i watched "life in the er" last night for the longest time. makes all the shit that people, myself included, complain about seem pretty meaningless and shallow. also makes me wonder about my job. here i am worried about financial statements when there are others who are actually saving lives. i say those are the ones that should be paid millions instead of stupid actors who can't even act half the time. needless to say, had a big impact on me.

another example of my fickleness....i had told everyone to take me off their links last week but i decided today that it's ok for them to add it back on. oh well. i never said i'd be able to change in one week. plus, i like getting entries in my guestbook :)

very fun weekend. boba party, mad shopping spree, clubbing, more clubbing, saw helen, made personal beer mugs......what more can a girl ask for? a couple things i learned or reaffirmed about myself:
1) one can never have too many clothes
2) same goes for shoes. can we say fetish?
3) lemon drop tastes like candy
4) tolerance is higher than i thought AND i don't turn red. pretty good for an asian i'd say...
5) and most surprising thing....apparently it's weird to dance with your brother? granted we haven't gone clubbing together since who knows but my friend and his cousin were dancing and my friends thought it was weird. of course i had to bring up that jon and i danced together before. not freaking mind you. dancing. i don't think it's so weird but than again, maybe it's the twin thing?

let me explain my blogging again. i'm no longer linked on anyone's page so i feel a little better. maybe i'm just playing mind games with myself but hey, whatever works. plus, the pictures on this page are just too cute to ignore. jon's quest lives on.

i'm having a boba party at my house tonight. homemade boba! or boba milk tea as i've been told by my chinese friends. apparently boba = BIG boobs. who knew. it's definitely not a boob party. my friend is going to make it so i can't really take any credit. but i do plan on making shish kabobs (spelling?) for dinner. it's easy and i figure, how can i mess that up? of course i have to remind myself of when i forgot to add water to the rice cooker. tiny little detail. my first official dinner party sort of. maybe i am becoming an adult.

i decided today that i dislike this public blog idea. at first, i thought it was great because it was going to be "private" and a new venue for people to know what i've been doing......but the more and more i think about it, i don't feel comfortable posting my thoughts and ideas for anyone to read. especially since i can't tell who my readers are. what's the point of having a blog page if i censor everything i write? sorry jon. one convert gone. that's not to say i won't blog anymore. just not as often. but then again, i am fickle remember? to others, blog on.

so i get a message last night from my parents that someone from high school was trying to get in contact with me. how very strange. first off, i hated my high school and second, i don't even think i was all that great friends with her. but my curiosity is peaked and i do appreciate her trying to keep in touch so i'm going to try calling soon.

so my blog site is now public. the ultimate confirmation by the link on jon's page. so much for only trying to let my two "brothers" read it although jon says it's not his fault. i guess we know who the better brother is now don't we?

i really wish i'm able to have the type of personality where i don't care what other people think. the this is me whether you like it or not attitude. maybe it'll come with time? i hope so. and i realized that part of the reason why i moved to san jose was to figure out who i am or what i want to do but i don't think i'm even one bit closer. i'm still very easily influenced by other people which really bothers me and is something i want to work on. to not be so fickle and make my own decisions.

so i had dinner w/ my two closest friends in the bay area last night. the two of them had just gotten back from a 3 week vacation. a one week cruise to the bahamas of all places. a trip that i had been invited to but declined to go since i've been before. i've been looking forward all weekend to seeing them and gettin a chance to "catch-up." it's funny, i realized how grateful i am to have met them when i first moved to san jose. besides my trips down to la, we make plans together every weekend and one of the things i've realized about myself since moving up here is that i hate being alone.

i always feel the need to be doing something or if i'm home alone, at least know that someone is coming over or that i'm going somewhere. i know people who are able to be by themselves for hours, even days on time but to me, i'd hate it.

i had the weirdest and most disturbing dream last nite. dreamed that my mom was getting married to another person. at my old chinese school gym of all places. i don't actually remember the image of my mom getting married but the image of van was everywhere. i kept running around trying to catch up with him to seek advice on how to handle my new family "situation". then on the drive home with my new "step-dad" i was so angry at my mom and the feeling was so strong that i woke up very disturbed. how's that for an early morning blog?

what happened to the good old days of video games? i loved the games i used to play on my chinese nintendo. games like horse racing, bubble bobble, and battle city. these days the games are so complicated that i lose interest before i even begin playing. i like games where you have unlimited ammunition and as many continues as i need. call me a girl but hey, at least i play video games. you can thank my twin for that.

i watched kalifornia for the first time today. awesome movie. i have this fascination with serial killers. who knows why. i'm able to watch discover and msnbc all day learning about how the fbi uses current technology to catch murderers and solve crimes. in fact, it's one of my favorite things to do on weekends.at least it's free.

i've officially jumped on the bandwagon. my own blog page courtesy of jon. this idea of an online diary fascinates me. i find myself thinking of subjects to blog about throughout the day. of course as of this moment, i only have one reader but that's the way i'd like to keep it for now.

my very first blog!