what is it like to grow up hating your face? i'm sitting here watching extreme makeover and i'm fascinated. i don't even know where to begin. everyone has things here and there they wish were different (unless you're a hot sexy mama like hugh jackman...my newest vavavavoom guy) but over time you learn to accept what you're born with and appreciate those things that make you unique. but what if you're just not good looking? am i being too harsh? everytime you look in the mirror the person looking back at you in no way whatsoever reflects the mental image of what you think you should look like. what to do? the answer apparently is to call extreme makeover and beg. and hope your face is sorry enough to be chosen. but this is no fashion emergency. you can basically request anything. want bigger boobs? done. want a smaller nose? done. want a facelift? done. heck why don't we just transplant gisele's face onto yours? sure why not.

what happened to the days when you just accepted what you were given? the before and after images of these people is unrecognizable. is cosmetic surgery the answer to our insecurities? are we so narcissistic that changing our outward appearance is a direct reflection of our self-worth and self-esteem? the answer to this is yes. we live in a time where what exists on the outside is more important than that of the inside. to strangers at first glance anyways. it's a well known reality that good looking people get special treatment whether it be at work or something small like a bigger scoop of ice-cream. it's no wonder then that we're so willing to go under the knife to achieve the coveted look of what society deems beautiful.

it's sad really but the reality is i can't wait to see what they look like at the end of the hour.

online dating. i asked sanford over the weekend if he would ever consider joining match.com or a similar service and his answer was an emphatic N-O! i would have to agree. over the weekend i was watching this mtv special on speed dating and i have to say, most of the people they interviewed seemed pretty normal. sure some of them seemed to be geeky and perhaps really did need a little help in the dating scene but overall, seemed ok to me. there's such a stigma surrounding online dating that even if i did participate, i would deny deny deny. no i am not a member...i swear!

i wonder, will there ever be a time when it gets so hard to meet new people or you feel like the people you're meeting aren't just cutting it that you'd resort to chatting and scouring profiles online to find the "one". one of my friend's roomate met his fiancee on match.com. only success story that i know of. one thing is for sure, the older you get the harder it becomes to meet interesting and cute people to date. ideally you'd like to meet them through your friends but over time, that avenue will be exhausted. ditto for clubs and bars. i don't care how nice you are, if you try to pick up a girl at a club, she's going to think you're slimy. at least i do.

one thing i noticed from the special is that everyone got along great on the phone and chatting online but when it came time to meeting in person, one of them always felt the other wasn't attractive enough. and everyone always lists personality as the number one wanted trait. please. call me shallow but physical attractiveness has got to be up there...if not number one on my list. i don't care how nice or charming or great a guy's personality is, if i'm not attracted to him physically, there's really no hope. now this isn't to say that i have the greatest taste all the time or that guys can't move up on my physical scale but for the most part, when i first meet someone i can usually tell right away if he could be a "potential" in the future.

in this day and age of the technology boom, online dating is one arena i don't really care to participate in. i'll take my dates the old fashioned way thank you very much. although they did show this one thing where you meet 25 guys or girls and you sit and talk to them for 5 minutes each and then you rate them yes or no. at the end of the night you turn in your sheet and if there's a match, the service will send off the email addresses for you to contact. i found this kind of intriguing. not so desperate and even if it doesn't work out romantically, it seems like a cool way to meet new people.

of course come back to me in 5 or 10 years when i'm older and maybe i won't be bashing on online dating. i'll be a proud participate in all dating services out there. ha.

thomas kinkade. i recently found out that one of the reasons why he is so popular is because his paintings usually show light coming out of a house or some other object which symbolizes god. "painter of light". i've definitely heard of thomas kinkade before but never really knew just how popular he was until now. the client that i'm on for the next month or so is the only company that has the rights to manufacture, produce and distribute his prints or paintings.

the building that i'm working in is surreal. i pull up tuesday morning to two huge buildings that resemble more a museum than a corporation. walking in there's plush chairs and kinkade paintings everywhere on the walls along with a shelf filled with mugs, photo book albums, christmas tree ornaments, pillows, picture frames...basically anything you can plaster his paintings on while still being considered classy.

to all my artistic friends, tell me...why is thomas kinkade so popular? call me ignorant but i thought he was dead up until a couple days ago. you would think for such a nice building they would put us in a decked out conference room but nope. we're stuck in the "licensing" room where we're surrounded by little knick knacks everywhere although we do get nice leather chairs. that's a lot better than some of the other places i've been put in. and oh, another plus...we have a hub. whee! someone save me...i'm stuck here for a month doing 404 work and to my fellow work friends who read this site (i know who you are), lemme tell you, you're in for a treat.

oh the glamorous life of an auditor.

so i was screwed over on friday afternoon and i decided that instead of hiding my face in shame i should share my stupidity so you don't end up making the same mistake as i did. of course if you even have one ounce of sensibility, you probably would never fall for this type of scam anyways but before i carry on, i'd just like to say...in defense of my actions, all of this occurred just a couple hours after my hit and run as mentioned in my previous blog, it was friday afternoon meaning my mind wasn't all there and um...let's see what else...my salad had an ill effect on me?

for whatever the reason, i start from the beginning. a couple of days ago, i received an email proclaiming that i've won a 3 day and 2 night stay to either vegas, ft. lauderdale or orlando. my choice. now we all have heard the horror stories but my mind flashed to caro when she received something of a similar nature (or at least i thought she did) and she partook in a glamorous cruise to the bahamas with quite a little discount. well maybe not entirely glamorous but i do remember specifically that when she came back i asked how the accomodations were because i was quite the skeptical little monkey and she said everything was great.

so lo and behold i get this email and against all my better judgement i decide to call in and redeem my certificate. as soon as i do, a message appears proclaiming that i need to call within 48 hours to reserve my spot which really should have been warning sign numero uno but i do. i call in and proceed to spend 30 minutes or more on the phone. "m'am if you like for $400 we can extend your vacation to 7 days and 6 nights and as a bonus we'll include a free rental car with unlimited mileage." i hesitate and before i can take a deep breath a manager is on the line with me. "m'am we'll knock off $100 on your package and if money is an issue we'll bill you the $150 now and the other half later." ferverishly i aim to nancy and brian c….should i do it? what do i do? images of me sitting on a beach with a pina colada in my hand melts away any doubts i may have had. looking back, second warning sign should have been when i asked if i could decide later and received the classic response "m'am this is a special promotion and such a good deal that i'm afraid once you get off the phone your reservation will go on to the next customer". need i continue? i'm sure you know what's coming. so i agree to the extended package and the $150 on my credit card while little beads of sweat are forming on my forehead. hey i'm a virgo and i don't do rash impulsive things. we're practical creatures. bill the mastercard please.

as soon as i'm off brian c responds did they have a website? is there a number? did you research? uhhh..let me check on the website. so i google in "ramada resorts plaza" and lo and behold what do I find? "ramada resorts plaza - SCAM!" i couldn't believe my eyes. i was in denial. this couldn't possibly be the same ramada that i just got off the phone with? as they say in AA, number one step is denial. i sent the link to nancy so she could share in my shock and as i read horror story after horror story detailing exactly what i did i was forced to come to terms that yes, i have become a statistic and can now join the millions of americans who despite all the warnings and news stories, continue to fall for scams. i guess it is true what they say...if it seems too good to be true, it probably is.

so the moral of the story? if you get a solicitation email from RAMADA PLAZA RESORTS hit delete. i'm actually not that upset about all this since i haven't yet tried to get a refund so i'm still convinced that i will (there were lots of successful refund stories on that website which nancy will attest to) and at least it was only $150 maximum. which is still a lot don't get me wrong but after reading the website and finding out that most people had been duped of $700 or more, i can laugh at this situation and blog about it instead of ranting and raving as i did with jon's my so called life dvd debacle. for which i still have not received my credit. ahem.

i was involved in a hit and run today during lunch! i was sitting in sabrina's car driving to zanotto's (a high class supermarket in case you don't know) and as we're driving along this white van that was making a left from the oncoming traffic suddenly appeared in front of us. i felt as if everything was happening in slow motion. i just remember the van getting closer and closer and me thinking i'm going to get hit, i'm going to get hit and i better move my legs up so they don't get crushed. sabrina slams on the brakes and we hit. BOOM. actually it was more like boom. the hit really wasn't all that bad surprisingly. double props to sabrina's brakes.

so we pull over and we're expecting the van to also but next thing we know, it just takes off. what?!?!?! all these bystanders come running over yelling "did the van just take off? are you ok? you need to contact your insurance company." and THEN this sheriff car pulls up next to us and was like "was it the van that hit you guys? stay right here and i'm going to try to find her." apparently the sheriff was waiting at a red light and saw the entire incident.

so sabrina and i climb back into her car and we wait. and wait some more. all the while we're chit-chatting and then we noticed 4 or 5 police cars just pass us by. what's going on? it's like 30 minutes now and nobody is coming back for us. we're afraid to just leave since we were told specifically to stay. stay spot stay. then this lady who goes around in her little car issuing tickets stops in front of us and was about to write us a ticket so we jump out and explain the entire thing to her. she talks through her walkie talkie and she's like yup yup they just arrested someone. my eyes are big at this point. wow...this is just like a movie. yup yup it's a lady in a van (that must be our girl!). we're told to wait once again and that a cop is coming for us. then she just takes off.

we climb back into her car again and sure enough, five minutes later, a cop pulls up behind us. i jump out again and we're asking about the lady that was arrested until we realize, this cop has no idea what we're talking about. in fact, he stopped to ask us what we were doing parked in a freight loading zone. another cop stops by. and i say out loud "maybe this cop will know what's going on" which seemed to make cop #1 not too happy. so, sabrina and i go over the ENTIRE story again...this time with our arms flailing and a witness even stopped by to pronounce that yes he saw the entire accident happen and that contrary to belief, these two girls are not nuts.

now both cops are staring at us like we're stupid. he takes a look at the damage...very minimal...just a little black mark and he's like well, i don't know where the sheriff that told you guys to wait is, no one was arrested recently so if you want, you guys can just leave.

what? i'm all for leaving because really this has gotten to be much more trouble than warranted but i did leave scratching my head. what happened to the sheriff and why did the traffic lady say someone was arrested for our accident?

there is a fairy tale ending to all this. we made our way safely to zanatto's and chowed down on a big green salad with arizona raspberry ice-tea.

i missed the bachelor last night. first time since the premiere episode. but don't worry, i caught myself up this morning by reading the episode guide. i've determined that the bachelor reminds me a little of vi...they wear the same type of clothes, similar hair except vi's isn't that rumpled although it should be and they both move their mouth the same way when they talk. this was all confirmed by both bren and vu so it must be true. sanford informed me that the bachelor was having a private party up in sf and i considered for a brief nanosecond to crash it but what's the point. he could very well be married by now but just to get a glimpse to see if he's all that in person. i guess i'll never know.

in case you were wondering, my two favorites, jen c. and tina fabulous are still in the running. although i'm convinced that kirsten is going to get picked which would just crush mr bachelor's image in my eyes. i don't like her and yes i'm being catty.

is it just me or do white girls seem so much older than they really are? half of the girls on that show are 22 or 23 and they look way older. not that they're not good looking or anything but heck i'm 24 and still get carded to drink champagne at weddings. i wonder what it is. even contestants in miss teen usa look older than me and most of my girl friends. the few that i do have. not that i'm complaining of course. these days i'm all about being young and carefree...anything to avoid the "over the hill" comment. bleh.

is honesty always the best policy? i've been accused of making inconsiderate and hurtful statements and when confronted i always follow with my catch phrase "well, it's true isn't it?" this came as surprise to me since i consider myself to be very passive aggressive and rarely get into confrontations or during my times of annoyance (which is very rare of course...uh yeah), i just dial up grace, have a bitch session and everything is lovey dovey again.

but i've been told by more than one person that i'm very blunt or say things that come off as rude without even realizing it. but well, as they say, the truth hurts. i suppose i should think twice before blurting something out but really what's the fun in that. half the time i don't even know i'm doing it so how do you expect me to change? in truth, when people say just be honest with me or tell me as it is there's a little part of them that doesn't really mean it. i'm guilty of this myself. to take the all time cliche, when i try on clothes and ask, does this make me look fat? i'm not really expecting a yes answer. i'd much prefer the go around of it doesn't fit you properly or the color isn't right or whoever desgined that must be an idiot. anything as long as it doesn't mention the gut hanging over my pants.

however if you say my face over the years has become as round as a pumpkin then that's just plain mean. because well, sure i know my face has rounded out over the years (i used to have a sharp chin i swear) but really to compare it to a pumpkin? there must be something better to compare it to.

so to those i'm rude to. i do apologize. it's not on purpose. and for those times that it is, well can you really argue with truth?

i no longer have a favorite dj. for the past two or three years i've always tooted the horn of donald glaude and whenever possible, i'd go watch him at different venues. i even got a couple of my friends to like him but tonight, such a disappointment. i have cd's in my car that sound better than he does. actually i know i do because we were listening to them on the way back. he didn't even pump up the crowd like he usually does. that's the best part about him, when he goes nuts and the crowd reacts but i like to just stand in the corner and giggle to myself but not tonight. such a shame.

if i seem a bit out of it or repetitive, well it could be because i'm a little tipsy. i'm sitting here, on a thursday night forced to leave the club early because some people were bored and i guess i couldn't blame them. now i'm watching bren and sanford play tiger woods 2003 ps2 with a techno cd playing in the background that is actually really good and i'm trying to figure out if it's my cd or not because if it is, well damn don't i have good taste. actually i'll have to thank hailin for all my techno cd's and jon for all my non-techno cd's. and the chinese ones are purely my own selection. i rarely buy cd's since i think they're a waste of money and usually only listen to the radio (hence my horrible taste in music) so any donated burnt cd's is well received. in fact i think the hand me down cd's i get from jon is my only real foray into "good" music or so i'm told. who can understand those lyrics anyways?

there was a time when i used to go clubbing almost every thursday night but that stopped during my first year of work as i soon found out waking up friday mornings was no joke. james once said that when he thinks of clubbing he thinks of me. do i really club that much? yes i guess i do. but seriously, what do people do besides go clubbing on weekends? i always hear people rant left and right about how they're so sick of clubbing and yes i get that way too but what else is there to do? movies? dinner? lounge? i always get the itch to go after a couple of weeks away and well i figure i better get it out of my system now before i'm old and clubbing in my 30's or 40's. i know i always lament whenever i see old people at clubs. and i'm talking old. i saw this one guy once that was in his 60's i think with this big ass glowstick and dancing around in circles and it was just too much. i couldn't decide whether to stare in bewilderment or just laugh. i think i did a little of both.

i've always wanted to write a blog when i was tipsy just so i can re-read it the following morning and well i guess this is it. let's hope i'm able to wake up for work tomorrow morning.

what could be better than sitting here at work with a hot krispy kreme donut in my hand and a berkeley farms chocolate milk next to me. for some reason i've been having quite a penchant for chocolate milk recently. it all started when bren's mom made some homemade milk last week and ever since then i've been hooked. maybe it reminds me of the good old days when i would mix nestle quick (or is it hershey's?) into my milk and stir until my arms would get tired. ah the good old days. there was a brief moment at the counter when i contemplated getting the low fat chocolate milk to combat my krispy kreme but thankfully i came to my senses just in time.

this was my first trip to the krispy kreme store ever. the person i'm working with at the moment is from the UK and just working here for a couple months so last week i showed her in n' out and today it was krispy kreme. we both just wanted to see what all the fuss was about and personally i wasn't too impressed. i've had krispy kreme donuts before mind you but everyone keeps raving about the store and the sign that blinks when the donuts are hot (which i never saw by the way) and it was just hyped up way too much. it tastes just like ordinary donuts to me and the only cool thing maybe was getting to see them being made in the back but it certainly doesn't warrant a drive all the way to mountain view.

i'd much rather drive to cupertino village for my boba and ketchup rice. yum yum!

everyone says your early 20's is your time to party it up, let out your inhibitions and basically get it all out of your system so you won't regret anything later on. i'm 24 now so in a couple more months time i'll be starting my mid 20's phase. the thing is, i'm not sure if i'm ready to let go of my early 20's yet. i like the fact it still hasn't been that long since college (3 years isn't long right?), i still consider myself a relatively newbie in corporate america and i don't really need to think about the consequences of my decisions because well, that's for later when i'm older.

questions like where do i want to go in my career? where do i want to live? is this really what i want to be doing? who will i marry? etc etc. and the list is endless. my answer to all those is i'm only 24. i have plenty of time. but in truth my endless time is slowly creeping up on me. it doesn't seem so long ago that i remember moving into my studio by san diego state or purchasing my first car with my dad or being semi-nervous about starting work. and now it's three years later and it's gone by in a breeze. where does the time go?

everyone says age is just a number. yes it is but i have little mental timeframes of where and what stage people should be at depending on how old they are. this is all ingrained in me of course from watching too much junk tv. early 20's is partying. mid 20's is starting to figure out your career, who you'll marry and starting to settle down. late 20's (meaning 28 and 29) is when you're basically settled, no more dating and the start of raising a family.

i feel as if i can no longer revert to my same old excuse of "i'm only 24" and don't know better. but i don't want to think long-term as i'm quite happy in the present right now. my mom's words "you do know you're not young anymore right?" keep reverberating through my mind. i guess my saving grace is that most of my friends are same age or older and i quite like being the young one in the group. it makes me feel as if i have more time. as in so and so is two years older but is at the same place i am so i must have two more years extra time.

so to my older friends i do thank you. actually i guess another saving grace is that i look young so maybe i can push my but i'm only 24 excuse a little longer.

i wonder, is it possible to only want to be friends when two strangers of the opposite sex meet? i've noticed lately that if you have a boyfriend and meet a guy for the first time and you both exchange numbers, there's the connotation that one of you is interested. is this true?

i've pretty much determined that once you have a boyfriend, your guy friends are pretty much set for life. and vice versa perhaps. all the guy friends you've met prior to meeting your boyfriend is deemed "ok to hang out with". but after that, forget it. this really is a shame.

you can meet all the girlfriends you want, in fact i'm sure boyfriends encourage this but when it comes to guys. it's a no no. after all, why else would he ask for your number or want to hang out? it must be because he's interested. or i suppose the other scenario is if you meet new guys through a sibling. that i've deemed to be ok as all of jon's friends immediately become mine at some point or another.

it's really too bad jon has more girlfriends than guys.

anti-war protesters. don't like them. whenever i hear stories about anti-war protests in san francisco or people lying down on the streets of manhattan it really irritates me. i mean, we're already in the war the least we can do is support our troops. imagine, these are basically kids who have been sent to protect us and citizens in middle class surburbia are rioting against them. how absurd is that. the pow they rescued recently was a 19 year old girl who looks more like she's 12. what were you doing when you were 19? certainly not fighting for your life i can bet you that.

if you're like me, you're too chicken to ever enter into the military. so i rely on those men and women who do have the guts to go out there and protect us from an event like 9/11 ever happening again. and truth to be told, if you're reading this, you were probably brought up in a well to do middle class family whose children would more likely than not need to enroll in the military. why? because those who enroll in the military usually are fresh out of high school, need money to go to college and basically it's one of their only options to be independent. this isn't entirely the case of course but based on my experiences at camp pendleton.

it's so easy to get lost in our everyday lives of going to work and hanging out with friends and the war may seem like a million miles away which it is but the least we can do, i mean bare minimum least is support them. i don't care if you agree with the reasons of going to war or not, the fact is, we're there. we're not pulling out so be supportive and think twice before participating in any anti-war rallies and imagine the soldiers meandering their way through sandstorms, being homesick and sacrificing their lives so we can continue to live in our carefree ways.

and that's my two cents on the war.

i am red. like a lobster that has been cooked over and over again. me in only a t-shirt and pants with the sun blazing overhead snowboarding and no sunblock on my face. the thing is, i completely forgot about it and didn't really think of it again until the car ride home when my face kept getting hotter and hotter. anyone who has seen me recently knows how pale i've become and well...now i'm red. my face feels as if it's on fire, it hurts when i scrunch my nose and putting a towel to my face is torture.

even at lunch yesterday the waitress was like "is the reason why your face is so red because you were out in the sun?" uh yes dummy. and she just gave me this sad pitiful sympathetic look. i feel as if everyone is staring at me and i have this huge deformity on my face but all i can do is slather on some more after sun lotion and pray the peeling process comes soon.

you can bet next time i won't be forgetting my sunblock.

i have butterflies in my stomache. why? my newest crush is andrew firestone, the bachelor. i had seen pics of him online and my first reaction was wow, he's pretty cute but then after a couple more glances decided he really wasn't all that. but now, after sitting through the premiere episode, i've changed my mind. he's definitely the best bachelor to date. dark hair, cute dimples, nice bod (not too big but yet has muscles), wears a suit nicely, and there's just something about his smile. he even has a twinkle in his eye! but the clincher was the shot of him in his tinted blue sunglasses which just seemed to fit oh so well. a guy who can pull off tinted color sunglasses definitely has my vote.

i wasn't too impressed with the past two bachelors. alex. ugh. he's boring and too feminine. aaron. sure he's successful and has his own business but i just wasn't digging him. seemed too cocky and his smile was crooked. but andrew. i was completely giddy by the end of the one hour episode. it's yet to be seen of course whether this crush will last and as jon will tell you, i do develop them quite easily but fall out of them just as easily.

another thing i learned from watching this show. makeup does wonders. wonders i tell you. when they first showed the girls in their natural state i was quite disappointed cause andrew deserves better but then once they put their makeup on, i was floored. are these the same girls? whenever i put on makeup i look exactly the same or i just look like a painted clown with colors on her face. but i digress...we're talking about the bachelor here.

i can't wait until the next episode. now you know where i'll be wednesday nights at 9pm. parked in front of the television.

online shopping. i think it's going to be my new addiction. as if my shoe frenzy wasn't bad enough before. i purchased my first pair of shoes online yesterday and originally it was to be sent within 5 to 10 business days but today i get an email thanking me for my business and informing me that my shoes are packed and ready to be sent priority mail as a thank you for being a customer. can't beat that. so now i should be getting my shoes in 2 to 3 working days.

i don't know why i never thought of this before. buying shoes online. i've held off on buying any sort of clothing type stuff for so long mainly because my size differs so drastically from store to store. but not for shoes. and with online buying, you can see all your choices right in front of you without walking all across the mall and you're exposed to all these different styles which may not currently be in the stores due to the season change or it being out of fashion. not to mention that the prices are usually cheaper online also.

with just a click of a button and a couple types of my credit card number, the shoe purchase is done. finito. and if you don't like it, they even pay for your shipping costs to return. this could be detrimental to my shoe buying habits. i have so many pairs of shoes that half the time i don't even remember what i have anymore and i don't even wear most of them but there's just so many cute shoes out there that i must own them all.

another eye opener to the world of online shopping.

would you believe it if i told you i had the most fun playing bingo in vegas this past weekend? yes. bingo! b-i-n-g-o, b-i-n-g-o, b-i-n-g-o and bingo was his name-o. i haven't played since high school and jon just laughed at me when i mentioned that i would like to play bingo in vegas but alas, i now have a bingo team! we're the fastest stampers around. and if you don't believe it, we're up to the double pack on our first try.

so what if the entire room was filled with the elderly and it took a good 20 minutes of explaining before we finally figured out the rules. hey, those single and double bingos ain't easy. and don't even get me started on the X and the powerball bingo. but by the end of the 3 hour night, we were a well oiled machine. holding the stamper inches above the paper while our eyes quickly scanned the page for the number. stamp stamp. and we even learned how to eat and drink at the same time. all in two games! which means...you too can be a bingo player.

i came home one hundred dollars richer all due to the system and on top of that, got to hang out with everyone again. what's not to love?

now can i get a clap clap pointpointpoint?

i've become quite soft. not to say i was ever toned in the first place but i now have a beer belly even though i don't drink beer. i'm starting to get teacher arms even though i don't teach. my three years in corporate america have only served to make me lazier and more unfit. my face seems to get rounder and just when i think my cheeks can't get any bigger i'm proved wrong from my pictures. how can this be? i'm not even a quarter century old yet.

the sad thing is, what do i plan to do about this? nothing really. one of my first tasks when i moved to san jose was to renew my gym membership and as i forked over the money i somehow convinced myself that the card would come to be in good use. why i thought this i'm not sure considering i've been a 24 hour fitness member since high school and nothing has changed except for the fact that i'm now rounder. what i need i think is a good swift kick in the butt but i'm not even sure i want that anymore.

i've determined that there is no way i can possibly ever wake up at the butt crack of dawn to go to the gym because i just like sleeping way too much. then after work i always run into the dilemma of 1) i can go to the gym and sweat and run my butt off or 2) i can go home, eat some take-out and park myself in front of my favorite television shows or 3) i can go to a nice meal with friends and have a boba after. hm...guess which two usually wins.

maybe the working out phenom will just magically hit me as it did curtis and in 7 or 8 months i'll have a flat stomache just like him. but for now someone please hand me a blue m&m.

i had one of my best weekends in a while. the last time we all got together, or most of us anyways was at le prive in la and that was just a blah night. no one was really in the mood to dance or drink but this time it was different. josh's wedding was amazing...very traditional and as des, nancy, grace and me sat in a row i could hear sniffling all around. someone please pass me a tissue while i look behind to see jon, james and victor loh secretly laughing at us. i've been looking forward to this wedding for so long and just like that...it's over. the first of our warner group is married off. who knew when we spent two summers at warner springs that the legacy would extend this far to get our own picture order after the wedding. dope. see pictures.

it's always great when a group of friends get together and hang out but it's even greater when it's your childhood friends where that level of comfort is just there and i'm completely at ease with myself. the warm fuzzy feeling you get inside just because you know these are your bestest and closest friends and we all know how our group functions. i love it. we never really used to hang out that much back in high school or college due to distance reasons but now everyone is essentially back. at least for now anyways. and to think we all met through our parents. i guess those saturdays at chinese school and parent parties on saturday nights really did pay off.

and now a disclaimer for the pictures from clubbing at backbeat. it would seem from jon's captioning that i was the only one drunk but no no that is not the case. if you look carefully you can see vic wang also puking up by the wall although this wouldn't really explain me hanging halfway out the window puking while des drove. but as long as the puke doesn't get on my car, that's all that really matters.

thanks for a great weekend guys and see you in vegas in 3 weeks.

i met with a financial planner today and i'm now a savvy investor in a mutual fund. go me. who knew that at age 24 i would need a financial planner but i guess that isn't so rare these days. as i was thinking of referrals for the guy and asking around i found out that lots of people have their own personal planners. who knew. as i was sitting there i was almost embarrassed by how little money i have to show for my three years in the working world but now i feel as if i have a sense of direction. or at least i know how much to put aside every month and where to put it.

previously my finances or lack thereof were managed by ex-boyfriends and then when the relationship didn't work out it was relegated to my dad and then it just sat there for over a year. even with them charging me quarterly inactive fees wasn't incentive enough for me to figure out what to do. but now thanks to sabrina i've got my own financial planner. and he's free too. that's the greatest part and he seems to really care but i suppose they all seem as if they do.

he asked me all the normal questions. annual salary? monthly expenses? having no college debt is really great and one shouldn't take it for granted. i never really quite knew until recently how great it is to be debt-free. short-term and long-term goal? hm...i pause. to save as much money as possible i suppose? stupid answer but i don't really have any. he's like are you saving for a wedding or a house and my response is no and no although a townhouse does seem nice. as he calculated how much i needed in my "nest egg" to live comfortably i was quite astounded at the big number he came up with. you expect me to have saved this much money by 65? nuts. the sooner i start the better.

but no worries because i have 41 more years until retirement. yes siree bob. i'll be working for another freaking 41 years assuming nothing bad happens. and if something does, my designated beneficiary is jon. i was actually about to put my mom's name like i always do but he suggested i put a sibling close to my age so now that lucky son of a gun brother of mine will get my life savings. oh wells. could be worse.

but for those of you who live in the bay area or in southern california and would like a financial planner, let me know. what's the harm i say. i've already convinced vu and tri today :) now you?

intelligence in a guy is really hot. but i've only met a few guys in the past that possess that certain kind of aloofness and confidence that i find really attractive for some reason. the he's so smart and everything comes easily to him and he knows it but yet it means nothing to him type. does that make sense? i like it when guys are just innately book smart and can remember facts and pull straight a's without much effort. i can't think of anyone famous as an example at this moment and don't really want to name specifics. but then, there's always that fine line of cockiness that some guys possess that i find very annoying and can't really stand to be around.

why the topic? take this guy at work for example. semi good looking but nothing to turn heads about. but then i look at his resume and wowee. was i blown away. went to cal for undergrad and stanford for grad school. had all these publications and to top it all off, a patent in his very own name. now super achievers like this back in high school or middle school were what i considered to be nerds but now...it's so appealing. right away his attractiveness factor increased by ten fold and me and my co-worker would shyly giggle like little school girls whenever he would walk by. ok...maybe not that latter part but you get my meaning.

sadly for you guys out there, this "trait" comes naturally and can not be taught or learned. and for those of you who possess it, count your blessings cause i'm telling you, your hotness factor increases megafolds. and well, if you don't have it i suggest taking singing or dancing lessons cause that also helps a lot.

i hung out with anna last night. it's not very often that i see michigan people without my other half and strangely i always feel like it'll be really weird for some reason. i can probably count on one hand the number of people i've met from michigan that i'd feel completely comfortable with by myself. hong not included since he's more san diego. but that theory has never really been tested and last night wasn't weird to me at all. quite normal i'd say. i'm not really sure why i have this theory. maybe it's because whenever i meet jon's friends they're always like oh we've heard so much about you or i'm finally meeting jon's twin or your brother is so cute (i got that from girls during his funktion days) that i feel as if i just can't live up to my image.

but that's slowly fading away with the colliding of worlds. for some reason, jon never really meets any of my friends except for the taiwan trip. oh and that one time we went clubbing and i finally brought out girls but besides that i can't really think of anything else. but i think i've met almost all of his friends. i was looking at the ccf pictures from louis's website and i actually remember having met more than half of them my freshmen year in college which was kind of a trip. it's pretty amazing when i stop and think that i've known karina, je-yi, louis, greg and leslie for more than six years. nuts.

i think it's pretty nice that jon and i have most of the same friends and are able to do things together. i guess that's what happens when you're the same age. and with james going to michigan by himself during xmas time and me seeing anna...it just gets better and better.

i've been told by more than one person that i have horrible taste in music. and sadly i'd have to agree. my listening these days usually consist of whatever is on the radio and every so often i'll pop in one of my new chinese cd's that i bought in taiwan but that's about it. i can seriously listen to a cd over and over mainly because i usually only listen when i'm in the car and in that case, it's usually the hip-hop radio station that wins or howard in the mornings, and then in my room, i don't stay there very long with the exception of sleeping so i'm lucky to get through two or three songs.

one would think that now i have my new 6 disc changer inside my car as opposed to the trunk i'd be switching cd's as often as jon does but nope. i've popped in 4 cd's from the time i bought the car and they're still in there. christina aguilera and three of the cd's jon burnt for me. my only exposure to non-radio songs is the old cd's jon no longer wants which he bums off to me but i don't mind. i think it's a waste of money to buy cd's anyways so i'll take whatever i can get. jon's always telling me to listen to the lyrics but truthfully i find it much too tiring and who wants to concentrate that hard while driving. i can never tell what the hell they're saying anyways and it's usually only the chorus that i can catch the words to but even that is sketchy at times.

but over the years i've been exposed to different types of music depending on who i was dating at the time. country (especially line dancing which is very fun!), beautiful south, techno, alice n chains, bon jovi, morrissey, jurrasic 5, john meyer and i've really liked all of them so far with maybe the exception of alice n chains. just can't get into that stuff. maybe there is hope for me yet.

my weekend consisted of watching eight man halo on two tv screens. both saturday and sunday. at first i really couldn't understand why everyone was going so nuts that yes the ethernet cable did work and wow we can hook up two xbox's but by sunday night i was a convert. of course i didn't have much choice since there was nothing else to do while the boys played but i found myself getting sucked in. i'd have to say that my favorite is definitely capture the flag.

i even tried to play and participate in the fun but i think my hand and eye coordination isn't all that great despite all the years of training from jon. i had more trouble with moving myself around and aiming at the people that i couldn't really enjoy the full effects of the game. i played two games and each time i was killed the most and had the least number of kills.

i've pretty much decided that i like simple games with one or two buttons to remember. think virtual tennis. even in street fighter i could never do the "all-u-can" and just used chun-li since her two moves really are the fast kicks and the turnaround swoop. now that both those phases are over i'm hoping that the new dead or alive volleygame game will be my new addiction.

quarterlife crisis. i remember browsing on the web one day and saw a book with that same title "quarterlife crisis: the unique challenges of life in your twenties". i briefly flirted with the idea of purchasing it but after reading some of the excerpts decided it was a bunch of mumbo jumbo and that i didn't need a book to tell me others are going through the same thing. i see it around me everyday.

there was a period after college when i missed everything about it. the freedom, skipping classes, not worrying about getting enough sleep. all that jazz. actually i didn't really do any of that stuff except when i went to visit jon in michigan. only then did i experience dorm life and staying up all hours and although it was fun, i don't think i would of enjoyed 4 years of it. but now , i'm over the phase of wishing i was back in college. don't really have the desire of homework and cramming useless knowledge into my head, not saying that i'm not doing the same thing now but you know what i mean.

sometimes i wonder, am i going through a quarterlife crisis? but i think everyone at this age does. i mainly go on passing time but with no real goals in mind. not graduate school. no motivation to add a few more letters behind my name and plus, i'm not very career oriented. so if my goal isn't work-related what else could it possibly be? the usual i suppose. marriage, kids, house. or i've added a new one to my list...to marry rich.

but in all seriousness, i think i can feel myself getting into the phase of settling down. i think about the "future" a lot more. and in craziness, i actually see shopping for furniture and decorating the house pretty appealing. domestic is me. it may be due to the slew of engagements i learned about recently and the george of one year ago never thought about what her wedding would be like or what kind of ring she would want but now i find myself imagining every once in a while. i'm chopping it all up to quarterlife crisis.

jet-lag is catching up with me. as much as i try to lay still and close my eyes and count sheep...nothing is working. i can only read fast food nation for so long before i get sick of reading about how the frozen fry was invented and how the corporations are again ripping us off. just another confirmation of how much i hate corporate america. one interesting tidbit...did you know that the government can't recall contaminated beef but can recall a defective toaster? how fitting.

so it's my second night back from taiwan. i'm still in a state of limbo as to how the trip will stay with me. first time back since love boat. probably had unrealistic expectations but my days and nights were filled with eating, shopping, mosquito bites, visiting relatives including victor's, more shopping, saw louis and je-yi for a total combined time of 60 minutes, national taiwan university which was one of my highlights actually, and watching endless chinese movies with scrunched down english subtitles that i found rather annoying. not to mention the static on that channel which would make the tv blank out in crucial chinese style dying moments.

the glamour shots i could of done without. took them once before and didn't like them. not too sure why i thought this time would be different but this just futher confirms that yes i do have big cheeks and no i am not photogenic. someone please shoot me if i decide to do them again anytime before i get married. i'm convinced by that time, i'll have matured and my cheeks will have magically disappeared. as jon says, as only an older brother can, "i feel as if your face gets rounder each year". nice.

i always used to say that i would love to go back to asia and live for a couple years but now, i'm not so sure. i'm not sure if it's because i'm older and have more habits or if i'm just spoiled. most likely a mixture of both. little things bother me. first and foremost, the no dryer phenom. i can't stand hanging everything and i do mean everything up to only be taken down when it's cold and hard. i made sure to pack myself enough socks and underwear to last the entire 10 days. besides what's the point of hanging clothes outside when the air is dirty? i feel like febreze may be a better investment at times. moving on. no shower curtain. going pee on a wet toilet? not exactly my cup of tea. my showers were spent being very careful to not let too much water onto the floor, much helped by my short hair. finally. no bathroom counters. i just can't get used to only a sink...where do i put my glasses? my face lotion? on the toilet? but that seems dirty.

for some reason, i didn't seem to have these complaints during love boat. even in the sweltering heat and season of mosquitos. i don't remember getting bitten as much as i did this time (during the winter nevertheless) or being less than enthralled with the communal showers at ocean and chien-tan. oh wait, yes i do. never mind...enid's shower was much nicer. and her house was clean clean clean. no cluttering anywhere. i loved it.

but all in all. it was fun. not as much partying as i was expecting. only went to plush (yes it was on wild on e!) once. could barely breathe due to the barrage of smoke everywhere and ever notice how chinese people bop up and down when dancing? quite amusing. enid was really a great host. felt like i could of gotten in a day or two more of shopping but then i always say that. i was pretty amused by louis's "i love taiwan" mentality. reminded of a little kid in a candy store. even went so far as to wake at 6am to visit chian kai shek memorial by himself on the subway. not bad. oh...the subway system is surprisingly fantastic and orderly.

and now the new year is among us. not too exciting seeing how i slept thorugh the countdown only to awake at 12:15am and watch the replay on tv. now i'm back into my normal routine of work, 11 mandatory hour workdays during busy season, and getting as much catch-eye as i can. joy joy.

this could be my longest blog yet. koodos to you if you've made it this far. the wonders of jet-lag.

i can't sleep. so of course what do i do. watch late night music videos and surf the internet. on a whim of nostalgia i go back and read old emails which probably isn't the greatest idea in the world but basically, certain people or events have designated folders and it's not long before i get to the folder titled "dad".

sometimes friends will ask every once in a while the same old question. have you dealt and come to terms with it? i usually just say whatever i feel like at the moment with a short yes or no answer because truthfully i don't even really know myself and don't care to elaborate. but tonight i re-read all the emails i got in response to the one i sent out and i was pretty amazed at what everyone wrote. true most of it was the same generic stuff that i would write also but just knowing that all these people cared was pretty surprising. i'm not sure why but half of the emails i don't even really remember receiving and reading much less filing away. i really must thank my anal side.

but anyways, on to another topic...now i'm watching christina aguilera's "beautiful" video and i must say, it really is a shame she dresses like a slut now since she is quite talented and her new songs are actually pretty good. for some reason, i'm really drawn to the "dirty" video but come on, cover the butt crack please.

i went to go look at cars over the weekend and the moment i stepped onto the lot, i immediately turned into a shy, intimidated 12 year old. the last time i went car shopping and actually test drove cars was with my dad when i was a freshman in college. one would think that after 4 years of college and 2 years in the workforce i would be a little more confident but nope. i found myself letting chris do all the talking and agreeing with his statements and only answering when questions were directed at me. so you're the one looking to buy a car? uh yes. do you have any questions about the car? uh nope. then i would secretly whisper questions for chris to ask him on the side.

we went to the bmw dealership first and i was so intimidated and caught off guard by the rudeness of the sales staff that we left before even asking for a test drive. not only was i rebuffed once or twice, but three times. once when the guy told me to not look or touch the car on display (go look at the one in the showroom he says). then when chris asked where the 3 series was the guy held up his hand, said hold on and kept on walking. then while we were checking out cars no one came over to talk to us or offer a test drive. i know i look young but still...i'm so tempted to go back with my new car, assuming i get one, and rub it in the dealership's face as chris suggested.

but this whole process has made think about when i'll start feeling like an "adult". even at 24 i still feel as if i act and think like a kid. i see others who are either younger or the same age as me who seem so much more grown-up and i wonder, when will i become like that? i don't go to nice restaurants to eat or sit and drink wine and chat with my friends. most of the activities i do indulge in haven't changed much since college. clubbing, video games, boba runs. in less than a year, i'll be a person that is a quarter of a century old stuck with a teenager mentality. maybe i'll just wake up one morning and be magically transformed.

i want a dog. when i saw this picture i was like ohhhhhhhhh ahhhhhhhhhh (can't beat the lambdas baby) but no really. my future husband must be dog friendly. it's pretty pointless for me to get one now, besides the fact that vu hates them, since i'm never home and don't think i'd have the patience to potty train it or take it on walks but when i'm more domesticated, i definitely want one. growing up jon and i were never allowed to have pets (or i should say, any pets not contained in a cage) and there are its advantages. our house never had dog hair. we were able to decorate with glass figurines and not worry about breakage. but even so, i'm getting one hopefully before i turn 30.

i used to want a bulldog but after some research i decided it's not for me. grace is getting one anyways so i'll just play with hers and dog sit if necessary. now i don't know what i want anymore. something big enough i can sleep with without worrying about crushing it, but then small enough for me to still think it's cute. have you noticed most dogs lose its charm after it's full grown? it's too bad we can't lease puppies because i don't think i'd mind trading for a new puppy every 2 years before it turns old and ugly. oh, and no drooling. that is a definite no-no.

i went to eat dinner with josh yesterday and besides getting some of the wedding details for my "in the loop" buddy nancy ( i would link her here but she no longers blogs) we started talking about work, happiness and christianity of course. he's been pulling some hellish hours for the past couple of weeks (6am - 10pm daily) but yet his attitude was pretty amazing. i don't want to make this blog about religion, i'll save it for another time, but i found myself asking him all sorts of questions about how and when and why. i'm really not into religion or ever have been but lately i've noticed most of them all have this aura of calm and peace about them which really appeals to me.

for the past couple months now it seems all i do is complain about work and i hate it. not the work itself although that too but more the person i am becoming. no motivation. no energy. no zest for life if you will. and i don't think i'm the only one who feels this way. i honestly think i'd be much happier with a job where i won't need to work so many hours or worry about deadlines and budgets and if that means i'd be making less money...that's ok with me too. as my friend said it feels as if you're making even more money since you work less hours and are really able to do the things you want to do and life is about so much more than work. now the only problem is what i want to do.

but then again, my other thinking is either jon or i will hit the lottery, win it big and then i won't need to be in this dilemma and am able to sleep in till whenever.

every may and november a dark cloud looms over my head as the cpa exam rolls around. i took the exam again yesterday and to the all asked question did you pass? i'd have to say no but it's not a big surprise considering i only cracked open my book once. everytime it gets around this time the thought of studying always seems to plague me but this time around i had even less motivation to study than before. sure everyone keeps telling me to get something out of public accounting and it's a waste to stop now since you're more than halfway there to be certified but none of these reasons have struck a chord in me. none of them have made a light bulb go off in my head or motivate me to open those darn books.

what i'm missing i really don't know. do i want to be certified? sure it's nice on the resume but i could really care less now. i've pretty much determined the only reason why i keep signing up everytime and wasting my money is for three letters. m-o-m. she doesn't really bring up the topic much anymore but on those times when she would ask if i've been studying and my answer would always be no i could hear a little sigh of disappointment.

but alas i think me sitting for the exam yesterday instead of just skipping it entirely and going shopping (which i've done twice before) did me some good. the exams are a throwback to SAT days. sitting in a big room with little bubble sheets in front of you. raising your hand to go to the bathroom and getting a pass only to have someone monitoring the restrooms in fear we'll pass answers on to each other. no talking allowed! me waiting the two hours to be over so i can leave. but all this for some odd reason has made me feel a little more motivated to study the next time around. maybe it's because i found the tests doable if i've only studied. i'm just hoping this new wave of motivation will last until next may or november.

i got my first feedback on ebay yesterday. "Smooth transaction, quick payment, a great ebayer" it said. imagine my elation. i couldn't believe it. finally i don't have a zero next to my name. finally i have some if very small clout when bidding. i love it. i can see why ebay could potentially be so addicting. i've been scouring listings for the past couple weeks for my sega "official" dreamcast gun. it must be official. i won't accept any others. i won my first one a couple weeks ago but the person never responded to any of my emails. i sent email after email after email and my final one ended with "if i don't hear anything from you soon i'll be forced to leave negative feedback". but in fear of getting negative feedback myself and gasp! being in the negatives, i chickened out. it's amazing how assertive i can be over email. but now i don't have to worry. i won another one and i'm no longer a zero.

i've even learned some tricks of bidding too. the most important being never bid until the last minute. i even wrote down the time my auction ended in my planner so i could make sure i was near a computer. it's all quite tricky. you can't do it too soon because then you might get oubid at the last minute but then you don't want to do it too late in case your computer freezes. tragedy. one must take all scenarios into consideration.

now i just need one more gun to complete my pair and in the meantime i'm anxiously awaiting the arrival so i can start playing my games.

i've pretty much determined that from here on out, it really is a necessity for me to have my own bathroom. and even better if it's connected to my room. ever since i moved up to san jose i've really been quite lucky to have my own bathroom connected to my room at each one of my places. for some odd reason, i've been having to wake up in the middle of the night to pee a lot. and this is what has led to my conclusion. it's so easy to just roll out of bed and walk half blind and crawl back in... but imagine if you shared with someone else. you'll have to put on a sweater and glasses and hope they don't come out of their room at the same time.

my luck with bathrooms really has been quite extraordinary. when i was younger i only had to share with jon and since my mom was a neat freak i could count on the cleaning lady coming in every so often to clean out the dirty stuff. now you're probably thinking, but jon is so into being sanitary. alas, that is not true. but only when he's living at home i've determined. i've never seen him clean our bathroom with the fervor he did at avalon. even i was quite amazed when i went to visit and had to report back to my mom. i'm sure she was glad to know her clean genes have rubbed off on both of us.

but when i think of the times i had to take showers in the dorm room at michigan i really do cringe. the worst is when you go after a girl and they still have their wet hair hanging on the walls. or when there are hardly any lights like the ones at ocean during love boat and you just try to soap and shampoo as quickly as possible. i even used to take showers at the gym but now i would never do that. it's really just not sanitary or appeasing.

currently there's a housekeeper that comes in to clean the place every month and last time she was here vu said she wanted extra money because my room is so hard to clean. i was quite offended by that. i didn't think my room was that dirty. i even asked grace and samuel when they were here visiting and she had to concur with my sentiments. my room and bathroom is no dirtier than anyone else's. and that is final.

our place just got a little better. vu bought a ps2 last week so now we have that, my dreamcast and the xbox that makes an occassional appearance every now and then. i still haven't found a game i like as much as virtual tennis but i've taken a little break from that for now. for those who are wondering, i lost at the video game tournament but in my defense it was a really close game. the first set even went to tie-breaker. at least i was able to back up my trash talking a little bit and i'm learning to not cuss as much when i play. it's not ladylike.

and just two weeks ago i was informed that we now get all the pay-per-view channels but somehow it wasn't working this weekend but vu said he would take care of it. it's nice having someone who's tech savvy as your roomate. can't get online? ask vu. the printer isn't working? ask vu. pay per view isn't working? ask vu. then it's all fixed by the time i get home. it's quite nice i tell you. once when the internet wasn't working i attempted to try to fix it myself since vu was out of town and i kept switching blue cables around and turning stuff off and on but nope nothing worked. so i just waited till vu got home.

but now that we have all these video game systems, dumplings in the freezer and free movies 24/7, i see myself becoming even more of a couch potato than i am now. i truly am addicted to the tv. sometimes i watch the same show twice just because there's nothing else good on. the past couple weeks, i got all caught up my howard stern episodes, trading spaces, and any e! or mtv shows. heck, this past weekend i went home friday night and didn't venture out again until sunday afternoon. and now the ps2 and pay per view gives me even less reasons to leave the house. uh oh.

i'm listening to "say i yi yi" by the ying yang twins right now and everytime i hear it it makes me want to do situps. one of my instructors for kickboxing always does this 10 minute ab workout at the end and she's been using this song the last two times i've gone to class. it's really quite catchy. our routine goes arm up other arm up elbow to knee other elbow to knee and zigzag on down. or something to that effect. when i first heard the song i couldn't quite make out what the lyrics were so i thought they were actually saying knee and elbow and i was quite impressed with how everything fit together. but of course i was wrong. who can understand what they're saying anyways. sometimes we do this kicking sequence to no doubt's "hella good" and that song always gets me pumped up too. that and "family affair" by mary j blige are my current get me pumped up music.

"It has been this author's observation that Asian girls have a tendency to "put out" to guys more quickly than women of other ethnicities. I have seen girls that offer to have sex on first and second dates or just go straight to third base on the first date. Given our culture, this is not something that would seem incredibly unusual since our cultural programming constantly bombards us with images of sex. The new show on Fox about people living in dorms portrays sex as something that is easy to get and that women running around in their bras is normal in college. This is the kind of mentality that permeates our senses from magazines, movies and TV. Despite this, it seems like Asian girls put out more often than white ones, which is probably because Asian girls suffer from lower self-esteem for reasons which I will specify."

intrigued? read the entire article.

so i was at kickboxing class last night and i hadn't seen my instructor for quite a while, a couple months actually seeing how i fell off my workout routine almost as soon as i started it, but i digress...i saw her and it struck me how good she looked. now she had always been in shape but today in particular she looked so much leaner and i could see muscles popping out of her back and biceps that i never noticed before. this quite befuddled me as how is it possible for her to get this fit in three months? but then halfway through the class i realized what it was...she was tan!

now i've always heard that you look skinnier and more toned when you have a tan but wow...i never realized how much it actually helps. it's amazing. heck everyone should get a tan. or well i would imagine most people living in california has one but i'm still waiting for the summer when my face, arms and legs will all be one color. as i get older all my mom's paranoia about being in the sun seems to have rubbed off on me as well. i'm much more reluctant to just sit out in the sun and tan besides the fact that it's probably one of the most boring things to do. i suppose i could use those self-tanners but it seems like too much trouble for something that is only temporary.

but...my miracle has arrived. anna told me yesterday about this machine that sprays self-tanner on you and it comes out even. can you imagine? you walk in this little booth and then boom, you walk out and you're all one color. this is certainly the best invention i've heard of in quite some time. now if i can only find one in the san jose area.

what is it with guys liking girls with long hair? i've never really noticed this until i cut my hair short and all i hear these days now is awwww you can't put it into a ponytail anymore. or when are you going to grow it back? or the worst, you look like a little boy. uh yes send more compliments my way please. and no, this blog is not a hidden plea for them. i guess if i was a guy i can see the appeal of long hair but i wonder, why are guys so against short hair in the first place? you can still play with it but there just isn't as much to play with i suppose. it still smells good and well, what else is hair for really? not much.

maybe it's the image of the hot girl coming out of the water with her long hair swishing side to side ingrained in their minds. think baywatch. or maybe it's the versatility that comes with long hair. one day it can be straight, the next curly, then pigtails. the list is endless. and we know how guys like surprises.

one thing is for sure, with short hair i've become a chia pet. or at least i feel like one. more aunts and uncles and even some of my friends have been known to just come up and rub my hair for no apparent reason but oh well, i'm not complaining.

today marks my two year anniversary with work. has it really been two years since i've graduated college already? it really did seem to go by fast. in the past two years i think i've learned a couple things not only about myself but about corporate america in general. for one, i know i made the right decision in moving to san jose because i really do like it up here and i've learned that things won't fall apart when i'm on my own. sure it's always nice to have support to fall back on and i still always will in my mom but with the the event of last year when i lost someone who was undoubtfully my strongest support and believer i've felt at times i was in free-fall but yet i'm still here and chugging along.

often times i still feel as if i'm in college since i really wasn't expecting to meet and make so many great friends, some lifetime friends, who are all in the same situation as me. fresh out of college, new to the city, beginning first job and so willing to just hang out and well, have fun. without them, my life up here really would be miserable. sure i went through the post college depression of "college is the best time of your life" but i'm really enjoying post-college life more. i don't need to worry about exams, deadlines, and pulling all nighters. now i only pull all nighters when i go out clubbing and after work is over, that time is mine. for the most part anyways. and of course, another big bonus...i actually have money now but i don't do all that much since i'm pretty frugal but you get my meaning.

a couple things i've learned or experienced within the past two years:

1. everyone who has an office job is on aim. i never used to be on this thing but sadly it's now become an integral part of staying in the loop

2. the first two years isn't as bad as everyone said during recruiting. it's actually starting the third year that the hours become nuts on a consistent basis

3. more layoffs than i ever thought i would see in my lifetime

4. laziness. when i first started, i was quite excited and determined to be the good little worker but well, now my motivation is quite low. now i just look forward to weekends.

5. this one isn't quite work related but i've been pretty lucky in finding nice and normal roomates online. you wouldn't believe some of the people i met

it seems as if more and more people around my age these days are getting engaged. first was reina who got married last november and my godsister jessica was married in august. now helen's wedding is coming up in november and charlie's wedding is thanksgiving time but wait...it doesn't stop there. josh is engaged, jen just got engaged about a month or so ago and this past weekend stacy got engaged. what is going on?

i'm not sure about anyone else but i don't feel anywhere close to being ready to get married. i still feel as if i'm a kid although i've been told otherwise by my mom. "helen and jessica have got the right idea in getting married...you need to start thinking about the future." uh what? i'm only 24. i still like to think i have some time before i need to start thinking about this stuff but then when people start doing the backwards timeline thing (you know, get married by this age, engaged for 1 year, date for at least 2 years which all leads up to i should have met my future husband a couple of years ago), i feel as if i may be running out of time.

but then i look around me and lots of my friends aren't engaged and based from what i know, won't be for a while. that is a comforting thought to me since i don't see what the rush is. maybe if i wanted kids i'd be more worried but for now, i'm sitting on the fence on that one too. i remember watching this birthing video in sex-ed class in 6th grade and ever since then i haven't had any urge to have kids. plus, all they do is cry the first couple years and when they're finally old enough to take care of themselves, they end up hating you and giving you more stress.

my main reason now for even wanting kids is just out of curiosity. to see what they would look like. that would be kind of interesting but probably not the best reason. maybe i can just be content with being an aunt but then again jon is still too busy philosophizing on whether he wants kids or not. hm... i guess my mom being a grandmother as of this point is not looking too great.

i'm not sure why or how it got started but i think somehow and somewhere i've gotten the reputation of being a drunk. when i tell people i wasn't drunk on my birthday and in fact do remember everything, they seem shocked and then disappointed. hm...i think the last time i was outright drunk and puking was in january and after that, no more. the smell of hard alcohol alone can make my stomach queasy.

this blog is a bit late but i just wanted to thank everyone who sent e-cards, voicemails, text msgs and came out to dinner and clubbing. i think it topped last year merely for the fact that i didn't pass out and was able to walk myself out of the club. my tolerance held up quite well considering all the drinks everyone was buying me and no sooner had i taken one did i have another one coming. i think i was at that perfect stage where i was happy tipsy but still knew what i was doing. some highlights of the night would be cage dancing with the angels, eating ramen afterwards at enid's, skipping and singing to the car with curtis, but the topper would be bren breaking his key. i won't even go into it here but this year instead of one sacrificial lamb like last year there were two. recurring curtis and the new addition bren. thanks to poor duy who had to drive us home and to enid who had to take care of all three of us once again.

but i think everyone had a good time and sadly only one more year before i'm a quarter century old. scary.

we won! our reign as number one doubles team for virtual tennis holds true. we finally beat the game and got our trophy at the end. i can't believe it. and on my birthday too. what a great present. you don't understand, i've been trying to beat the game for the longest time but i'd always get stuck at the third level with rafter and pioline at tokyo, japan but tonight...i played the game of my life. i was unstoppable...smashing in their faces and returning shots that seemed impossible. and my only witness is bren.

so the hour i turn 24 i'm not out getting drunk or puking as many of you think, i'm sitting at home playing dreamcast and finally...mission accomplished. this was the perfect ending to my night.

i got tonsilitis again over the weekend. this would make it the third time in less than six months. pretty ridiculous if you ask me. each time i get the same symptoms right beforehand...a burning fever, dizziness, and a swollen spot on my throat. whenever i even get the inkling that it might be tonsilitis i make a doctor's appt. i'm that paranoid just because the last time i got it i was so sick i couldn't eat or do anything for two days. but this time it wasn't so bad. i popped my antibiotics as instructed and my tylenol every four to six hours for the fever and i feel as if i'm almost new. new enough to hang out with my one syllable friend group again as vi, eric, lynn and xuan came up to play.

i asked my doctor friday about the possiblity of getting them removed and all he said was "well your tonsils are quite small so i'm not sure why you're getting it so much". not quite sure what that means but i was too sick to argue but i'm going back friday and i think i'll have to put my foot down and ask to be referred to a specialist. in a nice way of course because i'm non-confrontational. then it's waiting for my mom to do some "research" with her doctor friends and hopefully i'll be eating ice-cream for a couple days. i guess that wouldn't be too bad.

i went to my first baseball game at pacbell park yesterday. one down in my mental list of places to visit. baseball games live are much more fun than when watched on television. between me getting there late and the game only lasting for eight innings (apparently if the home team is winning, they don't need to play the last inning), getting my food and finding our seats, the game was over before i knew it.

i was seating in the bleachers and i've never heard so much heckling during a game. the whole night it was teeeeeeeeeeeeeemo, teeeeeeeeeeeeemo and the chant why don't we like timo? because he's a bum! or something like that. it was all quite entertaining.

but the big disappointment of the night was the food. i was so excited to have a real baseball stadium hot dog but the chili dog i got just didn't cut it, the gilroy garlic fries were blah, and something called the cha cha bowl was a waste of $8.50. they didn't even have the dove ice cream bar stands. only ben and jerry's.

next time i'm just getting a regular hot dog with ketchup and onions.

snow bubbles. it's now my new favorite boba drink. any flavor. i've tried mango (the best), peach, and chocolate. wow. it was actually tom that told me about this new boba place, sweetea, that opened up near where i live. i thought it would be exactly like q cup which it essentially is but since it was closer, i decided i needed to test it out. am i ever glad i was feeling adventurous and deviated away from my usual order. i'm not sure what's it in it or how they make it but it's so good. the mango one is like an orange julius with boba. the chocolate basically tastes like melted chocolate ice-cream but that is ok with me too. what more can you ask for?

for those that haven't tried, they're having a buy two get one free deal since it's their grand opening. i HIGHLY recommend the mango snow bubble. get the point yet? mango snow bubble. but this time i'm determined to not go too often like i did with q cup and its mango icy to the point now where i no longer crave them.

my weekend of fun is over. a mini-reunion of my friends with mostly one syllable names took place the past two days. vi, xuan, eric came up from la and fullerton. loc flew down from seattle and lon, vu, tri, and yuan from san jose. friday night was ibiza. i really have become an ibiza whore. i think i've gone to ibiza six times the past two months but then again, who's counting. it's still a great club. then saturday was vu's famous ribs and oysters. if only the weather wasn't so hot but still...i'm pretty sure everyone had a great time. vicky, caro, enid, duy, caly, clayton and jimmy all came and i even got to meet several of vu's friends and co-workers. the most important event though, before i forget, was me and bren beating (by a lot but who's gloating) vi and eric in virtual tennis. as they say, practice does make perfect. and to think vi was so sure he'll win...wimbledon player i think not.

the sad part is that whenever i hang out with a large group of people for a couple of days, inevitably the minute they leave i get this lonely feeling inside and whatever happens, i just don't want to be left by myself. as i sat on the stairs watching all the clothes and backpacks and pillows slowly disappear, i realized that i really do have an issue with being alone. just can't do it. i rarely like to be home alone or if i am, i like knowing that someone at least is on the way over. i think i've blogged about this before but either way, i don't feel like dwelling on it or figuring out why that is so i won't. very mature of me don't you think?

all in all...another great weekend with clubbing, barbecue, good vietnamese food and of course the vietnamese coffeeshops. at least the one up here plays music videos for me to watch.

so my excitement to see brooke burke last night didn't happen. i guess victor, hong and james will remain the only ones to have seen her in person. wild on e! was at velvet lounge last night for a drink club event and so i decided, if i am ever to see what the hype surrounding drink club is, might as well go on a night when brooke burke will be there. if i had only known she gave birth a couple weeks ago...but oh well. it was still a pretty fun night. the place was packed as expected, the air was stifling hot until i could barely breathe with no in's and out's, and lots of asians bumping into me as i was trying to dance or just walk to the bathroom. but the night wasn't a total loss. i saw quite a few people there. jay, liman, hubert from love boat. nancy's friend jeff. saw jack and his girlfriend, and even saw my grace's cousin melissa there. even tom from work went although he's always claiming he's too old for clubbing.

even though it was a fun night, i don't see how people can go out late on a workday. maybe i'm getting old but i was so tired this morning and got in to work late and then i kept falling asleep on the drive home last night. but then again not everyone lives a hour away. either way, it was a typical asian night out and for once, there were more girls than guys at the club.

all of the sport teams i've rooted for in the past have been dependent on who i was dating at the time. with stan, it was miami dolphins. go dan marino! another time i had a crush on some guy who lived in new york so i liked the new york giants. that's how i found out who lawrence taylor was. then i went through a dallas cowboys period although i can't remember why but i'm pretty sure it didn't have anything to do with a guy. oh wait, yes it did. i think i liked them because jon liked deion sanders so i liked him too. then i went through my san francisco 49ers phase with steve young for no particular reason and chris was a diehard kansas state wildcats fan but i don't know any of their players.

one year jon even got me to play fantasy basketball which actually proved to be quite fun. of course i would just get van to pick the team members and then each morning i'd run to the newspaper and dutifully track down my scores but who cares. my surprise star turned out to be keith van horn who to this day i have no clue what he looks like. i also remember going on a roadtrip once with my family and jon kept quizzing me about different basketball and football teams and making me remember which city went with what team name and naming one player for each team. i think i did quite well but now with everyone on different teams my knowledge is useless.

now i'm starting to get into baseball. just a little though. i like the oakland a's because they're young and the pitcher was featured on "life" on espn and he seemed down to earth. i also like watching ishii of the dodgers pitch but my favorite player is ichiro. me and a million others i'm sure but who cares. i don't mind being called a bandwagon jumper. and i know bonds is one swing away from his 600th homerun.

my biggest find though is tony gonzalez. he was on "life" this week and who knew he was so good looking. hopefully he'll be in the nba and then he'll be on tv all year round. not like i'm that into sports to watch really but i guess i can see why guys are addicted to it especially once you learn more about the players themselves.

my my...asian males have such a bad rep...another tidbit i found recently that was interesting.

"Asian males are shy and nocturnal and are most often spotted (and therefore best picked up) at pool halls, basketball courts, Banana Republic, import auto shows, Bellagio (aka Avaron), and asian parties. They are typically fearless of women when boasting amongst their friends but are rarely seen actually approaching any. Typical courting habits include bumping and grinding random women on the dance floor but then failing to follow up with conversation and invitation for a date or even back to their place. On the rare occassion that a connection is made AIM screen names are exchanged and online flirting initiated a couple days later. Often listed under typical category names such as "hoochies" or "breezies" the asian male will pad his list with his sisters and or cousins in order to make his list... "

i seem to have a problem with locking my keys in my car. i was supposed to go meet jack for lunch and as i'm walking to the elevator, i realize my keys are missing. i knew instantly...it's in my car. and lo and behold, there it was, dangling in the ignition. no worries since this has happened to me before and unfortunately it seems to be a regular occurence.

about a month after i moved up to san jose, i was out at a bar, got drunk and proceeded to lose all my keys. for the next couple of days, chris had to come pick me up for work and i had to ask my mom to fedex me my spares. since then, they've proved to be quite handy.

another time i left my keys in la and didn't realize it until i reached the airport so i had to spend the night at enid's, take her to work with her car, drive to my roomate's work and get her key to the apartment before i could get my spares. then a couple weeks ago i locked my keys in my car again while i was at bren's house and vu had to come save me. and now today...once again. vu had to find my spares and bren had to bring it to me at work.

i think from now on i'll keep a spare key in my purse...let's just hope i never lock my purse in the car. knock knock don't jinx myself.

the simpsons. for years everyone has been telling me what a great show it was and finally i think i get it. every once in a while howard stern has this guy on who talks about shows that have "jumped the shark" and simpsons was one of the few shows to not yet have done so. even after 10+ years in primetime. well, now i can understand why people like it so much. for the past couple weeks i've been watching a couple of simpsons reruns each night before i go to sleep and i have to admit, it's growing on me. a lot. i'd have to say ralph is my favorite character just because he is so darn cute but homer is up there with how dumb he is. i've probably gone through about 40 episodes so far with about a gazillion to go but i'll get there. this along with virtual tennis will be my new current obsessions.

by the way, ever since my last post everyone has wanted to play and beat me in tennis. let me just say for the record that i did say that i wasn't all that great so please stop gloating when you win. it makes me mad. haha. yes, i do get very upset when i play. i cuss and want to slam my controller down. i'm a potty mouth as vu says. oh well. i must get it from jon. he is the one who taught me to play video games.

virtual tennis 2002 on dreamcast. it's my new favorite video game. me, sanford, bren, and curtis played it for hours yesterday. doubles. the only constant, whoever happened to be my partner was inevitably on the losing team. i think the longest match i lasted for was 11 minutes and the shortest was 6 minutes. but it was great fun. i got so excited and nervous that i started sweating quite profusely and my heart beat a little faster after each game. i've pretty much decided that guys in general are better video game players than girls. or maybe it's just i don't know many girls who play video games. all the same, i was the worst of the lot but i will be training during my free time. one of these days, i intend on beating curtis and his tricky lob shots.

i met up with josh yesterday for boba which is a pretty big treat in itself considering in the year and a half i've lived here, i have yet to see him once. but this reunion of sorts was different. he was an engaged man. after the usual catch-up talk, we started reminiscing about the warner crew. first helen got engaged and will be getting married later this year. now josh is engaged and will be married early next year. i still can't believe how fast times have gone by. sure everybody says that but it really is true. i can still remember when all of us would be sitting around the table talking about how weird it would be when we all left for college. now almost everyone has graduated, is working and the next step will be engagement and then marriage. and before long, that soon will breeze by.

i was telling josh how the warner group has kept in touch a lot more now that we're further away. or at least that's the way it seems to me. jimmy is off in never never land. jon, nancy, victor wang are in san diego. grace, james, victor are in la. And me, e-ming, josh and helen are up here. we've been talking about wanting a warner reunion for the longest time but realistically speaking, i think the next time we'll all be getting together is at josh's wedding. or at least i hope so. it's in san jose so you're all welcome to stay at my place. a very early invitation.

what's the point to my blog? i don't really have one except to say that since i've moved up here and been on my own, i realized how important it is to have great friends. i thought everyone had this but i'm slowly finding out that that is not the case and that i should be grateful. take for instance the other night when a bunch of us got together at q-cup, which by the way if you ever go, get the mango icy! yum yum. we didn't do much but it was nice to be surrounded by vu, tri, yuan, enid and a smattering of others to just chit-chat. hm…i better stop now. i think this heat wave may be making me sentimental.

it's official. my move to party central los angeles has been postponed. for how long...who knows. at least a couple more years. my lifetime dream of living with grace will just have to wait. although i think this may have been our only chance. the g & g household. how much fun that would of been. and she says she's gotten cleaner too...i'll just have to wait and see. going out and getting silly drunk with victor has also been put on hold. visiting james's new apartment so he can torture me with his snake...on hold. no more rooming with vi and eric and going to vietnamese coffeeshops to watch them oogle at naked girls.

but on the flip side...the party crew lives on a little bit longer. the angels will still be together although we did lose our charlie who left us for the marriage life. so for now, come visit me up at party central san jose. vu and i are excellent hosts. he'll cook you oysters and even pop them for you. they're quite yummy.

it's amazing to me how some people can sculpt and mold their bodies at their desire. well, i've actually only known one possibly two people who could do this but still...i'm in awe. i equate it to actors gaining and losing weight for a part at their whim or bulking up for a role like tony maguire did for spiderman but i mean, they're getting paid millions to do this not to mention their own personal trainer and hours of time to devote to working out.

i wonder what it's like to be so in tune with your body that you know exactly what you need to do to achieve the desired results. take chris for example. first it's i wanna bulk up and get big. couple months later...goal accomplished. then it's i want to get get less bulky and more cut...couple months later...done. i wish i could be like that.

i've pretty much determined that i don't have the discipline to get in tip top shape. although the workout jar is helping me in getting to the gym somewhat consistently. thanks vu :) so for now, my goal will be to get toner and be able to run without gasping for breath like a pathetic 60 year old. come back to me in about two years. we'll see how far i get.

i've been pondering this topic for a while now but just never really had time to blog about it. banana relationships. what is the big deal. from someone who can speak from personal experience, to all asian guys, get over it. there's plenty of reasons why we (i'll take it upon myself to speak for the asian female race) find white guys attractive. now i'm not one of those who will only date white guys. far from the truth. just ask jon. but really...i can see why asian girls would find white guys more attractive. these days, i find that to be the norm now surprisingly. or maybe it's just the girls i've been meeting. a couple of reasons why...

one. they're not skinnier than us.
two. they're not shorter than us.
three. they actually have some balls and speak out instead of bitch silently in their head.
four. they don't spend all their money on cars (ok, this one i don't really care about but a nice even number sounded better)

i equate it to all or most asian guys want to date one white girl in their life. when my friends found out i was living with four white girls before, heck i've never had so many friends wanting to visit. this doesn't bother me. more power to you if you're able to snag one.

i also take offense to what the author wrote below.

75% of the time that white guy is diggin you because you're exotic. You're submissive. You're a sex slave. You don't speak up. You know your place. You're a trophy.

There's a running joke that white guys can't tell the difference between an ugly Asian girl and a pretty Asian girl. That as long as they've got the silky black hair and slanted eyes, that's good enough for them. For the most part, this is true.

i notice that when i used to tell people for the first time that my boyfriend lived in kansas, the next question is always, "is he white?" affirmative. then their attitude toward me changes a little. come now, why should it even make a difference?

ok. i think i've done enough rambling for the day. for my asian guy friends who are reading this, don't take offense. you know i love you.

i had a really scary dream last night. i dreamt that someone was strangling me and at first, i remember just staring at the person in disbelief and then slowly i started to lose consciousness and terror swept over me. the dream felt so real. i tried screaming for help, i distinctively remember trying to scream vu's name but nothing came out. visions of dying flashed through me and finally...i woke up. but honestly my throat hurt as if someone had been strangling me. i broke out into sobs upon wakening and couldn't stop for the longest time. i haven't had one of these realistic dreams since when i don't even remember and haven't experienced this feeling of terror in quite some time. i can still remember how scared i was and how much my neck and throat hurt once i woke up. i hope this doesn't mean anything. knock knock on wood.

training in sf. what i thought would be a relatively boring week of classes turned out to be more fun than i expected. class was easy...my instructors were hella (this is for you brian) laidback and one of them actually partied more than we did. met some cool people from the la office but the big event was that wednesday night me, enid and caro all got drunk at sno-drift. together. this has never happened before. me getting drunk i think everyone has seen. but caro and enid? heck they hardly ever drink much less go clubbing these days. on top of all that, i was freaking. enough to the point where i am still sore two days later. and anyone who knows me knows my sentiments on that. don't invade my bubble. i hate freaking.

but it was lots of fun. very good hip-hop music and kind of a thuggish crowd with guys showing up in bandanas and hooded sweatshirts. but who cares. one thing all three of us noticed though was that everyone was so short. i swear i felt like i was towering over everyone. guys and girls alike. they must not have drank milk when they were younger.

and oh...i lost my driver's license. i think it fell out of my pocket when i was freaking. bummer but thank goodness my mom sent up my passport. it's off to ibiza tonight :)

the workout jar. how i rue the day when i agreed with vu what a great idea it would be. i thought for sure it would motivate me to go to the gym on a consistent basis but now, three weeks into the idea and $12 poorer, i kick myself for not knowing better. i am the worst at working out consistently.

the premise: we have to workout at least 4 times a week and for each missed workout it'll cost $2. that's it. who would think it would be so hard to go to the gym just four times a week. i mean, i only need to go for a minimum of 20 minutes each time and i have seven days to choose from. i started out really strong but now, at the end of each week, i sadly put my money in the jar while vu's sits empty.

really...it's a lose lose situation for me since he works out more than four times as it is. and each time i miss a workout i can just see his grin counting the money he's collecting. but hopefully this soon will all stop. i intend to hop back on the wagon starting next week. or uh, i mean the week after.

hit me baby one more time...yes yes...britney spears. she's hot...she's a good dancer...what's not to love about her. me, curtis, enid and yuan all went to her concert last night and contrary to what everyone says...she was really good. sure she was lip syncing but who cares. what else do you expect when you're running around dancing in skimpy little outfits? she looked good, sounded good, had cool pyro-technics and laser lights...i was thoroughly entertained. well worth my $200. why we got tickets for that much is another story in itself but i don't care to get into it. let's just say i was a little too eager and bought the tickets WAY early. sorry again guys...last time i'll say it. i promise.

i was half expecting us to be surrounded by teeny boppers but surprisingly, i didn't feel that old. curtis and i were dancing in our seats and when she stripped, curtis jumped out of his chair and yelled i love you britney. if anyone has ever watched the vegas dvd, remember the water scene at the end? we got to see it live. encore number. ok, i think i'll stop now...i sound like i'm gay or something.