a blast from the past is what today has been. while sitting online this morning i received a very out of the blue message from an ex boyfriend, one that i haven't spoken to in about three years and never thought i'd speak with ever again frankly. trippy. and not only that but i also found out that he has a three month old son, is getting married in the next coming months to an older woman who also has a three year old daughter from someone previous. i sure know how to choose them don't i. the thing is i was nuts for this guy as in head over heels and wound up getting dumped because he chose partying over me. looking back there was so much crap i put up with and he might be what society calls a "loser" and well even to this day friends that i hung out with back then still tell me he's a loser and was never going to go anywhere and i pretty much knew this but either i was too drugged up to notice or i just didn't care. it's probably the latter unfortunately. however it did make for a pretty fun summer.

but not only did i get back in touch with him today i also spoke with his two roomates from when he was living in the barracks. yes that's right he was in the marines and i pretty much lived there an entire summer although technically you're not allowed to have girls stay overnight so we would always have the curtains drawn and when someone knocked on the door i'd run to the bathroom just in case. the closest incident to me getting caught was when the fire alarms went off one night and as part of the procedure, everyone has to leave the barracks and line up outside while the officers came in to check each and every room. initially they were going to hide me in their closet but after some thought they decided to bring me outside and just have me wait until everything died out. so outside i went and as my ex brought me to some place to sit tight what happens. lo and behold as i'm waiting there other girls starts showing up and then another and pretty soon there were five or six of us idiots standing outside in the cold waiting for our man.

i pretty much identify each one of my bf's with a certain time period in my life. i have one for during the young and naive stage or my just get out of college stage and with this one i define it as my hardcore partying stage. it all seems to be a blur and for good reason but i remember we would drive up to la every weekend and party two or three nights a week. looking back it was pretty ridiculous but i loved it and don't regret any of it. the most insane thing we did was probably go to a rave friday night till till 6 or 7am, then head over to magic mountain for the entire day and then to grace's apartment to rest for a couple of hours and then went back out again. or maybe it was grace's and then magic mountain. who can remember.

in either case i was pretty much frazzled for a good hour or so as i was chatting with him about what he's been doing and then i chatted with his two roomates online and on the phone and well it was just weird. it was nice talking to them but it's amazing that even after four years i can be transported back in time so easily. apparently all of his friends think he's stupid for not marrying me but well i guess that's not such a compliment considering he's never gone to college and was kicked out of the military. sad thing is i was the one who got dumped and not vice versa. clap clap for me now won't you?

it's not even dinner time yet and i've already done my good deed for the day. today i volunteered. as in woke up at 8am and went to oakland to help an organization similar to habitat for humanity clean up and paint a boys and girls club. now before you start thinking what a great heart i have i actually went because jon g was going. he had gone last weekend but i dutifully bowed out but this week i decided i should go. i've never done any type of volunteer work except for soup kitchens back in college and have always wanted to do something similar to habitat.

and so we went and it was actually a lot of fun. for five hours i taped up windows and painted. and then painted some more. i must say painting seems so much more fun on trading spaces than in real life. i was assigned to paint the exterior and at first starting out i was quite slow as i was very meticulous in my work but when i realized that everything and i mean everything was being painted orange it no longer mattered if i accidentally painted over the line a little. it felt a little like i was back in high school especially when we received our paper bag lunches and was sitting in the parking lot munching away.

this also marked my first time in the heart of oakland which is known to be quite ghetto. i've always been told or heard stories on the news but today i got to see it firsthand and it wasn't as bad as i thought. i swear every car that drove by us had to have their music turned up to the max degree but the funniest thing i saw all day was this guy in baby blue and white warmups pedaling his bicycle down the street with a cooler holding a boom box on the back and blasting his music wherever he went.

volunteering brought back memories of me wanting to be a social worker before i was convinced by my dad that it wouldn't be a good profession to enter into but if felt nice to be helping out for a couple hours although it was damn tiring.

it's been about two weeks of me living in the city now and so far so good. for all those who had to listen to me bitch and moan about my tiny room and small closet space has the right to smack me upside down in the head because i seriously was on crack the first time i viewed the apartment. my room is not that small nor is my closet nor is my bathroom. on move-in day all i heard over and over was your closet is NOT small and either is your room. i'm so glad i made the decision to move up because i'm pretty much loving my place right now. the only bitch i can complain about really so far is the commute down to san jose but i haven't had to make it very often and even then it wasn't too bad.

and ever since jon g suggested i walk in flip flops and tote around my heels with me i haven't been dreading walking to public transportation so much anymore. i even went online to purchase myself a very cute paul frank tote bag to lug around. one of the big differences for me from living in san jose is that i feel like i need to plan a lot more now that i live in the city. plan as in i have to map out how to get home and which bus to take and what stuff i can take out of my laptop bag so i don't show up to work sweating like a horse as i did the first time i walked to work.

i've even bought myself a nice little fold out map of the city so i can try to learn how the streets inter-connect and maybe eventually learn how to read a map but i think i'm slowly getting it. i learned how to get to safeway the other day without much help from jon g (sort of) so that was very exciting. i've even been taking the bus to work with a couple of little mishaps along the way or maybe big mishaps depending on how you look at it as i've missed my transfer bus each and every time but it wasn't such a big deal. by the time i found my transfer stop i was only two blocks away from work anyways and when you're wearing trusty flip flops two blocks is nothing. one thing i did learn though is that one must use force when pulling the cord to alert the bus driver to stop. apparently i didn't put enough oomph into mine and i just sat there as the bus rolled right through my stop. the butterflies in my stomache prevented me from saying anything. another thing that's a little difficult for me is i have no clue which way is north or what not so when my trip planner says to wait at the south west corner of this street it's really pretty much a shot in the dark for me. i almost feel like i should carry around a little compass but that's gay.

my goal is to be one of those people who know where everything is. or at least have some idea anyways. oh you want french food? follow me we make a left on this and that street. or even more ideal would be if i could tell you which bus you need to take. i don't really see that happening though since the muni map is the most confusing thing ever but for now, i've got my routes to work and back figured out and just like bob one must take baby steps. i've still got a little over one year to figure this city out so i'm not worried. for now though my top priority is to buy a damn couch and then we can start decorating.

i'm on vacation this week and the only purpose to my taking five days off was to pack. i move to san francisco this weekend and why i need an entire week to pack i'm not quite sure but it worked out actually since i ended up having to work the past two days. but this is not just any ordinary packing that i'm doing. instead of just throwing things into boxes i have been organizing. it's a slow and meticulous process but luckily bren's been helping me to where we've become a well oiled machine. he even taught me a nifty little trick in putting garbage bags over clothes so they never have to be taken off the hangers. my room has been organized into neat little piles. a pile to bring with me, a pile to give to my cousins and another pile to donate to goodwill. i've even got a goodwill truck coming to me this week to pick up some chairs i had inherited from chris but really have no use for. now if that's not good moving i don't know what is. even after giving away ten pairs of shoes and two large trash bags full of clothes to my cousins, i still feel as if i have too much clutter. i'm very against clutter these days. i've decided i am no longer allowed to buy any sort of trinkets unless it can be hung up on the wall. or maybe i should just put shelves up in my room. that could work too.

my biggest problem is i have a real hard time parting away with sentimental things. for example, i've accumulated three sweatshirts in my years from ex-boyfriends and not once have i worn them since we've broken up but yet i refuse to throw them away. same goes for the blue extra large kansas city t-shirt i bought with chris. i've only worn it once or twice and it's much too big but i'm taking it with me anyways. along with that are a dozen notes and cards that i don't think i'll ever part with. not a good trait to have when your biggest worry about moving to the city is closet space. ridiculous i know. i'll have another blog coming up on that so keep your opinions to yourself please.

i've heard the rule to cleaning out your closet is to throw away anything you haven't worn in the past year. sounds easy enough but actually much tougher than one would imagine. i really made a concerted effort today to throw away all the clothes i've been keeping for the day i lose some weight and i think i did a pretty good job. i even found dresses with tags still attached that i bought from love boat back in 1997. i finally came to my senses and gave them away but it was after much deliberation. i even found two or three pairs of shoes that i completely forgot about so i was pretty excited about that.

it's been two and a half years since my last move so i'm a bit nervous and probably a bit paranoid in over-estimating the amount of manpower i'll be needing. i've assembled a small army of friends to help me move. i've got four people meeting me in san jose and then along with those four, another three or four that will be meeting up in san francisco. a bit too much? probably but i figure it's much better to have too many people than not enough. although everyone keeps telling me i don't have that much stuff i feel like i have too much stuff. i almost filled up an entire recycle bin today with just shoeboxes alone. scary.

a couple of things to keep in mind for those who plan on moving in the near future. because you know i am an expert now considering i've been packing for nearly the entire day. lesson number one...always reserve your truck as soon as possible. ahem curtis. the hours allotted to you can be quite a bitch sometimes. lesson number two...always remember to fill out your change of address form with the us postal service. now for this, there are two options. one is to do it online but there is a one dollar charge or you can pick up a change of address packet yourself at the post office and mail it in. now i highly recommend the do it yourself approach. i've tried it both ways and well let's just say that my mail never got forwarded to me when i did it online. lesson number three...always buy mattress bags. i learned of these things on my last move and they're great! be sure to buy one for the mattress and one for the boxspring. it's well worth it i tell you. and finally, lesson number four is to try to borrow boxes as much as possible. medium sized boxes at uhaul are $2.50 a pop. blasphemy i say. and with that said let's hope my move this weekend goes off without a hitch and really it's in these times of needs that you are glad your friends hit the gym on a regular basis and are willing to lend you a helping hand.

should overweight people be forced to purchase two airplane tickets? i've thought about this and although it is humiliating i've decided that yes they should. we've all heard the age old excuse of it being hereditary and a sickness that one has no control over but i've never heard of someone exercising and eating properly who ballooned up to 300 or plus pounds. i read two articles recently with the first one about a woman that weighed 600 pounds and was having breathing problems and when the ambulance came, they estimated she hadn't left the couch in two or five years that her skin itself was infused onto the couch. can we say disgusting? she literally had to be brought to the hospital with the couch attached and then was surgically removed. and with all this effort she still didn't make it. the second article was about a guy who weighed close to 1,000 pounds (yes you read it correctly...1,000 pounds!) and had recently lost 300 with another 450 to go. i mean these are pretty end of the spectrum examples but really who was the wife who kept feeding her husband until he reached quadruple digits?

i think everyone (with the exception of those with insane metabolisms in which case i hate you...except grace of course) goes through a fat period in their lifetime but after a couple of months you would expect one to wake up and go hey i can't fit into any of my pants anymore and all i see is my tummy when i look down. i better hit the gym and start snacking on celery.

i myself went through a fat period. i remember it clearly as it was a very depressing time in my life. it was my senior year of college and i'm not even quite sure how but i ballooned up. a lot. i won't divulge how much i weighed here as it is depressing but all i would wear was sweatpants and warmups and there were only certain tops i could wear to hide the bulge. on top of all this, i started breaking out like a teenager going through puberty and there i would be in front of the mirror, wearing my sweats and size large tanktop putting on foundation and coverup. the only time i've ever used foundation and hopefully i'll never have to again. i became a hermit never wanting to go out or meet up with friends but to add more insult to injury, during this time i had to fly to michigan with my mom to watch jon's performance and i distinctively remember me getting ready in the hotel room furiously applying cover-up and blowdrying my hair to try to hide as much as possible. it was a real low point for me and it was at that moment that i decided that i needed to shape up or ship out. whatever that means.

so get in shape i did. but i do remember the pitfalls of being fat. i'ts like a slow downward spiral that's hard to stop. you lose your self-confidence and begin to look at yourself in disgust but to make myself feel better i'd sit at home and snack which didn't really help things. it was pretty amazing the binges i'd go on looking back. way more than my binges today. remember the 3 for $5 arby's beef n' cheddar. that was a particular favorite of mine. so in a way i feel bad for those forced to purchase two airline tickets but i believe that if you got off your ass and did something that issue should never be a problem so pay away they should.

and just when i thought i had put the fat days behind me and either burned or threw away all pictures taken during that time, what happens. i walk into my mom's room the other weekend only to find a framed photo of me, jon and her taken in michigan with my face caked in cover-up and wearing the tight blue sweater i purposely chose to wear in an attempt to hide the lumps. very depressing but after much pleading she has agreed to take it down and in turn i've promised to provide another family picture to frame. i just hope there aren't anymore of those fat pictures lurking around.

tomorrow is august 8th. or ba ba in chinese. the day us chinese folks celebrate father's day. the reason why is because father is also pronounced ba ba in mandarin so it's all very fitting. for some reason, i was never aware of this fact until maybe a year or two ago at which point the date became pretty useless to me but my mom reminded me of it a couple of days ago. i'm currently in san diego for the weekend and it just so happens that i will be here for ba ba day. however that translates. lovely.

i've been finding myself quite reminiscent the past week or so but i usually tend to go through one of these mood swings from time to time and then will snap out of it and be the usual cheery self that i am. it all started with a luncheon last sunday. my father was the president of the chinese golf association and for their annual father/son golf tournament (which was started by my dad...another fact i never knew until recently either), all these uncles and aunts i've grown up with made the eight hour commute on a tour bus to san jose to compete with the golf association started by jack and eming. as i was sitting at the table explaining that yes i'm a family friend and no i did not play in the golf tournament i could hear uncles charles announce to everyone "...as our ex president could not be here with us today, we are very fortunate to have his daughter here to represent for him" (in chinese of course). everyone's heads turned towards me and lots of clapping followed and for some reason or other i could feel tears welling up behind my eyes.

then last night was the first night i stayed at the house my mom and i purchased and it felt nice to wake up to her old school chinese music in the background and the sounds of the gardener in the backyard and knowing that yes she has a fresh plate of cantaloupe waiting for me in the kitchen. we then embarked on a mother/daughter day and it felt nice to be able to buy her lunch and gossip about who's doing what these days and hear that yes once again i'm not to casually date anymore or that i need to take care of my skin but what surprised me the most was that she asked me a couple of questions about my dad. perhaps it's not all that surprising to you but we've never really talked about it before and we still didn't really talk about it today and i'm not sure i'll ever want to talk about it but just the fact that his name was brought up threw me for a loop. and all the while all i could think about was what if.

lots of what ifs i won't even go into but all these feelings of nostalgia lately is actually doing me some good i think. these days it's so easy to just move on and look to the future that at times it's good to look back and remember the past which is exactly what this weekend so far has been for me and i'm quite grateful for it.

cinderelly, cinderelly night and day it's cinderelly. make the fire, fix the breakfast, wash the dishes, do the mopping and the sweeping and the dusting. they always keep her hopping. she goes around in circles till she's very, very dizzy. still they holler keep a-busy cinderelly!

i hope that as you read the lyrics you were able to imagine the high-pitched voices of the mice and them dancing around as this is what has been going through my head the past couple of days. it is probably a great exaggeration but lately i've been feeling overworked, underpaid and just plain outright grumpy all the time. and i'm saying this after having just returned from having two weeks off when in theory i should be recharged and ready to take on the world. but i'm not. i'm already secretly plotting on where i can go for my next vacation and what weeks i should plan on taking off.

lately i've been feeling that all i do is work. work work work work work. even in my spare time all i can think about is how much more work i have to do and how i need to get home so i can work some more. is this normal? i already feel that i work a lot more than the average person and yet it's not enough. but then again when i compare my workload to some of my friends i've been relatively lucky. for the last couple of weeks i've pretty much hit a routine of putting in my full eight hours at the client, bum around for a hour or two depending on how lazy i am then work a couple hours more until bedtime. it's a bitch and i hate it but on the flip side, i just watched spellbound the other night and after seeing how much work and dedication they put in i thought to myself perhaps i've forgotten the meaning of what hard work is? i will have to ponder that in another blog.

my job is known for its high turnover but here when someone leaves for a regular 8am to 5pm job (that usually pays more by the way) it is almost looked down upon because really how can they expect to be challenged or won't they get bored after a couple months? i used to think the same thing and was under the impression that working a regular 40 hour job would be quite dull but i'm singing quite a different tune these days. but then again you are talking to a girl who is all for marrying rich and no longer having to work at all. where's the independence you ask? out the window after only four years in corporate america. getting off of work at 5pm daily doesn't sound too bad to me now and who cares if i'm bored at work? it's only for eight hours anyways. i'm sure i'll survive. 

but for now while i try to figure out exactly what it is i want to do i will continue to complain about work all the time and bitch and moan about the hours and relish in the fact that when i do sign on at night to work i can pretty much guarantee that there will be at least one or two friends online working with me as well.  

now i am in no way calling myself a basketball fan because frankly ever since the larry bird and magic johnson era i have no clue who is who anymore nor do i really care to learn about all the new players. everyone that i was familiar with such as kevin johnson, clyde drexler, ron harper, charles barkley, kevin mchale and danny ainge are all pretty much retired i believe and working in offices behind the glitz and glamour of the nba.
 
but recently with the upheaval of shaq to miami i've been hearing a bit more here and there but it wasn't until last night that i was introduced to the newest gossip this side of town all wrapped up in a man named carlos boozer and the cleveland cavaliers. apparently this controversy has been going on for some days maybe even weeks now and i've been quite oblivious of it. seeing how bren is a huge cavs fan i've been hearing rants and raves about this situation but never thought much of it until i finally read some articles about it and well i must say, it's not surprising as these days there is no such thing as team loyalty anymore but it is quite disappointing.
 
i hope you too agree that carloz boozer is a big fat liar and believe the cavs owner 100%. if he never made the promise to re-sign there's no way they never would of exercised his third year option. that would of just been plain stupid. just go read this article.  what an ass. heck even his agent quit on him after the fact. he is clearly on the opposite end of the spectrum of the sports most honorable athlete, pat tillman. unfortunately there's many more boozers out there than tillmans these days. what a shame what a shame.

i usually try to do one big vacation a year and this year it was puerto rico. well actually i only started my one big vacation a year motto last year but hopefully it'll keep continuing. at least until i'm married and settled down anyways which appears to be a good five years away so i've got time.

in an effort to not bore my many faithful readers (heavy sarcasm here in case you need a little help) i will refrain from blogging about my day to day activities and instead do a top ten list ala david letterman. my top ten moments or memories good or bad in puerto rico in no particular order.

1. living in a different hotel each night we were there except for the last two nights wherein we were able to live the life in a one bedroom suite complete with its own pull-out bed. i know someone was happy. lesson to be learned here is to perhaps buy the frommer's guide book before booking the hotel to figure out the best location but everything worked out even if we were calling hotels until the wee hours of the morning on our first night of arrival.

2. swimming in the bioluminescent bay at vieques.

3. planning for a night of clubbing at club laser...a hot spot according to once again the frommer's book only to arrive at midnite to no more than ten people in the entire club. employees included. needless to say we booked it out of there and ended up going to a club right across the street from our hotel. quite a waste of a taxi trip.

4. sunbathing our first day at the gay beach wherein sanford refused to take his shirt off. we saw lots of speedos including a pink and white striped one and lots of muscles but hey enid and i weren't complaining.

5. chartering our own airplane seating a total of four passengers to fly to vieques (another island) and having the pilot have the instruction book open while he prepared for take-off. images of aaliyah flashed in my mind.

6. visiting el morro during the daytime and at night and all the while getting eaten alive by mosquitos while admiring the view on the grass.

7. iced coffee. you really can't believe how good it is.

8. flamenco beach at culebra. supposedly one of the top five beaches in the world. it's certainly the best beach i've ever been to and for a couple of hours there we had the entire beach to ourselves. that's what happens when you show up at 8am sharp.

9. meeting two pilots in two days. one who offered for us to visit him at his house and to pick us up at 5:30 in the morning to take us to the airport to catch our flight and another who ended up hanging out with us our last two nights there and taking us to dinner and showing us around san juan. you just can't beat good old hospitality these days.

10. and the most important. my mission of relaxing on the beach and drinking pina coladas was accomplished and i came home with a tan without burning as i did last year after cancun. thanks to my compadres who reminded me time and time again to reapply after swimming or after prolonged stay in the sun.

and oh to make people even more jealous, while i was in training in orlando the week before i left for puerto rico, there was a modeling search held in the same hotel we were staying at. yes you heard me correctly. modeling search. as in lots of young pubescent girls walking around in tight short little outfits with their eager moms trailing at their side hoping they'll be discovered and become the next gisele. hong missed out.

i'm back from my two day excursion to houston texas for work. i apologize to those from houston who may possibly be reading this but downtown houston has got to be one of the most pathetic downtowns i've seen in quite a while. it offered absolutely nothing. there was nothing to do, the streets were bare, half of the buildings looked empty and the police station across from my hotel was surrounded by orange cones and tape. the most eye catching thing besides the new minute maid park was its metro shuttles. sad isn't it? i had such high hopes too. houston is supposed to be a big city isn't it?

but all was not lost. i was able to partake in a baseball game at the newly built minute maid park and i guess there's much controversy about some hill in center field but i certainly didn't see anything. i was able to eat rib-eye steak both nights (gotta love the marble yum yum) and ordered gulf shrimp recommended by a co-worker although what's so great about them i really have no idea. tasted like regular shrimp to me. even had some red wine which made me real sleepy like i knew it would and thus i was forced to drink coffee in the midst of my baseball game instead of beer.

i'm not sure if i'm one of those types who's built to travel much for work. and i don't even travel all that much now at all. although it may sound glamorous jetting off here and there i personally find it very tiring. for one i hate flying for long periods of time and it's such a pain living out of a suitcase and the whole packing and unpacking ordeal. this time though i must say my hotel room was quite nice complete with its own kitchen and living room. what would of make my trip even better was if i was successful in my mission to pay a visit to mr dennis lee whom i haven't seen since love boat 1997 but it just didn't work out. but as he put it...we already haven't seen each other for seven years, what's a couple more months. touche.

last night was spent waiting at the airport for close to five hours as we waited for our first officer to fly in from dallas as he was stranded due to weather. i always seem to not have the greatest luck with flying and i type this knowing i'll be boarding a flight again sunday morning for a week of training in orlando and then it's off to puerto rico baby. my annual get myself tan mission. needless to say i'm getting pretty excited. i'm not quite sure if i'll be able to top my souvenirs from my cancun trip last year but you can bet i sure will try.

the war in iraq. since the first day we officially declared war, i've been pretty oblivious to all the events save for the daily reading on cnn.com and have done a pretty good job in going along my merry corporate america life as if nothing has changed. and really nothing has. for me at least. i still complain about the same mundane things that really when one stops to think about it has no real significance. but i've had three defining moments during this time specifically related to the war.

the first was pat tillman. the one who turned down millions from the nfl to join the army rangers and ultimately was killed in combat in late april of this year. i can still remember clearly exactly where i was upon hearing of the news. i was still staying in a hotel in sf and had just gotten out of the shower and was watching the news when his picture came on the screen. all i really remember hearing is pat and killed and my mind went blank. i couldn't believe it. it was as if someone very close to me had died instead of a complete stranger. i first learned about him from bren as they went to the same high school and ever since then i've had this fascination. it's hard to find people like him these days. when he went off to join the army i looked up countless articles and admired the fact he refused to grant interviews and had his younger brother accept the espn arthur ashe award on his behalf to avoid any publicity. i even cried more than i thought i would watching his funeral on espn.

the second was nick berg. his beheading really just left me in shock and i couldn't even quite wrap my mind around it. still can't to this day. the first thing i thought about was i have got to watch the video and indeed i did watch it several times and well let's just leave it at that.

the third occurred this past weekend. while waiting for my flight to lax i noticed a family nearby sobbing as their son was waiting to board the plane. what first caught my eye was that the person crying the hardest was this big buff bald guy with sunglasses on and everyone was gathered around him patting his back and it seemed as if he might pass out. naturally my curiosity got the better of me so when i got on the plane, i purposely sat next to the "son" in hopes of getting up the courage to ask him just where he was going exactly. a very unlikely thing for me to do. i had an inkling of why but i knew if i didn't ask, i would always wonder. and so as i sat there reading da vinci code (very good book by the way, stayed up till 6am to finish the entire thing in one day) my mind was racing of just exactly how to ask but to my luck, he started talking to me first. it turned out he was 19, in the army, from san jose and on his way to lax to catch the military plane to korea where he was stationed before being shipped off to iraq. for one year. my heart tugged a little and i could feel tears welling up. he showed me a cross his mom had given him to wear around his neck and another pendant from his dad to keep him safe on long journeys and my heart tugged a little more.

before i knew it we had landed but not before i had asked for his address to send a care package but mail gets lost easily in korea he said. so i asked for the next best thing. his email address but he actually didn't have one. so he then gave me the next best thing. his mom's email address but he assured me he was going to be opening up his own account so i warned him i really truly was going to email and wanted to check up on him and make sure he was doing ok. i'm not sure if it was the late night or hormonal imbalance but the incident really affected me and made me think about how spoiled and materialistic i've become. i figure this will be my small contribution and as soon as i've finished blogging, i'm off to shoot an email to the mom and hopes it gets passed along and that i don't come off across as a crazy stalker girl.

memorial weekend. i'm back to the daily grind and while i did have some doubts on how we would accomodate thirty plus people at hotel pan it all worked out surprisingly well much to the surprise of me and jon g. it's much easier to complain in pairs than alone. and when i saw the itinerary for the weekend i thought for sure there would be no way we would do half of the events but we did. i won't even go into the weekend because jon is a much more eloquent writer but i thoroughly enjoyed myself and was very glad i decided to roadtrip down. there was some excessive drinking by me and some puking inside and outside the club i was told but ten shots will do that to you. i'm normally accustomed to drinking for two as my other half never drinks but i heard that he was drinking excessively (for him anyways) as well and was buzzed much to my surprise. i have yet to see him drunk ever and once again i was too wasted to see. damn me. i do wish i was able to participate the next day at the beach and partake in the group picture, a tradition started by sagging monk, but my hangover just wasn't cooperating. oh well there's always a next time.

although the roadtrip to san diego was fun and if i do say so myself i was quite the navigator with only one minor mishap on the way home i believe next time i will be flying. jet blue if i can swing it hopefully.

i did come away from the weekend with hopes of folks coming to visit the bay. we were discussing on the car ride home if there might ever be a large group gathering in sf but the consensus was pretty much a no so i've decided people will just need to come visit individually. ahem sujeet. or in pairs even. if we can't get the massess we'll corner the smaller market. it's just good business sense. jon g and i will roll out the welcome mat. once we get one of course.

more pictures if you want to see

the way guys think about sex is pretty much synonymous with the way girls think about food. i would almost argue that girls think about food more. whether it is mentally possible or not i would say girls think about food every minute of each day. whether it's sitting in a restaurant thinking about what to order or sitting at work thinking about what you're going to order during lunchtime it's all the same. food is on our minds constantly. and not in a healthy way. for guys in thinking about sex it's all about how they can get some. should i put on my dancing shoes and wow the girls at the club or maybe take them out to a nice romantic evening and show them my sensitive side. for girls it's all about how to avoid food or if we must stuff calories into our mouths how we'll be better the next day. my thought last night during dinner while surrounded by good friends from work was a mental debate with myself of whether i should reach for that third slice of bread or not. if you know me at all i'm sure you know what the outcome was. then came the dilemma of whether i should be using butter and as i slowly and deliberately applied it onto my bread all i could think about was how the carbs were going straight to my black ass and maybe i should try to run an extra five minutes on the treadmill. now multiply this by the thousands of minutes each day and you've got a small view into a girl's mindset.

scary isn't it? i was having a conversation last night with a friend in which he argued that guys prefer girls who are curvy and womanly (or in girl terms "fat") but we know this is not true. just take a look around us. skinny is in. all we need to do is take a look at the sizes in forever 21. although it highly ranks as one of my favorite stores even i must gasp at how little some of the clothes are. you want me to fit into that? do i look like a 12 year old to you? and the ultimate confirmation skinny is in...take a look at a picture of the olsen twins recently. oops i mean mary-kate and ashley. they look closer to being heroin addicts than tv stars.

i write this blog as i sit here having just returned from lunch at the farmer's market where i've eaten an entire crepe filled with eggs, ham, artichoke hearts and sundried tomatoes (may sound nasty but was actually really good but i could of done without so many artichokes), half of a tri tip sandwich and a custard pastry that is sitting next to me to be eaten right after this is published. it's quite sickening i know.

these days the message being sent to impressionable teenagers (aka me and yes i know i am no longer a teenager...my mom tells me that plenty) is if you're skinny and hot your life will be a million times better. and for a minute or so each day i buy into that theory only to realize what good is a world of barbie dolls anyways. there's not enough old rich men for them to go after. but take a look at the crop of new tv shows such as the swan or extreme makeover. mtv has even followed suit in paying teenage boys to go under the knife to look like brad pitt. if anyone saw the episode i don't care how much money you put into their bodies, a brad pitt isn't on the other side. i saw an episode of swan where a contestant's own child didn't recognize them. do we all cheer in elation at the new beautiful woman she's become or mourn for the death of the woman she was?

i may think about food all day long and feel guilty when i overeat which is quite often actually but i'd much rather enjoy my hamburgers with the buns on please and a world where krispy kreme does not feel the need to market a low calorie donut. oxymoron right there.

passion. i was asked a couple years back from a close friend of mine what my passions were and sadly i couldn't really think of anything. some of the things my friends are passionate about are movies, computers, fishing, sports, music, snowboarding, wine, cars and the list goes on and on. but for me and even to this day i'm hard pressed to name one thing that i'm passionate about. why this is i've always thought about but have never really been able to come up with any answers. now i have a lot of different interests but that's not the same. there's not one thing i'm so interested in that i'll take the extra initiative and go out of my way to find articles or what not to delve deeper into the subject. others i know will scour magazines, newspapers, the internet to find out any and all information they can but i don't ever get the urge really to do that. as jon said to me once, you read an article that you find interesting but then that's it. you don't try to find out more about the topic or ask additional questions. i very rarely ever browse on the internet and when i do want to find something, such as the nick berg video i shoot off an email to my internet guru and voila the video is sent to me the following day. i have it by the way if anyone is as sick and twisted as me.

my room is filled with half used things bought in a state of inspiration only to sit in my cabinet for when the whim strikes me again. there was the time i had the fancy to organize and create scrapbooks of all my pictures. i created two and that was the end of that. or the time when i dedicated myself to creating a collage of izone pictures and well that bulletin is still in my room half filled. or when i decided i wanted to learn more about wine and i think i've read a total of three wine spectator magazines and have yet to make a trip to napa. although that will change this summer even if i have to go myself. i even joined a cooking club where you receive new recipes every three months and i diligently filed my cooking cards away in its proper place only to have used maybe three or four of those recipes to date. i am hoping to make more use of it in the future though. those cards aren't cheap you know.

i used to think that there was something wrong with me since i didn't and could not name any of my passions and it made me less interesting (which it probably still does) but i've gotten over it. i don't even really have any hobbies. i remember when i was little i used to collect stickers and jon did too and we had matching sticker books. we're cute i know. makes you want to puke doesn't it? i also collected stamps and different types of buttons and erasers only to give them all away eventually. i guess the only thing i really collect now is pigs but even that is waning over time. mainly because it takes up too much storage space and these days i'm all about as little clutter as possible.

i did have someone say or maybe it was jon again that he thought my passion was boys but then again isn't it for all girls? for now i'm quite content with my interests and maybe one of these days something will come along that is just so damn interesting it'll actually turn into a passion but for now i'll still read up on my hollywood gossip like there's no tomorrow.

it's done. it's over. finito. what has consumed my life the past three months or so but especially during the past week is done. yesterday marked my last day on my sf client. no more public transportation although that will soon change with my move to sf this summer. no more getting spit on by homeless people. no more packing and unpacking each weekend. finally my life can resume some sort of normalcy. actually i can finally get my life back again. maybe some of my spunk will return because apparently it was missing as i was informed by a friend a few weeks earlier.

but this is more than just the end of a job. i leave clients all the time and move on to the next one without a second thought but never in my three and half years here have i devoted more time and energy and become so passionate about work and meeting the deadline. no team has ever met it before. at least not in the past three years anyways. we all became obsessed is the only way i can describe it. obsessed with finishing. obsessed with being the first to meet the deadline. obsessed with relishing in the joy of telling the client to fuck off for being such dicks to us. in my head of course and pardon my language. i am known to swear after normal working hours.

i don't think anyone can really understand except the four of us. my team i'm referring to of course. no matter how much i try to explain it or describe it no one will truly know. even i can't quite wrap my mind around it but this is probably the worst and best experience in my three and half years in the corporate world to date. the best referring to my co-workers. we rocked. never did i think i'd get so close to people i work with but i guess that's what happens when you essentially see them more than anyone else in your life for three months straight. the worst being the client who hated us, the room where everyone got sick, the late hours, the frustration and yet a little part of me is still contemplating recurring next year. yes slap me now please. i probably do need a rude awakening.

my city vacation has not exactly turned out as i had hoped. for the past week or so i've become a working machine. little to no chatting. no phone calls. turned down all lunch requests and happy hours. my life just stopped completely. all i did was work and then work some more. our routine came down to working till 10pm in the room with no air conditioning to where it felt like i was sweating on a hot humid day in taiwan to going back to the hotel room and showering only to meet up again in my co-workers room thirty minutes later to work some more till 3 or 4am when i couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. we pulled in desks and chairs from the other rooms and the place that we've all been calling home for the past couple of months became a makeshift office. even i wasn't quite sure how i did it. working till midnight for an entire month? who knew i had it in me.

but we did it. the deadline was met yesterday night around 9pm. it was quite an emotional day evidenced by the fact that when the IT guys sent us flowers with a card saying "you'll be missed" myself along with another co-worker both got a little teary eyed. don't ask why. throughout the day everyone kept asking how many issued? how many more to go? but when the last email was sent and the entire team including the partner and manager went out for a celebration dinner i hadn't felt that proud of myself or my team in quite a while. this is easily the best team i've ever worked with. like one of them said, if i was on the job with anyone else i probably would of quit by now. it's hard to describe but as we were all pulling our luggage and carrying our roses to the bart station to go our separate ways a wave of sadness washed over me. cheesy yes i know.

it was all worth it though. having the partner treat us to a nice expensive dinner to having the manager check in for the night at the same hotel and hitting up the bars at north beach where we all drank and danced the night away. stopping off at seven eleven to look for more alcohol only to find none and then passing out in my hotel room only to wake up this morning and realize that hey i don't need to go to work. we've got the day off and you know the manager loves the team when she too comes shopping with us in the city. it was easily one of the best days i've had this month. no stress. no work hanging over my head. just overall elation as the day we've all been looking forward to has finally arrived. there's even talk of a vegas trip. vegas with co-workers? i haven't even gone to vegas with a lot of my other friends.

it's going to be weird working with a new team and being on a new client but after my job in orange county this week i don't intend on flying anywhere for a while. a couple weeks at least anyways. it felt good tonight to come home and open up the mail and get my life in semi order. paid the mortgage. paid the homeowner fees. paid my cell phone bill. and i'm even looking forward to coming back and cleaning up my room once and for all. finally i can put my luggage away and organize my life and if i'm real good i'll even try to make it to a couple of kickboxing classes here and there.

the coveted double eyelid. i watched a documentary if you can call it that by suchin pak the other night on mtv about asian girls and their never ending quest to obtain the double eyelid. if you are asian and don't know what i'm talking about it's safe to bet that you have an extra crease above your eye. be sure to thank your parents. just why is the double eyelid so coveted anyways? several questions were raised. are we trying to look more american? are we hiding from our true culture? is it so we can fit in more at school? i say bs to all this. i hate it when people overanalyze things. especially on a topic such as this but then again i am a simple kind of girl. let me let you in on a little secret. the real reason having a double eyelid is so great is due to the world of eyeshadows. yes you heard me correctly. eyeshadows. i've seen the wonders of what eyeshadow can do but without the double eyelid you can pretty much just forget about it.

it's not just having a double eyelid though. it's having a deep set double eyelid. very rarely seen on an asian. full asian anyways. being mixed does not count. every girl knows the three rules of applying eyeshadow. light colors on the brow bone. medium shade in between and then dark right above the eye. i think these are the three rules anyways. i didn't use to be a glamour subscriber for nothing. however when you lack the double eyelid all these rules must go out the window. trust me. i've tried. makeover gurus at sephora and at makeup counters have tried. it all turns out looking like an experiment gone horribly wrong. who wants to walk around with two black eyes. actually i take that back. miss sharon kim has worked wonders with my eyes but seeing how she lives clear across the country that really does me no good. how i long to use three shades of eyeshadow without walking out of the house looking like a freak.

i remember when i was younger i had zero double eyelids. nada. but sometimes if i was lucky and really sleepy the double crease on one eye would make a rare appearance. i loved it. i would try to stay awake as long as i could just to stare at it in the mirror. then one day i woke up and the crease on that one eye was here to stay. but then came an even greater dilemma. when taking pictures one eye would look bigger than the other so the only remedy? to train myself to smile more on one side of my face to even things out. but then i was introduced to the world of creating a double eyelid by using tape. if you don't know what i'm talking about ask me. i'll gladly show you...it'll be fun! who knew tape had so many qualities. the tape remedy lasted until a couple of years later (or maybe it was months?) when the second double eyelid showed up and ever since then i've been one happy girl.

i know you're probably thinking...does the double eyelid deserve this much recognition and heartache? i'd have to say yes. call me narcissistic but as an asian girl who went from none to two over a span of a couple years, i can tell you that it made a big difference in my life. sad i know. there's not one day that goes by that i don't thank the fact that my mom had big enough eyes to compensate for my dad's and that jon got the little eyes of the family. hey he got the body he can't possibly get the eyes too. now what can you learn from my tragic experience? marry white and all this trouble could be prevented in the future. oh wait did i just say that out loud?

so i've been sick this week but no this is not one of those wah wah whine whine type of blogs to gain some sympathy. i've whined quite enough this week to those lucky few who had to endure it. i love getting sympathy when i'm sick. it's sad i know. but i went to the doctor and was diagnosed with pharyngitis. now if you're jon g you ask "what the heck is pharyngitis you diseased stricken woman!" so nice.

but the good part about being sick is that i got to go home early this entire week and even took an entire day off tuesday. but it's not as great as it sounds. especially when you're stuck in a hotel room all day long with nowhere to go. my day consisted literally of lying on the bed watching tv and passing out every so often. then my exercise for the day consisted of walking from the bed to the bathroom. from the bed to the table. from the bed to the door as my co-worker arrived with some much needed cough drops. from the bed to the kitchenette to make myself some tea. you get my point. needless to say by the time i checked out friday morning i was pretty sick of the hotel room and watching tv.

it's been quite a while since i've consumed so much television and i'm sick of it. and this is coming from someone who has watched copious amounts in her lifetime. i've watched inside fear factor. inside real world. the rich and fabulous lifestyles of cameron diaz, justin timberlake and britney spears. a documentary on bride kidnapping, a tradition that is alive and well even to this day. another documentary about opium drug rings in burma and a special on whore houses in thailand. re-runs of friends, seinfeld, cheers, will and grace and even saved by the bell. good old screech. i've even watched both episodes of american idol as well as another episode of apprentice. and this is only from memory. i'm sure i've watched lots more crap but just can't remember at the moment.

i will say that though that being sick makes me more emotional. i cried when i watched rock star with jennifer aniston and mark wahlberg when he decided to leave the band and then upon seeing her again at the coffee shop said "i've missed you". doesn't sound like much but it certainly got me crying. then the next night i watched dave with sigourney weaver and kevin kline and cried as well. last night i watched stepmom and well i cried when they all took a family picture together at the end. yes a picture including the stepmom julia roberts.

i believe i now know what it feels like to be trapped inside a room for extended periods of time with nowhere to go. sure i could of gone out and walked around the city or better yet have jon g make me some chicken noodle soup but i don't think i had the energy. just taking a shower made me tired but i'm on the road to recovery. medicine does work! my weekend will consist of lots of rest when not going to the wedding or helping my mom move into the new house and what else. watching tv. surprise surprise.

at least hotel pan has cable now.

i went to "battlefest" yesterday. yes there is such a thing as battlefest here in san jose. i've never gone to one of these events before but i've certainly heard enough about it from hong and jon. or so i thought. however what i was expecting certainly was not what i saw. pulling up into the hotel and walking up to the line all i saw was a sea of filipinos. high school filipinos i should add. or at least they looked like they were in high school and all dressed in "urban wear". which apparently is a fashion term that i never even heard or knew anything about until i read an article about it in the monthly southwest magazine while flying to san diego last month.

now just what is urban wear you ask? unless of course you're fashionally aware and are already familiar with the term then aren't you feeling proud but here's my definition. urban wear consists of accessories. on both guys and girls and lots of them. by accessories i'm talking about wristbands, armbands, huge ass hoop earrings for girls and huge ass fake diamond earring (singluar) for guys. hey look it's my brother i'm describing! ha. lots of trucker hats and kangol hats in black and white. i never even knew what a kangol hat was until we bought one for hong on haight street. apparently they're all the rage these days. yes that is the extent of my knowledge. bandanas and sports jerseys up the yazoo. layering shirts on top of shirts and oh yes lots of mesh clothing. saw lots of guys with one pant leg pulled up just like ll cool j back in the day. i felt quite plain among the masses and was quite glad i was wearing a hat if anything just to fit in.

in all there were a total of ten dance groups. doesn't sound like much at first but after the first four or five i was pretty much over it. my only real exposure to this type of event would be going to funktion events and everyone kept asking me is this like the michigan group you go watch and my only response is i don't know. i don't think i know enough about dancing to tell really. my favorite performance was from this group called sick step. an all guys group from la and i mainly liked them because they did some real funny shit which actually made me laugh out loud. everyone and i do mean everyone knew how to breakdance. when did breakdancing get so damn popular? even little ass asian girls were breakdancing and doing moves i've never seen or at least haven't seen in a really long time. and this wasn't any ordinary breakdancing either. people were holding themselves up with one arm while doing various poses with their legs or crossing their legs over one another. it was wild.

but the highlight of the night was freestyle battling three on three. freestyling battling? am i really that old? the last time i saw any type of battling was during my rave days and even then i thought it was pretty lame. but this time i loved it. everyone was just so damn good and it was so fun to watch. the crowd was going nuts or would raise their hands whenever someone did a cool move and it was funny to see that whenever a hit song from the radio came on (i swear i heard the usher song that goes yeah! yeah! a minimum of three times at least) everyone's heads would start bopping in unison. heck i was even so impressed i was all ready to hit the after party with 15 and 16 year olds just to see them dance some more. but then reality hit and i realized hey these people can't even get into a regular club. actually they might have been in college but lemme tell you it was pretty hard to tell or maybe i'm just getting old.

at least i was able to pick the top three groups to win although not in the correct order. sick step was robbed i tell you. robbed! but once again this event just reaffirms my belief that guys who can dance are hot. i see it's time to go back to hip hop class again.

public transportation. defined as transportation for the public. uh duh. sounds simple enough but i don't think i ever quite realized that yes public transportation is just that. for the public. the masses. meaning people from all walks of life including the drunk, the weirdos and the homeless. i think i'm beginning to see the downside of taking the train to work everyday. now you're probably thinking…oh no did you fuck up even more at work and had your hotel taken away? well rest easy. i haven't reached that point yet. but apparently there is some huge ass conference in the city so me and my co-workers have been forced to commute. some drive. some take the bart. and some like myself and my co-worker take the train. but never fear as next week i will be back in my hotel again. jon g and victor can rejoice now.

my week consists of waking up at 6am to catch the 7am train to arrive at work at 9am. work the entire day and take the 9pm train to arrive back at the train station at 11pm. yes yes folks don't you envy me now. these days i'm up and out the door before vu which is quite an accomplishment in itself. and i've become a reviewing machine. it's a wonder what being bored on the train will do for you. someone suggested i read but i can't. gives me too much of a headache so my other alternative is to review. for a hour or so in the morning and then another hour or so at night. i've never been so efficient or written so many coaching notes. my associates must really love me now.

up to this week my experience with public transportation has been relatively positive but when one takes the 9pm train at night it certainly starts going downhill from there. i've sat scared in my chair typing furiously away at my laptop while the drunk man a couple of seats down argues on and on with the train conductor on why he didn't purchase a ticket and yet refuses to get off at the next stop. or even better yet when some guy is screaming madly that his wife got off at the wrong stop and the train must be stopped. now. or the biggest topper to date. getting sneezed on by a homeless man sitting behind you. that has got to be one of the grossest things to happen to me in quite a while. there i was sleeping peacefully next to my co-worker only to get woken up with spit…brown i might add….spit drops on the jacket sitting on my lap, the window next to me and even the chair in front of me. go figure. all i saw was his hands wiping his spit away on the window next to me. why he didn't use the napkin to cover his mouth i'll never know. needless to say we switched seats but i was too embarrassed to even look at him so he'll always be the faceless homeless man.

but let me tell you it smelled. me and my co-worker both windex-ed the hell out of my jacket and her laptop but i think i might just throw the jacket away. so sad. and as i'm walking to my car at 11pm i make sure to have my car unlocked, jacket off and laptop ready to be thrown into the trunk. isn't the life of an auditor just grand? i think i should invest in some pepper spray.

my room is a mess and i hate it. every sunday night i have a little ritual usually right before i start getting ready for bed of cleaning and tidying up my room. bills and paperwork get filed away in their proper folders. laundry just washed is folded and put away nice and neatly. trash gets thrown away and if i was real good i would of washed my bedsheets and towels too. the glasses of water on my nightstand is brought to the kitchen to be washed at a later time and shoes are put back in their boxes. everything is made nice and orderly for the start of work monday. there's nothing better than coming home late from work to an organized room.

but the last time i was able to clean my room properly was about one month ago. one month! now my room is in disarray and it really annoys the shit out of me. clothes are strewn all across the floor. my half unpacked suitcase from staying in the city is still sitting out in the hallway. empty shoeboxes are everywhere and dirty clothes have been mixed with clean clothes. a big no no in my book. clothes needing to be dry cleaned lay tossed in a corner waiting. waiting for when i'll have enough time to bring them in. it's sad really. this is why i could probably never be a traveling savvy business woman. or girl that is. i hate living out of suitcases. even my makeup and toiletries are still kept in their traveling bags because really what's the point of unpacking only to pack again. and even worse my tennis shoes worn last week are still sitting in the trunk of my car with the dirty socks stuffed inside. nasty.

the reason of all this mess? a combination of working and living in the city on weekdays and then being out of town or having visitors on weekends. i barely have enough time to stop off at walgreens to buy myself some new toothpaste. these days by the time i get home i'm so tired i just grab my regular cup of ice water from the kitchen, change into my pajamas and throw the work clothes on the floor. i then wash my face, brush my teeth and scrub behind my ears like a good girl does and crawl into bed. only to get up again in about 5 or 6 hours to repeat again. wash rinse repeat.

oh it's a glorious life i lead. on a side note, i've been commuting and taking the train back and forth this week from san jose to sf. let me tell you this public transportation thing is losing its novelty real quick. but i'll blog more on that later. don't pee in your pants now.

i've come to the realization that i take my us citizenship much too lightly. i never knew and still don't know too much about the work visa process or getting a green card but just recently in the last few months i've heard the plight of many whose future is all wrapped up in obtaining the ever elusive green card. and for what? just for the opporutunity to stay in america. that's it. simply just to stay. something that i take for granted each and everyday as a citizen.

i guess it's because my parents took care of all of that for me. all i had to do was memorize a couple of facts of which i never even got quizzed on and go to some courthouse and hold up my hand and solemnly swear that yes i do pledge allegiance to the united states of america. at least that's what i think happened anyways. jon will have a better idea. he seems to remember so much more about our childhood than i do including the preschool we attended which i really have no recollection of at all.

but today i had lunch with a co-worker and as i listened to his visa woes it dawned on me just how lucky i am. how lucky that my parents were willing to leave family and everything behind to come to the states with minimal knowledge of english in order for their kids to have a better life. and yet here i sit still from time to time complaining about really the most mundane things that i'm even pretty ashamed to admit. take my co-worker's story for instance. both him and his girlfriend of five years are on work visas here in the states. hers expires in a matter of months and the quota for H-1 visas (i believe that's what they're called) is filled until october. so what happens? his happiness and really his future is solely determined based upon her finding an employer willing to provide sponsorship. if not, it's bye bye for who knows how long.

he is in the process of trying to find sponsorship for a green card and before the firm will ever commit to any type of sponsorship, he must be promoted this year with a high ranking. not such an easy feat. i was told the green card process takes a minimum of three to four years. is this true? i had worked with a manager a couple months back who just obtained his green card and he was the happiest man i had seen in quite a long time. ecstatic. for one little card that means so much.

i felt almost not worthy of my citizenship status as i listened to him describe to me with a passion all that he's going through. i just can't imagine not even having a choice of where you want to live and having the person you think you will marry carted out of the country because the quota has been filled. or not having the freedom to travel where you like without fear of not being let back into the country. i remember hearing a story once of a manager here at work who returned to their home country for vacation but ended up not being able to come back for a couple of months due to visa issues.

is it possible that i live in my little bubble and am so unaware of all of this? no need to answer or leave sarcastic mean comments. i know the answer is yes. of course all of this is based upon my limited contact with this topic but really it's stories like these that i hear about from time to time that do me a world of good and remind me that yes you are a spoiled girl and stop complaining about crap because really you've got it so much better than a lot of other people.

i went out and got drunk last night. me and my co-worker. it's been quite a while since i've been drunk. silly drunk anyways. the reason? work. first time in my three plus years in corporate america i felt the need to go to a bar, plunk down some bills and drink two tokyo ice teas in thirty minutes.

want to know a great way to demoralize any and all morale left on the team? have the manager participate with you on a status update meeting and at the end, coming out of nowhere hear the words...i'm very disappointed in you "fill in name here" and the team. i expected more from you. uh excuse me? am i hearing this right? we've been working our asses off during the day and yet here you sit telling us we're not being efficient because we're not working ten hour workdays. but yet at the same time we're asking too many questions. i'm sorry but the last time i checked that's what an auditor did. asked questions. or really should we just sit in our little makeshift closet which doubles as the computer room and sit there idly twidling our thumbs while we watch one by one as team members drop like flies due to strep throat. only to find out that yes the entire team last year came down with strep and mono a fact which no one told us about. this is just like last year they said. ha ha ha. it must be the room we're working in! uh no shit sherlock.

i actually heard the words this job is not a city vacation. city vacation? uh are you shitting me? i'm not even going out at night save for the occassional dinner. if this type of behavior continues we'll have to rethink you guys staying in the city. hm...no one told me when i asked to stay in the city that i'd be expected to work more just because i live three blocks away. and as if chewing me out wasn't enough, the entire team save for the two out with strep throat gets pulled into a meeting only to get chewed out together as a group. then after the meeting we're told now we don't want you guys to take what we just said to heart. we're still very pleased with the work you've documented and the progress so far. oh right you just shit on me twice causing me to almost cry for the first time at work and no i won't take it to heart. because i am the tin man after all.

and yet we're on track to meet all deadlines. the entire team is new. all deadlines were missed last year. so really what is there to complain about? who knew you shouldn't "work towards the deadlines you should work ahead of the deadlines". it's no wonder no one wanted to recur this year.

so what do i do. go get drunk. it's really a great remedy. thanks ryan for the free drink...i really did need it. but the little ones are fighting back. me and the other in-charge plan on meeting with them. to tell them our side because really there was so much more i could of said last night but couldn't for fear of tears coming out and well now that just wouldn't be very professional would it. so yes the little girl who is all grown up as i've now taken the train, bart and the muni will not take this sitting down. now someone please order me another drink.

so i went to hip hop class last night. with jon g. yes a member of funktion. what better way to highlight the fact that i'm horrible. but i did make sure to repeat that this was a class taken at 24 fitness so one musn't compare it with the glory days of funktion practices. a couple of observations.

i really do suck. jon g is too damn good. even with his hip hurting he could still learn all the moves and do them perfectly. this must be what jon felt like during funktion practices. it's just not fair. but then again, i have been told i dance like a white girl (as in let's watch george dance and laugh incessantly and let's not say who was the first to bring up this point but really...your own flesh and blood?). i think my main problem is i have trouble doing the arm and foot movements at the same time. similar to when i took piano lessons when i could play each hand separately like a pro but always had trouble playing together. and so many eight counts. who can remember them all? apparently they can but not me. i learn them and when it's time to put them all together my mind is a jumble. and then to do it to tempo and with the music? hail mary. that's a long shot there. i can't move that fast!

but it's fun and i guess that's all that really matters. not much of a workout though. that's what kickboxing class is for. jon g did say he would never go back with me though. that just shows you how easy it was. and here i am, racking my brain just to remember the moves. what i do find funny though is there seems to be regulars there at each class. this never happened in san jose. it's only my second time but already i know who they are. and it's all guys. go figure. i am in sf after all. they come, practice in front of the mirror before class starts, actually goes up to the instructor afterwards to get help on some moves and love it when it's time to perform for the girls.

as in at the end of each class, the girls have to dance by themselves for the boys and vice versa. as if i didn't feel inadequate enough already. taking into the fact there's only maybe five girls and five boys there's nowhere to hide. my lack of talent is out there for all to see. but i've been assured with a little practice i could be the next newest member of 2xs. yeah right.

on a side note: next time you're at cheesecake factory order the bang bang chicken and shrimp. if you like thai coconut flavored dishes that is. it's great. fully endorsed by me, jon g and victor. what else do you need?

today was my first foray into public transportation in the bay area all by myself. yes siree bob. you heard me right. public transporation. this little girl is growing up right before our very eyes! i'm currently on a client in san francisco until the end of april so from now on i'll be a city girl monday through fridays. clap clap. it's really quite exciting. last week marked my first week staying in a hotel just two blocks from my work, sleeping in till 8am and still getting into work on time, stopping off at starbucks in the morning like true business yuppies do, getting my workouts in which includes hip hop classes of which i seem to get worse instead of better but i hear jon's pretty bad too so it must be a twin thing. i think i could get used to this. the only downside is lugging my suitcase around but it's only twice a week so i think i'll survive.

after three plus years of living in the bay area not once have i taken the train and my first experience was great. woke up on time at 5:45am (you can close your mouth in disbelief now) and was out the door by 6:30am. had about a ten or fifteen minute panic there when yahoo maps once again gave me shit directions but since i'm such a smart cookie i was able to find the station without too much damage being done. parked my car, asked a nice old lady where to buy my ticket and in words of encouragement assured me that yes riding the train is fun! (aren't old people so nice) and i had my ticket in hand by 7:08am in time for the 7:12am train. had a little trouble there working on opening the doors between the cars but once again, a nice little boy half my height was there to offer assistance. turn the handle to the left and pull. oh yes kind boy. thank you very much. my faith in human kindness has been restored.

four stops down my co-worker got on the train with me and we both proceeded to pull out our laptops and work. diligently i might add. my mom must be so proud. rolled into 4th and king and then with a hop and a skip connected to the muni to get to my building. all in all the entire trip took me about two hours but it felt more like thirty minutes. i'm sure the novelty of taking the train up and down mondays and friday won't be quite so fun a couple of weeks from now but for now, i'm still reveling in the joy.

giant games here we come. or the season is over isn't it? who knows. from now on, we take the train baby and connect to the muni. no more fighting traffic on the embarcadero. no more paying exorbitant prices for parking. my fare this morning totaled a whopping $6.75 and was well worth every penny.

i was on quite the adrenaline rush this morning if you couldn't tell and it's only my second week here. for those of you who don't mind visiting someone in a hotel for business professionals where really everyone i've seen is old fat white males in business suits (i must be quite the catch here) and where the rooms are quite small but comfy enough for one person, come visit me. i'll be here for three months living the city life and if you're extra lucky i'll even go down to the lower lobby and get you some nice ice and water. can't beat that now can you.

i watched mtv true life i'm an identical twin the other night. true i'm not an identical twin but i found some of the topics they discussed pretty interesting. apparently there's this annual "twinfest" held in ohio where twins mostly identical ones go. to do what i'm not quite sure. from what i could gather it was mainly to find other twins to hook up with which is essentially what these two twin sisters did. with no luck i might add. who knew desperate could come across so well on television. it almost seemed like fat camp but with no goal. at least at fat camp you know you're there to lose weight. but at twinfest? what's there to do besides look at other twins and go wow they look alike too! i remember i told this girl when we first met on love boat that i had a twin brother and from then on everytime i talked to her she was like "georgie! you have to go to twinfest!" apparently my saying no over and over hasn't registered just yet since it's still mentioned to me to this day.

mtv profiled another set of twin boys who have basically lived together all throughout their school years until doomsday came. college. one was off to pepperdine and another off to city college. it was meant to be the separating of the ways. but lo and behold after a short three or four months at pepperdine, the other twin moved home. to live with his brother for another four years and to join him at city college. he said he didn't feel "whole" being by himself and that he didn't feel as if he was an individual.

now this i just couldn't relate to. i don't think when jon went off to michigan i felt like i would wither away and die. but then of course i did go visit him every year for a month at a time to the point where his friends were like you're back again? but that's just because i was so much cuter and cooler that all of his friends wanted me back. all throughout our lives we were always known as jon and georgette. or georgette and jon i'd like to call us. and lucky for me, my parents gave me the unique name so when jon would introduce himself and receive a blank look he could always fall back on you know...jon and georgette? then the lightbulb would click.

even when we went off to college a lot of my friends would be curious to meet him because you know we're twins. and once when he did finally go out with all of us in downtown san diego he was known as george's brother. ha. love it. having a twin though really does have its advantages. some of my friends can't fathom the fact that yes we drink together. or i drink and he watches. or that yes we go clubbing together and even dance in the same circle! *gasp* although when we were in high school i believe we had something like five sets of fraternal twins in our grade. that was pretty nuts. luckily we weren't the nerdiest ones. at least i don't think so anyways.

at least when girls were interested in jon they would be extra nice to me. and there's more than you might think. the family advantage you know. but i suppose all siblings get that type of treatment regardless of if you're a twin or not.

for some odd reason, a plethora of people have been wanting to set me up recently and i'm not quite sure why. is it because they think i'm desperate? need to expand my horizons? get a free meal instead of eating frozen dinners all the time? although surprisingly, spaghetti lean cuisine is pretty good. i always respond with no thanks i hate blind dates and why would i want to put myself through the torture but then get countered with it's not a blind date. it's a get together and you'll both be there. bleh. still no thanks.

going on a blind date is not exactly high on my to do list. it's not even on my list at all although i do like watching blind date sometimes mainly for the captions. as victor said, for man jose, you'd be considered a good catch. wow thanks victor. who knew that in a land of all guys and where every cute girl is taken for i could possibly be considered a good catch. there is a reason i moved on up to san jose then. hallelujah! i better scratch all plans to move up to sf then because there is no way i can compete with all those gay boys. victor is much better looking.

but it did get me thinking. where do people meet their potentials after college? i can't remember if i've blogged about this before and i'm much too lazy to go digging through my archives so if you are a faithful reader (all five of you) and i have broached this topic before...well tough. read it again. one would assume work would be the number one place but from what i've heard...work usually consists of people older than you with kids and why mess up your work environment if things don't work out? as a wise man once told me to which i paid no attention to as usual but everyone knows...don't mix your work and personal life if at all possible. even if you end up working for a company where each year around say september timeframe you know about sixty or so recent college grads will be entering the workforce...even then it's hard to meet someone. because once you start having different "titles" or seniority it can become quite awkward. who wants to work for someone they're dating? although this hasn't deterred very many people at my workplace at all.

then i've heard about those speed dating programs where it's set up like clockwork. plop down, talk to someone for a timed ten minutes and give them a rating. if you both like each other, well then it's your lucky day and you've got one more email address to write to. i used to think that speed dating might actually be kind of fun but then decided it's too much like cattle herding. why go when you know most people will be basing you on your physical looks anyways and that's just much too harsh not to mention the pressure. oh i better get ready and look good for meeting strangers who will ask you the same questions over and over, where are you from? what do you do? why are you here? i'd rather have a drink with my friends. now that would be a well ten minutes spent.

but we are forgetting about one very important factor. i am a girl contrary to popular belief and it's much easier for girls to meet guys than vice versa. i used to think not but have changed my mind over the years. why is it that guys are always expected to make the first move? how will those shy poor boys ever meet anyone? if anything, i'd rather be set up with a nice shy boy than one of those cocky boys. because as much we girls and boys hate it, it's always those wise cracking egotistical boys that end up with all the chicks anyways. at least for a little while.

busy season. it is the death of us all. at least for those of us dumb enough to choose accounting as our major. not only do we have to work long hours day after day after day after day (you get the idea) there's the freshmen fifteen that applies as well. except it isn't just confined to your freshmen years. it's every busy season you choose to put yourself through. meaning when i first started working, i ate. a lot. i wasn't used to working 11 or 12 hour days and not getting weekends off so in my spare time i would snack. as the lowest person on the totem pole i would be the one designated to bring in snacks for the team. morale building efforts you see. all paid for by the firm. so snacks they wanted. snacks i brought. cookies, gummy bears, gum for those with bad breath, chips in every flavor. basically anything and everything that could easily fit into the palm of your hand and dump into your mouth in one easy motion. as a result, at the end of busy season i was several pounds heavier. how much i couldn't tell you as there was no way i was stepping onto a scale but easily at least ten pounds i would think.

and so i spent the summer trying to lose it. with mild success surprisingly. but summer is meant for a season of bathing suits and shorts and tanktops and tan legs being i am from sunny california. what use is there when you finally lose the weight at the end of summer only to come into fall where pants and long sleeve shirts are required. oh wait it's summer here all year round. scratch that thought then but you know what i'm getting at. who wants to spend their time at the gym stuck inside when one could be laying out setting yourself up for skin cancer in the future.

and now i'm into busy season again. except this time i'm well aware of the freshmen fifteen. maybe i'm the idiot here seeing how this is my fourth busy season and i've made no real attempts to find something else but i mean fourth? coming out of college my mentality was to stay around no longer than two possibly three years and now here i am. stuck at four. with the same snacks surrounding me this time bought by my associates and it's all i can do to not eat them. which could explain why i'm chewing gum excessively and chugging water like a dehydrated runner. but it's not working.

it's only the second week into january and i've already gained weight. i can feel my stomache expanding and this morning i woke up with a belly. yes a true belly that sticks out. a belly on a guy is cute (as long as it is not the size of a beach ball) and on a girl is not so cute. and for those friends who are nice i'm sure you're thinking you don't have a belly...don't be silly but then again there are those who are not so nice (who seem to be my closer friends for some reason) thinking didn't you have a belly before?

so really this is what my day consists of. the constant battle to not snack and then the debate with myself on the way home from work of whether i should go workout or not. let's just say i haven't worked out once this year. you figure out which side wins. but maybe i'll finally get off my ass and go to the gym tonight. those elliptical machines are actually kind of fun except when i start huffing and puffing and blow the house down. or i can go home and make myself a big ass dinner and park in front of the tv to watch making of the video of toxic. britney spears. although that really was worth the fat i gained last night. those diamonds placed "strategically" on her body look hot. ok i better stop now. i sound like a lesbian. not that there is anything wrong with that of course as this is a politically correct website.

confidantes. there are certain people i tell just about everything to (actually i think grace is the only one that falls into this category) without fear of judgment or repercussion even after i've fucked up quite badly or done some things that are just too embarrassing to repeat and yet i've got no qualms in telling her. maybe because grace's way of thinking is just as fucked and messed up as mine at times which is why we're best friends after all. i'm sure the san diego crew will attest to our messed up way of thinking in a heartbeat but they're all used to it by now and can really only shake their heads at us. what else can you expect from two twenty-five year old girls trying to figure out what the hell they want out of life.

then there are others who i mainly turn to for boy advice and i lavish all my thoughts and confusions onto them and they spit out some pretty sound advice of which i never listen to of course and in the long run what they tell me will happen inevitably does and then i'm left screwed with nothing to retort except yes i know you told me so. quite a run-on sentence isn't it? screw proper grammar. it's surprising really that they still have the patience to continue listening and dishing out advice i never listen to. like i told them, sure i know what you're supposed to do or what the logical act is supposed to be but really i've either got no willpower to follow through or half the time i really just want to do what i want whether it makes sense or not. it's nice just to have someone listen though. folks that fall into this category would be mr marshman and mr wallace and it is to my bad luck that they too are friends and have been known in the past to discuss my stories among themselves. unfortunately for me, as they both are sensible logical guys with a good head on their shoulders they both tend to reach the same conclusion just about every time.

then there are those who i talk a whole lot of shit with. actually grace falls into this category too but she essentially falls into every category so i'll shut up about her now but as curtis pointed out in his blog, i've taken shit talking in 2003 to a whole new level. and i do mean a whole new level. except that now i tell the person that i'm shit talking about them with no qualms really. i am entitled after all to my own opinion. so curtis you get your balls back yet? ha. others that fall into this category is any member of the pc so basically that includes curtis, sanford, bren and then sam as the honorary pc member. then there's the occassional shit talking that goes on all the way from hong kong between me and nancy and who knew i could possibly type so fast but we girls must stick together.

ex-boyfriends kind of fall into a whole category on their own. i really only talk to three and one hears all my shit talking whether he likes it or not, another i hardly ever get the chance to talk to but when i do it's always fun and who knew our sense of humor would be so similar and finally, the last who calls to check up on me every so often just to make sure i haven't gone out and done something wild and crazy which i usually have and then i can hear the disappointment in his voice.

then there are those who you talk to currently that don't really fall into any category since it's a little too early to begin my shit talking and plus one musn't scare them away. and of course there's no point in telling them your guy woes as they're probably the one you're woeing (is that even a word?) about but it's quite amazing just how many little secrets you'll give up to a stranger really. but for however long you do talk they've almost reached grace level even if most often it's only temporary.

and that is a little glimpse into my bubble of those that keep me sane.

a case of the monday morning blues and boy do i have it bad. actually more like the monday afternoon blues. i got in to work around 1:30pm today and have been sitting here idly trying my hardest to get some work done but all in all i've put in maybe a good fifteen or thirty minutes so far. tops. i had a doctor's appointment at 10:45am and in my ambitious nature i had all the intent and purposes to get to work on time sharp at 8:30am, work for a bit and then head off for my appointment but alas i've failed. miserably too. alarm went off at 7:20am, got up and reset it to 9am and then proceeded to keep hitting snooze until 10am when i finally woke up to go to the doctor's and then waited to get my blood work done for another hour.

what a great way to start off the new year. i guess this getting back to the work schedule is going to be harder than i originally thought. at least i'm in the office until thursday so my brain can remain somewhat comatose for a little while longer. just a little while though. i've already checked all my 300 some emails while i was away with the majority of them being spam and advertisements for penis enlargement. thanks but the last time i checked i was a girl although i know it does get confusing sometimes what with the short boyish haircut and me going by "george". i've opened up all of my mail and put them in an orderly fashion inside a big envelope to look over sometime tomorrow and i've paid my visits to mr marshman and mr pio roda who showed me his excel spreadsheet of wedding expenses and i am now even more convinced that i may never want to get married. eloping is the key here.

my key highlight of the day was getting my regular pasta salad and tomato basil soup for lunch and then my green tea in the afternoon from our new flavia coffee making machine. it seems we keep changing those machines every year. is that really a necessity? don't we have better things to do with our time and money here like say replenishing the pens in the supply room? oh yes i did that too...i'm now all stocked up on supplies for busy season. aren't i organized.

they did have a sign up in the kitchen though that announced some new things for 2004 to look forward to with one of them being chai latte so that i'm pretty excited about. i just need to figure out where i can get it...i didn't see any flavia packs in the kitchen. kind of sad when the announcement of new coffee machines and chai latte can totally make my day but i've still got the sore legs to remind me of the fun this past weekend for curtis's birthday. it can only get better from here on out. i think anyways.

i got a tattoo over xmas break. about the only productive thing i've done since i've been here in san diego. well not sure if you can call getting a tattoo being productive but hey it got me out of the house for something other than eating and that's always a huge accomplishment. jon and i now have matching tattoos. of the virgo sign because for those not in the know we are twins. whee. we're bonded forever as if sharing the same womb wasn't enough. i got mine on my back and jon's on the wrist. i can see now why getting tattoos can possibly be so addictive. i love mine and the fact that jon and i got the same ones. love it. even my mom thought the concept was pretty cute. parents are always happy when the kids get along. i make sure to moisturize everyday and keep it out of the sun (not that it's been that hard considering it's been so cold here in san diego) and i will be nowhere close to a pool or spa anytime for an entire month. such a big sacrifice in this type of weather i know.

now i know you're all wondering...does it hurt? that was my main worry obviously. watching jon get his not just one but two tattoos first without making any type of face i was pretty close to convincing myself i wouldn't feel a thing. probably didn't help that i had greg, louis and caroline all standing in the room with me just expecting me to break out in tears. the pain was bearable though. hurt more than what jon said that's for sure but i took it like a champ. made some grimaces but really the needle was moving so much that if it did hurt it'd only last a short little while. besides after a while my back became numb anyways and it just became a dull throbbing pain.

walking out of the tattoo parlor with a paper towel taped on my back i felt like a badass girl. someone please play family affair now to pump me up or hella good by no doubt will do as well. finally after weeks of talking about it and thinking about it it's done. i've been asked if i think i'll regret it later on in life when i'm old and shriveled to which i always answer no because really how shriveled can my back get anyways and jon has the same one so that's enough for me.

next up could possibly be another tattoo with jon of our last name if only i can find an image that i like. but if i don't, i'm quite satisfied with the one i've got now and come summer time, i plan to sport plenty of tanktops to show that yes i've gone and survived through the pain and that yes i'm one bad motherfucka. just had to throw that pulp fiction reference in there.

i'm hating work at the moment. i've been working in sf the past two weeks and it's horrible. i wake up every morning a hour too late inevitably and somehow i never remember hitting the snooze button six separate times. i've been trying to go to sleep around 10:30pm each night in an attempt to wake up on time but have yet to be successful.

upon waking up i brush my teeth, put on my contacts, shower, figure out what to wear, put on my sumotech and makeup and then i'm out the door. all within thirty minutes. not bad i don't think. but then i sit in gridlock traffic for one and a half hours to the city. one and a half hours. it takes me about forty minutes just to get to the 280/880 intersection which should typically only take me fifteen minutes and then today...after driving for one hour i've only reached palo alto. someone please shoot me. if not for howard stern in the mornings i'd be bitching even more and trust me...i've been bitching a lot. to anyone who will listen. on a side note, did anyone hear the karaoke contest on howard stern last week? it was one of the funniest shows i've heard in a long time...so funny that i had to call mr marshman to share in my joy. my only other known howard stern fan.

then i get to work in a room that is so hot that i need to dress in layers which really pisses me off because i am unable to wear my cute winter clothes. and what's the point of having cute clothes if you can never wear it. no sweaters, no turtlenecks, nothing. after putting in my eight hours of working with clients who hate you and send you massive spreadsheets and plunk down huge binders full of crap that you have no idea what to do with i go home. for another one hour and fifteen minute drive. can you believe that it actually took me one hour to get onto the freeway last week? one hour! i literally stayed on the same block for forty minutes. i probably could of parked my car and walked to jon g's place in that time. ridiculous.

on my way home, i play the same cd's over and over because the radio sucks and i'm too lazy to change the cd's while i'm driving and i always forget to grab my audio book victor loaned me out of my trunk until it's too late. on a side note, i need new cd's jon. burn me some please. and soon! i then get home, eat a little something, proceed to get my ass kicked in top spin on xbox live by tri and vi which pisses me off even more and then it's off to get ready for bed.

oh and on top of all this did i mention that i've put on 1,500 miles on my car within a week and a half? my warranty is slowly disappearing before my eyes. everyone says well at least you're commuting in a nice car so it's not as bad. uh no. driving for three hours everyday is not fun no matter what car you're in. especially when half of that time is spent in bumper to bumper traffic. yes yes things could be worse. i could have no job and nowhere to commute to so i should be grateful but really...i've got to bitch a little. as my friend said this is taking the spunkiness out of you. who knew i was spunky but yes...it's gone. i'm tired all the time, my butt hurts all the time and my finger hurts all the time in an effort to find a decent radio station to listen to.

at least i've only got three more days of this before i'm off on my two week vacation and then it's back to work only to endure this all over again. did i already ask someone to shoot me please?