't. gives me too much of a headache so my other alternative is to review. for a hour or so in the morning and then another hour or so at night. i've never been so efficient or written so many coaching notes. my associates must really love me now.

up to this week my experience with public transportation has been relatively positive but when one takes the 9pm train at night it certainly starts going downhill from there. i've sat scared in my chair typing furiously away at my laptop while the drunk man a couple of seats down argues on and on with the train conductor on why he didn't purchase a ticket and yet refuses to get off at the next stop. or even better yet when some guy is screaming madly that his wife got off at the wrong stop and the train must be stopped. now. or the biggest topper to date. getting sneezed on by a homeless man sitting behind you. that has got to be one of the grossest things to happen to me in quite a while. there i was sleeping peacefully next to my co-worker only to get woken up with spit…brown i might add….spit drops on the jacket sitting on my lap, the window next to me and even the chair in front of me. go figure. all i saw was his hands wiping his spit away on the window next to me. why he didn't use the napkin to cover his mouth i'll never know. needless to say we switched seats but i was too embarrassed to even look at him so he'll always be the faceless homeless man.

but let me tell you it smelled. me and my co-worker both windex-ed the hell out of my jacket and her laptop but i think i might just throw the jacket away. so sad. and as i'm walking to my car at 11pm i make sure to have my car unlocked, jacket off and laptop ready to be thrown into the trunk. isn't the life of an auditor just grand? i think i should invest in some pepper spray.

my room is a mess and i hate it. every sunday night i have a little ritual usually right before i start getting ready for bed of cleaning and tidying up my room. bills and paperwork get filed away in their proper folders. laundry just washed is folded and put away nice and neatly. trash gets thrown away and if i was real good i would of washed my bedsheets and towels too. the glasses of water on my nightstand is brought to the kitchen to be washed at a later time and shoes are put back in their boxes. everything is made nice and orderly for the start of work monday. there's nothing better than coming home late from work to an organized room.

but the last time i was able to clean my room properly was about one month ago. one month! now my room is in disarray and it really annoys the shit out of me. clothes are strewn all across the floor. my half unpacked suitcase from staying in the city is still sitting out in the hallway. empty shoeboxes are everywhere and dirty clothes have been mixed with clean clothes. a big no no in my book. clothes needing to be dry cleaned lay tossed in a corner waiting. waiting for when i'll have enough time to bring them in. it's sad really. this is why i could probably never be a traveling savvy business woman. or girl that is. i hate living out of suitcases. even my makeup and toiletries are still kept in their traveling bags because really what's the point of unpacking only to pack again. and even worse my tennis shoes worn last week are still sitting in the trunk of my car with the dirty socks stuffed inside. nasty.

the reason of all this mess? a combination of working and living in the city on weekdays and then being out of town or having visitors on weekends. i barely have enough time to stop off at walgreens to buy myself some new toothpaste. these days by the time i get home i'm so tired i just grab my regular cup of ice water from the kitchen, change into my pajamas and throw the work clothes on the floor. i then wash my face, brush my teeth and scrub behind my ears like a good girl does and crawl into bed. only to get up again in about 5 or 6 hours to repeat again. wash rinse repeat.

oh it's a glorious life i lead. on a side note, i've been commuting and taking the train back and forth this week from san jose to sf. let me tell you this public transportation thing is losing its novelty real quick. but i'll blog more on that later. don't pee in your pants now.

i've come to the realization that i take my us citizenship much too lightly. i never knew and still don't know too much about the work visa process or getting a green card but just recently in the last few months i've heard the plight of many whose future is all wrapped up in obtaining the ever elusive green card. and for what? just for the opporutunity to stay in america. that's it. simply just to stay. something that i take for granted each and everyday as a citizen.

i guess it's because my parents took care of all of that for me. all i had to do was memorize a couple of facts of which i never even got quizzed on and go to some courthouse and hold up my hand and solemnly swear that yes i do pledge allegiance to the united states of america. at least that's what i think happened anyways. jon will have a better idea. he seems to remember so much more about our childhood than i do including the preschool we attended which i really have no recollection of at all.

but today i had lunch with a co-worker and as i listened to his visa woes it dawned on me just how lucky i am. how lucky that my parents were willing to leave family and everything behind to come to the states with minimal knowledge of english in order for their kids to have a better life. and yet here i sit still from time to time complaining about really the most mundane things that i'm even pretty ashamed to admit. take my co-worker's story for instance. both him and his girlfriend of five years are on work visas here in the states. hers expires in a matter of months and the quota for H-1 visas (i believe that's what they're called) is filled until october. so what happens? his happiness and really his future is solely determined based upon her finding an employer willing to provide sponsorship. if not, it's bye bye for who knows how long.

he is in the process of trying to find sponsorship for a green card and before the firm will ever commit to any type of sponsorship, he must be promoted this year with a high ranking. not such an easy feat. i was told the green card process takes a minimum of three to four years. is this true? i had worked with a manager a couple months back who just obtained his green card and he was the happiest man i had seen in quite a long time. ecstatic. for one little card that means so much.

i felt almost not worthy of my citizenship status as i listened to him describe to me with a passion all that he's going through. i just can't imagine not even having a choice of where you want to live and having the person you think you will marry carted out of the country because the quota has been filled. or not having the freedom to travel where you like without fear of not being let back into the country. i remember hearing a story once of a manager here at work who returned to their home country for vacation but ended up not being able to come back for a couple of months due to visa issues.

is it possible that i live in my little bubble and am so unaware of all of this? no need to answer or leave sarcastic mean comments. i know the answer is yes. of course all of this is based upon my limited contact with this topic but really it's stories like these that i hear about from time to time that do me a world of good and remind me that yes you are a spoiled girl and stop complaining about crap because really you've got it so much better than a lot of other people.