let's just say that i almost had a nervous breakdown when i couldn't get through to jon. my roomate came in and said, "i think you should call your brother. someone just bombed the world trade center." at that moment i had no idea what was going on and was just waking up. knowing how close he lived, horrible thoughts rushed through my head while i dialed like crazy. finally i called james to get hong's number and discovered that he was ok. although i didn't get to actually talk to him till a lot later and only for a little bit, it was good enough.

i think yesterday i was just in shock at what was happening and today the reality of it is settling in. even driving to work today the mood everywhere is depressing. the radio shows, news, people walking on the streets. i keep thinking that it's just a bad dream but one look at the tv throws me back into reality. i was talking to james yesterday about how weird it is that we were just there two weeks ago. and even have pictures of the wtc and just like that, it's now gone.

i'm even supposed to fly to vegas tonight. james told me about the flight numbers corresponding to the days which freaked me out so we'll see.....

23. gone and over with but it was definitely one of the best bdays i've ever had. it started out with dinner in our own room at korean bbq. in case you're curious as to the different tables. roomies (kristi, sabrina, jen, armen). pwc (joe, sanford, curtis, kim). san diego (binh, jean, yuan, lon, vu). pwc/hawaii (carolyn, jimmy, enid, sally, vicky, clayton). and then there was the whatevers table (me, hsin, daniel, e-ming, ryan, jacquelyn). everyone immediately started buying me drinks and the whole night i just kept going from table to table. i can't even recount how much i drank but i lost count after 10. all this before karaoke too. it's after this point that everything gets a little hazy.

enid and carolyn brought in my cake, turned off the lights, and everyone sang. but sad to say, i don't remember the cake coming out, nor the singing, or even cutting the first piece or blowing out the candles. i'm sure it's safe to say that my wish isn't coming true. i do remember someone saying "watch out. she's pretty dangerous with that knife." and i do vaguely remember calling jon (and no, i was not drunk and did not forget about calling you....i was waiting until midnite my time) and apparently i talked to victor for a bit too. but everyone took a lot of pictures so i'm sure that will refresh my memory some.

then it was off to karaoke. i only remember myself singing two songs. ricky martin's "livin' la vida loca" with my roomies and "a whole new world" with yuan (sorry jon). to sum it up....i threw up once in the bathroom and passed out on the floor (thanks for trying to lay out all those tissues daniel) and had to be carried out. from there my friends tell me that curtis, who so unselfishly sacrificed himself to get me drunk, and i were both passed out on carolyn's lap. the good friends that i have decided this would be the perfect kodak moment so everyone posed for pictures with me.

needless to say i had the biggest hangover the next day and i discovered a mysterious black and blue on my leg. but it was all worth it in the end. even hitting my head on the sidewalk and passing out yet again. but don't worry guys, i don't have a bump.

i've pretty much determined that i will be getting very drunk tonight. it seems that everyone's top priority is for me to get wasted. curtis is even going home with me after work so he can take me to the restaurant. all so i don't need to drive. i've even been told to pack an overnight bag and to take a lot of pictures for those who can't come. considering i often puke and black out once i've gone beyond my limit, my mantra for tonight will be to "regulate my alcohol consumption". i've been repeating this over and over to my friends this week but the only response i get is laughter. i'm not even a big drinker but i'm certainly getting the chance to work on my tolerance level between new york and tonight. after this my poor liver may need to take a break for a while.

it seems like everyone around me is starting to study for the cpa. i don't know why but i have no motivation at all. i haven't even cracked open the book or answered one question. i used to consider myself a pretty good student back in college but now, i struggle to concentrate for more than 30 minutes at a time. everyone tells me to get it out of the way since i'll have less and less time to study. all this i already know but it does nothing for my motivation. so what if i fail? i'll just take it next time is pretty much my thinking at this point. my friends have been pretty good about getting on my ass about studying but i'd just much rather sit around and do nothing at work. you'd be amazed at how good i've gotten at doing nothing these days. i guess i'm hoping that a stroke of brilliance will strike me and i'll magically remember everything i've learned in college. wishful thinking i'm sure.

i had dinner with jack last night at this place called zao noodle bar in palo alto and then had gelato for dessert. yum yum. even though we don't really talk all that much, i know inevitably that every few months one of us will call to check in with the other and get together for dinner. i'm always surprised at how well he's able to understand what i'm talking about and his ability to make me see things from another point of view. little things that i never would have thought of but once he explains it, it all suddenly seems to make more sense. it's good we have these little talks because it certainly helps me see situations from another point of view.

recently i've been trying to hang out with friends that i normally don't see. daniel tonight. lunch with josh next week. and then with helen in a couple weeks. it's amazing because even though i've been in san jose for a year now, i've never hung out with josh yet and only seen helen once. i'm trying to work on that but everyone's schedule is so hectic these days. the upside is that i like being busy.

two of my friends put their pics of new york up. james and victor. aren't scanners and digital cameras great?

another mini-vacation gone. this time i went down to san diego with three of my friends from san jose and then met up with hailin and chris there. gosh, i love that city. i find that the longer i'm in the professional world, the more i try to plan mini trips. i'm already trying to think of where i can go next before busy season starts again.

what is there to say? san diego is perfect. we basically did everything that we had planned on doing without too much fuss. zoo, la jolla cove (i tried to find the beach but didn't know where to go. and i've lived there since i was 6?), homecooked meal, saw james and victor (who only came to eat the sea bass i'm sure), dave & buster's with college friends, swimming, mah-jong, dim sum at emerald, and boba drinks at green teahouse. my mom even had a surprise bday cake for me while she played the piano.

the only downside? i got a speeding ticket on the day we were leaving. go figure.

advice: if you feel in a rut, go shopping. i must say, it was very therapeutic for me last night. i bought three purses in less than 30 minutes. but i have a justification for each so it's ok.

got my pictures back from my new york trip.
a couple observations:

1) i was pretty drunk at bar xvi
2) asians really do turn RED (esp. steve, hong, jon, victor). very noticeable
3) palak must be my pseudo buddy. she's in half my pics
4) who took all the pictures? i'm in almost every single one
5) the ever famous pic of me hugging jon from behind came out pretty good. he's actually smiling
6) jon and pz kind of look alike. you have to see the picture

i have been so out of it this week. as if everyone around me is going about their daily lives ie. school, work while i stand motionless watching them. detached from reality. when people talk to me, i zone out and can't remember what they said minutes later. at work, talking to my mgr i just nod and afterwards can barely remember what it is i'm supposed to do. i feel like each day is just passing by but there is no purpose. no goal. what am i working towards? cpa? not really. why is it that society values degrees, certifications, more abbreviations next to your name so much? i liked it so much better in college when i knew what my objective was. a very clear goal. to get good grades and find a good job. now that has been accomplished what's next?

i feel as if time is running out for me to decide what it is i want to do in life. but yet everyone tells me i'm still young. then why is that i feel the need to make decisions, life decisions now instead of just letting life take its course and see where i end up? someone once told me that college REALLY is the best years of your life and and it's only after graduation that we are able to realize it. i'm beginning to think that may be true.

the week in new york has officially come to an end. i must say, i was in a bit of depression last night when i came back to san jose. after a week of clubbing, karaoking, meeting awesome people, watching mafia ( i know, i suck), having late night conversations, playing ps2 like crazy, times square, swimming, soiree at amit's, getting a buddy and eating my peanuts...how can work even compare? i am so glad jon convinced me to come out and i'm going to have to make another effort to visit again. hopefully not in a year this time. although i think everyone should come out to cali. follow hong's lead!

trying to get home last night was craziness. first, i had trouble checking in my luggage so i was literally sprinting through the airport with just a couple minutes to spare before they closed the gate. after i'm all sweaty the pilot tells us that we won't be able to take off for another hour. one hour! of just sitting on the plane with no a/c. can it get any worse? apparently it can because i was surrounded, yes surrounded by babies. crabby ones. there was one in my row, next to me, and in front and behind of me. to top it all off, the one behind started crying and kicking the seat and threw up. so there i was, with a seat close to the bathroom, a baby who had thrown up and no a/c. it's a good thing i was so tired from my week that i passed out.

the good thing about clubbing with all of jon's friends is that their connection is dance. everyone dances. i guess their taste in music must have rubbed off on me because i was listening to hip hop last night and this morning on my way to work. anyone who knows me knows that i am all about techno. but i dug up some old cd's that jon had burnt for me and have a much better appreciation for them now. i guess from now on you can come looking for me in the hip-hop room.

and of course, a special thanks to hong (to make you feel special). am so glad you're coming back to sd although i'm hardly ever there but still....the first step in the master plan as amit and i were discussing.

all in all, i had an awesome week in new york. thanks everyone.

i actually woke up today with a slight headache. my first in a long time. ahhh, the wonders of advil.

i don't know why my time below isn't right but it's actually three hours later than it really says. anyways, here i am. just back from a night of clubbing at this one place called cheetah's. i guess my tolerance must have gone WAY down because i am tipsy as hell and i already ate a hot dog and a filet o fish. tonight was the first night in over two years (?) that i got to go out with jon, james and victor. so much fun. and to think that earlier in the night i was feeling too tired to dance. how can i ever be too tired to dance?

tomorrow is my last night here and i'm sure it'll be a while before i get to hang out with all the michigan people again and i always get this sad feeling when i think about it. i mean, i have known most of these people since freshman year in college and i've met so many new people on this trip too. i'm sure tomorrow will be tons of fun whatever we do.

it's now about 3:30pm contrary to what the clock might say below. i've been up all night with only 30 minutes of sleep. and i'm still not even tired. it's like once i get into this type of environment i'm able to stay awake forever but when i'm in san jose, nights like these are very rare. i feel as if i'm in college again.

i went into chinatown yesterday for some boba (cali is way better), killed some time walking around the city, saw little italy and parts of soho and then went karaoking for about two hours. there were about 15 of us and i haven't gone with such a large group in a really long time and i totally forgot how much fun it is. and of course, mafia afterwards till about 8am. nuts. who knew i had it in me to stay awake for so long. i'm like the energizer bunny....i just keep going and going and going.

i actually got to see times square yesterday. pretty dope. tons of lights and so many people. i definitely think new york would be a great place to visit but not to live. at least not for me. hopping on and off the subway at first was fun since it was my first time but after a while, it was just normal. and walking around town, i so noticed the expressionless faces and rudeness of new yorkers. oh well. i also had dessert at cafe lalo which was the cafe featured in you've got mail. so good but the place itself looked a lot smaller than the movie. i guess cameras can do that.

we were up playing this game called mafia last night tlil 5am. for those who don't know, it's basically a game based on how well you can lie and fool the other person. crazy. i suck at this game. i'm so easy to read and i get so nervous anytime i'm the mafia or cop that i prefer to just sit and watch. by doing that, you can tell a lot about the people you're playing with. i'm sure we'll be playing again soon and maybe i'll get better but i doubt it.

i have arrived. the lair of the master of blogging. aka jon. since i've arrived, we've only left the apartment once. to the mall across the street to grab lunch. i think we're all just perfectly content for the first couple days to relax and hang out with friends. it amazes me how many of jon's friends from michigan are in new york now. it's as if they travel in packs and all decided to move to new york together. my trip here so far has been almost exactly like when i visited jon in college. same friends just different location.

on another note, did you know that it is illegal to pump your own gas in new jersey? who knows why. but the good thing is that no tip is required. AND there is no sales tax. i've deemed it the mecca of shopping. i'm sure over time the amount would add up to a new pair of shoes.

countdown to new york. two more days. for some reason, i don't seem to be as excited as jon, victor or james. maybe it just hasn't hit me yet? i'm sure once i get there it'll all come to me. after all, it's probably going to be a lot like when i used to go visit jon in michigan. late nights, countless calories (but not this time), karaoking, clubbing and whatever activities jon dreams up of. of course this time james and victor will both be there which is nice since i haven't really hung out with them in a long time. i've pretty much determined that i have no say in where we go during the week. with the 20+ people that will be there, i'm sure my opinions won't matter too much. maybe i can pull the but i'm jon's twin thing? yeah, like that will work. we all know jon has no pull although i hear he's pretty good at organizing big outings now. i mean, it IS what he does right?

so what have i accomplished this week at work you ask? not much i'd say. i learned how to play minesweeper, mah-jong the 3 fan way and lost a lot of money on blackjack. it's nice to know that i'm contributing so much while sitting here twiddling my thumbs in my cube. now the movie office space makes so much more sense. at least i'll make up for it during busy season.

i guess i won't be attending my high school 5 year reunion. i'll be in new york at that time visiting jon. very fitting i think considering we both hated high school. although when i was talking to one of my classmates earlier i found myself very curious as to who was doing what, where they were living and who had changed the most. very superficial stuff.

at first when i heard about the reunion there was no way i was going to go but then after some thought and talking to chris, i decided that it would be nice if i went to see how everyone has changed or not changed. i guess after talking to chris i realized that even though high school wasn't a good experience for me, i would regret not going later on down the road. granted i'll be in ny but there's always the 10 year reunion coming up....

my first day back at work. it's always the hardest especially when i had such a good vacation. who knew i would have so much fun in kansas. i did everything that i thought i was going to do and more. i met chris's family and friends, ate more than i have in a very long time, and surprisingly am really interested in hunting. not myself per say but i really liked seeing the animals on the walls. never seen them before. my favorite is the muskrat. so so cute! too bad i forgot to take a picture but i do have one of me with a bobcat on my arm.

and of course, i tried water-skiing. i was only able to try it three times before my arms got too tired and sad to say, i wasn't able to stand. but i was oh so close. at least that's what chris told me to make me feel better. of course it doesn't help that he can slalom ski like crazy and was able to get on the wakeboard on his first try. but then again, i've never grown up around a lake. and unbelieveably, i was incredibly sore the next day and still am now. i didn't even get up! on another note, a report to all people, no fish nibbled on my legs. although an alligator was spotted in the lake a couple weeks before we went. no joke, the "crocodile hunter" was even there.

i'd have to say that i had the most fun when we were hanging out with his parents and when we went to go visit his brother's family. all the other events, wedding, going to the bars with his friends were fun but i'd much rather just sit around and talk or watch movies. i loved my trip to kansas. i betcha no one, including me, would of thought i'd say love and kansas in the same sentence. who knew.....

I’m off to Kansas tomorrow. The land of Toto. I’m actually pretty excited. Chris has planned out a lot of activities for us. Meeting his parents, eating PLENTY (seafood salad, rib-eye steak, chocolate pie, chocolate chewies and much much more I’m sure), going to a wedding, going out to the “plaza” with his friends, and water-skiing. My first time for everything. I must say that I think I’m more nervous about the water-skiing. What if I don’t have enough upper arm strength to hold on? What if the fish nibble on my legs? Or worse, I fall and my bathing suit comes off? All very dumb questions I’m sure but oh well. It’ll be fun regardless.