Smarty Pants

a friend texted me “you’re just too damn smart” the other day after i had shared with him the news that i passed the tax portion of my cpa exam (my hardest section) and when i read it i had to laugh out loud because you see, nobody has ever really called me smart before. usually the adjectives that are used to describe me are hard-working, or diligent and organized, i was even called simple-minded recently and on a more superficial level, i’ve been called cute and sweet but never ever smart. jon was always known as the smart one of the family, the one who barely studied for the sat’s but managed to get a high enough score that it was even mentioned in our local paper. jon was the one my parents would mention when the topic of what college your kid was attending would come up (a very popular topic among chinese parents) while i toiled away at the local state school. even during high school when we had the choice between taking calculus ab or bc, i initially chose bc but then even though i ended up getting the highest score on our first test, i was so convinced that there was no way i would be cut out for calculus bc that i immediately dropped out of the class and went down to the ab class. this has always stayed with me because i had so little faith in my abilities that i would always choose the easier road when possible instead of setting myself up for failure.

my strength was that i was very disciplined and was the one in class who would take copious notes and made sure i had a brand new five subject notebook (always college-lined) to start the semester and always did all of my homework. i was the same in college and did well enough to graduate with honors (at state mind you) but even so, in my advanced accounting classes, i always felt a step behind and was the last one in my group to understand the problem and the one playing catch up. however all of that sort of changed when i started working in the real world and realized that hey, maybe i do understand this and actually much better than lots of people i’ve worked with that even i surprised myself sometimes.

so you can see why that text message was so unexpected to me and well, according to my cpa instructor, the exam is not so much a test of how smart you are but a test of discipline. and i guess now all that discipline is really paying off because all those hours spent studying is working and i'm so close to my goal that i almost can't think about it too much for fear that something bad will happen along the way but for now, i plan on just chugging along until i can get that elusive three letters behind my name.

Eye Of The Tiger

Drawn by Alpha Male James

Flying High

it’s been a while since i’ve blogged (isn’t this how all my blogs start out these days?) so i figure i’m due for another update and it looks like things are on the up and up. the last time you heard from me i was stressing about the cpa exam and was just about to spend xmas vacation back home in san diego. since then i’m happy to report that i haven’t deterred from my cpa goal and while i am still in the process of taking my exams, the end is somewhat in sight and i am actually feeling for the first time that this is my year and i’m going to get it. sure my motivation has come and gone but overall i haven’t lost sight of my goal and have had much help and encouragement along the way. ideally i would like to say that i’ve passed everything by the time my birthday rolls around but if not, then definitely by the time i ring in the new year.

another big reason for my positive outlook is that i’ve come to really grow to love my condo and neighborhood and it’s almost silly to say but i never really realized how much of an impact the sun can have on you. my place now gets tons of sun throughout the day and something about that and just looking out and seeing the city and the bridge with the sailboats just makes me feel happy and content. i really don’t have much to complain about there. i’m also just wrapping up a one week visit from my mom and over the years, our relationship has gotten closer to where i really value her opinions and don’t really feel like there is anything that i couldn’t discuss with her good or bad. i’m also constantly amazed by her many talents (barf i know) and kind of wish some of that had rubbed off on me. i mean since her time here she’s been working on an oil painting to hang above my couch, completely redid my flower arrangements and cleaned/tidied up my place like only a mom could and even cooked for a little dinner party i had with some friends while we watched the nba finals and didn’t complain about it one bit.

since my mom has been in town we’ve been having dinner with my aunts and uncles and it’s been pretty interesting to hear them talk about our generation and try to get a better understanding of how we think. the topic of dating came up and i spent a good amount of time trying to explain that when someone “dates” it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re dating with the goal of getting married and that by agreeing to date it really just means that you’re becoming more exclusive and willing to give it a try. all my cousins on my dad’s side (at least the ones we have met and know of anyways) are all girls and as i’m the oldest i’ve somehow become the de facto role model for being an adult. lots of questions were asked of me about what i thought of roommates after college, how my perspective on dating has changed over the years and as i was talking i felt that I had grown a little older and wiser and actually had some life experience to share…that is until i remembered that i had just puked all over my car this past weekend and was brought back down to reality.

Routines & Traditions

it took me a little over 24 hours in san diego to have my first burrito and flautas meal and for those who grew up around here know just how absurd that statement is. 24 hours? my usual timeframe is within 30 minutes of arriving at the airport but this christmas trip home started off a bit different than the past years. and the difference is that jon isn't here. usually what happens is that jon will pick me up from the airport and then we always make the obligatory burrito pitstop with some boba to boot if i'm lucky. this time however, jon is in new york and not flying in until tomorrow so the task of picking me up was left to my mom and there was certainly no burrito stop on the way home. then i made grand plans to head to hotel pan and texted my excitement to anyone who would listen about how i desperately needed a flauta that very night but when push came to shove, it got late and i was too tired to make the drive out there and went to bed burrito-less. part of the issue also is i realized that without jon here driving me around i really have no idea how to get anywhere.

tonight i was determined to get some mexican and ventured out to hotel pan on my own and was so paranoid that i would get lost or would lose reception that i saved a screen shot of each page of the directions just in case. i made it just fine and maybe got a little over-confident on my way home as i somehow missed a turn and ended up driving 20 minutes out of the way before i even realized anything was amiss.

usually when i'm home i bitch and moan about how bored i am and how i can't wait to get back to sf but this time i am soaking it all up and loving it. part of it is because it's been a year since the last time that all of us, meaning my mom and jon, were home together and i found myself missing it. there's something to be said for tradition and routine and well, this is the closest to an annual family gathering that i've got.

i spent the earlier part of today getting a facial that my mom arranged for me and then we hit up a couple of stores afterwards for some shopping and then met up with my mom's friends son for a chaperoned dinner. now let me backtrack a bit. during dinner last night my mom inevitably brought up the subject of me getting older and settling down and dished out some sage advice (never date a married man for example) and spoke about her friend's son who was moving to shanghai and how it would be nice if i met him and we took him and his mom out for dinner. not really thinking too much about it i agreed because really what else did i have to do.

right after i could hear her making the calls and setting everything up for dinner the next night which was earlier today. so after our afternoon of shopping and such, she informs me that the mom is sick so it will just be the three of us out to dinner and when i protested a little, she came right back at me about my shitty attitude and ended with the phrase "fine if you don't want to go then don't" which of course had the exact effect she wanted of making me feel guilty and so off we go and while the dinner itself turned out to be fine i could not and still can't make head or tails of whether this was just dinner or if i've fallen for some type of mom setup again.

was my mom trying to set me up? some say yes but a part of me is skeptical since this guy is moving to shanghai in 2 days for work, something that mom is well aware of and so it just doesn't make sense to me. it was a little weird because him and my mom seem to get along really well and at times i felt like the third wheel and it was all very awkward as he would talk about me as if i wasn't even there like oh yes she is so gua (chinese for good/obedient) or she has pretty features and all the while i'm sitting right there and not really sure what i should be saying or doing. the best way i could describe him would be a smooth chinese businessmen but a little too smooth. such as when he told the waitress she had beautiful eyes in the hopes of getting our names higher up on the waiting list which didn't work by the way. and so that's how the night went. him and my mom speaking in mandarin about all sorts of topics while i sat there and interjected a word here or there and then when it was all finally over and we had dropped him off at home (oh yes did i mention that we picked him up at his house and that he came out wearing a pinstriped blazer) i was left very confused and not sure what the hell just happened.

and all this within the first 24 hours too! but it can only get more exciting from here on out as jon gets in tomorrow and the rest of the gang slowly trickle in throughout the week and i'm looking forward to finally having my chauffeur back to driving me around everywhere again.

My Albatross

for most of my adult life, i’ve been pretty spoiled and haven’t had to try too hard to get to where i’m at today. most of it seems to have just happened because i was in the right place at the right time or i’ve just been extremely lucky and i sort of just took it all for granted whether it be not studying all that hard in college but still graduating with honors (keep in mind i wasn’t at stanford or anything) or getting my first job out of college at one of the big five without even really knowing what that meant or even my current job now. it was my first interview after public accounting and i’m pretty sure i had no idea what i was talking about but still, somehow i managed to get the job without much trouble. all of that just seemed to fall into my lap without much effort on my end and i never really thought about any of this until the past year or so when the ever elusive title of cpa seemed to be alluding me. i’ve been trying off and on to get this damn license ever since college (yes i’m reaching double digits now shoot me please) and i’ve gotten to the point where i’ve passed 3 out of the 4 and with only 1 part left, i couldn’t finish it and proceeded to lose all of my credits.

just to give a little background on my history with this test. when i initially graduated, the test was a paper exam (yes that’s how ancient i am) and it was given only twice a year and you had to drive to some remote town and sit in a big warehouse type room with long tables and wall dividers between you and the next person and raise your hand to be given permission to use the bathroom and for the entire day from early morning until early evening, you would sit and take the exam. Each exam was about 4 hours in length so you’d take one in the morning and then another in the afternoon. back then, you had to get at least a passing score on 2 of the sections in order to get any credit and if you didn’t, well then too bad you would just have to wait until the next testing window which wouldn’t be for another 6 months.

well dear readers, i did this and studied my little brains out and on my first try ended up passing 2 at the same time. but then life sort of just got in the way and i could never muster up the motivation to finish the remaining two parts. eventually enough time passed to where my credits expired and i’m back to square one again. then a couple years later, i decide that yes i do really want the cpa so i start studying again and was doing quite well actually. by this point, the exam had moved to being computer-based and you could take it whenever you wanted (except the last month in each quarter) and you only needed to pass one section at a time. should be piece of cake right? that’s what i thought too. so i started studying again, one section at a time and was able to pass each one on my first try. then with one last part to go, i get rocked by a breakup and was in no shape to attempt studying at all and by the time i’m all better, my 18 month window from the time i passed the first exam to when i needed to be completed with all four is almost over and i make a half-hearted attempt at the last section but fail miserably and just like that, my three credits are gone.

wow this could end up being a longer post and more pitiful one than i thought now that i’m reliving through everything again. then a year goes by and i decide that yes, again, that i still want to be a cpa and am confident that it shouldn’t be too hard to pass them again. i mean after all, i passed 3 of them on the first try right? um no. i sat for my first section, felt reasonably confident coming out of the exam only to find out a month or two later that i failed. wait what? failed? up to this point, i’d never failed any of the exams that i actually studied for so this result shook me to the very core and after that i just stayed away for about a year and did nothing but play pretty much.

now it’s mid-2010 and for some reason, i decide that i want to try it one-more-time. my friends have heard this before. one of my friends when i told her was like i don’t understand why you torture yourself with this. at some point you just have to give up which I agree with and that is why i told myself i have to give it one more shot and if i don’t get it, then i should seriously consider and reconcile myself with the fact that maybe being a cpa is just not in the cards for me.

part of the reason why i am having such a hard time giving this up is because 1) i want it. i really really do. there was a time when i really questioned whether accounting was for me and what the cpa meant but in the end, it comes down to the fact that i want it and would probably hate myself if i didn’t give it another try. why else did i pull so many all-nighters in public accounting and go through the trouble of getting my audit hours if i’m not even going to use that for anything? 2) i’ve never had to try too hard at anything and now with this, i am definitely being tested and while yes i know it’s just a test but over time, it’s become to mean so much more. it’s become to be a test of myself and whether i have the discipline and perseverance to ride this out to the end and truthfully i don’t know if i do which is kind of what scares me the most. willpower has never been my strong suit.

but regardless, i’m giving it another go and i took my first part in October and found out last week that I passed! not by much and this is considered to be the second easiest part but for me it was a huge step. i knew that if the score came back negative i would have a really hard time motivating myself to start from scratch again and getting one under my belt gives me just that extra little boost to believe that maybe just maybe i do have it in me to stick this out and finally once and for all get rid of this albatross around my neck. I hope I’m using this phrase correctly. i feel pretty stupid when I see friends whom I haven’t seen in years and when they ask what i’ve been up to my answer is always um, still studying for the cpa and then the conversation kind of just stops there.

i’ve been receiving a ton of support from my friends and people who are encouraging me and really believing in me but i think part of the problem is that while all of it has definitely been very helpful and much appreciated, i need to start believing in myself or else i’m never going to get this damn test out of the way. so for 2011, i’m not setting any “real” resolutions except to get my cpa and hopefully find my way back to the girl who had so much confidence in herself that passing the exam wasn’t a question of if but rather a question of when.

What Was That Again?

i like to think that i'm one of those people who can read a shitload of information and retain it but i'm coming to the realization that no matter how much i try, my short term memory leaves much to be desired. i chalk it up to the holes i probably have in my brain from those years of drug use (no joke, i've seen those real life episodes on mtv) but what i've learned is that i can only learn new information in small doses. except of course when it comes to celebrity gossip because then i have no trouble remembering that so and so used to date so and so but now they're dating so and so but cheated with so and so. get the picture? but this short term memory thing relates to just about everything else outside of that. for instance, i feel like i'm constantly reading, whether it's on my google reader, the magazines jon subscribed me to or just on the internet, but i'll read all these different articles about a wide variety of topics but none of it is retained for long periods of time. it is literally in one ear and out the other. this also applies to movies and music. there's been several times when i'll netflix a movie thinking that i've never seen it before only to realize a little bit of the way in that i HAVE seen it before but i've just completely forgotten about it. or if i watch a movie now and you were to ask me a couple of weeks later how the movie ended i probably wouldn't be able to tell you. sad isn't it?

but all is not lost because i have found a way to circumvent this when it comes to music. and i found this out quite accidentally sometime last year and i really have holysocks to thank. it all started when i was convinced to go to the phoenix concert and as i was unfamiliar with any of their music, a homework set was made for me where each week, i would get assigned a playlist consisting of five songs and for that week, that's all i would listen to until i knew the songs well enough to be able to bop my head along and distinguish one song from the other. then the following week i would get another set of 5 songs and by the end of this exercise, i had listened to a good chunk of their music and when i finally attended their concert, i was astonished at how many songs i recognized and knew and was feeling quite proud of myself! because you see, i'm known for not being able to identify one song from another or usually what happens is that i'll get a shitload of new music at once but none of it stays with me because they kind of just all jumble into one big song and then i have no idea who is singing what or what band it is and i just end up feeling overwhelmed with the amount of new music that i have and automatically default to my britney days.

but all that has changed since that phoenix concert. since then, i've been given homework before each concert that i attend and i am loving it! because of this i've learned to love the songs of tegan & sara, two door cinema, LCD soundsystem, miike snow, a special set for the treasure island music festival and la roux among others. and while it may not be the most efficient way in learning since i can only cover a couple of songs at a time, it really works and makes me enjoy the concerts so much more and i feel like i've been introduced to so many more new artists the past year than i have in a long long time.

i mean i'll never get to the level of some of my friends with their vast knowledge of different artists, songs, their backgrounds but i'm slowly and steadily learning one song and artist at a time and that's all that my cheese brain can intake at the moment. i did read this pretty interesting article recently about improving memory and on why we seem to be able to retain useless information all the time. now i just need to figure out how to incorporate this into my everyday life and i should be all set.

Cutthroat Challenge

i wasn't sure if i had it in me for another round but alas, jon has convinced me and jenn one of my favorites is back so i guess i'm in. season premiere starts wednesday and wouldn't you know it but jon will be in town so we can watch it together in all its glory.

if you have no life as we clearly do not, come follow along with us here. in the meantime, hot bitches win everytime! i really don't believe that in real life i promise, only when it comes to mtv challenges. at least that's what i'm hoping for anyways.

Parental Approval

i've been on a bit of a buying spree lately and it all started when my mom came to visit a couple of weeks ago and since i knew she only had limited time here, we were constantly furniture shopping, rug shopping, appliance shopping, fixture shopping…basically anything and everything you could ever want to furnish a condo with we looked at and purchased. we were so productive that by the time she left to go home, my place was pretty much fully furnished and completely settled in and i was in love.

however even though she's been gone for almost a month now, the shopping has not stopped on my end or the constantly asking for her opinion on everything. i even started including my aunt from new york who was also out here during the same time and is largely responsible for picking out the new fixtures that i bought for my kitchen and bathroom sink and since then, i've been barraging their emails with random pictures or links to what i'm thinking of buying and or when i add anything new to the place. So far i've sent them links to a patio set and headboard i was thinking of purchasing and took pictures of my living room one night when i had the candles that my mom had put on the door lit up to show her what it looked like and most of all, i've even started buying fresh flowers on a weekly basis and arranging them myself in a vase and sending a pic of that to my mom. i even took pictures of me cooking one night so she could see whether what i was making looked ok or not and to also show her that the chinese tea she taught me how to make that is supposed to be good for my body and eyes was in fact getting made and drunk on a regular basis. the emails i've been getting back from her have been absolute gems and make me laugh each time. for my flower arrangement, her email read:

"i guess you bought a bunch of flower. it looks a little messy. i like to teach you do a simple way and will look better when we get together."

i never thought this day would come but i'm slowly becoming a mini version of my mom. in fact when i sent a picture of my condo to my friend the first thing he said to me was oh it looks just like your house in san diego but smaller and when i looked around he was right. i have curtains now, yes curtains! and fresh flowers on my dining table as well as a potted plant in my study. oh did i mention that when i took the plant home the first thing i did was take a picture to send to my mom and this is what she came back to me with:

"for my experience to water plant, you can let it sit in the water about 1/2 to 1 hour and drain the water out. this way the root really get enough water. you can try the different way and experience it. the most important is whatever you do it looks nice and fresh"

see what I mean? pure gold right. i walked away recently having just gotten out of a facial with night cream that cost almost as much as one month's worth of HOA fees and had to send the link to my mom and aunt to see if they thought i was crazy or not and should return it. obviously the answer was yes, i had a momentary lapse in judgment but it seems that nowadays when it comes to anything to do with the condo or any big decisions, i'm incapable of making them on my own. next thing you know i'll be actually seeking their advice and approval on what guys to date but if that ever happens, someone please pull me into reality and splash some cold water on my face to make me snap out of it.

Fresh Meat II

i've been a bit quiet on here but my newest make no sense waste of time project is playing in a fantasy league for mtv's fresh meat challenge II started by who else, jon. i know i know there's so many other things i should probably be spending my time on but i love these challenges and i need to ultimately redeem my poor showing from last time. so wish me luck and if you have no life as well, feel free to follow along on our blog and see how well or horrible i do!

Papaya Farm

my first real blog of the new year and sure i could write one summarizing my 2009 which is what i was initially planning on doing or what my upcoming resolutions are but now that a full month of the new decade is almost over i've lost my motivation and would like to instead discuss another much more important topic...my addiction to papaya farm.

for those who don't know it's similar to farmville on facebook i've been told (i hate all those status updates by the way) where you basically plant seeds and wait for them to grow to be able to harvest enough to process them using different tools you're given to be able to sell them for money to open up more plots of land to plant on. get it? either did i at first. it's the most mindless game ever as there's no real strategy involved since after three days of logging on, you're automatically advanced to the next level and part of the fun i guess is that you can steal fruits from your friends but you're limited to just one or two at a time so even that takes some of the fun out of it. despite all this i find myself completely hypnotized by it to the point where i've set my phone alarm on timer many a times to remind myself to harvest my shit before someone comes in to steal it.

i've been playing this game ever since thanksgiving now and my addiction has only gotten worse. it's the first thing i check every morning when i wake up and my hand automatically goes towards the snooze button and through my half blind eyesight i have to make sure i harvest everything before getting a start on my day. my only saving grace is that my cellphone reception at work is horrible so i'm not able to log on meaning for a good ten hours of the day i'm papaya farm free.

what makes all this even more great is that a couple (and by couple i mean three) of my friends are also playing so over the holiday break we would constantly be having conversations of hey log on so you can water my plants or my all time favorite "hurry come plant your love bouquet in my love garden". people would look at us like we were crazy but we didn't care. and now that we're all in a different city we've moved on to sending each other text messages of "can you send me a cucumber?" and i do it faithfully because that is how papaya farm works.

there's even certain etiquette and rules one must possess and follow in order to play with us. we recently found out that not only is there a farm but also a ranch where you can grow different types of animals and well once we found that out all bets were off. a certain someone decided that his only goal was to raise animals and didn't care about the farm so his job was to only grow grass for all of us and whoever happened to harvest (aka steal) it would be responsible for replenishing our ranch so the animals didn't go hungry. and there was quite an email chain going back and forth when a tiger was bought and all they ate was meat which is quite a hard commodity to get in this game and agreements were made on who would participate in co-raising this thing. we aren't kidding around here.

another friend blindly decided on a night out that he too would download this onto his phone and well, let's just say it hasn't even been a week and he has fully quit from the game but not before being called out for exhibiting "very unfriendly papaya farming behavior." but i give him kudos for not getting sucked in because in case you haven't figured it out by now, it is a total waste of time but has brought me some great shits and giggles in the past few months.

i only allow myself to plant secret roses and tulips on friendly land because it was getting too annoying having to keep track of what i planted where and when it was ready to be harvested to make sure i grew just enough to process and nothing more. i haven't quite figured out why exactly i'm so into this game and can't seem to quit but as a friend so eloquently put it "we are simply filling a void via virtual fulfillment. that and i am obsessive-compulsive." it's probably a mixture of both of these for me right now sad to say but seriously, after all this what more can i say? oh right...

hi my name is dacurious and i'm addicted to papaya farm.

Brainiacs

"One shouldn't confuse knowledge with intelligence. Is an encyclopedia smarter than you? Or a computer?"

-God is Dead by Ron Currie, Jr.-

Trix Are For Kids

taken from the dumbest generation: how the digital age stupefies young americans and jeopardizes our future:

"despite their circumstances, twixters aren't marginal youngsters sinking into the underclass. they drift through their twenties, stalled at work and saving no money, but they like it that way. they congregate just as they did before college, hopping bar to bar on friday night and watching movies on saturday. they have achieved little, but they feel good about themselves. indeed, precisely along the lines of reich's understanding, they justify their aimless lifestyle as a journey of self-discovery."

Ray Of Sunlight

it's been a rough week for me. i've been listening to mika's any other world pretty much on repeat this entire week and i still haven't gotten tired of it. i've been looking for his explanation of what the song means to him and i finally found a small snippet of him talking about it during an interview and it just made me love him even more. i was secretly hoping he would play this song during his concert but he didn't and it was probably for the best since i most likely would of broken down in tears over it. it's hard to put into words what i've been feeling but i guess the best way to put it is that i feel like i'm drowning. i've been an emotional mess lately with work and all of the pressure and stress so much so that i broke down in tears again this week making it the third time in as many weeks and almost lost it again when i heard my mom's voice in a voicemail she had left for me. more than once i seriously thought about just throwing in the towel and packing up all my shit and asking my mom if i could just move back home for a year or so. i was that desperate.

couple that with my own internal pressure and guilt of the cpa exam and how it's become so much more to me than just a test. it's become a question of my willpower and if this is going to be something that i'm going to be able to follow through on or not. more than anything for a brief moment there all i wanted was to hear my dad tell me that everything is going to be ok and that i'm doing a good job. but there isn't anyone around to tell me that so i've been listening to mika all week long and for one reason or another, i find great comfort with it.

while this week was probably the worst i've experienced in quite a while in terms of the hopelessness i felt, i'm happy to report that it's turned around a bit in the last day or two. i'm not sure what it was or what happened but i woke up one morning feeling just a bit more optimistic and sure of myself and that instead of just laying down and giving up i can feel a renewed energy in me and dedication which i hope can carry me through going forward. i hope.

Powder Gone Wild

Tropical Vacation

i'm a couple hours away from getting on a plane to go back home to san diego and i'm starting to get really excited. the main purpose of the trip is to attend my friend's wedding on saturday but not without getting to spend a day beforehand in san diego and while i keep saying that i don't see myself moving back there for quite some time, if ever, i'm starting to realize just how lucky i was to have been able to grow up there.

this time, two of my friends from sf will also be coming along. one who had spent a week with us during this past christmas getting acquainted with all the usual spots we used to hang out at during high school and basically just enjoying in our days of doing nothing and everything at the same time which is what san diego is all about. the other friend is coming down for her very first time ever. i always get excited when i have new friends come stay with us and we (as in me and jon) get a chance to show them around. i want them to meet my mom and stay in our guest room and enjoy the community pool (except this time for some reason it's closed and there's blue tarps covering everything up jon tells me) and taking them to eat mexican, boba, yogurt and dumpling inn and of course the obligatory visit to the beach. i like hearing them ooohing and aaahing and exclaiming how pretty everything is and how gorgeous the weather is and how they can't believe that we grew up here because when i think about it, and i often forget, i am pretty damn lucky to be able to call san diego my home.

when i'm back, i have no desire to explore any of the new up and coming restaurants or clubs that are popping up downtown and elsewhere. instead i just want to visit my usual six spots over and over and be done with it. i want to wake up without an alarm clock and hear my mom in the kitchen washing vegetables with her chinese songs playing in the background. i want to go into jon's room where he's fast asleep and mess around on his computer for a bit before spending a lazy afternoon at the pool working on my tan and then an equally lazy dinner at sushi or dumpling inn with some boba and yogurt afterwards in the heart of good old convoy to top it off for good measure. then i want to head to dynamite where half the time i don't even go in because it's "wack" but yet every single time i'm back home i always seem to end up going there first. then i want to grab some late night mexican and have everyone meet up back at our house for a night of hanging out and passing out on our living room floor in front of whatever movie happens to be playing at the time while i try to play the six chinese songs i have memorized on the piano to convince myself that all those years of piano lessons has not gone to waste. either that or going back to hong's house for a night of beers and poker while i walk around aimlessly trying to make myself useful.

and then i want to rinse and repeat all of it and that is exactly what i'm hoping to get to do once i get back home. so get ready dann and jas for the yang's version of your tropical vacation!

Whew, Still A Puma

London

it's been about a week since i got to london and what was supposed to be just a one week trip for work has been extended to two and today was by far the most exhilarating if not utterly tiring day. today was the first day that i have been entirely on my own and i spent all day running around from place to place trying my best to see everything on my list. for a little over eight bucks, i was able to take the underground all around london and it was the easiest thing ever. i don't understand why sf can't have public transportation like this but i didn't get lost once and i even transferred from train to train without any trouble and felt like a true local.

the last time i came to london was when i was 12 and while i knew i had seen all the usual tourist spots then (big ben, buckingham palace), what stood out more from that trip was when i was standing out in the rain in a phone booth on the phone with the guy i was dating at the time elated because that was the first time he said i love you to me. yes that's the stuff one remembers at that age, not historic sites or anything so all that i revisited again today. i started off at st paul's (the church that princess diana got married in) and made it in time to sit in on one of the sunday services and it was all i could do to pry myself away. i just wanted to sit there forever listening to the singing and staring in amazement at the walls and ceilings.

next i went on to kensington gardens and hyde park because i really wanted to see the princess diana memorial fountain (yes i have a bit of an obsession with her) and that had to be the biggest disappointment of the day. i probably should of looked it up before i went so i had an idea of what it would be but it basically just seemed like a stream with kids splashing around in their bathing suits and it seemed more like a makeshift waterpark than anything else.

from there i hit up harrod's the department store because my co-worker had told me it was a must see which i slightly disagree with, i felt claustrophobic the whole time and then it was on to covent garden which was just an outdoor square with lots of shops and boutiques along the way and then the big bang with buckingham palace, westminister abbey, big ben, house of parliament and the london eye all in one swoosh.

out of everything that i've seen here so far, my favorites have got to be trafalgar square (where the tmobile sing-along took place), st paul's, tower of london and house of parliament. i don't remember feeling this in awe of the buildings the last time i was here but then again, i probably didn't appreciate it for what it is as much. the london eye was a bit overrated but a must see just because it was new although i have no desire to get on that thing at all. it's a waste of 30 minutes if you ask me i don't care how great the views are.

my schedule everyday has been get up at 5am, try to go back to sleep unsuccessfully, meet up with my co-workers at 8am and take the train a hour to our office. then it's work like crazy till 6pm or so and run to catch the train back to london and then out to grab a bite to eat somewhere and then back home to get some more work done. it's been a bit crazy but i'm sort of loving it although after another week here i think i'll be ready to go home. i'm not sure how long i can keep up this pace given the jetlag, the lack of sleep, the being woken up by mosquitos and feeling dead tired all the time.

the place that i'm staying at is more of an apartment than a hotel which is nice since i have my own kitchen and living room so i've been eating in some nights when i'm just too tired to do anything and i even plan on doing laundry this week. yes my own washer/dryer here, something that i don't even have in sf. i'm located right across from the liverpool train station and i secretly hope each morning that tmobile will be filming another commercial there so i can break out in song and dance and be captured on film. liverpool i'm told is the financial district of london which i can definitely tell based on all the guys in suits in the morning and then at the pubs when i get back home.

it's been a whirlwind week so far and just some quick observations or comments:

- potatao jackets are all the rage here which is basically just a baked potato filled with different types of toppings. i got mine with cheese and butter but tuna and baked beans seem to be a popular option which kind of seem a bit odd to me.

- there's no toilet seat covers in any of the public restrooms. i'm not exactly sure why but if i had known, i would of made sure to bring my own before i came.

- i'm in love with the supermarkets here, mainly tesco and boots are the two that i've been frequenting. they have everything and i do mean everything and they sell it all in single size servings. they even have these little jugs of milk that are just too cute and it's just so convenient for those living on their own.

- the locals here are either really pale or really orange. as in too much fake bed tanning. i'm just saying...it's not a good look.

- my beacon home has been the "gherkin" building which is located near my apartment and can be seen from pretty much anywhere in london so when in doubt, i just look for that and walk in that direction and so far it's worked out quite well.

- trash cans are hard to find out in public and especially at train stations. it's usually just a plastic bag tied to a wall post somewhere and the reason for this i'm told is because that's where the ira used to hide their bombs.

- i walked in on a festival at leicester square yesterday and thought to myself damn the live music here is pretty good until i realized i had walked in on "spirit in the city" which was a christian festival and what i was hearing was prayer songs. there was even reconciliation booths around for those who wanted to confess their sins on a balmy saturday afternoon.

- gladiator sandals are everywhere and not just on the young and hip but even the old too. so much so that i almost convinced myself that i needed a pair until i remembered that i used to ridicule them. silently of course.

- i've been taking pictures up the ying yang since i got here and probably have taken more this one week than i have this entire year.

- i pretty much have no concept of money here. it's not that it's all that hard to convert but i don't even bother and just buy whatever i want whenever i feel like it. it's a pretty amazing feeling although i'm sure i'll regret it later.

- my favorite thing i've eaten here is this ham and cheese croissant sandwich from this little bakery at the train station in the mornings. it is amazing and i could probably eat one everyday but i won't. and for some reason, waffles are a big thing here too which i had no idea on but they are pretty delicious. it's the smell that gets me everytime.

- the perfect way to end a day of sightseeing: buying some roasted almonds and a hot dog off of westminister bridge and parking my ass down right underneath the london eye and just partaking in the scenery for a good hour or so.

- one of my favorite musicals of all time les miserables is playing here and i desperately wanted to buy tickets but i don't know if i'll get time to. tickets are ridiculously cheap ($80 bucks for the most expensive ones) and i'm still hoping i can somehow fit it in but it's not looking good. but honestly how amazing would that have been? to see les mis live again!

- my one wish that i didn't get to do was go clubbing one night but i guess that will just have to wait for next time. i entertained the thought of just going by myself but in the end decided against it. i'm not hong.

and with that, i'm off to get ready for another busy week and hopefully some more sight-seeing if i can swing it. if you've read this far you must really be bored or you must truly be one of my friends and for this i thank you. it warms my heart so.

Shoes Shoes and More Shoes

i was reading about this "shoe service" the other day and i am so tempted to sign up. the way it works from what i can gather is that each month, they email you a selection of five shoes picked out for you based on a survey you fill out when you first join and from those five, you choose the one that you want. and if you don't like it, there's a prepaid shipping label to return and exchange for another one of your choice. all for $39 a month. you can cancel at anytime and if for some reason, you just don't feel like getting a new pair of shoes on any particular month or aren't feeling any of the choices, you can skip that month and keep your credit for another time. now a pair of shoes for $39 is dirt cheap, especially for women's shoes so i'm a little skeptical at how this all works so i need to read up on it a little more but if it's true, this could be the best christmas present to myself ever. and i was looking at some of the shoes they have recommended in the past and i would wear a good majority of them.

of course half of them have three or four inch heels which i'm not sure is the most practical for sf but i pretty much wear heels everyday now as it is and what's a little pain sometimes for some good looking shoes. in case you haven't figured it out yet, i love love love shoes and i'm under the thought that one can never have enough. although half the fun of getting new shoes is the shopping aspect of it and not knowing what you might find but here it would be so easy. it would get delivered directly to my apartment which is almost like having my very own personal shopper. i'm already thinking about potentially sending out my laundry to be washed but i can't quite justify it in my head yet since it's really just out of laziness and the fact that i hate folding laundry and i already use a housekeeper every once in a while that maybe this is just the next logical step.

the only thing is, kim kardashian is one of the co-founders and that really makes me not want to sign up but i don't know if i can resist a new pair of shoes every month for $39! at that amount, i can still indulge in my shopping spree and do my part in stimulating the economy. or so i tell myself anyways.

Who Needs Muscle Tone?

i've been trying to be on this get in shape kick lately and i'm failing miserably. i'm starting to think that i need to hit the gym 24/7 and eat nothing in order to lose some weight and become toned and actually look like i workout on a consistent basis. it's real frustrating when i go to the gym now more than i ever have in my life but i look exactly the same if not bigger. tell me, how is this possible?

it seems these days that everyone i know regularly goes to the gym or does some type of physical activity to keep in shape. san diego is known as a mecca for hot bodies but for some reason, maybe it was because i was just naturally thin back then and it wasn't really a priority or no one really talked about it but i only had one or two friends who would go to the gym on a normal basis and everyone else seemed to just eat whatever they wanted with no real exercise regimen at all. but here, in sf, everyone works out. and not just workout a day or two here and there but at least 3 or 4 times a week and they aren't wussies about it either. they're either training for a half/full marathon or going for a "light" jog of 7 to 8 miles and doing weights on top of that. it's almost as if running here is a requisite for being a city dweller and your the odd man out if your not doing some type of physical activity regularly.

i still haven't been able to get myself to be on a consistent schedule for running because it's usually dark by the time i get home to run outdoors and i can't stand the treadmill. then on weekends, i almost always choose kickboxing class over running and there's no way i could/would do both on the same day. i'm starting to think that i need to just kickbox on weekdays and stick to running on weekends and then am i supposed to fit in weights there too? i don't know how people do it. i took a weights and kickboxing class back to back the other day and was pretty much dying and cursing myself throughout but surprisingly, i wasn't as sore as i thought i would be the next day which kind of makes me wonder if i'm doing something wrong.

in my effort to get in shape, i started a food log two months ago and have been real diligent in writing down everything that i eat everyday. down to how many thin mints or pringles i would consume (yes i counted) to the point where i was starting to write down a bite of tuna melt or a taste of so and so's sandwich that it started getting a little too ridiculous. this actually helped me regulate myself a lot until a couple weeks into it, i decided to do the master cleanse for a week and after my time was up, i was so hungry and devoured whatever i wanted for the week after that it was really hard for me to get back on track.

you would think for the amount of time i spend obsessing about what i eat or feeling guilty everytime after a big pig-out session, i would be in a little better shape than i am now but i'm not. i was told recently by someone that they thought i had an eating disorder and in thinking about it, i think maybe i do. not in a i'm anorexic or bulimic way but in that i have an unhealthy relationship with food but then again, what girl doesn't? even bethany frankel, a health food chef on real housewives in her new book basically touts taking small bites of everything even for regular meals (or so they say in reading some of her book reviews) that by the end of the day, she only consumes 700 or 800 calories a day. if i did that, i would be just as skinny too and she's a health chef by profession! that doesn't sound very healthy to me.

so i guess for the time being, i'll keep on writing in my food log and going to my kickboxing classes because it keeps me sane and maybe miraculously one of these days, i'll finally develop some muscle tone and maybe just maybe be able to do a real pull-up if my life depends on it.

Long-Time Blogger

lately it seems that whenever i get together with my friends the main topic of conversation is about relationships. whether it be about current relationships, past relationships, how to get into a relationship, everything is up for grabs and lucky for me i love talking and hearing about it. one of the things i've noticed about all of my past relationships is that i've never dated anyone who kept up to date on my blogs or tweets although that shouldn't really count since i just started it recently. but i've had my blog for almost 9 years now and not a one of my ex's kept up to date with it which always boggled my mind. i mean if someone i was dating had a blog i would be all over that shit. i religiously keep up with blogs of people that i don't even know and i never understood why the person that your dating wouldn't be just a bit curious in what the hell i was spending my time blogging about. maybe they just assumed that if something was on my mind enough i would bring it up in conversation but half the time, topics that make it onto my blog aren't really things that i would just bring up randomly or it's just little anecdotes or thoughts that really aren't all that exciting anyways but if i'm taking the time to write it, wouldn't it be something that they would be interested in reading? apparently not.

i did have one ex who started off reading it (this was back when i first started) but then would always complain about how i never wrote about him or "us" which got real annoying after a while and took the fun out of it for me. or i would have some who would read an entry here or there but then get upset about some of the things i said although half the time it wasn't even about them in the first place. and always always after we broke up, they stopped reading it all together and made it a point to tell me so which i never really understood. i mean you never read it when we were together so why would i expect you to start reading it now? none of my ex's have blogs so i can't say for sure if i would read it or not but i would like to think that i would. i even read the blog of this one girl that my friend sort of dated and the whole time i thought she was just the most annoying immature person ever but her entries amused me to no end that i was checking that thing everyday just hoping for an update. all the way until she apparently got married and found better things to do than spend her time blogging. go figure.

and now there's twitter which i'm semi-addicted to and i wonder if i would want someone i was dating to be following me or if it would only make me censor what i would say. ideally i shouldn't have to watch what i say at all but from past experience, that often times isn't the case. i used to be a lot more guarded on what i would blog about, nothing personal or anything about my insecurities and even to this day, there are some i haven't had the courage to voice out loud to anyone since i see it as a sign of weakness but i'm slowly getting better with that.

all these new online accounts really changes the whole face of dating these days. i mean you can facebook someone and do all this research on them before even going on one date. i recently had one or two guys in the past couple months who i had gone out on one date with request to be my friend and while i didn't really want to add them, i caved and accepted the request. facebook is a dying breed anyways and i hardly ever update but if they had wanted to add me on twitter, well then that would of been a different story. i'm even thinking about taking off some of the people who follow me now since i'm not really friends with them and it's something i'll probably get around to eventually but the one thing you definitely won't ever find me doing is linking my twitter updates to my facebook. i know some of my friends do it and good for them for being able to being so open but if i ever did that, i would probably just never tweet again and then where would i be? someone with a real life maybe.