busy season. it is the death of us all. at least for those of us dumb enough to choose accounting as our major. not only do we have to work long hours day after day after day after day (you get the idea) there's the freshmen fifteen that applies as well. except it isn't just confined to your freshmen years. it's every busy season you choose to put yourself through. meaning when i first started working, i ate. a lot. i wasn't used to working 11 or 12 hour days and not getting weekends off so in my spare time i would snack. as the lowest person on the totem pole i would be the one designated to bring in snacks for the team. morale building efforts you see. all paid for by the firm. so snacks they wanted. snacks i brought. cookies, gummy bears, gum for those with bad breath, chips in every flavor. basically anything and everything that could easily fit into the palm of your hand and dump into your mouth in one easy motion. as a result, at the end of busy season i was several pounds heavier. how much i couldn't tell you as there was no way i was stepping onto a scale but easily at least ten pounds i would think.

and so i spent the summer trying to lose it. with mild success surprisingly. but summer is meant for a season of bathing suits and shorts and tanktops and tan legs being i am from sunny california. what use is there when you finally lose the weight at the end of summer only to come into fall where pants and long sleeve shirts are required. oh wait it's summer here all year round. scratch that thought then but you know what i'm getting at. who wants to spend their time at the gym stuck inside when one could be laying out setting yourself up for skin cancer in the future.

and now i'm into busy season again. except this time i'm well aware of the freshmen fifteen. maybe i'm the idiot here seeing how this is my fourth busy season and i've made no real attempts to find something else but i mean fourth? coming out of college my mentality was to stay around no longer than two possibly three years and now here i am. stuck at four. with the same snacks surrounding me this time bought by my associates and it's all i can do to not eat them. which could explain why i'm chewing gum excessively and chugging water like a dehydrated runner. but it's not working.

it's only the second week into january and i've already gained weight. i can feel my stomache expanding and this morning i woke up with a belly. yes a true belly that sticks out. a belly on a guy is cute (as long as it is not the size of a beach ball) and on a girl is not so cute. and for those friends who are nice i'm sure you're thinking you don't have a belly...don't be silly but then again there are those who are not so nice (who seem to be my closer friends for some reason) thinking didn't you have a belly before?

so really this is what my day consists of. the constant battle to not snack and then the debate with myself on the way home from work of whether i should go workout or not. let's just say i haven't worked out once this year. you figure out which side wins. but maybe i'll finally get off my ass and go to the gym tonight. those elliptical machines are actually kind of fun except when i start huffing and puffing and blow the house down. or i can go home and make myself a big ass dinner and park in front of the tv to watch making of the video of toxic. britney spears. although that really was worth the fat i gained last night. those diamonds placed "strategically" on her body look hot. ok i better stop now. i sound like a lesbian. not that there is anything wrong with that of course as this is a politically correct website.

confidantes. there are certain people i tell just about everything to (actually i think grace is the only one that falls into this category) without fear of judgment or repercussion even after i've fucked up quite badly or done some things that are just too embarrassing to repeat and yet i've got no qualms in telling her. maybe because grace's way of thinking is just as fucked and messed up as mine at times which is why we're best friends after all. i'm sure the san diego crew will attest to our messed up way of thinking in a heartbeat but they're all used to it by now and can really only shake their heads at us. what else can you expect from two twenty-five year old girls trying to figure out what the hell they want out of life.

then there are others who i mainly turn to for boy advice and i lavish all my thoughts and confusions onto them and they spit out some pretty sound advice of which i never listen to of course and in the long run what they tell me will happen inevitably does and then i'm left screwed with nothing to retort except yes i know you told me so. quite a run-on sentence isn't it? screw proper grammar. it's surprising really that they still have the patience to continue listening and dishing out advice i never listen to. like i told them, sure i know what you're supposed to do or what the logical act is supposed to be but really i've either got no willpower to follow through or half the time i really just want to do what i want whether it makes sense or not. it's nice just to have someone listen though. folks that fall into this category would be mr marshman and mr wallace and it is to my bad luck that they too are friends and have been known in the past to discuss my stories among themselves. unfortunately for me, as they both are sensible logical guys with a good head on their shoulders they both tend to reach the same conclusion just about every time.

then there are those who i talk a whole lot of shit with. actually grace falls into this category too but she essentially falls into every category so i'll shut up about her now but as curtis pointed out in his blog, i've taken shit talking in 2003 to a whole new level. and i do mean a whole new level. except that now i tell the person that i'm shit talking about them with no qualms really. i am entitled after all to my own opinion. so curtis you get your balls back yet? ha. others that fall into this category is any member of the pc so basically that includes curtis, sanford, bren and then sam as the honorary pc member. then there's the occassional shit talking that goes on all the way from hong kong between me and nancy and who knew i could possibly type so fast but we girls must stick together.

ex-boyfriends kind of fall into a whole category on their own. i really only talk to three and one hears all my shit talking whether he likes it or not, another i hardly ever get the chance to talk to but when i do it's always fun and who knew our sense of humor would be so similar and finally, the last who calls to check up on me every so often just to make sure i haven't gone out and done something wild and crazy which i usually have and then i can hear the disappointment in his voice.

then there are those who you talk to currently that don't really fall into any category since it's a little too early to begin my shit talking and plus one musn't scare them away. and of course there's no point in telling them your guy woes as they're probably the one you're woeing (is that even a word?) about but it's quite amazing just how many little secrets you'll give up to a stranger really. but for however long you do talk they've almost reached grace level even if most often it's only temporary.

and that is a little glimpse into my bubble of those that keep me sane.

a case of the monday morning blues and boy do i have it bad. actually more like the monday afternoon blues. i got in to work around 1:30pm today and have been sitting here idly trying my hardest to get some work done but all in all i've put in maybe a good fifteen or thirty minutes so far. tops. i had a doctor's appointment at 10:45am and in my ambitious nature i had all the intent and purposes to get to work on time sharp at 8:30am, work for a bit and then head off for my appointment but alas i've failed. miserably too. alarm went off at 7:20am, got up and reset it to 9am and then proceeded to keep hitting snooze until 10am when i finally woke up to go to the doctor's and then waited to get my blood work done for another hour.

what a great way to start off the new year. i guess this getting back to the work schedule is going to be harder than i originally thought. at least i'm in the office until thursday so my brain can remain somewhat comatose for a little while longer. just a little while though. i've already checked all my 300 some emails while i was away with the majority of them being spam and advertisements for penis enlargement. thanks but the last time i checked i was a girl although i know it does get confusing sometimes what with the short boyish haircut and me going by "george". i've opened up all of my mail and put them in an orderly fashion inside a big envelope to look over sometime tomorrow and i've paid my visits to mr marshman and mr pio roda who showed me his excel spreadsheet of wedding expenses and i am now even more convinced that i may never want to get married. eloping is the key here.

my key highlight of the day was getting my regular pasta salad and tomato basil soup for lunch and then my green tea in the afternoon from our new flavia coffee making machine. it seems we keep changing those machines every year. is that really a necessity? don't we have better things to do with our time and money here like say replenishing the pens in the supply room? oh yes i did that too...i'm now all stocked up on supplies for busy season. aren't i organized.

they did have a sign up in the kitchen though that announced some new things for 2004 to look forward to with one of them being chai latte so that i'm pretty excited about. i just need to figure out where i can get it...i didn't see any flavia packs in the kitchen. kind of sad when the announcement of new coffee machines and chai latte can totally make my day but i've still got the sore legs to remind me of the fun this past weekend for curtis's birthday. it can only get better from here on out. i think anyways.

i got a tattoo over xmas break. about the only productive thing i've done since i've been here in san diego. well not sure if you can call getting a tattoo being productive but hey it got me out of the house for something other than eating and that's always a huge accomplishment. jon and i now have matching tattoos. of the virgo sign because for those not in the know we are twins. whee. we're bonded forever as if sharing the same womb wasn't enough. i got mine on my back and jon's on the wrist. i can see now why getting tattoos can possibly be so addictive. i love mine and the fact that jon and i got the same ones. love it. even my mom thought the concept was pretty cute. parents are always happy when the kids get along. i make sure to moisturize everyday and keep it out of the sun (not that it's been that hard considering it's been so cold here in san diego) and i will be nowhere close to a pool or spa anytime for an entire month. such a big sacrifice in this type of weather i know.

now i know you're all wondering...does it hurt? that was my main worry obviously. watching jon get his not just one but two tattoos first without making any type of face i was pretty close to convincing myself i wouldn't feel a thing. probably didn't help that i had greg, louis and caroline all standing in the room with me just expecting me to break out in tears. the pain was bearable though. hurt more than what jon said that's for sure but i took it like a champ. made some grimaces but really the needle was moving so much that if it did hurt it'd only last a short little while. besides after a while my back became numb anyways and it just became a dull throbbing pain.

walking out of the tattoo parlor with a paper towel taped on my back i felt like a badass girl. someone please play family affair now to pump me up or hella good by no doubt will do as well. finally after weeks of talking about it and thinking about it it's done. i've been asked if i think i'll regret it later on in life when i'm old and shriveled to which i always answer no because really how shriveled can my back get anyways and jon has the same one so that's enough for me.

next up could possibly be another tattoo with jon of our last name if only i can find an image that i like. but if i don't, i'm quite satisfied with the one i've got now and come summer time, i plan to sport plenty of tanktops to show that yes i've gone and survived through the pain and that yes i'm one bad motherfucka. just had to throw that pulp fiction reference in there.

i'm hating work at the moment. i've been working in sf the past two weeks and it's horrible. i wake up every morning a hour too late inevitably and somehow i never remember hitting the snooze button six separate times. i've been trying to go to sleep around 10:30pm each night in an attempt to wake up on time but have yet to be successful.

upon waking up i brush my teeth, put on my contacts, shower, figure out what to wear, put on my sumotech and makeup and then i'm out the door. all within thirty minutes. not bad i don't think. but then i sit in gridlock traffic for one and a half hours to the city. one and a half hours. it takes me about forty minutes just to get to the 280/880 intersection which should typically only take me fifteen minutes and then today...after driving for one hour i've only reached palo alto. someone please shoot me. if not for howard stern in the mornings i'd be bitching even more and trust me...i've been bitching a lot. to anyone who will listen. on a side note, did anyone hear the karaoke contest on howard stern last week? it was one of the funniest shows i've heard in a long time...so funny that i had to call mr marshman to share in my joy. my only other known howard stern fan.

then i get to work in a room that is so hot that i need to dress in layers which really pisses me off because i am unable to wear my cute winter clothes. and what's the point of having cute clothes if you can never wear it. no sweaters, no turtlenecks, nothing. after putting in my eight hours of working with clients who hate you and send you massive spreadsheets and plunk down huge binders full of crap that you have no idea what to do with i go home. for another one hour and fifteen minute drive. can you believe that it actually took me one hour to get onto the freeway last week? one hour! i literally stayed on the same block for forty minutes. i probably could of parked my car and walked to jon g's place in that time. ridiculous.

on my way home, i play the same cd's over and over because the radio sucks and i'm too lazy to change the cd's while i'm driving and i always forget to grab my audio book victor loaned me out of my trunk until it's too late. on a side note, i need new cd's jon. burn me some please. and soon! i then get home, eat a little something, proceed to get my ass kicked in top spin on xbox live by tri and vi which pisses me off even more and then it's off to get ready for bed.

oh and on top of all this did i mention that i've put on 1,500 miles on my car within a week and a half? my warranty is slowly disappearing before my eyes. everyone says well at least you're commuting in a nice car so it's not as bad. uh no. driving for three hours everyday is not fun no matter what car you're in. especially when half of that time is spent in bumper to bumper traffic. yes yes things could be worse. i could have no job and nowhere to commute to so i should be grateful but really...i've got to bitch a little. as my friend said this is taking the spunkiness out of you. who knew i was spunky but yes...it's gone. i'm tired all the time, my butt hurts all the time and my finger hurts all the time in an effort to find a decent radio station to listen to.

at least i've only got three more days of this before i'm off on my two week vacation and then it's back to work only to endure this all over again. did i already ask someone to shoot me please?

let's just change my name to naive george now shall we? or maybe this is a sign that city life isn't really for me. here's my story of how i was duped for a cool $20 last night. in my embarrassment of re-telling my story to jon g, martin and babbs i changed the story from $20 to $10 mainly so i wouldn't seem as stupid but the more and more i think about it the more and more dumb i seem. but what else is new...these types of situations just seem to find me for some reason.

as i pull into the parking lot across the street from where jon g lives a guy (the parking attendant i assumed) said $7 please. to which having just gone to the bank and only having crisp twenty dollar bills in my wallet i handed him one. he asked, do you have anything smaller to which i reply nope so he goes well i don't have any change so i'm going to run down to the store and get some. in the meantime you go ahead and park. so i do and i was a bit preoccupied in trying to figure out just exactly where i was and where jon g's building was but after standing around waiting for a cool five minutes with no sign of the guy coming back i started to get nervous. did the guy run off with my money? but wasn't he the parking attendant? i even asked some random guy on the street where he went...obviously he didn't know. wasn't quite sure what i was thinking there. i even contemplated calling jon g but then i was like well what could he possibly do? plus i still wasn't completely convinced i was duped. i still had a small ray of hope. just then i noticed a parking spot on the street open up so i went back to my car and moved it to the street and as it had now being close to fifteen minutes passed, i gave up and called jon g to let me into his building.

as i'm standing there waiting i noticed a big sign on a pole next to the parking lot which states in all capital letters i might add "NO PARKING ATTENDANT ON DUTY. DO NOT PAY IMPOSTER. PAY AT BOX". i had to stare at the sign for a couple seconds before it dawned on me...shit i just paid an imposter! i can't believe it...something like this has never happened to me before. the nerve! maybe they should consider putting that sign somewhere a little bit more visible instead of high up on a pole that no one's going to see until after they've already given away their hard earned cash.

so that was my twenty dollars down the drain. i do apologize though to martin, babbs and jon g for lying about ten dollars but you must understand my shame. and to top my night off, as martin and i were leaving, we noticed a parking ticket on my car because i failed to move for street cleaning. mental note that street cleaning is from 2 - 6am on mission sunday mornings. who knew. and as i drove martin to his car we noticed a nice little white parking ticket stuck to his car as well. $35 fine so all in all parking cost me about $55 bucks that night but oh wells. things could be worse and i got to hang out with some michigan folks so it was all well worth it. next time i pay at the box as should you.

the high point of my weekend in ohio had to be dinner at morton's steakhouse saturday night with chris, his older brother tom and his wife cassandra. i think it's the closest to being wined and dined that i'm ever going to get. first off his brother is a regular there. and i do mean regular. complete with his own waitress maxine i believe was her name and his own wine cellar. who has their own wine cellar at morton's? crazy. but lucky for me he had just gotten back from a weekend trip to napa (a place i have yet to go to but will be soon with victor hopefully) and brought back a whole crate of very expensive wine. before dinner we sat in the lounge area and i felt like a real sophisticated adult what with us sipping red wine, making conversation and tom and chris smoking their cigars. it was pretty amusing actually to see the managers kiss ass like no other and everything was mr brigdon this or mr brigdon that and as i was part of the party, i too got my ass kissed a bit. it was great. i highly recommend it. made me feel extremely important.

dinner consisted of two appetizers, lots of side dishes complete with hash browns, broccoli, asparagus and baked potatoes. then came our entree of which i ordered the rib eye steak which was damn good and all the while i'm drinking my wine like a real lady and thought to myself so this is how the rich people live. we got dessert...some godiva chocolate cake thing that was very very good...i highly recommend it and then chris ordered me a michelob beer (low carbs too it said on the label which i thought was pretty funny) and of course i had to finish it off with an after dinner drink on the house of bailey's on ice. yum. all in all our total bill came out to be over one grand and some change. yes you read it correctly. one grand! for a night out at dinner? damn. i don't even know how the bill got to be that much but i'm assuming maybe it has to do with the two bottles of wine we finished? i'm not sure how expensive they were but i'm assuming it was up there.

before dinner chris and i had gone to his brother's house or should i say mansion to visit and i got to see eric clapton's house (or it's rumored to be eric clapton's house anyways) which was down the street from tom's house and then the president of the limited lived a couple doors down as well and all of these houses were huge. it was ridiculous. i could barely believe my eyes. and just to show you how ridiculous this whole thing is his brother even has his own private jet! his own jet! i thought only movie stars and rappers could afford this. in either case, it was a really great experience and if you'll excuse me i must leave work now and go home and heat up my frozen dinner.

NOTE: blog written yesterday in a state of delirium due to the events below.

i hate chicago. or rather yet i hate having to connect flights through chicago. now i finally understand why it’s nicknamed the windy city. i type this as i sit here at the airport in the last hour of my three hour layover. but let me start from the beginning. i went to ohio this past weekend to go visit chris. originally booked a 6:30am flight to leave friday morning to cleveland only to arrive at the airport well ahead of time (a little more than a hour) only to find out that the security line was one hour long. on top of the thirty minute wait to check in my luggage. needless to say, i missed my flight. by ten minutes exactly. why the hell are there so many people at the airport anyways so early on a friday? must be some business reason i don’t know about. so i'm forced to wait another two hours until the next flight to cleveland but oh wait. it gets even better. chris calls and was like hey i was looking at your itinerary and it says here that you’re flying into cleveland. is that correct? uh yes i mumble. why? because i don’t live in cleveland, i live two hours away in columbus. columbus? i don’t remember him ever telling me that…there’s got to be a good reason why i booked it to cleveland but most likely not. my memory is horrible. so lo and behold, as my luggage was already on the 6:30am flight to cleveland, chris had to drive two hours to get me at the airport and then we drove two hours back. trust me i was apologizing profusely but all he said was “this is a very george thing to do” and i’d have to agree sadly.

the next day i try to switch my flight to fly out of columbus but to no avail. damn airline wants to charge me for a whole new ticket at a steep $630. f-ck you. so i decide instead of making chris drive another four hours for my mistake i rent a rental car instead and drive myself. only to get to the airport and find out that my flight is delayed a hour because of “winds” in chicago which means i would miss my connecting flight. go figure. But hey i figure if my flight is delayed maybe my connection will be delayed too right? uh no…of course not. the flight i miss leaves on time so i’m stuck on another flight two hours later. a freaking two hour layover? damn. so there i sit on the floor with nothing to do except chat on the phone which isn’t all that bad since i did a lot of catching up with people but still… when my cell is just about out of batteries, i decide to finally go to the gate only to find out that yet again my flight is delayed another hour and so here i sit, my butt sore and my tummy hurting because out of boredom i have consumed a mcdonald’s hamburger, filet o’ fish, a hot dog, chicken noodle soup and two scoops of ice-cream during my time here and now i’m hating myself and my stomache is hating me too. i did succeed in finding a power outlet though next to the ticket counter which the ticket counter lady so graciously let me use but now i feel like a paranoid freak because i’m convinced someone is going to run up and steal the phone away lying helplessly there on the floor. but i’m watching it like a hawk don’t you worry.

all in all, i was supposed to arrive in san jose at 7pm but now won’t be arriving until close to 11:30pm which means taking into account that i first arrived at the airport at 1:30pm eastern time (10:30am pacific for those a little slow) i would have spent a full 12 hours at the airport on top of the 9 hours I spent on friday.

yes yes need i mention, never ever connect through chicago especially when it’s windy out because you’ll get fucked like me and waste an entire sunday here. but on a more cheerful note, the weekend with chris and seeing ohio was really fun and i will blog more about it later.

today is the two year anniversary. or yesterday if you're going by the american calendar but officially it's today. november 9th. and ironically father of the bride was playing earlier on tv. a movie that i used to love but learned the hard way that i should probably never watch again. at least not for a while anyways.

as i spend my lazy sunday doing nothing but eat and watch tv i get flashbacks of the exact moment when i found out, what i was doing just hours earlier and the weeks that followed. seems almost like a dream. it's right around this time that i get sickening needy and depending on the mood either want to be surrounded by people but with no one talking to me so i can be left alone with my thoughts or take nyquil and just sleep. sleep is probably what i need as once again i'm sick and my head is spinning while i sit here blogging. when the hell did my immune system become so weak anyways?

for the past couple of weeks or so i've become or at least have been acting like this needy insecure little child who is constantly looking for attention and affection and really, if you could see some of my actions or thoughts it's really quite despising. and annoying. at least to me anyways and i'm sure some others. and i know all this but just haven't cared enough or wanted enough to do something about it. willpower is overrated anyways. but i had a friend mention that perhaps the reason why i was acting or thinking this way was due to the two year anniversary...a comment that i thought was so off the mark at the time but in thinking more about it, is probably true. i don't think i ever really appreciated family gatherings before but these days, hearing about large family thanksgiving dinners complete with turkey and cranberry sauce (and i don't even like cranberries) seem pretty ideal to me and i can't help but feel a twinge of jealousy. why? because the family is off in little units in separate places and i don't see a family gathering of this sort in the future anytime soon.

but nevetheless they say the first battle is admittance and yes i admit i've become one of those needy whiny annoying girls i see on mtv specials all the time and make fun of but i'll be kicking it in the butt for good. and soon. i am off to ohio this weekend to visit chris which i'm really excited about and i think a little trip away from san jose will do a world of good for me as i have become someone recently that i don't particularly like and staying here definitely isn't helping.

i had someone ask me recently why i like to drink so much. not just drink but why i go out, get plastered, black out, end up not remembering much from the night before and then go out again the next night and do it all over again. and the best answer i could come up with was why the hell not. it's only recently that i've been on this drinking binge. before i'd have a drink here or there but now when someone asks what do you want to do tonight my usual response is let's go drinking. i've got my little method all worked out too. it used to be i'd have a long island followed by a mind eraser and then i was all good for the night. but i'm now i'm on the belief that long islands and mixed drinks makes me bloated and hence i expend way too much energy in sucking in my stomache and not being able to enjoy myself as much. so i've now moved on to shots instead. and shots only. no mixing. one smooth gulp and down the pipe it goes and let the buzz begin. i've even sunk to ghetto drinking beforehand because hey those $9 shots at clubs add up pretty quickly.

i did get a pretty good laugh though when certain people thought i was slowly turning into an alcoholic which i assure you i am not. far from it. but i would like you to organize an intervention though. that would be a hoot. my san diego friends surrounding me...the lone girl in the group (besides nancy and grace of course but well one is in hong kong and the other is mia) lecturing me on the evils of drinking.

but this did get me thinking. why do i drink so much? i have just as much fun sober most of the time anyways and never feel as if i need alcohol to make it through the night. i don't even really have issues with not being in control of my actions because i'm usually a pretty fun and good drunk and know my limits to where i won't be puking my guts out in public. and i don't normally do anything too embarrassing things when i'm in my blackout stage except for ok maybe the time i fell or rolled off the stage or poured a beer all over someone which i feverishly apologized for the next day) but nevertheless, my whole take is hey i'm still young, still able to go out clubbing or whatever it is without getting looked at funny because i'm too old (although some 19 year old girls did exclaim to me at a halloween party last weekend "you're pretty cool for an old person"...with old meaning 28. come on now, do i look 28 to you? damn little fuckers and i do say this lovingly of course), and why not a little alcohol here or there?

my favorite is when i go out with a group and everyone drinks. everybody is in a giddy loving mood and i love it. one of my best memories of clubbing was at backbeat back in february when the sd folks came in for josh's wedding and we all danced and drank our little hearts out that night. even mr jon yang. so for now, i believe i will keep on drinking until i get sick of it or i get a serious beer belly but bring on the intervention if i'm still like this a couple years from now. i know i know alcoholism is not a laughing matter but i've never been addicted to anything (not even cigarettes although some people are in denial of their addiction) and don't plan to start now.

i seem to never learn my lesson. woke up friday morning with a fever and headache but as i was supposed to get onto a plane that night for vegas what could i do? except start drinking up at the airport and hope it goes away. and it was all well worth it. i've never gone clubbing in vegas before. all my previous trips consisted of me being under 21 and going to circus circus with the family and winning garbage bags full of stuffed animals. i did go to vegas earlier this year (i think it was this year anyways) but no clubbing. wanted to but learned about the "system" instead which is just as good. this time however...i go a clubbing baby.

flew into vegas friday night after work and immediately went to aladdin where we checked in, changed and got ready and then out we go to risque. some club at paris. let's just say i got pretty drunk, almost got into a fight with these korean chicks and for the record it was not my fault and i don't even think i did anything although the entire night is a bit hazy with some blank spots that needed to be filled in. i do remember having to be restrained by one of my friends and yelling back at the girl while she took arm swings at me with me being very far away. stupid chick. not quite sure how it all ended but i'm sure it had something to do with maggie stepping into the middle to calm them down (she even offered to buy them a round of drinks to which i was like hell no don't buy them shit as they're just ghetto ass girls looking for a fight. oh wait...i almost got into a fight too does that make me ghetto? nah i don't think so) and the security guards coming over. on which they noticed how drunk samantha was and once again she got kicked out making it twice in one month. what can you do.

we then venture on to olympic gardens, the two story strip club where i got my very first lap dance from a guy. don't remember all that much except that i've decided strip clubs aren't my thing. sure the boys are nice to look at but a personal lap dance? no thanks. apparently my lap dance guy was really hot and i did try very hard to look at his face but it was all blurry but no worries. as long as he was hot and i do trust patty and maggie's taste.

saturday was rain at the palms. going to vegas with patty is great since we never have to wait in line and boy was the line long. we got there around 9:30pm and there was a three hour wait already. sure rain was nice and yes i know it's very popular but to wait three hours to go clubbing? that's dedication right there. although this really is the one club to hit if for nothing else but to ogle at all the good looking people. i've never gone to a place where everywhere i turned it was one hot girl or guy next to me. and not hoochie mama types either. classy girls which was a nice change from some of the hoochies i've seen at the clubs up here.

i did pay for all that clubbing and staying up late though. came back with an even worse fever than i started with and had to call in sick monday and showed up for work a bit dizzy and light-headed the next day. i doubt my laptop screen is supposed to be all blurry but hey it isn't every weekend i get to go to vegas. saw some hot looking people, met some new friends, burned calories while dancing...what more can one want out of a weekend.

another weekend and another wedding has gone by. this time it was jack and grace's with jack being a friend from chinese school way back in the days and a true bachelor if i ever knew one. crazy how everyone is getting hitched one by one. i'm sure my mom will be glad to know that going to all these weddings this year has planted a little seed in me in thinking about my future and some of the things i'd like for my wedding but not quite enough to want to get married for another several years at least. i am glad to report though that this is my last one for the year. not to say i don't enjoy each and every one that i've been lucky enough to be invited to but seven or eight in one year? i'm only twenty-four! oh wait...i'm twenty-five now. damn. the wedding craze started in february and hasn't stopped since. not to mention all the flying back and forth to san diego has made my monthy budget quite non-existent.

my 30 some hours spent in san diego this past weekend was quite productive. for san diego standards anyways. flew in saturday afternoon, got ready and went to pala mesa resort for the wedding with the whole family. basically me, my mom and jon but it was nice to have the whole fam together again. it's been a while. thank goodness i'm a twin as i didn't really know many people and either did jon so to pass time we waited at the entrance where the hors d'oeuvres came out so i could pluck them when they're fresh and warm. at least i did anyways. jon just stood there laughing but hey, i've got no shame. this was probably my favorite wedding decoration wise. everything was just very simple but elegant and classy. got to make mental note to self.

then it was off to celebrate hong's birthday where we started off at some place called pirate's cave i think and then ended up at bar dynamite which i actually liked a lot. free cover at both places and lots of old fat black men hitting on you. can't beat that. hong started off the night with "this is my best birthday ever!" and "i've never had my buzz maintain for this long" to coming home and "i hate you all" all the while throwing up with his head in the trash can. it was a kodak moment. oh wait it IS a kodak moment. ha.

sunday was brazilian bbq which to me personally is overrated but i guess if you're a guy and a meat lover i can see the appeal. got to eat dinner with my mom again that night along with my cousin where we bonded over hot and sour soup and dumplings. well not exactly bonding but me asking a lot of questions and my mom answering. almost like an interrogation but a nice one.

i'm not sure why but i think this trip to san diego did a lot of good for me. i think over the past couple of weeks i was starting to doubt myself and became less confident (as mr marshman knows) and fret about little things that never used to faze me before but i'm much better now. i don't feel as weak and dependent as i was feeling not saying that i'm still not now but it's going to be something i work on going forward. a goal for 2004 cheesy as it might be. i guess that's what spending time with your closest friends can do and made me realize that yes people do care and it's nice to hear every once in a while. so thanks and glad i was able to be there to see your drunken haze hongk. i won't be giving out negative vibes next time i promise.

public display of affection. otherwise known to the masses as pda. i'm a big opponent of this. why would two people want to makeout and swap spit for all to see? it's even worse when it's one of your friends doing it. strangers i can put up with as i can just walk away but when it's one of your own...there's really no escaping it.

i used to be pretty neutral on the topic but over the years i've come to despise it. well despise is a pretty strong word but i just can't come up with something better on this friday afteroon. why am i so against it anyways? i really feel like pda can and will change the group dynamic by making everyone uncomfortable. at least it makes me very uncomfortable. half the time i just avert my eyes and hope it ends soon or they'll have the sensibility of mind to walk away. the extent i'd like to see is the occassional hand holding and maybe a little peck on the lips but that's it. oh hugging is fine too but not like a i'm hanging on to you for dear life type of hug. that's a definite no no in my book.

i could potentially be called a hypocrite since i too do display pda at times but only when we're out in public among strangers and there's no friends around. then i'm all for holding hands and the lovey dovey type stuff but when out with friends, i try to remain as platonic as possible. to the point where one would have a hard time deciphering if we're even a couple. at least that's what i shoot for but it's rarely successfuly. sometimes just out of habit i'll reach out and grab a hand but hey you can't shoot me for that.

my stance on pda has even gotten some of my friends to fear being affectionate in front of me. which kind of surprised me since yes it's true that i don't like pda but hey it's not so bad to where i can't deal with it. my dealing with it is to sit there and give you my evil eye...well not really or at least i hope not but i have been told i give dirty looks sometimes without even knowing it. so if i have to you i do apologize...it's not on purpose. well sometimes it is but usually not.

of course all my rules go out the window when i'm drunk. then i could really care less what's going on and even better if i don't remember it the next morning.

why is it so hard in the bay area to meet girls? and i don't mean just for guys but for girls to meet girls too. no lesbian action here...just some good old fashion girls to go shopping with or boy talk with or gorge on dessert with. i tell you when they tell you the ratio of guys to girls here is 7 to 1 they're not kidding. i can literally count on my hand the number of girls that i know and actually hang out with from time to time but when you count the girls i know who actually go out and do stuff like clubbing i'm down to one. miss maggie yip. yes it's a sad phenomenon but thankfully she's pretty game to do just about anything all the time. otherwise i could very well be turning into a guy with all the testosterone i'm around. i already play more video games than i should, ogle at girls along with the boys at clubs and swear like nobody's business at times. maybe i really am a "george".

as the newly just moved to san jose victor loh proclaimed to me "all the decent looking girls i've seen have boyfriends." it only gets worse i'm sorry to say. it's a sausage fest everywhere. it's gotten to the point where when anyone meets a girl i'm like bring her out. oh invite her to this invite her to that. i'm actually perfectly fine with hanging out with mainly guys but ahem some of my certain guy friends up here have been complaining a lot more and louder than before about the lack of girls that we hang out with. we need more estrogen in our group. seriously. apparently having maggie and me isn't enough.

and of course as i'm blogging this just to illustrate my point i'll be going to hukilau's tonight (a hawaiian restaurant with half off drinks, half off appetizers and $5 pitchers...can't get any better on a thursday night) with the boys plus one new addition of victor and then me and maggie. then it's off to clubbing saturday to watch the asian american idol contest of which i certainly am intending to get drunk and heckle as loudly as i can unless they actually are good then maybe i'll cheer but once again you guessed it...it'll be the boys and me and maggie. catching on to the theme yet?

not that i'm complaining about the guys of course. i mean babbs is here although i don't really know how to get in touch with him, victor loh is here as is jon g. all great additions. any addition is great. martin's trying to get out here who knows when...maybe we can start a "move to the bay area" revolution? that would just make my day...so move here already people and don't be intimidated if you're a guy. maybe by that time i'll be asking for girl's phone numbers as well. i am known as a friendly drunk.

eric and anna's wedding. wow. words can't even do justice and i'm not even sure i can describe all the feelings i felt but i'll try. i've been to four or five weddings during the year and this by far and away blew all my past experiences out of the water. it was so amazing to me the love and friendships i felt oozing out of every single person at the reception. it still amazes me time and time again after each big get together with the michigan folks how they all just accepted me and treated me as one of the "family". beginning with my first ever visit to umich freshman year seven years ago (damn was is that long ago?) to attending huaren shows and watching funktion perform for the first time on the diag (i believe it was their first time anyways) to the new york trips after graduation and culminating in the wedding of the year. or years.

i really can't express how glad and grateful i am that i'm even able to be a part of a group like this. kudos to jon for always inviting me out to visit. i believe it was amy kuo that made the statement during ddt that some people won't ever be able to share or witness this kind of love and friendship (excuse me if i butchered her line...it was 6am after all) and that really struck me because at that moment, sitting on the floor half asleep it hit me suddenly how lucky i am that jon decided to go to umich instead of ucla and i was able to come visit a ton and meet everyone. and i'm still meeting new people each and every single time we all get together. the experience that we all shared this past weekend was amazing and i'm really just so grateful that i was able to witness it.

the love i witnessed between anna and eric really restored some faith i had lost in finding true love. over the years along the way somehow i came to the belief that true love does not exist but i found myself wanting to believe in it again and hoping that i too will find it one day.

my favorite moment of the wedding. the entire group slow dancing and as hong told everyone to look up at the mirror, i could feel tears come to my eyes just at the intensity of the moment only to look around and see half the group crying as well (although ahem...jon didn't which isn't too big of a surprise). i truly am just so honored and glad i was able to participate in an event like this and more importantly to have met everyone that i have over the years.

some other highlights for me included pigging out in the hotel room with the girls, staying up all night sort of (i did take a two hour nap) to participate in my first big group ddt (i just recently learned what ddt stands for), singing along to all the songs while dancing and watching everyone jump up and down as if nothing else mattered in the world, realizing i still hadn't washed my feet sunday when i had been dancing barefoot all night long, telling leslie that fact and watching her die of laughter at the apothecary and of course, being delirious from lack of sleep at the airport with amit and leslie while watching sex in the city. "$1.75" cookies anyone?

i do realize this is somewhat of a cheesy blog (ok maybe very cheesy) but i just finished looking at james's pictures and all the emotions and feelings came back up so i just had to blog about this. thanks for another incredible experience and to jon especially for inviting me to umich so much and introducing me to everyone.

for the ultimate wedding pictures taken by mr james wang himself, click on this.

in less than 24 hours my ass will be sitting on a plane to detroit with final destination in kalamazoo. i think anways. i can't remember exactly where the wedding is going to be. in either case...what's the occassion you ask? me having just given it away two sentences ago but who cares...anna and eric's wedding. essentially THE wedding of the year for umich folks and seeing how i am the twin of mr jon yang i'll lump myself into that category as well.

words can't describe just how excited i am. for the wedding of course but also just to see everyone again. haven't seen a lot of them since my last trip out to new york earlier this year and each time it gets better and better. i could quite possibly be seen as my own person now instead of as jon's twin...my ploy to steal jon's friends is working. ha. not really. but it is kind of cool as jon g has moved to the bay area although we have yet to hang out but we are to get silly drunk tomorrow night together. no turning away drinks this time. sujeet has volunteered to be my personal chauffeur and pick me up from the airport of which i'm very grateful for. even mr james wang has flown out from san diego to mingle with the michigan folks. it's going to be a grand weekend.

i'm not even that upset about my 6:30am flight tomorrow morning since i'll be getting in early enough to hang out in ann arbor. unless my memory serves me wrong which is very possible at my old age, i haven't been back to jon's campus in quite a while. ever since i graduated three long years ago.

now if only time would go by a little faster or it would be even better if a miracle happens and a surge of motivation rushes through me to get all my work done. i swear i haven't done much all day but what else is new. not even the deadlines looming up and my growing to do list is making me concentrate on work.

oh wells. maybe this weekend will rejuvenate me to work harder when i get back. pigs do fly right?

i was reading this survey conducted by glamour magazine (so take it for what it's worth) on why guys go to bars or clubs. is it to meet girls? obviously the number one answer. get wasted? have a night out with the boys without having to deal with any whining or jealousy issues? this is all nothing new but all of the guys made it a point to mention that yes they go to these type of social gatherings to meet girls but would certainly never expect themselves to date any of them. or heavens forbid...meet their girlfriend there.

i personally think it's all a bunch of crock. guys just say that because it's the thing to say these days. or they've heard so many other guys say it before them that it's almost a requirement and people these days have no originality. i could possibly fall into that category although i don't like to think so but who knows. i do listen to the radio all the time but i have been listening to jon's cd's a lot more now so i'm getting better. feel free to send good music my way. my thinking is if the guys who makes these type of statements consider themselves to be so great and upscale and yet they're going to bars, is it so impossible to imagine that you can possibly meet a nice girl to bring home to mom and pop? i consider myself to be dateable material although i'm sure jon and others would probably disagree but heck i go clubbing all the time and so do my friends and i think every one of them would make a great girlfriend.

unfortunately my whole thinking on this topic was pretty much smashed to pieces last night. well ok maybe not smashed to pieces after just one experience but i can see why guys would say that now. i went to this club called blue tattoo yesterday mainly because the playboy playmates dj tour landed there and why wouldn't i want to see some playmates up close and personal? at a club in san jose nevertheless. however i was pretty much in for a disappointment as the two who showed up were not all that hot. as my friend said "are you sure they were playmates or are they just associated with playboy?" but after some careful scrutinization on my part i've determined they must of been at some point in their lives a playmate. take into account the big fake boobs, the blonde platinum hair, the nice fake tans and skinny ass bodies...playmate material.

although there were some cute girls there last night (i did notice by the way that they all seemed younger than 21 and i refuse to believe it's because i'm starting to get old) there were plenty of hos and sluts too. plenty. and as i was standing there by the bathroom for over a hour (don't ask me why) looking at all the drunk girls falling over each other i started thinking that hm...maybe the guys do have it right. it IS hard to find a nice girl amid all this madness. and even if she was nice normally she could very well be making an ass of herself now so how is one able to distinguish? a little alcohol will bring out the wild child in all of us. unless of course you're one of those belligerent drunks that i hate and wish would just pass out and go to sleep.

it's times like this that one i'm glad i'm not a guy and two i'm not a ho or slut because they certainly make for good gossip the next day with my friends as you know, i drink haterade as bren says all the time although i do have to disagree. sort of.

i went to dinner last night with the family. at least the relatives in san jose anyways minus my cousin ashley who decided to not come in order to stay home and do her homework. how very admirable. she is a newly member of the institution called high school so i do admire her dedication but i'm sure it'll go away after a couple of months if not weeks. i'm such a great role model i'm sure. it's not very often that we do dinners like this but nothing like a quarter century birthday to get everyone together.

during the conversation my uncle was like how old are you now? and when i replied with 25 both him and my aunt seemed shocked. 25?!?! are you sure? uh yes trust me i wouldn't be adding anything to my age on purpose now. then of course the topic of marriage came up and how kids these days were getting married older and older and well back then my aunt and uncle got married when they were 25 and my mom after some calculation was 26 i believe. hailin, my other cousin who is currently 21 and i both stated proudly that hell no we're not anywhere near getting engaged and personally we both don't see that happening till at least 28 if not later.

i started reflecting on my past 25 years and i have to say, i'm in a really good spot with myself now. not sure when this turnaround happened but it was sometime definitely in the past year or so that i became really comfortable and secure with who i am. sounds cheesy i know but it's true. no longer am i going through the quarter life crises of being insecure and wondering where i'm going in life and being depressed because college, the best years of my life supposedly are over. instead i feel like i'm in my "prime" so to speak now and i'm loving it. my job isn't the greatest but it's not the worst thing either. i'm happy with what i make now seeing how i have no one to support which translates into lots of play money. i love being on my own and able to afford vacations and not having to worry about studying over the weekends or getting shit done. excuse my cussing...it has been brought to my attention recently by a friend that i've been cussing and dropping the f bomb a lot which i'm not quite sure why yet but i am trying to stop. really i am. it's not ladylike i suppose.

i feel like i actually have a personality now whereas before i was so muddled in trying to figure out who i am and pleasing everyone that i became basically this complacent person who was just there. invisible almost. it wasn't too long ago that i blogged about becoming more domestic and the joys of shopping for patio furniture but these days i've pulled a 180. sort of. i find myself wanting to go out more and trying new things and just partying it up. when i was 21 or so i thought for sure i'd be over clubbing by my mid twenties but here i am now smack in the middle of my twenties and the partying bug is going nowhere...in fact it could possibly be getting stronger.

my attitude now essentially is i've come to realize that it's not just college that is the best years of your life. i'd argue that life after college is the best time once you get over the post-college depression. mainly because you actually have money now to do crap instead of being broke all the time. i'm hitting my prime years now and want to do everything and get it out of my system now so i'm not looking back when i'm 30 or so and wishing i had done this or done that...no regrets. i've seen too many people like that and i'm going to do my damnest to not repeat their mistakes.

this is a long post so read at your own risk.

cancun 2003. just got back a little while ago from a week long vacation to cancun mexcio with two of my girlfriends from college and i'm now sitting in hotel pan blogging about it. there's plenty to say but no scandalous stories to reveal. sorry guys. i know it's a big letdown. it's a shocker but amazingly i only went clubbing one night and didn't get wasted and only had maybe three other drinks total the other nights. am i getting old? i certainly hope not.

my vision of the cancun trip was pretty much girls gone wild and being completely wasted all the time as i would imagine what spring breakers go through but the trip itself was pretty tame. a lot of fun still but certainly not as much partying or drinking as i was expecting. it probably helped that one of the girls i went with was recently engaged and the other had a steady boyfriend which translates into more touristy activities and being in bed by midnite but i think i enjoyed it better this way. i felt like i saw and accomplished a lot and another bonus is i actually remember everything as i have being known to blackout when very wasted. as some of you may have been privy to witness.

i took two tours which lasted all day and participated in one party bus night. one tour to chichenitza to see the mayan ruins and another to xcaret that was kind of like a mexcican version of sea world if that makes any sense. without any of the shamu and dolphin shows but complete with a petting zoo. the trip to chichenitza consisted of a three hour drive on a bus where the air-conditioning was working a bit overtime so i proceeded to freeze my ass off with no jacket to keep me warm. the ruins itself was pretty interesting though. not sure i would go on the tour again but i guess it's one of those once in the lifetime things you should just do. the weather was way too hot and humid for me to pay any attention to what the tour guide was saying and i felt like i was on a middle school trip where my friend and i lagged behind the group and just hunted for shade whenever we stopped. the highlight of the day was climbing to the top of the pyramid because damn i'm out of shape and it was so hot i had little pools of sweat forming in my bikini top. a lovely picture i'm sure.

then on the second day i went to xcaret where i went snorkeling for the first time. although jon now tells me that i've been before but i can't remember so i'm now pronouncing this officially as my first time. that was probably the best part of the trip for me. i snorkeled down a river and we could swim through caves with skylights and waterfalls although there weren't very many fish to see until the very end. i did get pretty excited a couple times though as i kept thinking i saw fishes swimming around until my friend pointed out to me that i was just looking at leaves. very sobering indeed. after snorkeling it was off to the beach and relaxing in the hamocks and trying to soak up some rays lying out in inner tubes on the lagoon but the weather just wasn't cooperating. then at nighttime there was a culture show that i wasn't quite sure what to expect from it but it turned out to be really good. if something can keep my attention for two hours you can sure bet it's somewhat interesting.

finally i was done with all the touristy stuff and could go out on the beach for a day of nothing but working on my tan. my plan worked a little too well as i got horribly sunburnt to where i had to buy aloe from the drugstore and for a day there i thought my back was going to breakout in blisters. but i'm a little better now thanks in case you were concerned although the back of my legs is still bright red. i probably wasn't too smart in deciding to go out in the sun for 5 hours in peak time using only a SPF 4. but in my defense if i even have one was i had to be certain i came home noticeably darker and i did go to cancun during thunderstorm season and it had been raining for a hour or so each day when we were there so seeing how the weather was so unpredictable i had to be sure to soak up all the sun i could. and well i am noticeably darker now but also in a great deal of pain. fair tradeoff? fuck no. i've been going to sleep in my bikini tops the past two nights since it was so painful. surprisingly yes hotel bedsheets feel much better on your skin than a cotton tanktop. future note of reference for you future vacationers out there.

now on to the scandalous part. or lack thereof. i went on the party bus where you ride in this double decker bus with music blaring from the speakers as you get taken around to three different bars/clubs for the nite with all you can drink. i had ten shots i joke you not as well as several jello shots and was only very tipsy. i'm sure it's not because my tolerance has gotten any higher either. damn those watered down drinks. the only guys my friends and i met was this 45 year old black man from missouri who had gone to cancun without his wife but with her permission. no he wasn't hitting on us...he was actually pretty cool and even bought us all two roses since it's not everyday three mid 20's tipsy girls are so willing to hang out with him. i did get to go to coco bongo which is supposed to be the best club there and i had seen it on wild on e! the weekend before i was set to leave for cancun so i was expecting lots but i suppose once you've become a club whore like me, all clubs seem to be the same no matter where you go. even in cancun.

the rest of the week was spent eating lots of chips and salsa, drinking pina coladas, talking to the locals and shopping for souvenirs. i have never been whistled at by guys so much in my life but i've pretty much determined anyone with a vagina will get whistled at so it wasn't all too flattering. it got to be quite annoying actually and while gift shopping the vendors would always say "come on senorita, buy something for your boyfriend?" to which i would reply well what if i don't have one and the response would be "buy one for your ex." can't win with them i suppose. while shopping, i thought i had found the perfect gift for the boys but boy was i wrong. well actually most of the boys liked it (ie. victor, gene and jimmy) while the other more girly boys (ie jon and james) actually turned down my gift and wanted something else. the gall of them! i had brought back these corona bottles with a clay figure of a guy and girl having sex attached on which i personally thought was hilarious and even went back to buy two more because i was so sure they were going to be a hit only to come back home to find out otherwise. although the girls (ie nancy, may and susan) thought they were pretty funny too. we can clearly see who the cooler ones of the bunch are now can't we and who the not so manly guys are? ahem.

so i took pics of them for your viewing pleausure and my question is do you find these gifts funny? i would think normal guys would love them but i'm clearly not hanging out with your run of the mill average guys i suppose. or am i just off my rocker and these gifts really are tasteless and i never should of bothered to lovingly hand carry them on my carry-on bag back to hotel pan?

if you've made it to the end of my blog kudos to you. it certainly was a long one but well i only go to cancun so often and must jot everything down while it's still fresh in my mind for future memory sake. it's gone quite down the drain these past couple of years. so kudos to you.

first annual hot dog eating contest. how this idea came up i have no clue but i was certainly going to be there to cheer everyone on. four contestants. all guys of course because we girls are delicate and don't do stuff like this. ha. yeah right. i scarfed down two hot dogs for dinner before the competition even started. looking back i probably should of waited as we ran out of hot dogs at the end but you can't blame a girl for being hungry. i believe we had 32 hot dogs which sounded like plenty at the time but we weren't prepared for mr caly nguyen. the official 2003 hot dog eating champ. nine hot dogs in twelve minutes. that's pretty impressive no? he actually kind of reminds me of the little japanese hot dog eating man (i'm sure you know who i'm talking about i'm just drawing a blank on the name right now) since they're both skinny but can eat a shitload and their stomaches stick out abnomally big afterwards. why i know this i'm not sure but i do.

in either case hope you like the pics. my first post with my new digital camera. more to come with cancun of course :)